After a long hiatus (well, I had exams, okay!), Hysteria series is BACK! Now with Sephiroth…

General's Hysteria

General Sephiroth, worshipped by million fangirls and mentally molested by billions more, was actually living a relatively normal life in the land of memory. There were no random Chocobo Heads who suddenly became insanely strong at the last minute of battle and threw a sword that turned into six swords at once and then banished him back to oblivion; there weren't Dr. Quacks who insisted him drink tomato juice every hour for "the sake of science"; there weren't blond monopoly presidents who were quite bent on taking over the world. No, his life was finally back to normal, without idiots, insane, and inane. He was receiving what he deserved at last.

Or so he thought.

His usual in the morning was to get up, brush his hair and then teeth, get changed, then check his e-mail while sipping coffee. And so our beloved silver-haired Adonis was drinking Nescafe Gold Blend, sitting in front of his PC, opening his e-mail account. There were the usual breast enhancements (don't they honestly check the gender of the adressee? Sephiroth wondered), penis enlargements, lottery spam, a few important e-mails, the usual from morbid fangirls who became hell-bent on communicating with him and stalked him to the extent of getting his e-mail address, and then… what was this?

"Hello, General Sephiroth," said the e-mail, "you are becoming quite a hot subject at our website. Please check it out at www dot fanfiction dot net. Sincerely, Staff."

"What is this?" the general muttered to himself, and with a deft click launched a new page. He typed in the address. He went to "games" section, since apparently his recent mania became a best-selling game called "Final Fantasy VII" even though there shouldn't be seven of them if they were all final. Then, he moved the cursor to where it said "Character". Ah, there he was. "Sephiroth".

He selected the said name, and clicked "go!"

And then, waited for the page to load. Since he had fibre optics cable, it didn't take as much as a wink. Carelessly, without thought so uncharacteristic of our insane general, he clicked on the first link that came up.

Bad mistake.

The neighbor wondered what was going on; Seamus Doherty generally regarded Sephiroth as a quiet, taciturn and serious young man (Seamus was seventy-three) who never caused trouble. But he heard a howl, then a blaring bang, and then a clashing clang, and then a string of swear words that cannot be mentioned here because there isn't enough rating for it.

Back in Sephiroth's study, Sephiroth was fuming.

"Sephiroth stretched his legs on the bed, head turned slightly, and wrapped his sinewy arms around the lithe body that lay next to him. He buried his face into the soft golden hair that had a soft, sweet fragrance. It was a good hour; so late in the night, drowsy and warm. And having the body next to him, within arm's reach, was just to enticing, so inviting that he could not help but feel the warmth, the arousal..."

One thing that the fangirls did not know was that Sephiroth found Cloud quite annoying. And dense. And slow. And weak. All qualities that he hated. And to be in such position, with that… with that… failure, that abomination!

"Who is this cursed writer!" Sephiroth hissed to himself. The story was credited to "Lady-Aliavina". What a squishy, mushy, pathetic sounding name. He mentally added her onto the "Must Kill ASAP" list.

Next…

"Black locks tumbled onto the aristocratic nose as the red orbs stared into…" Sephiroth stopped reading, making sure that his insanity didn't just worsen. No, he read that right. Unfortunately. "Naked arms entwined, thin rivulets of blood streaming onto the collarbone, Sephiroth moaned…"

Since when was that pathetic, moral, whiny Turk a vampire? When did that happen? Did vampires even exist? And why was he being bitten by the pathetic whinging Turk turns angsty and goes emo? More than that, why WERE THEY IN BED TOGETHER?

Sephiroth had pride about as high as the moon. And this, of course, wasn't to his liking. At all.

"The blond president eyed the tall general coldly, then commanded, in a single, cruel word, 'strip'.

Sephiroth stood, motionless, his eyes burning in hatred.

'Strip,' Rufus said coolly, 'or otherwise you may find the consequences dire…'"

WAIT JUST A MINUTE, Sephiroth thought angrily, NO ONE ORDERED SEPHIROTH AROUND! NOT EVEN HIS MUMMY! And here was that brat, ordering him to exhibit his magnificent physique for free.

Click. The page loaded.

'"Sephiroth,", said the thin mouth, "I am your father…"

Sephiroth could not do anything, mortified at such a thought, naked and at the complete mercy of his father, the insane scientist, the man who raped him so many times…"

Wait.

Wait just a second.

Did he just read "rape"?

Hojo, rape him?

As in, forceful sex?

He blinked. He rubbed his eyes. No, he read that right.

He had enough. He really did. And what were those idiotic staff doing, not regulating these kinds of obscene sodomy? He knew they were brainless, but what was the use of them if not to regulate these kind of sacrilege?

He howled. Loudly. So loudly that the windowpanes rattled and Seamus Doherty thought it was thunder. Then Sephiroth took up his sword, his eyes blazing of anger, the humiliation he had suffered, the mental pain, the imagery that would now be in his mind forevermore, and jumped.

Through the roof and outside…

A few days later, bizzarre corpses began to turn up. They were all females between the age of 12 and 20, and seemed to be obsessed with a certain chracter from a video game that was in polygon graphics that were so new back in 1997. The police also found that they were all killed by a 7 foot sword, and they all had files on their PCs that depicted obscene sexual activities between a random male character and a certain military general from the said game.

Back in the land of Memory, Sephiroth smiled, and sipped his coffee. "Ah," he said to no one in particular, "this truly is a wonderful life…"