(The camera is turned on, and is turned to face a slacking blonde-haired boy sleeping and drooling over a table. A microphone creates a loud, ear-splitting static and someone clears their throat, waking the boy up from his slumber)
Naruto: (laughs nervously) Uh, sorry about that, guys.
Sakura:... Naruto, you idiot, the camera's already on! Everything is being recorded!
Ino: Eek, I hope my hair's okay!
Naruto: (looks around the room frantically, confused) Uh, what, what's going on? Where am I? What? Oh... right, we're supposed to be doing the show today...
Sakura: (fuming) Yeah, and if you hadn't been getting your drool everywhere, maybe people would actually finally think something of you! Now pull yourself together, we're live, knucklehead!
Kakashi: (nervously) Ha, maybe we ought to just all calm down and take this nice and slow-
Sakura: (clenches fists angrily) Who cares about nice and slow, I'll pound Naruto to the ground right now if he doesn't get his act together!
Naruto: Yaaah! Okay, okay, I'm up! Sheesh, a "good morning" would be nice, Sakura.
Kakashi: Uh, Naruto, it's noon.
Sakura: Read the clock, idiot!
Ino: Can we just get started already?! Billboard Brow, stop yelling, you're making our ears bleed!
Sakura: Yeah, well it's not as bad as when you try singing-
Ino: (face turns red in anger) You better watch your mouth, Forehead!
(Sai breaks up the two girls, smiling reassuringly at them, being the creep he always is)
Sai: Hey, hey, I read the way to calm down two insecure teenage girls is to tell them they are perfect just the way they are, even if they are as ugly as a toad's balls.
Ino & Sakura: (faces red with steam coming out of their ears) OH NOW YOU'VE DONE IT!
(Ino and Sakura both punch Sai and send him flying through the walls)
Naruto: Uh, I'll just go ahead and start the show now... So good afternoon, Konoha! We are live on Chat With Konoha 13, featuring me, Naruto Uzumaki! I bet this is the time of the day you've all been waiting for, huh folks?! Well, now's your chance to learn some background about your future great Hokage (points to himself) and-
(Sakura angrily storms up to Naruto and bangs him on the head with the microphone)
Sakura: This show isn't about a loser like you, Naruto, so get on with it!
Naruto: Okay, fine, I'm sorry! Well, moving on from that rude interruption, let's introduce the cast of the show! Introducing...
(Someone makes a drum roll in the background)
Naruto: Sakura Haruno! She will be the co-host of Chat With Konoha 13! Next... Sasuke Uchiha! He is the second co-host of Chat With Konoha 13! Next, Kakashi Hatake! He will be the supervisor of Chat With Konoha 13!
Kakashi: (beams proudly at the camera) Yes, mostly to make sure that Sakura doesn't injure Naruto enough to send him to the hospital.
Sasuke: Hn, so you're like the nurse.
Kakashi: No, not at all!
Naruto: Yes, of course, Kakashi is a very important member of our crew! There's always gotta be somebody to slap on band-aids and kiss those boo-boos!
Kakashi: Ah! This isn't what I signed up for, Naruto!
Naruto: And if you catch Kakashi Sensei reading Juriya Sensei's Make Out Series books in the middle of the show, don't worry, he's only a little bit of a closet pervert!
Kakashi: Hey, Naruto, you're embarrassing me! The Make Out Series is a legend that describes the heroic tales of-
Naruto: Yeah, no one cares, so moving on! Anyway, introducing Team 8: Hinata Hyuga, Kiba Inuzuka, and Shino Aburame! Kiba will be doing tricks every Friday with his dog- oh, yeah, how could I forget, there's a fourth member to Team 8; Akamaru!
Kiba: (glares at Naruto) Naruto, you'll pay for that, you jerk!
Akamaru: Whoof!
Naruto: Jeez, does everyone in this room hate me?!
Hinata: No, Naruto... I- I don't hate you...
Naruto: (smiles) Yeah, thanks, Hinata!
(Hinata stands there, blushing like a fool, while Kiba nudges her teasingly and wiggles his eyebrows)
Sakura: Aw, that's so cute... get a room!
Sasuke: Naruto, I think I'll take over now.
(Sasuke snatches away the microphone from Naruto, his cool, relaxed face a great comparison to Naruto's annoyed one)
Sasuke: Moving on, now introducing Team 11: Ino Yamanaka, Choji Akimichi, and Shikamaru Nara. Ino is the makeup artist for the crew, Shikamaru's the director, and Choji is in charge of the food, that is, if he doesn't eat it all himself.
Choji: Hey, you trying to call me fat! Go ahead, say it, I dare you!
Sasuke: Hn. Next, Team Guy, starring Rock Lee-
Lee: (pumps fist in air enthusiastically) Yes, that's me!
Guy: Yes, Lee, show them your power of Youth!
Sakura: Shh, Sasuke's talking!
Naruto: (narrows eyes) Hey, you didn't say that when everyone is interrupting me! And you were actually the one doing the interrupting half the time! No fair!
Sasuke: Hn. Stop being so immature, Naruto. Anyway, the other two members of Team Guy are Neji Hyuga and Tenten, who will be performing weapon juggling on every Wednesday.
Lee: Yes, I'm proud of you, Tenten! Show them what you can really do!
Tenten: Aye, aye, what did I get myself into?
Guy: Don't fret, my student. For the power of Youth shall guide you and you will shine and blossom like a beautiful flower in the springtime of Youth...!
(Guy and Lee tear up and start passionately sobbing about the power of Youth!)
Sakura: Uh... maybe they should be the ones getting a room.
Sasuke and Neji: Hn.
Sakura: Alright, I'll wake over now.
Ino: (sarcastically) Yeah, sure, because shoving your big forehead in front of the camera is a great way to end the show, Billboard Brow.
Sakura: Hey, Ino Pig, go eat dirt! (giggles nervously at the camera) Oh, you guys saw all that? Hehe, maybe it'd be best if Naruto were to end the show...
Naruto: Alright, I got this! Okay, citizens of Konoha, now that you've been introduced to all the teams of the Konoha 13, it's time for you to meet the fourth member of our team, Team 7... the perverted, anti-social jerk, Sai!
Ino: (dreamily) Oh, Sai, you're so cool! Rock it! They must have saved the best for last!
Naruto: Yes, and on every Tuesday, Sai will be doing art shows, featuring his jutsus as well! I mean, they really aren't all that great, but...
Sai: (smiles) Yes, but being able to draw is better than being a loud-mouthed brute like you who doesn't have the balls to come fight me like a man.
Naruto: (enraged) Why, you-!
(Sakura grabs a hold of Naruto, her monster strength struggling to keep a wild Naruto at bay. Sasuke then socks Naruto in the guts and Naruto passes out)
Sakura: (laughs embarrassedly) Yeah, well, that's all for today...
Tenten: But before we go, there's still one more announcement to make!
(... crickets chirp in the background)
Tenten: Neji, go on, say it!
Neji: (irritated) Do I have to do this?
Tenten: Yes, you fool, now go!
Neji: (grumbles) Fine. But this is only a one-time thing. This shall never happen again.
Choji: But Neji, you volunteered to be a part of this show!
Neji: Yes, but only to protect Hinata from that cow, Naruto! There's no telling what he'll do if he gets alone with her!
(Hinata goes beet red in the face and faints into Kiba, who catches her just in time before she falls to the ground)
Kiba: Aw, great! Way to go, Neji, you made Hinata faint!
Neji: Hinata, is she okay?
Tenten: Just do your announcement already!
Neji: Okay, fine.
(Neji starts to intensely stare at the camera, before beginning to speak)
Tenten: Geez, you'd think he has some sort of grudge against that poor camera.
Neji: The shinobi from the village Hidden in the Sand, known as the Sand Siblings, will be occasionally starring on this show as well. They are Temari, Kankuro, and Gaara. Unfortunately, Gaara is the well-known Kazekage of the Hidden in the Sand Village, so of course, his appearances will be very short and rare. The other two will siblings will visit more frequently, however, they had a mission to do today, so they could not attend the premier of Chat with Konoha 13... Okay, that's all for now.
(Neji shadily leaves the view of the Camera)
Tenten: Stop sulking, you did great! I mean, you could've been a little less serious and intimidating... and it didn't help you were staring at the camera like you were trying to split it in half with your eyes, but heh, you did great!
Sakura: Alright, that'll be it for now! Tune in for next time, on-
Everyone shouts in unison: Chat With Konoha 13!