Hey, I got this idea from this pretty good song called Mother by Bear's Den and the fact that John was the WORST FATHER EVER! Anyways, this journal starts about two or three years after their mother died. Just wanted to clarify! Enjoy!

Day 64:

Dean still hasn't talked. He cradles Sammy and looks at me like he's expecting something. I don't know what to do.

Day 129:

Dean spoke today. Not to me, but to Sammy. He was crying, probably scared by the shadows, and Dean whispered that he would always look after him. I think he's ready to start training.

Day 275:

Met a good hunter today. His name was Bobby and he helped out with a hellish ghost. Seems nice enough. Even offered to help train the boys. Maybe someday. Dean still hasn't spoken to me.

Day 302:

Dean's become a good shot. Almost all bull's-eyes. He needs to get better. He has to.

Day 356;

Dean went on his first hunt today. Got rid of the werewolf pack, but came back with a broken arm. He needs to improve. It was also the first day he spoke to me. He told me was sorry about his injuries. I told him he needed to be better.

Day 593:

I almost lost Sammy today. Dean stepped out of a stupid soda, leaving Sammy to the mercy of a shtriga. The bastard needs to learn his place.

Day 624:

Bobby took Dean out to play instead of teaching him how to shoot. He claimed they needed a break. I told him demons don't give anyone breaks. Dean took the blame and was punished. Like he needed to be.

Day 633:

I don't know what happened last night. I went to a bar, but I woke up on the hotel couch, funiture turned everywhere. My head throbbed and Dean was covered in buises and cuts. Maybe something got in last night.

Day 867:

Dean made his own sawed-off yesterday. He'll need it.

Day 1283:

I buried Dean. He should know how to get out if the need were ever to arise. He screamed, begging to be let out. I told him monsters don't give anyone breaks. I sat there for hours, listening to the screams, when I finally stopped hearing him. I dug him up, thinking he had died. I shook him until he woke and told he we'd repeat the next day. I thought I saw tears, but they were gone when I looked back. Tears are a sign of weakness. I will not have weakness here.

Day 1563:

I started training Sammy today. I told Dean it was finally time. He shouldn't always rely on his older brother for protection.

Day 3023:

Dean got arrested a few weeks back. He stole some bread and peanut butter. Why the hell would he want that? Gonna pick him up today. Sammy's been going absolutly crazy since he was gone. He needs to start shooting again. Can't let him get soft.

Day 4739:

Sammy's gone. On Dean's watch. The bastard let his guard down. The kid could be dead or dying and it's all Dean's fault.

"Sammy?" Dean walked into the room.

"Hey!" Sam says hiding the journal. Unfortunatly, not quick enough for Dean.

"Whatcha got there?"

"Dad's journal. I was thinking it could help with the whole... hell... thing..."

"Hell thing... okay. Just don't keep your head in that old book all day. We got stuff we need to do."

As Dean walked away, Sam thought about he, not Sam not Cas, deserved happiness the most. After all he had been through, he deserved it. He needed it. But knowing Dean, he would never settle down until all demons, monsters, and whatever else was out there was dead and stayed that way. He would never get his happy ending.