Title: Wet Sleeves and a Conversation
Rating: M (see warnings)
Characters: Sebastian, Nick (Warbler), OFC
Summary: A few weeks after his return to Dalton, Sebastian is still struggling but in a state of panic, he calls on Nick for help and finally lets the Warbler in. Part of my "Second Chance" verse. Warnings inside.
Warnings: Mentions of self-harm and suicide, talk/description of some nasty wounds, a little medical talk but not much. Some naughty words. A little kinder than "Second Chance".
Disclaimer: If I owned Glee and these wonderful characters, I feel I'd have more twitter followers.
WET SLEEVES AND A CONVERSATION
"You're sleeve's wet, Sebastian."
Sebastian jumped slightly at the suddenness of Nick's statement before he looked to his friend, trying to look tired.
"Sorry, what did you say?" Sebastian asked, moving his hand from where it had been propping his head up. They were in the senior commons and everything was loud and after the few days he'd had, Sebastian was struggling.
"Your sleeve is wet."
"So?"
Nick ducked his head and set a steely gaze on Sebastian. "Don't you usually roll your sleeves up when you wash your hands?"
"Who says I was washing my hands? Maybe I accidentally stuck my hand in something wet this morning."
"If you had, you wouldn't be so defensive."
"Are you accusing me of something?" Sebastian asked finally, the anger thick on his voice.
Nick sighed and leaned in closer. "Sebastian, I'm worried about you – everyone is. You keep saying you're doing fine but we're scared for you."
"You don't need to be," Sebastian murmured, holding his coffee cup in both hands. The warmth was soothing but he knew Nick wasn't going to give up this conversation.
"You don't need to be miserable either, Seb. You know you can talk to me, right? Or any of the Warblers. We might not understand what you've gone through but we'll always be open to listen."
"I know."
"And there's always Blaine."
Sebastian nodded before he stared intently at the table, trying to decide what to do next. He couldn't storm out and he knew that if he left, Nick would only want to follow him.
"Is there something you want to talk about?"
"I-I don't know, Nick, it's not-"
"Don't say it's not important."
"No, I was going to say it isn't easy… I've done the whole therapy, talking it out thing and it never helped… What's to say letting someone else into my head will be any different?"
Nick nodded before the warning bell sounded through the air and students began leaving for class. The two Warblers got to their feet but Nick didn't take his eyes off of Sebastian, noticing how the boy's movements were slow and stiff.
"If you need to talk, just text me okay?" Nick offered.
"Yeah, okay," Sebastian replied. "I'll see you later, I'm going to be late for Algebra."
"See ya," Nick said with a slight wave before they headed in opposite directions.
Halfway to his class, Sebastian froze in the busy hallway, his breath caught in his throat. Something was wrong. He buried his hands in his pockets and ducked into the bathrooms at the end of the hall and hid in one of the stalls, waiting for the few straggling students to leave before he stepped back into the open.
Dumping his bag on the counter and ripping off his blazer and shirt, he swore softly at the growing patch of bright red on the bandages around his elbow. He had been sure the wounds had closed – apparently not. He pressed his fingers to the stain, the wounds beneath burning with the fire of pain. His fingers came away almost dripping blood and frantic, Sebastian began unwinding the bandage. As the fabric peeled away, the cuts stung and oozed, the sight of yellow ichor making Sebastian flinch. As the bandage finally fell away, Sebastian sighed softly and leaned over the sink, his arm hovering in the air as blood dripped down.
Reaching into his bag with his free hand, Sebastian fished around for his phone. He had to call Nick. He couldn't redo the bandages and he knew if he tried to clean himself up himself, it would only end badly. He mistook his old glasses case for his phone several times and that was enough to trigger him before he finally found his cell and hurriedly began tapping out a message to Nick.
I'm in the bathrooms in the east wing. I need help… And to talk. Please hurry.
Sebastian tapped send before he grabbed a few paper towels and carefully pressed them against the wounds. It stung and he felt the tears prick at his eyes as he hissed through clenched teeth. He applied as much pressure as he felt comfortable but soon the paper towels were soon drenched and he gave up, tossing them into the sink which was now flecked and splattered with his blood. His phone beeped and he looked over to it, reaching out and lifting it to read Nick's reply.
From: Nick
I'll be right there. Do you need the nurse?
Sebastian swallowed and sighed again, this time in resignation as he typed in the most pride-shattering thing he'd ever said. Or texted.
Yeah. Need bandages. It's not too bad. Just won't stop bleeding.
A few moments before a reply.
From: Nick
You don't need the hospital?
No. But it hurts when I press down and I feel really fucking triggered.
From: Nick
Ok. We're almost there.
Sebastian nodded to himself and glanced at the sink again, sighing softly. The blood was congealing on his elbow now but it still bled and he knew he shouldn't leave it like this. He turned and sat on the bathroom floor, leaning his head back against the sink.
The bathroom door burst open suddenly and Nick was running towards him, skidding a few feet across the tiles on his knees as he fell to Sebastian's side.
"Shit – are you okay?! What happened? Don't say you-"
"N-No, this is from last night, or this morning… It just won't stop bleeding," Sebastian answered, trying to laugh off the tension. He looked around, frowning when he realised the nurse was nowhere to be found. "Weren't you getting Ms Connors?"
"She's on her way, I ran here. I didn't know how serious it was."
Sebastian nodded before he let his head loll to the side and he watched as Nick gingerly took his bloodied arm.
"You don't have to do anything, Nick," Sebastian whispered.
"You called to talk remember?" Nick flashed a smile before he moved to sit beside Sebastian, letting go of his arm but not turning his gaze from it. "Why you're elbow?"
"Bleeds more… Doesn't sting as badly. The stinging drives me nuts…"
"Do you mind if I ask why you started doing this?"
"No but just … bear with me, okay?" Sebastian took a deep breath as Nick nodded his understanding. "My story's pretty similar to Blaine's really… Came out early, got picked on really bad… And I started cutting to cope with it – well, I thought I was coping, no one else has ever believed me."
Sebastian retold his high school days up until he transferred to Dalton. He talked about the bullying and the cutting and Jesse and his suicide attempt and going to Paris. They were only interrupted by Ms Connors who wordlessly set to work cleaning Sebastian up, Nick switching sides and holding Sebastian's hand as pain and panic washed over him.
"But I'm guessing the treatment centre hasn't helped?"
"I know Blaine explained some stuff, did he explain how this works kind of like an addiction?"
"Yeah," Nick nodded slowly, sparing a glance at Ms Connors who had just unscrewed the cap on the disinfectant. He tightened his grip on Sebastian's hand and wound an arm around his shoulders. If he hadn't just heard the story Sebastian had told him, he would be horrified by the boy's vulnerability.
"When they locked me up in there, they took it all away from me, as they do with any self-harmers. Don't want me bleeding out in the bath or anything; don't wanna have to clean up the mess… But it drove me nuts not having access to my one and only vice. I didn't have any way to – shit, that hurts!"
"Sorry Sebastian, we don't want these getting infected," Ms Connors said, not ceasing her application of the disinfectant as Sebastian bit his lip and crushed Nick's hand.
"Just breathe, Seb, it'll stop soon. It's almost stopped bleeding, that's good isn't it?" Nick was suddenly very thankful for having younger brothers. He had gotten very good at diffusing disinfectant woes from the numerous scraped knees and elbows of boyhood.
"Are you going to call my parents?" Sebastian whimpered.
"I'll have to report this to your parents and the headmaster, Sebastian. Because these wounds were self-inflicted."
"Even though I did this at home?"
"I'm afraid so. We're only trying to ensure your wellbeing, Sebastian," Ms Connors answered before she raised a new wad of disinfectant-drenched gauze to the wounds. As the substance was wiped across the raw skin, Sebastian yelled in pain, the anguished cry fading to woeful sobs as Sebastian buried his face in Nick's shoulder.
"It's okay, Seb, I know it hurts but it'll be okay," Nick whispered before he pressed a kiss to the top of Sebastian's head, not thinking about what he was doing. Whether this calmed or shocked Sebastian, Nick wasn't sure but the other Warbler had gone silent and slowly relaxed and that was enough.
Bandages were wound around Sebastian's arm and he was helped to his feet and back into his clothes. Nick took his bag and helped Ms Connors to walk Sebastian to her office so she could call his parents to pick him up. Sebastian moved stoically down the halls, still gripping Nick's hand as he tried to breathe through the anxiety and pain that still wracked his body. He'd never been like this at Dalton before and it was jarring. Luckily no one else was in the corridors.
In Ms Connors' office, Sebastian lay down on the bed, Nick taking up a chair beside him.
"Seb, am I gonna get my hand back?" Nick asked, unable to keep the smile from his lips.
"Nope," Sebastian murmured, smiling from where he lay with eyes closed.
"Do you want me to stay until your mom gets here?"
"Please," Sebastian replied as his eyes fluttered open. He gave Nick's hand a squeeze. "Thank you for coming and finding me."
"It's no problem. It's what friends are for."
"You kissed me," Sebastian murmured after a while.
"I kissed your forehead, actually," Nick laughed. "I just wanted you to calm down."
"Mmm, okay," Sebastian whispered before he seemed to fall asleep.
Nick sighed softly. This was going to be hard.