Prologue

The bottle was almost empty. She unscrewed the lid and poured what remained of the clear liquid into her glass. It was well into the early hours of the morning now but she didn't feel like going to bed anytime soon. Sleep didn't give her any respite anymore. Not when she was sober anyway. She would lie awake for hours, thinking of everything that had happened. There was nothing that could change the things that she had done, the people she had had to kill. Even though she had trained for those moments it hadn't made them any easier to live with.

She swirled the liquid around the glass, raising it to her lips she took a long hard sniff of the alcohol and then swallowed it in one swift gulp. It warmed her throat as it slid down to her stomach. In the early days downing the substance had always made her wince but she was used to it now, it comforted her.

Occasionally she had good days where she didn't feel like she had to drink but today had not been one of them. She had received an e-mail telling her she had to go back. Initially she had wanted to delete it and just stay where she was. She could find somewhere to stay, somewhere to work. She was sure no one would care if she decided to never go back. But she was scared. She didn't know any different to the life that she had been taught. She could never live a 'normal' life with 'normal' people, she didn't know how.

In just over 48 hours' time she was supposed to be on a boat heading back to the small island she had left behind a year ago. It might have been because she was given a contract for work overseas but in reality she knew she had willingly fled. She tried to push those thoughts to the back of her mind but the knowledge that all of her alcohol was gone wasn't helping. She stared at the bottle and felt anger bubbling up inside of her. She had always been in control of everything but now it was completely obvious even to her that she was no longer that same person. She grabbed the bottle and threw it at the wall, watching it smash into tiny shards.

With tears streaming down her face she walked over to where the pieces lay and knelt down, picking up one of the larger shards. She sliced the tip of her left index finger and watched the blood trickle out. She sucked her finger and her mouth tasted metallic. With the shard still in her hand she made a sudden movement towards her neck and held it there. She could feel the sharpness of the glass upon her skin, could feel it begin to pierce.

The glass shard shattered into more pieces as she threw it back down to the floor. She backed up against the wall and sat there with her head in her hands, crying in frustration and fear.

Chapter 2

The moaning grew louder as Seifer moved faster. His pelvis moved back and forth as his hands grasped the blonde's hips. There was a mirror facing the side of the bed so he could see her face and how much she was enjoying him inside of her. He smiled as he saw her hands grasping at the red silk bed covers.

He had absolutely no idea who she was. She was just another dumb but pretty woman he had picked up in a bar not far from where he was staying. After the defeat of Ultimecia not many places were exactly willing to let him live there but the residents of Deling seemed happy enough as long as he didn't cause any trouble.

He spent a lot of his days in his apartment overlooking the Deling City Hotel. A lot of the women who came from Deling knew who he was and the idea of having a one night stand with such a 'bad boy' was a massive turn on for them. A lot of them wanted him to treat them roughly and he was unashamed to say that he never grew tired of it. It was completely win-win as far as he was concerned. They wanted him because of their idea of who he was and only expected sex from him. He wanted them because it gave him that sense of power he had had during the war. He didn't care if it was always an easy fight, winning was all that ever mattered.

Seifer ejaculated and closed his eyes as he felt a sense of heady relief. He pulled out and cleaned himself up with a small towel he had laid out on the side. Falling onto the bed the woman curled up beside him and started to kiss him. She grabbed his hand and tried to pull it down towards her thighs but he pulled away. He leaned over to the small table next to him where he had dumped the towel and picked up a half empty packet of cigarettes and a metal lighter. It was cold against the palm of his hand as he flipped the lid and lit the cigarette he had place between his lips.

"Come on baby," the blonde purred. "I haven't orgasmed yet."

He looked at her with his blue green eyes and blew cigarette smoke over her face. She coughed and sat up.

"And?"

He stood up and walked towards to the sash window that was about 15 paces in front of the bed. It was open and the breeze was blowing the thin curtains slightly. As Seifer neared it the sound of the traffic grew louder. He looked out across the city and felt the cool breeze across his bare skin. It was late at night but this was a city that never seemed to stop. There were always people out there, always horns beeping and always sirens sounding. A lamppost shone directly outside the window and bathed both him and the world in an orange glow. Opposite he could see the hotel and caught a glimpse of a woman undressing in her room. She turned and spotted him, standing naked in front of his window with a cigarette hanging from his mouth. She smiled coyly and drew the curtains.

Seifer blew smoke out the window and then pulled it down and locked the latch. Turning around he saw the woman he had picked up had put her underwear back on and was rolling up her stockings. He stubbed the cigarette out on the wall and dropped it to the floor as he felt himself harden again. He walked behind her and began to kiss her neck as his hands pulled down her black lace knickers.

"I can't let you leave," he whispered into her ear. "I haven't satisfied you yet."

She gave a tipsy giggle. "And here was me thinking you didn't care. I'll have to leave soon though. Maybe we could pick this up tomorrow?"

Seifer bent her over the bed and plunged himself in.

"I won't be here tomorrow."

Rinoa shut down her e-mails as Squall padded out of the bedroom. He had dark circles under his eyes and didn't seem to notice that she was there as he walked into the kitchen and grabbed an orange juice from the fridge.

They had been living in their house in Balamb Town for about 18 months after Cid had suggested they needed a better place to stay than a dorm room at Garden. Rinoa adored their little place. It wasn't the mansion she was used to back in Deling but it was better than where she had been staying when she was in Timber. It was only one floor but had a living room, a kitchen/dining room, a bathroom and two bedrooms. It seemed almost palatial after the small room they had been living in before. How they had managed to sleep in a single bed together for almost six months she didn't know. Here she had been able to decorate as well so the place definitely had more of a feminine touch than the dorm room had. She had painted the walls in delicate pastel colours while Squall had looked on. He had agreed to her doing this but she knew he probably would have preferred something a little more masculine.

"Squall? Did you sleep OK?" She walked into the kitchen and saw him leaning over the worktop with and empty glass resting next to his hand.

They hadn't been sleeping in the same bed for about four months now. Squall had been struggling with sleep since they had moved into the house and Rinoa had reluctantly agreed to let Squall sleep in the spare room when he reasoned there was no reason for her to have a bad night as well. She couldn't deny that she had been sleeping much better but she missed his warmth next to her.

Squall suffered with terrible and vivid nightmares. He would wake up in cold sweats, often screaming and shouting and then he would toss and turn for the rest of the night. Sometimes he just tried to keep himself awake and didn't sleep at all. Rinoa wondered if it had been one of those nights.

"…I'm OK," he said groggily.

She walked over and placed her arm around the back of his shoulders.

"Why don't we go out for a walk today? A bit of fresh air might do you some good and it looks gorgeous out there already." She tried to put on her best smile but he shrugged her away and walked into the living room. He sat on the sofa and switched on the TV.

Squall didn't have anything to do with himself these days. Cid had placed him on an indefinite leave of absence after Dr Kadowaki diagnosed him with stress. Rinoa worried about her boyfriend more and more with each passing day as he slowly seemed to be disappearing into himself. He had no joy for life and sat around the house a lot in his pants watching mind numbing television.

There was a sudden knock at the door and Rinoa walked through the living room to open it. Outside it was sunny and standing in front of her were her friends Selphie and Irvine.

"Hey Rinoa!" Selphie yelled happily. She had an enormous smile on her face and was wearing a pretty pink summer dress. "Are you ready to go?"

Rinoa's face creased up as she realised she had completely forgotten she had made plans with Selphie and Quistis for the morning. She glanced over at Squall, he hadn't even stirred.

"Oh Selphie…I don't know if I can." Rinoa's voice lowered into a quiet hush. "I don't think I can leave Squall today."

"That's why dumbface over here is with me," Selphie pointed at Irvine who grinned. "He can stay with Squall. We'll only be gone for a couple of hours. I have a briefing at 1 o'clock anyway. Come on Rinoa, you know how important this is."

Selphie made a sad pouty face and Rinoa sighed. She walked back into the front room and picked up her bag that was sitting on a side table next to the sofa. She kissed Squall on the top of his head and mussed up his hair tenderly.

Irvine flopped down on the sofa next to Squall and grabbed the remote. He put his feet up on the coffee table and changed the channel to sport.

"So what's up dude?" He asked. "Haven't seen you for weeks. You gonna tell me you've been sitting in here watching daytime TV? Dull as. You got any crisps?"

Rinoa closed the door and followed Selphie down the road. Selphie and Irvine had also been given a house in Balamb Town and were living next door to Rinoa and Squall. They seemed to be having a better time of it though and Rinoa often saw them walking past her window hand in hand and laughing. She couldn't help but feel jealous.

Selphie was practically skipping down the road and she stopped when they came to a parade of shops and saw Quistis standing outside one of them. Quistis being there just cited how important this was to Selphie. Cid had asked her to be commander after Squall had been signed off so she was officially in charge of Garden until he returned. They didn't see as much of her as they used to as she had been busy restoring Garden since the war. She waved at both of them and gave them each a hug which they both warmly received.

"We're here!" Selphie practically squealed.

"Deep breaths," Quistis laughed.

Rinoa laughed too but as she looked up at the shop sign her heart sank a little. She followed Quistis' advice to Selphie and took a deep breath before entering Balamb Bridal Boutique.