Title: Sickeningly Sweet
Summary: Random LJ fluff. (LilyJames)
"So, Emma, what did you think of the Herbology test?" I yelled, hoping that the approaching James Potter would sense that I was in the middle of a conversation and sod off.
"Hi, Lily. Hi, Emma!" he chirped, cutting of Emma's would-have-been fake response. Unfortunately, James Potter is oblivious--or…just really, really, really good at ignoring the obvious. So much so that he did not notice or pretended not to notice my conversation starter and James-Potter-Getter-Ridder-Ofer. I swear, I need a new tactic. This has been the tenth time this month it hasn't worked. And it's only the fifth.
He ignored the lack of response. Or just didn't notice it. Again, either really oblivious, or extremely good at ignoring the obvious. I, personally, think he's just oblivious. He's never been the sharpest knife in the drawer. My thoughts were interrupted by his heavenly—I mean belongs-in-hell voice. "Lily, can I talk to you?"
"I don't have a choice, now, do I?" I muttered under my breath. I don't think he heard. Or maybe he did and knew it was a rhetorical question…I don't think he heard.
"Great!"
I swear, it's like that boy is on a constant sugar high. Or, as Emma likes to call it, a Lily-high. He used to be normal. Within the past two months, though, he's started getting Lily-highs. He's even normal around his friends! It's just…me. He's still handsome. And he's still captain of the Quidditch team. And everyone still adores him. But he's creepy whenever he talks to me. He continued. "It's about something Remus said! He said---"
"—to get the bloody hell away from him because you're annoying? If so, I don't blame him." My dark voice cut in.
He didn't notice my cutting off. He just started again when I was done. "—that, since it's Valentine's Day, I should write you a poem! But I didn't want to! I wanted to recite it to you instead. So, what do you say? It'll be impromptu! I'll compose one off the top of my head!"
A sinister plan started to form in my head. "How about…during lunch? I have one for you, too!" I smiled sweetly, my green eyes, my only good feature, widening. I've mastered that technique, if I do say so myself.
"Well…don't you want to hear it now?" he asked.
"Oh, but it'd be better for lunch! We'll have more time then."
Emma had mysteriously disappeared, so I was stuck walking with James alone. I disregarded his incessant prattling and thought.
Knowing James, the poem would probably be acrostic. And sickeningly sweet. I'd fight poems with poems! Two could play at Valentine's Day Poetry. While his would be filled with endearment, mine would contain derogatory terms. It was perfect. I steepled my fingers. PERFECT! The sickeningly sweet James Potter would finally understand that I HATED HIM AND WANTED HIM TO ROT IN HELL, a fact that he had worked for so many years to ignore. And then, once I openly declared that I hated him, HE WOULD LEAVE ME ALONE!
We arrived at Herbology. I waved good-bye to James and plopped my books down next to Emma's. She smirked.
"YOU left me alone with HIM on purpose, didn't you?" I asked suspiciously.
The smirk stayed firmly in place.
"Well, your little scheme backfired, Missy, for I have one of my own! One that will stop the perky James Potter from perkily annoying me any further! I cackled evilly. Then I stopped. Did I just cackle? Did I just use the word 'Missy'? I scare myself sometimes.
One Hour and a Herbology Exam Later
I could see James approaching to our table in the Great Hall. I didn't even try my loud conversation with Emma tactic.
"Hi, Lily! Hi, Emma!" I wanted to WRING his perky little neck! It was even worse than his arrogant-ness because he was arrogant and perky and devilishly handsome ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
"Hi, James." I forced myself to reply. Emma remained silent.
"Two's company, three's a crowd!" she quoted, and raced off to find her boyfriend, Sirius, for a romantic lunch. Eurgh.
James grinned. "Would you like to hear a poem? I say 'a' and not 'my' because it's not mine yet as I haven't really---"
"YES!" I shouted, exasperated. "Yes. I would like to hear a poem." I grinned evilly. I guessed it looked like a nice grin, though, because he grinned back.
" 'kay."
He cleared his throat.
"L is for Lovely
I is for Intelligent
L is for L- L- L- OH, BUGGER! OH! L is for Ladylike
Y is for…Young
E is for Ever-so-pretty
V is for Vivid Green Eyes
A is for Artsy
N is for Nice
S is for So, will you be my Valentine?"
A small audience had gathered around us.
"That's so sweet, James! So sweet that I think I'll do one for YOU!"
He beamed. I gave him an evil stare.
"J is for Jubilant to the Max—so much so that it's annoying
A is for Arrogant
M is for Menace
E is for Ever-So-Childish
S is for Should-Never-Have-Been-Born
P is for…P is for…Pointless
O is for Over-optimistic
T is for Toerag
T is for Tarantula
E is for Eww, it's James!
R is for REJECTION!"
"Really, James. Need I say more?"
"No." he whimpered. There were tears in his eyes and a smell of onion in the air. I ignored the onion.
Aww. I didn't mean to crush the poor little guy. The poor, devilishly handsome little guy. OK. That sounded weird. Let's stick with the first one. I didn't mean to crush the poor little guy!
Everyone looked at me like I was some kind of monster. Which I was.
"I'm sorry, James, really. What can I do to make you feel better?"
"Will you be my Valentine?" he asked, big sexy brown eyes staring into mine.
"Does that include kissing you?" I asked, shuddering a bit, but more out of anticipation than disgust.
"Yes?" he said. It was more of a question than a statement.
"Fine."
"YAY!" He took out some kind of communicator device that somehow worked in Hogwarts.
"Sirius? Evans is my VALENTINE! Mission completed."
I heard Sirius's voice, then Emma's voice. She was probably irritated that he had stopped kissing her. I tuned out Emma. "Great! So the being overly preppy for two months and talking to her too much and ignoring any sarcasm and reciting an acrostic poem, hoping she would return it with a nasty one scheme WORKED! I'm a GENIUS!"
I glared at the communication device.
James glanced at it as well. "Sirius, that was on speaker. Over and out."
"Whoops!" I heard Sirius say.
James turned to me, snitch in hand. (Where did that come from?) He threw it up in the air. "Kiss me?"
"Do I look like I have a choice?" I muttered, only half darkly.
I don't think he noticed. He kissed me anyways.
I swear, that kiss was like something from a movie. It was the PERFECT kiss-in-cafeteria scene. Sirius wolf-whistled along with Emma through the communicator device, which, apparently, had some kind of camera in it. James whipped out a rose from behind his back and handed it to me when we were done.
And he caught the snitch. He was back to his normal self, arrogant times eleven, but no preppiness.
The whole scene was sickeningly sweet.
Not that I'm complaining.