Guilt Revisited

Disclaimer-I don't own much, certainly not Marvel's Agents of SHIELD

This story falls in the same universe as my previous stories, Things Aren't Always so Magical at Midnight and Shattered Faith. While it isn't completely necessary to read them before reading this, certain details of this story will make more sense if you've read them.

Reviews, follows, favorites are always appreciated.

Phil sat by the hyperbaric chamber keeping watch over Skye while Fitz went to comfort Simmons. It had been a very, very long time since the famous, and usually fearless, Agent Coulson had felt so utterly and completely helpless. He looked through the window at Sky's pale, still form, willing her to wake up. Feeling the tears prick at his eyes he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Letting May see him cry was one thing, letting the whole team see he was just as human as they were wasn't something he really wanted to do. He was the glue that held them together and at that very moment there was nothing more that they needed than to stick together.

"Sir…..Agent Coulson…..Phil."

Phil jumped at the feel of someone shaking his shoulder. He slowly looked up to see Simmons standing next to him. At first he thought he had fallen asleep but a quick look at his watch showed only two or three minutes had passed since he last checked.

"Sorry, guess I zoned out a little. I'm okay," he said as he rubbed at his eyes.

"Sir, you are far from okay. We are all far from okay," Jemma replied as she gave him a sad smile. She turned her attention towards the controls on the chamber. "We need to get her to the hospital, there is very little I am capable of doing here right now," she muttered more to herself than to Phil. Her statement was out of frustration, not to cast blame on anyone.

"Agent May is getting us there as quickly as possible," Phil blurted out, much harsher than he had ever intended. Simmons' head whipped around to face him, before she could say anything Phil stood up quickly, knocking over the chair in the process. Jemma turned to leave quickly but Phil managed to grab her hand. With her tears threatening to fall all over again she let him pull her into a hug, one that left both of them in tears, despite his best effort to appear much braver and more sure of the situation than he really felt.

"I'm sorry," Phil whispered as he ran his hand over her hair. "I'm sorry," he repeated as Jemma clung to him like a lifeline.

When they both calmed down a little he let her go and grabbed a handful of tissues off the counter for both of them.

"I'll stay with her for a while. Why don't you go get changed," Jemma suggested as she pointed at the bloodstained shirt Phil still wore. He looked down and nodded in agreement.

"Call me if…" Phil started before Jemma cut him off.

"I will call if anything changes," she assured him.

Phil gave a weak smile, pressed his hand to the glass and sent up a silent prayer before heading to his quarters.

It was Phil's intent to just grab the first clean shirt he saw and get back down to sit vigil in the lab. But as he stepped into his room the rush of adrenaline he had been riding on suddenly plummeted and he started to shake. He sat down on the edge of the bed, shrugged out of his suit jacket and toed off his shoes. The small white buttons on his dress shirt proved to be more difficult to undo than he had imagined and in his complete frustration he grabbed the bottom edges of the fabric and pulled, sending the buttons pinging off the walls. He balled up the shirt and tossed it in the corner of the room, thinking to himself he should probably go shopping the next chance he had as he seemed to have gone through quite a few articles of clothing in the previous three weeks.

He looked down to see that his white t-shirt was also bloodstained. As he pulled it off over his head he realized the jump he'd taken off the train had left him pretty battered. In all the rush to complete the mission, make sure his people were safe, and when it had become clear not everyone was, to get Skye back to the Bus, he hadn't given any thought to what injuries he might have sustained. With a loud sigh he stepped out of his suit pants and padded to the bathroom to take a look in the mirror.

There was a bruise over the back of his left shoulder and one on the outside of his right knee. For the first time in way too long he seemed to have completed a mission without any facial injuries. He quickly splashed some cold water on his face and took some Advil before heading back into the bedroom to grab some clean clothes.

After slipping on a light blue dress shirt and navy suit pants Phil sat on the edge of the bed to put his shoes back on. He reached for his phone and wallet which were sitting on the bedside table. As he did his eyes fell on the rosary beads sitting next to the book he'd been reading the night before. He said a quick prayer, put the rosary in the velvet bag and slipped it into his pants pocket. Deciding to forgo a tie he slipped his arms into the matching suit jacket with a grimace at the pain in his shoulder.

As he entered the lab he saw the seat he'd left Jemma in was now occupied by Ward, while Fitz was pacing around a bit.

"No change," Fitz stated simply, answering Phil's unspoken question. Phil nodded in response as he glanced through the glass at Skye's still form. As Ward didn't seem to make any effort to move from the chair Phil joined Fitz in pacing around the room for a minute. He wasn't watching where he was going and managed to clip his bruised knee against the edge of a cabinet. Ward and Fitz both started towards him as a loud groan escaped from his lips. He waved them off but was unable to wave off Simmons who had just entered the lab as he walked into the stainless steel cabinet. She grabbed him by the arm and steered him towards the lounge.

"I'm okay," he said, trying to convince both of them he was indeed fine. Simmons all but pushed him onto the couch.

"Do you seriously expect me to believe that?" Jemma replied with a big roll of her eyes. "What happened?"

"Just a little bruised from jumping off the train," he explained as he reached down to rub his throbbing knee. "And I just walked into a metal piece of furniture," he added with a snort.

"Bruised from jumping off a train, not something you hear every day. Between you and Ward we're going to be out of ice packs soon," Jemma teased. "Sit quietly, I'll be right back. Did you take anything?"

"Yes ma'am," Phil said with as much of a smile as he could muster up. Jemma smiled slightly and turned to leave the lounge.

She stuck her head back in a minute later, tossing Phil the ice pack. "Use that, I'm going to check on Skye."

Phil propped his foot up on the table after pushing aside the chess board. He sat quietly with the ice pack against his throbbing knee for all of a minute and a half. "Any change?" he called to Jemma and Fitz who appeared to be making some adjustments to the controls.

"No better, no worse," Fitz answered.

Phil hobbled back to the lab. Fitz pushed the chair in his direction and motioned for him to have a seat.

"Uh, I'm going to make tea. Anyone care for a cup,?" he asked, suddenly feeling the need to do something somewhat construction.

"Tea sounds nice," Jemma answered. "Sir?" she asked in Phil's direction.

"Please," he replied not bothering to tease Jemma once again about her use of "sir".

She pulled up a second chair next to Skye. She tugged on Phil's pants a little to get him to put his foot in her lap. She carefully pushed up his pant leg and took a look at his knee. She poked and prodded it a little until she agreed with Phil's assessment that it was only a bruise. She straightened out the pant leg and gently held the ice pack against his knee. Like Fitz she needed to feel she was doing something. Phil understood exactly how she felt. He leaned against the machine keeping Skye alive, folding his arms and resting his chin on them.

"Despite everything you really do care about her. That's nice," Jemma whispered. "She needs somebody."

"Not sure how nice I've been to her lately. Did she tell you about…about what Agent May and I…" Phil stuttered.

"She told me everything. It was very nice and honorable of you to tell her. That must have been very difficult, for you to say and for her to hear."

"It was. But after….after everything, I'm tired of secrets. She deserved to know the truth."

"We all deserve the truth," Simmons whispered as she reached to rub his shoulder a little. "May I ask you something?"

"Of course," Phil replied.

Before she could ask her question Fitz appeared with their tea. It was clear to him they were in the middle of a conversation so he didn't stick around.

Phil took a large sip of tea, nearly burning his tongue in the process. He set the tea down and tiredly scrubbed his hands down his face.

"What is it about Skye? I mean we've all grown close but the two of you seem to have a special bond," Jemma asked.

"I've actually wondered about that for a while. I've had a lot of time to think…and brood lately. I think I'm starting to understand it a little. She reminds me of someone, or more precisely, she makes me think about someone who might have been.

"Might have been? Sounds rather mysterious," Jemma commented.

"I don't know about mysterious. It was a long time ago," Phil stated simply, not really sure if he wanted to get into a whole conversation about his past, his losses and what might have been.

"Secure the plane for landing in twenty," May's voice came over the intercom.

"I'd like to hear your story someday," Jemma said quietly as she handed him the ice pack and got up to check on a few things.

Phil got up and pushed the chair aside as Ward and Fitz entered the lab to help secure the chamber for landing.

Twenty three minutes later the Bus was on the ground and the medical personnel rushed on to help Skye.