A/N: This is another joint fanfic between Carol and Me. This one has nothing to do with the Alanverse. This is a different Rose/Clone story.

Chapter One

Christmastime. A time for family and friends to gather together and have fun and be merry. At least it was for most people. For the half human Doctor, it was another uncomfortable holiday that he'd rather pass up. Even more so now that he was living under the same roof as Jackie Tyler. A woman who was slowly and surely turning his life into a living hell and all because of the sin of being born. Both she and her husband, Pete, made no secret about his dislike for both him and his counterpart. They were angry at the original Doctor for abandoning him here and angry at him for actually following Rose home and supposedly unconvincing and uprooting their life by sharing the same space as them. The only bright spots in his life so far had been Rose and her little brother, Tony. Both of them showed him love and made his strange life bearable. The other bright spot was the piece of coral the Doctor had given him as a sort of consolation gift for dumping him out the door with Rose. Rose, as eager to get back into space and time as he was, smuggled him and it into Torchwood one day on the premise of taking him on a tour. They had taken Donna's suggestion on how to speed up the growth of the TARDIS and using his limited intelligence, which was still superhuman despite the half humanity, he managed to enhance the growth of the TARDIS even more so it would only take a few months rather than years. Rose had put the coral in her room against the back wall and using a key, kept the door locked so Jackie and Pete wouldn't stumble onto it. Given the fact she kept her door locked anyway to keep her nosy three year old brother from breaking and getting into anything, neither Jackie nor Pete suspected they were growing a TARDIS in there. It had been almost five months now since that day on the beach and the TARDIS was finally ready. They kept calm in front of Jackie and Pete, rejoicing only when they were sure no one was looking.

At the moment, Rose was upstairs having a shower while Jackie helped wash up the dishes and Pete read the newspaper in the living room. The Doctor was sitting in the library, a large room that held hundreds of books. It had quickly become his favorite room in the house and most of the time he was in there in the big leather high backed chairs in front of the roaring fire in the fireplace curled up with a good book. But today he was staring out one of the large windows at the snow which was falling slowly outside. It was nearly dark, the sun had nearly set below the horizon and the Doctor found his spirits sinking as well. He hated being in the mansion, he hated being trapped, he hated that Rose was stuck with him rather than the man he suspected she really wanted. She had never said that to him but he lost count of the number of times he would pass by her closed door at night and hear her softly weeping inside and he knew what she was weeping about. It made him loathe himself with a passion and he frequently wished he had died along with Davros so the Doctor wouldn't have been tempted to leave her in a place she didn't wanna be with a man she didn't fully love.

He stared out the window, lost in thought so he was startled when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Blast, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten ya," Rose said, stepping back.

He smiled at her.

"Nah, it's alright. I was just thinking," he said, trying to be cheerful even thought he felt the opposite at the moment.

"'Bout what?" Rose said as he turned his face back towards the window.

He grinned.

"'Bout grabbing your mother, carrying her outside, throwing her down in the snow, rolling her up into a snowball and making a snowman outta her," he said.

He chuckled when Rose lightly swatted his head.

"Behave," she said to him.

"I am behaving, it's that lot that's causin' trouble," the Doctor muttered to himself.

"Please don't do this."

"Don't do what, Rose?" the Doctor asked innocently.

"Don't start again; I don't want another fight, Doctor."

"I'm not fighting. I'm telling you the truth in a very calm and rational way," the Doctor said, looking at her. "I am behaving. Pete and Jackie are the ones who initiate the fights around here, not me."

"They're trying to adjust, Doctor. They need time to get used to ya."

"And in the time they're getting used to me, they're gonna continue to make my life hell then?"

Rose sighed and slumped into another high backed chair across from him. Her head lowered to her hands and she shook it as the Doctor's heart filled to the brim with guilt. He got up and knelt on the floor next to her.

"Forgive me," he pleaded. "Please. I…I want to get along. I'm trying so hard, Rose. I'll try even harder; just don't give up on me."

"I just wish the arguments would end," Rose said into her hands. "I'm tired of the people I love at war with each other. Especially since it's almost Christmas now."

As she kept her head in her hands, she suddenly sensed the Doctor getting up. She looked up and saw him leaving the room, head bent over, shoulders slumped and she knew that he was blaming himself again. She leaped up and ran to him.

"No, wait, please," she said, getting in front of him. "Please don't do this. Don't go off to your room again and shut the door on me. Talk to me."

A sad smile appeared on the Doctor's face again before it faded back into the dull, tired look he usually wore.

"I can't be him," he finally said.

Rose frowned.

"Wha?" she said.

"I can't be him, Rose. I can't be the other Doctor."

Rose was completely confused.

"What does that have to do with anything?" she asked.

"It has to do with everything," the Doctor said. "It has to do with the fact that I was left here to be a sort of pet for you along with being a shag buddy. You want me to be him and I can't be him because I'm not the Doctor, not that Doctor at any rate."

"Is that all you think you are, a pet?" Rose said.

"What else would I be? I know where your heart lies, Rose, and it's not with me. I was there. I heard you. But he's not you. I heard that come right from your lips and you know what? Bang on, I'm not him. I'm some kind of freakish Halfling that's been sentence for some crime I have yet to work out. Why am I being punished anyway? For saving all of creation from a deranged madmen and his pepper pot soldiers? I had the guts to do what he could not and I get condemned for it. Did he want Davros to win? Did he want the Daleks to spread out all over the sodding universe and start killing again? Why am I the one in the wrong when the universe, that universe, is safe now? I don't understand, Rose. I'm sorry, but I seriously doubt if you can fix me the way you fixed him. I think I'm a lost cause so I won't trouble you any further, good night."

"No, please," Rose said, grabbing his arms and forcing him to stop. "Doctor, I'm sorry, I'm sorry if you think I'm looking at the other Doctor whenever I look at you."

"I know you're looking at him. I can hear you crying at night in your bed, Rose. I know it's him you want."

Rose glared at him.

"I'm crying because you don't understand that I'm trying to have a relationship with you when all you wanna do is play the martyr," she said. "I know you're not the Doctor, that's why I'm trying to fall in love with you, but It's a little hard to do that when you go to bed at night, shut your door and lock it. I'm crying because I don't have a clue how to cheer you up and make you see that I do love you. I'm sorry my parents are mistreating you but they're having to adjust to this as well. Everyone has to adjust to this situation, Doctor, not just you."

"Shoulda died then," the Doctor said in a barely audible voice.

"I'm sorry, what did you just say?" Rose said. "Because I have a feeling it was you being a martyr again."

The Doctor glared at him.

"Yes, Rose, that's it, I'm a fucking martyr! Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go to my room and shut the door and be even more of a martyr!"

"No, wait!" Rose said as he jerked out of her grasp.

She got in front of him again and he sighed angrily.

"Please, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry," Rose said.

He sighed.

"I'm tired of sorrys, I'm tired of me and everyone else crying, I'm tired of trying to be the Doctor, I'm tired of living, I'm tired of life. I'm sleepy and I really would like to just go to bed and dream. I'm sorry if I'm being a martyr but I don't wanna be here, especially around Christmastime."

"Then let's go somewhere," Rose said, taking a hold of his arm. "The TARDIS is finished now, yeah? Let's use it and get outta here for awhile before we both go insane and do something we'll regret."

The Doctor lowered his eyes to the floor while Rose, tears brimming in her eyes, stroked his cheek.

"Where would we go?" he finally asked.

"Anywhere. Just somewhere where we can be alone and work this out," Rose said to him as she rubbed his cheek. "I want to be with you. I want a relationship with you, you as in you, not the other Doctor. Please, let's just go, okay?"

Rose kissed his cheek while the Doctor stared at the floor. He silently debated whether or not to go along with Rose's idea, thinking that perhaps it would be better to just leave her completely and spare them both the future heartbreak when he didn't measure up to the man she loved. Not only that but he would age and grow wrinkly and old and ugly and he suspected someday she would realize that and find someone else that fit her ideal of the perfect man. He felt like a worthless copy, a shadow of a great man and there was no way in hell he could ever live up to him, much less please Rose. Still…the thought of being able to escape the hell that was the Tyler household appealed to him and he thought that perhaps if he got into the TARDIS and flew her, his spirits would lift again and perhaps he and Rose…

He stopped himself there. He wasn't going to get his hopes up just yet. He needed to be cautious and take things slow since the last thing he wanted was to get his heart broken, the only heart he had now. Slowly, he nodded as Rose waited patiently for him to answer.

"Okay, we'll go somewhere," he said with not much enthusiasm.

He could see that Rose was a bit shocked at his tone of voice but after all that had happened, he couldn't be the bouncy, bubbly Doctor who was just rip roaring to go inside the TARDIS and take off for parts unknown. Not yet, anyway. Rose nodded and gave his hand a squeeze. She kissed his cheek and then his ear.

"I love you," she whispered into it.

The Doctor nodded and accepted a hug from Rose, giving her a friendly pat on the back before taking her hand and following her out the door towards her bedroom.