*My idea of Roses thoughts as she and Jack said their goodbyes without ever saying goodbye. Such a sad scene, it touched me so much I just had to write about it.*
Hold on... we're together... we can hold on...
Rose couldn't feel her face, yet the sting of the cold still touched her, chilling, phantom hands gripping her body.
Jacks here. We can do this.
Remembering him, helping her onto the rail, spreading her arms out. For a moment it was as if she truly were flying, teetering on the very edge of reality. The way their hands had twisted together, finding every crevice, his fingers had filled the gaps between hers. When she considered it, it was the first time they had made love, despite the intimacy being merely between their hands. But now, with the cold biting at her, she couldn't feel the warmth of those hands, that could produce such beauty, and such pleasure. Despite not feeling them, she could see them, his fingers intertwined with hers. It didn't feel real, she was flying away from reality, soaring through the freezing air.
I'm so cold, so afraid.
She had to tell him, they might not get through this,
"I love you, Jack." she could barely force it out,
"Don't you do that, don't say your good-byes. Not yet, do you understand me?" his teeth chattered slightly, yet he held it together, she knew for her. She wanted to thank him, but could only be honest, the cold brought the truth out in her. How could he not want to say goodbye? She needed him, to be with him, whether dead or alive. And she wasn't sure that alive was an option any longer, it was so difficult to think, to form the words,
"I'm so cold"
Cold, so cold. The whole world was freezing, she didn't think warm had ever existed to her, or if it had, she would never know its embrace again. All the simple things she'd miss, warmth, laughter, food, and the feel of Jack holding her. She needed that, above all. How long now? When would they die?
"Listen, Rose. You're gonna get out of here, you're gonna go on and you're gonna make lots of babies, and you're gonna watch them grow. You're gonna die an old- an old lady warm in her bed, not here, not this night. Not like this, do you understand me?" His words were choked out, and she could hear that he truly believed in the ring of truth his stuttering voice gave them. The ice was in her lungs, every breath burned curiously. She's so cold, why is she burning?
"I can't feel my body." she informed him, unfairly begging him for help,
"Winning that ticket, Rose, was the best thing that ever happened to me... it brought me to you. And I'm thankful for that, Rose. I'm thankful. You must do me this honor. Promise me you'll survive. That you won't give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless. Promise me now, Rose, and never let go of that promise."
He's saying goodbye.
She wanted to scold him, she couldn't say goodbye, yet he said it. As if he were leaving her. No, no. How could he leave? The person who brought meaning to her life that had had none before meeting him. The man who had shaped her very soul into something so different, into who she was meant to be. Without him what would she do? Where would she go? That had been her plan, the moment they stepped off that damn ship together they would run. Run as far and as fast as they could together, because all they'd need was one another. But she couldn't tell him, couldn't blame him, because deep down she knew how this would end. So she vowed to him,
"I promise."
And she did, truly, for a moment she wondered if that were the only promise lovers had ever made that would be kept for an eternity.
"Never let go." He insisted, banishing all uncertainty,
"I'll never let go, Jack." For that moment she felt surer of herself than ever before, "I'll never let go."
She kept hold of his hands with one of her own, rolling onto her back, sick of subjecting her stomach to the cold of the wood.
No, no I won't let go. But neither will he. We'll be together for eternity. The rest of forever is ours. We'll love forever. Take each other to the stars.
It was nice to imagine, believe. Fantasize about their lives together. They'd find an apartment, get jobs, perhaps he'd sell drawings, she could do something practical, simple. It would be such a nice change from her old life of no work other than pretending, acting like someone she wasn't.
Children, maybe. One day we'll have children, any child of Jacks would the most precious ever in existence. I want his child, no one else's.
She could picture herself, glowing with joy, Jacks child healthy and growing within her. Perhaps a boy, a little boy with his smile, his laughter. Maybe he'd change some girls life someday, just like Jack. Set her free from her cage just as Jack had, no one could pursued her to go back, she would not let herself get trapped again. Jack's love had brought more than happiness, it had brought freedom, freedom and something to always count on.
"You jump, I jump, right?" her own voice echoed through her mind, yes, yes that was how it should be. One could not go without the other. Now she wasn't alone, she would never have to jump alone, into anything. As long as they held on. But should she delude herself further? When she knew what was most likely to happen,
"Rose! You're so stupid. Why did you do that, huh? You're so stupid, Rose. Why did you do that? Why?"
Why? Why had she? Because it was Jack, she had known him for such a short amount of time. Not enough time. She would not leave him there, watch him smile bravely as her heart broke, so she had leaped. Taken that leap of faith, knowing she could have fallen, because leaving him was something she would never do, could never do, no matter what happened now.
Inside, she knew, she knew that this was a cause without hope. This delusion that they would both survive. Certainly, they would both perish, but that was okay. They were together, and that was all that truly mattered.