It was about a week after Angel kicked Connor out that Angel found himself pacing back in forth in his office the last place where he had spoken to his son, he felt terrible, he just couldn't believe that he actually kicked his kid out onto the streets. He knew it was too dangerous for Connor; he was still too new to this world to really understand all the dangers that lurked out. Angel had regretted kicking Connor out the moment he did it. Connor was his son he needed to start treating him as such. Angel now realized that he needed to put his son first foremost as he always had planned since the day he was born. He dashed out of the hotel and started to follow his son's pure scent. Angel loved his son's scent it always brought joy to his un-beating heart.
Connor Angel felt alone, lost and confused he just could not wrap is mind around the reality of how his life was now. He plain out hated his life, he had no idea who he was anymore or why he was even created he also hated the fact he was created by two vampires did not make him feel any better. What Angel had told him before at the hotel kept running through his mind on how he was not a champion, what was he then? He had no idea he just hated who he has become. He did feel a pang of regret when he found out Angel never killed Holtz and the realization hit him hard that he was raised by an evil man, did that make him evil?
Connor was lost in his thoughts as he made his way into an old abandoned building, the smell was nauseating but he was far too tired to care he just needed some sleep once he found an empty room he quickly laid himself down onto an old mattress, before he dosed off into sleep he felt someone enter, he quickly rose up and saw it was an older woman coughing uncontrollably meanwhile trying to take a chug out of her whiskey bottle. She wore a black skin tight mini dress, smeared lipstick and had an empty look in her eyes.
Connor wanted to be alone so he made his presence known. "Get out!" Connor yelled out.
All this woman did was cough some more as if she was about to cough a lung out while snot poured out of her nose. She glanced at Connor and slowly made her way towards him and offered him her tequila bottle meanwhile saying " Drink with me, I don't want to be alone" As some more coughs escape her.
Those words resonated with Connor he felt that way but would never admit it to anyone. He accepted the bottle and took a sip and was disgusted with the taste and how it burned going down his throat. The woman then leaned closer toward Connor and tried to rub his penis while trying to kiss him but instead she slobbered on his lips and cheek in such a drunken sloppy manner. Connor had no idea what was wrong with this woman. He quickly pushed her away onto the mattress and wiped off the wetness off his face and quickly made his way out of the building.
Why couldn't he just find a safe place to sleep? The only place he ever truly felt safe at was at the Hyperion Hotel but he would never admit it to anyone. His father's scent made him feel a calm he's never felt before. He hated himself for feeling that, he must truly be evil.
Connor felt exhausted he couldn't fight or walk anymore. He just laid himself down in a fetal position in a corner in an alley way not caring if he was open to any potential threat. Connor Angel decided that night he was done fighting what was he fighting for? Nothing! He was really nothing and he truly believed that, he was ready for the pain to end right now. He didn't want to cry but he couldn't hold any of the tears back he sobbed onto the dirty alley way floor his heart out.
Angel had no idea what he was going to tell Connor once he found him all he knew he just needed to find him and make it clear how loved he really was and how he was going to be the best father he could be whether Connor wanted it or not. Connor was his son and still not yet a man, still a boy in need of the love a guidance of his father. Angel was determined to make sure his son became the man he had always hoped for. Angel's scent of Connor got stronger as he approached a street alley. He saw his son in a fetal position in a corner in the alley as he got closer he then noticed his son was crying.
Angel frantically reached for his son and checked him over to make sure he had no serious injuries. "Where are you hurt?" Angel asked frantically.
Connor was not too happy being man handled. "Stop!" Connor yelled out through his sobbing trying to get out of his father's grip. Connor was in so much pain that Angel would do anything to ease. Angel just held Connor closer towards his chest and put an arm under his son's legs and carried him off. Connor tried to squirm out of his father's grasp but was far too tired to get out of his father's hold. It somehow felt a little bit better as he breathed in his father's scent.
Angel felt devastated at the site of his precious boy. So many thoughts were going through Angel's mind as to why his son was so distraught. He needed to find out to make it alright. "Connor..Are you hurt?" Angel gently asked his son as he was making his way back to Hyperion but got no response Connor just kept on sobbing his heart out.
As Angel entered the hotel with his sobbing son in his arms he ran into Gunn and Fred as they were on their way out.
"Oh my gosh is he okay!" Fred shrieked.
"What happened?" Gunn asked simultaneously with Fred.
"I don't know.. I think he might be hurt." Angel said full with worry as he glanced down at his son.
"Hey pal you got to tell me where it hurts so I can make it better.. okay?" Angel calmly asked his son as if talking to a small child.
All Connor wanted to do was be alone and drown in his sorrow he hated all the attention he was receiving and felt he didn't deserve it at all. Connor didn't even bother to answer his father. He just closed his eyes and continued to sob uncontrollably.
Angel walked over to a couch and deposited his son on it ran his hands all over his son's frame in search of any injuries again but seemed to find nothing physical. Angel then sat on the couch and wrapped his arms around his son and held him close to his chest in hopes to comfort his distraught son.
"Shh… I've got you…you're going to be okay." Angel spoke softly to Connor as he rocked him gently.
Fred and Gunn just watched in shock to see Connor so broken.
Connor felt too exhausted to stay awake, he was completely drained. He couldn't remember when was the last time he actually slept or even ate for that matter. Angel just watched as his son just drifted off to sleep. He looked so peaceful, such a drastic change from how he found him.
"I'm going to take him upstairs ." Angel sadly told his friends as he got up with Connor's sleeping form in his arms.
"Fred, get a hold of Jim for me please." Angel asked as he made his way toward the stairs.
"I'm calling him right now." Fred instantly replied as she walked over to the phone.
Once in his bedroom Angel gently laid Connor down on his bed and sat back in his armchair and gazed over at his son in a heartbroken state, he would do anything in that moment to make his son happy. It had tore Angel up to hear such sadness escape his son earlier and he knew he was to blame he should have protected his son and never should have kicked him out to the streets.
6 hours had passed by before Connor started to stir awake, he felt a raw burn in his throat as he swallowed his saliva. His whole body ached and his head was pounding with pain. He had no idea what was wrong with him.
"Hey pal how are you feeling?" Angel softly asks as if not trying to scare off his frightened child.
Connor looked over at his dad and was confused as to why he was in his dad's bed and in the hotel for that matter. He clearly remembered his dad had kicked him out, so why was he back now?
Before Connor could even respond to his father he broke out in a series of rough coughs that only made the burning in his throat worsen. Angel quickly made it to his son's side patting Connor's back as if it would soothe his coughing. Connor hated feeling so weak he was far from it he thought. As soon as he saw pity in his dad's eyes he then tried to quickly rise and get off the bed and onto his feet he was surprised as to how dizzy he felt once on his feet he swayed from side to side trying to grasp his balance his knees then started to buckle and he almost stumbled forward towards his face but was pulled back up by his dad. Angel positioned his son back on the bed.
"You sound really sick" Angel said more to himself than to Connor with worry evident in his voice. Angel felt Connor's forehead with back of his hand and felt it was too warm for his liking.
Connor glared at Angel. Why was he in here? He started to remember how he got to where he was his face flushed at the thought of Angel so effortlessly cradling him as a baby. He was no baby, he didn't know what he was but one thing was for sure he didn't want to be here or anywhere for that matter he just wanted to disappear. He hated his father for that moment. Why did he have to find him and bring him here? He was ready to die! Why did Angel even care?
Fred had gotten in touch with Jim also known as Dr. Wilson and scheduled for him to come over that evening. Dr. Wilson is one of the best pediatric doctors in L.A. for both the human and demon kind and he was an old client of Angel Investigations. Angel had helped Dr. Wilson in the past out several times with some major demon problems. Dr. Wilson felt he was in great deal of debt with Angel he didn't know how to thank him enough for all his help. Fred told Angel earlier while Connor slept that the doctor was going arrive in the evening.
"I'm leaving." Connor said with such confidence he did not feel one bit as he tried to get back up again to try and leave and just die alone. He felt like a mess emotionally and how he felt physically made him want to just die already.
"Don't move from there Connor." Angel tells his stubborn son as he planted his hands on his son's slim shoulders and gently shoves him back onto the bed. Connor felt so weak and hopeless he wanted to run fast and out of the hotel out of spite to his father but didn't have the energy to do so at the moment.
Connor glared at Angel and was just about to protest to Angel but his father spoke first.
"I'm going to run a bath for you" Angel told his son as he noticed how filthy his child was. He was scared to even ask how long since he last showered just afraid of the answer.
Connor could not hide his shocked expression. "No." Connor yelled to Angel. Connor felt tears start to spring from his eyes as he tried to get off the bed once again.
"You need to get cleaned up because frankly you are filthy." Angel tells his son as he sees tears fall down his son's cheek.
"Just let me die!" Connor told his father frantically.
Angel did not know what to say. What could he do to make this better? He knew he had to be strong for his son even though he was terrified. He did not want to believe those words escaped his little boy's mouth.
"That's not going to happen." Angel gently said with all determination as he grasped Connor in a bear hug. Connor felt a little winded with the fast contact with his father.
Angel then pulled apart Connor shoulder length. "Connor you are going to stay and live here with me, I love you; I'm so sorry; I should have never kicked you out."
Angel said with all sincerity as he gazed into his son's eyes he then took a hold of his son's arm and helped him up to his feet and embraced him in a tight hug again.
Connor was taken aback with the sudden contact again and the weird feeling of safety as his dad enveloped him in his arms.
"Stop!" Connor rasped out as he was being hugged again the started bursting out with some hard coughs.
Angel pulled away then tried to pat his son's back to ease his coughing.
Once the coughs subsided he told his son "I will never Stop loving you." He emphasized on the word stop.
Angel led a very reluctant Connor towards to bathroom and ran Connor a warm bath. He showed Connor where was the towels and soap.
"Do you need any help?" Angel finally gently asked his son who at the moment looked so frail and weak.
"No." Connor quickly answered as his face flushed a bit at the thought of his dad bathing him.
"Okay then…but if you need any help just call me, I'll be right outside." Angel said as he made his way out of the bathroom.
Connor nodded as his dad stepped out of the bathroom and closed the door.
Connor felt like he had no options now his dad was too determined for his liking. He wished he had the energy to run but didn't have a drop of it. Truth be told a bath sounded really good to him. He did feel extremely uncomfortable and couldn't even remember the last time he took time to really get himself cleaned. He slowly undressed with whatever energy he still possessed and eased his body into the tub. The water felt so good against his body he had been achy all over since he had woken up. Connor took his sweet time in the tub he was not looking forward in reuniting with his dad.
He took such a while Angel started knocking on the door asking "Connor are you okay?"
Connor was about to ignore his father but thought against when he realized that he father certainly would come barging in. With as much will power and attitude he could muster he replied too loud for his ears "Yes!"
"Okay..good.. I've got some clean clothes out here for you." Angel told his son hoping he would come out soon, he did not want to come across too overbearing but knew that was impossible considering how he was feeling at the moment after hearing the last thing he ever wanted to hear from his precious boy.
Connor didn't want to get out of the tub. A thought came into his mind as he leaned lower into the tub.' He could drown himself'. He vowed to himself that he would end this once and for all; he would be doing the world a favor. He tried to hold his composure as fear started to set in. Connor tried to relax himself as he sank himself lower into the tub sliding his back down to touch the bottom of the tub. Once underwater Connor was terrified as he felt himself swallowing the dirty water, he started suffocating fighting the urge to jump up from the water.
"Are you almost done in there?" Angel asked impatiently.
He waited a few seconds before he asked again "Connor?...If you don't answer me I'm going in." Angel said loud and firmly.
Angel started to get worried he waited a few more seconds for a reply then barged into the bathroom. He ran over to the tub and lifted his son out of the water with such precision. Connor unwilling coughed out water and gasped for air as his father pulled him out. He was now crushed in his father's arms gasping for air. Angel was terrified! He almost lost his son again for good.
"Are you okay? I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have left you alone" Angel told his son frantically.
Connor didn't respond. Connor had failed he was a complete failure! Why couldn't things go the way he wanted them to he thought. Connor looked down and cried silently to himself; he had absolutely no energy left within him.
Angel reached for a towel and dried of his son and carried him to the bed where he had some clean clothing laid out. It was a pair of black silk pajamas Cordelia had bought him last year that he never got around to wearing.
Connor just wanted to cry louder and scream.
'"Here let me help you." Angel said as he picked up the pajama bottoms.
"No!" Connor said as he pulled the garment out of Angel's grasp and dressed himself as quickly as he possibly could. Connor absolutely swam in the pajamas he looked like so much more like a little boy, a little boy that Angel never got to see.