She couldn't remember when it started, neither of them could. But she remembered she didn't want it to stop. Even after her and Sid made up. Even after Jal got pregnant. Even after he died.
He made her feel things even drugs couldn't. When she pushed everyone away, tried to make everyone feel the same way as she did, he pushed back and became the only stable thing in her life. After all the people she fucked left, all the alcohol and drugs were gone he was right there on the couch; they'd snuggle up, find the most ridiculous cartoons they could and fall asleep laughing to them. It was one of the only times she felt like she could be or do anything she wanted.
It was on one of those nights that they shared their first unspoken memory. He was flipping through the channels silently critiquing each one he stopped on, and she was slowly coming down from a high. He was just starting to wrap his arm around her and get settled in when she sat up and looked into his eyes. They always changed between blue, green and grey but right now they were a beautiful mix of the three. Before he could speak she leaned in and pressed he mouth to his. It was a gentle, slow kiss that didn't last for more then five seconds. Afterwards, she snuggled down into his arms and they fell asleep.
That's it. No words were exchanged before or anytime after that about it but it wouldn't be the last time they kissed.
There was another one that stuck out in her mind. It was maybe a couple days after her and Sid made up. She remembered how protective he had been when Sid first came about and she couldn't really explain it but it made her happy that he cared for her so much. They were cleaning up after a little party they had thrown and she was going to throw the trash away outside when he called out her name. As she turned to ask what he needed he ran up and gently grabbed her chin and kissed her.
It was the first time he had initiated it and even though it wasn't romantic, none of their kisses really were, it still made her feel something. While Sid's kisses made her feel something that felt like forever, Chris's kisses made her feel the moment. And sometimes she couldn't decide what she liked more.
Then, everything turned to shit. Chris became really, really sick. And Cassie didn't know how to handle it. She took care of him the most, even after everyone found out. And the nights where she would help him into bed and make sure his bandages were changed is when they would share there most passionate kisses. That's when Cassie really felt the moment.
She didn't like to think what would happen if someone saw them or when they'd have to stop whatever it was they were doing. She liked to feel in the moment and she never wanted it to end. As much as she loved Sid, she sometimes wondered if she loved Chris too. Could you really love two people? Cassie thought so. But she didn't want to.
Then, everything turned shittier. It was any normal night with just the two of them. They ate, they joked around, they smoked some spliff. And then Chris couldn't remember his girlfriends name. And Cassie laughed it off thinking he was joking. But the look on Chris's face soon turned desperate and he stumbled to his bedroom and Cassie trailed after him.
That's where she held him for the last time. That's where she called out his name over and over again for the last time. That's where they shared their last kiss.
And Cassie never felt more in the moment.