March 22, 1975
"Will all of you quiet down for a minute?" Alex demanded.
The team's chatter subsided. He knew that they were itching for a chance in the Danger Room. Several had tests in the morning, and the sooner they got the Danger Room session over and done with, the faster that they could go and study. He knew tht more than one of them depended on the night before a test to cram. He'd been there himself. As such they had been impatient the entire evening.
Alex sighed. Sometimes with the team he felt like he was trying to juggle jell-o.
"Now, you know that Hank's experimenting with a new fabric compound, and he's found a better one than the one we're currently using," Alex said, "So that means we're going to have to go through fittings again."
There was a universal groan.
"I know it's a pain in the ass," Alex said, "But we have to do it or we stand a better chance of getting killed. Got it?"
"How does he even have time to do this stuff anymore?" Ororo groaned.
"What, care about our safety?" Alex asked.
"That's not what I meant," Ororo said.
Alex rolled his eyes. Hank had sent them a few letters about his life. It sounded like he was becoming quite politically influential in certain circles. He was considering running for an office soon. Alex assumed he was aiming for the house.
His letters were full of other things too: Sharon was healthy and growing like a weed. The last picture Alex had seen of her portrayed a chubby child with curls of white hair growing around her face. Her eyes were still slitted, her mouth open in the permanent surprise that all babies seemed to have with the world. Her canines had grown in.
Between a political career, and a family, Alex wondered how he'd figured out a new material for the uniforms too. However, he wasn't going to get into that.
"Close enough," he said, "We'll do fittings tomorrow. And nobody try to pull that whole I-haven't-grown because you all have!"
There were a few more murmurings. Alex prepared to tell them all to shut up when Sean walked into the room, waving to Alex. He waved back before turning to the team.
"Now, get in the Danger Room," he said, "We're doing an urban landscape for this simulation: get to the end of the pathway in thirty minutes or less. And that means all of you. Failure for everyone to get there means we start over. So hustle!"
The team trooped into the Danger Room while Alex headed for the observation deck. Sean fell into step beside him.
"Somethin' up?" Alex said, "It's rare to see you up and around during the evening sessions."
Sean always preferred to tuck his daughter in at night, so Alex had taken all of the night shifts. A thought occurred to him.
"Terry get tired early?" he asked.
His friend shrugged.
"Yeah, she fell asleep on the sofa and I carried her to her room," Sean said, "I keep telling her that it'll happen if she watches all those variety shows at night."
"Kids, huh?" Alex said.
He jerked his head towards the Danger Room.
"Let's head up to the observation deck," he said, grinning, "They're on a pretty tough difficulty level today."
"You enjoy this entirely too much," Sean said, following him.
"Never heard that one before," Alex said.
"I'll stop saying it when it stops being true," Sean said.
They walked into the observation deck. Alex set it on the appropriate difficulty level before putting his hands in his pockets. He saw the room ripple into the setting before them, the different pieces of debris strewn about to make the terrain difficult as opposition forces charged in.
"While we're up here," Sean said, his voice hesitant, "I wanted to talk to you."
Alex clenched the hands in his pockets into fists.
"What about?" he asked.
Sean hesitated.
"Are you still sure you don't want to talk about it?" he asked, his voice low.
Alex gritted his teeth. There was only one thing that he could mean. He'd been waiting for Sean to talk to him about what had happened between him and Lorna six months ago with irritation. All he'd wanted was silence on the subject and space, not something that Sean was good at giving.
Hank would understand: he preferred silence. Sean was a different story. His awkwardness demanded that people talk about what they were feeling, except when it came to himself.
"I'm sure," Alex said.
Sean hesitated.
"Alex-" he said.
"I told you that I don't want to talk about it," Alex said, "In fact, I don't ever, ever want to talk about it."
"It's not going to get better that way," Sean said, "If you're over it, or something has changed, then you need to tell me. It'll be good for you, and it'll help me stop worrying, which means I'll stop being irritating."
Alex laughed.
"If you want to worry about something, how about you worry about the new Xavier?" Alex asked.
"I worry about that too," Sean said.
Alex did as well, although neither he nor Sean had said much to Charles and Moira on the subject. Moira was enraptured by the child, and Charles stood by her. Any negative and, Alex had to admit, probably unconstructive interjections, wouldn't be welcome.
It didn't mean that he didn't think about it. It was clear to anyone with eyes who the child's biological parents were. However, Kurt James Xavier had been officially adopted by Charles and Moira. Alex knew that, because of that, Kurt had gotten two loving parents and an older brother who was fascinated by his presence.
The only downside was that, when he got older, someone would have to tell him who his real parents were. Alex couldn't see that ending well.
"But right now I'm worried about you," Sean said.
Alex shook his head.
"Let me give you the basics," he said, "I don't feel any different about her, our situation hasn't changed, and it still hurts like hell. Is there anything else you want to talk about?"
He knew his words were harsh, something that was confirmed when Sean drew back. Alex wished he didn't have to be so snappish and cruel about it, but discussing his feelings for Lorna seemed wrong. Having those feelings were wrong period, but having people know made him feel ashamed. He was supposed to have more control.
At the same time, he couldn't regret what he felt for her. Alex still remembered her warmth as he held her close, the taste of her lips beneath his. He remembered her bravery, her determination not to be like her family. All he wanted was to see her again, to repeat an invitation that he knew she wouldn't take.
He supposed he was stupid that way.
"I'm your friend Alex," Sean said, "You need to remember that."
"And you need to remember that I don't like talking about this shit," Alex said, "Do we have an agreement?"
Sean gave him a wary look.
"You're going to want to talk about it one day," he said.
"I highly doubt that," Alex said.
"You mean that now," Sean said, nodding, "I have no doubt of it. Alex, you're a closed off person. But…one day it might do you some good to open up. It's worked in the past."
Alex looked down onto the floor where his brother got the team to move into formation to move through the hallways. They all looked up to him. He'd trained them to be tough, to look to their duty and protect others. He'd let them down by failing that. He could only imagine what Scott would think if he ever found out what he'd done.
"Not for this it won't," Alex said.
Lorna tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear. She felt tired, and she hadn't had a chance to shower from her most recent session with her team. It felt like the sweat had formed a film over her scalp. She looked down at the codes and the letters and numbers seemed to dance in front of her eyes, making no sense.
In the past she had been able to crack codes in minutes. Now she had been pouring over he same missive for thirty minutes. The frustration was unimaginable.
"Everything alright?"
She looked up and saw Angel enter the room with two cans of coke. Lorna managed a weak smile.
"I'm alright," she said.
Angel smiled and sat down across from her. She slid the can over to Lorna. Lorna waved her hand and the lid popped. She summoned it into her hand and took a deep drink. It was icy cold and Lorna set it down, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.
"Thanks," she said, "That really helped."
"I'm glad," Angel said, "You seemed stressed when I walked by."
Lorna shrugged.
"Occupational hazard," she said.
She looked down at the codes.
"I'm not going to have these done for at least another hour," Lorna said, "Sorry if that delays anything."
"Don't worry. They're not urgent," Angel said.
"Glad to hear it," Lorna said.
Angel opened her own can of coke and took a small sip.
"How's training going?" she asked.
"Better. Tabby seems less likely to freeze up now," Lorna said, "She still keeps that stupid codename though."
"Well, I can't comment. Angel isn't exactly the best name," Angel said, "Nor is it original, given that other people seem to have thought of it."
"You still have copyright," Lorna said.
"He actually has feathers though," Angel said, her voice a grumble.
Lorna laughed, thinking of Warren. Archangel was pretty similar to Angel's codename. She didn't dwell on him for too long though. If she did that she was going to start thinking about his other teammates soon. She couldn't allow that.
"You make it sound like it's terrible," Lorna said.
"Just staying," Angel shrugged.
There was a silence as Angel drank more coke. She looked uncomfortably at Lorna, and Lorna sighed. She'd hoped that Angel was just making conversation, she had done so enough throughout Lorna's life, but she also knew when she had a hidden agenda. She wasn't very subtle.
"What's up?" she asked.
"What do you mean?" Angel asked.
"You're here to talk to me about something," Lorna said, "What is it?"
Angel cleared her throat.
"It's about the training," she said.
"You mean the training that I'm giving my team?" Lorna said.
"Yeah," Angel said, "Some people were worried…"
"About what?" Lorna asked.
Angel put her can of coke down.
"Emma says you're training your team to help civilian humans evacuate," she said.
Lorna gulped down the rest of her coke.
"And that's wrong?" she asked.
"Humans Lorna," Angel said.
Lorna shook her head.
"There's nothing wrong with what I'm doing," she said.
"Not everyone is going to see it that way," Angel said, "You're diverting your team's energies to teach them how to protect humans. That's not our mission."
"Well, no," Lorna said, "I just don't see any reason why people who have nothing to do with our fight should get hurt."
"They're humans," Angel said, "They're involved."
Lorna narrowed her eyes.
"You know that's not always true," she said.
Angel took a deep breath.
"At one time no," Angel said, "But everyone who wasn't involved is gone now."
Lorna saw her coke can crunch in on itself. Angel blinked.
"I refuse to believe that," Lorna said.
Angel sighed.
"Again, they're humans Lorna," Angel said, "I know you've always been gentle with them, but you've kind of started to scare us with all the things you've been talking about lately."
"What, like rules of engagement?" Lorna said, raising her voice, "Rules about how we treat prisoners, who we take as prisoners? Setting up boundaries?"
Angel nodded.
"Yes, all of that," she said, "For the last time, they're humans. It doesn't matter."
"So I'm supposed to let humans who are caught in the crossfire die?" Lorna said.
"You're not supposed to care either way," Angel said.
Lorna gritted her teeth. She remembered her words to Alex months ago, the way she had felt so strong talking to him about how things would be different. Lorna remembered the way that her voice had echoed with confidence. She also remembered how he had pulled her closer and kissed her.
The memory of that kiss haunted her. Alex was like her in so many ways. It was probably the reason why she understood exactly what that kiss had meant. He had overcome his own feelings of loyalty to show her that they weren't enemies or friends. They were stuck in some sort of limbo, one that was entrenched with feelings they didn't dare examine.
Sometimes Lorna would replay the kiss in her head, remembering how he had proclaimed that he didn't care if what they had done was wrong. Lorna knew that, in that moment at least, he had meant it. She didn't know if he would when he saw her again, but despite the complications it would cause, Lorna hoped he would.
Besides that, the kiss had sealed something else, almost a stamp on what she had already decided, already knew about herself. She wasn't like her family. Lorna knew that there was a cause that she had elected to fight for, a cause that she had thought that she was already fighting for for years. Instead she had been fighting for a dream, something that was as insubstantial as smoke. Now that it had been blown away Lorna had been forced to see the ugliness that dwelt underneath.
Lorna wasn't about to let that ugliness stay. The Brotherhood needed to be told what they were doing was wrong. Lorna knew that it would be difficult to convince them, but she was going to give it her best shot. She had started her fight, and thus far she had been met with little success.
Angel was a perfect example of what she meant. Everyone had begun looking at her strangely, almost as though she were a time bomb, when she challenged their current procedures. Her family acted as though the things she was suggesting came from another planet.
The simple act of teaching people to care about harming humans was an uphill struggle. They were collateral to too many on her team. She remembered what Alex had said about collateral and Lorna felt ashamed of using the term. Although she hadn't seen it at the time, her mother had been collateral to someone.
The frustration clogged her throat, forcing her to remember more of what Alex had said. He believed that they wouldn't listen. Lorna knew them though, so it was like a smack in the face that he might be right. She wasn't about to give up though. Lorna got up, gathering her things. She glared at Angel, her face rigid.
"Well I care," Lorna said, "And you should too."
Without another word she turned on her heel and left.