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Bleach: The Random Paragraph
For this story I took a random paragraph generator, inserted the keywords "Ichigo" and "Rukia", and then hit "Create Paragraph" This, my friends, is what became of it. Thanks for 1,000 Pageviews!
The Paragraph:
Rukia corrects Ichigo. Rukia kisses a helpless counterpart above a plastic. The wallet purges! Rukia changes below Ichigo. A literal competitor buggers the champion interview.
The Story:
RIIIING! RIIING!
"Mmmrph…" Ichigo mumbled sleepily. He waved his hand dismissively at the alarm clock and then rolled over as it continued to blare.
RIIING! RIIING!"
"…shut up…" muttered Ichigo. Beside him, Kon effectively managed to somehow plug his ears with some of his own cotton, and then sleepily retract back into his dream world.
RIIING! RIING!
"FOR PETE'S SAKE ICHIGO TURN THAT THING OFF!" a familiar, angry voice roared from the depths of Ichigo's nearby closet. This caused the substitute Soul Reaper to open one of his eyelids and glare at the wall in a tired way.
"Fine," he finally agreed, reaching up and clamping his hand down on the alarm. It sputtered, steamed, and finally fell over with a clunk, causing Ichigo to lift his eyebrow. He pulled himself up off the bed and sat up, blinking sleepily. His attention was suddenly fully absorbed in the opposite wall, and he noted that it probably needed to be repainted. He could pick some stuff up today, since it was Saturday.
"Why don't you ever turn that thing off whenever it rings the FIRST time, you dolt?" said the female voice that had created the outburst earlier, pushing the sliding door of the closet back and swinging her legs over the edge of her makeshift bed. She cracked a huge yawn and rubbed her eyes with her backs of her hand. "Other than that, good morning, Ichigo."
"Yep… 'morning, Rukia," Ichigo mumbled, still staring at the wall. He was beginning to realize how much paint it really needed – the whole wall was covered in flaking, faded, light blue paint, and the ugly plaster beneath was beginning to show. He would just choose the same color – he wouldn't be bothered with different style designs. Besides, what was wrong with blue?
"Hey Ichigo, are you awake yet?" Rukia asked, bopping him on the head with a pillow. "Come on, it's time to eat some breakfast."
"Oh, right," replied the orange-haired boy. He stretched and yawned, pulling himself out of bed by relying completely on his arms. The instant he got out of bed, though, he collapsed onto the floor in a tangled mess.
"Oh get up already," Rukia said as she buttoned up the front of her sweater. Ignoring him after a moment, she walked over to the window and peered out, smiling at the sight of snowflakes falling lightly on Karakura town that morning. "Hey look, it's snowing!"
"…don't care…" replied the heap on the floor. As if on cue, Kon, still asleep, rolled over and attempted to hug Ichigo's arm, but was awakened instantly when there was nothing to hug. His eyes popped open and he leaped up.
"Ichigo!" he yelled, turning angrily to face the door. "Hey you ugly-faced baboon! Why did you leave without me? HUH!"
"Shut up," commanded Ichigo. He sat up and stretched again, splitting another yawn. "I didn't leave yet."
"OH YAY!" Kon rejoiced, flinging the cotton from his ears into the air. "You really ARE my friend!"
"No I'm not," Ichigo replied, bringing his fist down on the stuffed lion's head, causing it to squeak. "I'm just tired." Not in the least deterred, Kon jumped up, and, spotting Rukia beside the bed, her attention captured by the snow outside, leaped into the air and started flying towards her chest.
"NEE-SAAAN!" he cried, tears of affection streaming down his face. "Good morning Rukiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-OW!"
"Shut up," replied the petite shinigami, slamming her fist into his face and sending him sprawling. Turning, she faced the little lion and crossed her arms, and then noticed the wall. "Hey Ichigo, your room needs to be repainted."
"I was just thinking the same thing," the orange-haired teen said, finally seeming to gain some sense of wakefulness. He stood and searched his dresser for his shirt, and upon finding it, pulled it on and then stared at the wall again. It really was bad.
"I'll get paint today," he said.
"Ooh!" Rukia suddenly squealed. "Can I come? I just LOVE getting paint and fixing up rooms!"
"Um…" he said, scratching the back of his head. "I guess…? But I'm just getting blue paint. I'm not going to turn my room into a designer's playtoy.
"You're going to let me help paint it, right?" she asked hopefully.
"No," he said.
"Yes you are!" Rukia corrected Ichigo. "This room is half mine, you know!"
"No it isn't," he said, turning and starting to walk for the door. "You can paint the closet."
"That is NOT funny!" she shouted, storming after him. "And whether you like it or not, I'm going to help paint this room!"
"Fine… fine…." Replied the shinigami substitute grudgingly agreed. "But I'm buying the paint."
"Sure," replied Rukia, perking up now. She skipped alongside of him as they made their way through the hallway and down the stairs. As soon as they rounded the corner, though…
"ICHIGO, GOOD MORNING MY SON!" someone shouted in a familiar voice, flinging themselves across the room at Ichigo before he could react and punching him squarely in the gut.
"Yargh!" Ichigo roared, stumbling backwards and clutching his stomach. "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU DAD? CAN'T YOU EVEN LET ME GET IN THE ROOM FIRST?" he then promptly retaliated by delivering a powerful roundhouse kick to his dad, catching him across the face and sending him sprawling. The doctor tumbled away and fell into the wall, hitting himself in the process, and then bounced off the surface and fell backwards into his chair, landing upside down.
"Let's eat!" he said. Rolling their eyes, Ichigo and Rukia joined Ichigo's sisters, Yuzu and Karin, in eating their breakfast of rice. It was quite good, since Yuzu was an excellent cook, and even Ichigo was able to overlook the fact that this dad kept poking fun at him throughout the meal. Promptly upon finishing, Ichigo left the table with Rukia, and they pulled on their coats, and wrapped themselves in scarves.
"We're going out," Ichigo declared to the others.
"What?" Ichigo's dad exclaimed, poking his head up from the middle of washing dishes. "Is my dear boy finally growing up and getting a GIRL to go out with him? OH SON, I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!"
"SHUT UP DAD!" Ichigo roared, punching his dad and sending him flying. "That's not how it is!"
"Come on Ichigo," Rukia said, tapping her foot angrily at Isshin. "Let's go."
"Yep, comin'," said the teen lightly, walking out casually like nothing had happened. He held the door open for the black-haired Soul Reaper, and then followed her, letting the screen door shut behind them with a small click. Isshin poked his head up again as they left.
"Have a good time! Tell me if you kissed!" he cried.
"Shut up, dad," said Karin from her seat.
The two of them left the house in a hurry, eager to be away from Ichigo's dad's embarrassing misinterpretations. They made small talk as they strolled along the sidewalk, Ichigo watching the sidewalk ahead of them, and Rukia fascinated by the falling snow. As one might imagine, she loved winter. Soon, luckily for them because it was cold, they reached the hardware store, and upon entering, Rukia gave a loud gasp.
"Ichigo!" she cried. "Look at all the PAINT!"
Ichigo looked around, at all the paint.
"Yeah?" he asked.
"There's so much of it!" she gasped, clasping her hand and getting stars in her eyes. "I'm going to have so much fun choosing a color!"
"No you won't," Ichigo said, striding over to a shelf and promptly picking up a can of light blue paint. "Come on, let's buy this and go home to do this."
"What?" Rukia cried, shocked. "You didn't even spend any time deciding if you liked it or not!" she pulled the can from his hands and placed it back on the shelf, with a little effort. "Come on, let's go choose something more INTERESTING!"
"But…" Ichigo started to say, motioning at the paint can, but was cut off when the short, black-haired girl grabbed his arm and roughly pulled him in the direction of the next aisle.
"You have no sense of fashion!" she said fiercely. "Come on now, look at all this stuff! Let's choose two colors, both the opposites of each other, like blue and orange, or something, and see how we like it!"
"Wha-?" Ichigo asked, but Rukia was already poring over the billion different selections eagerly.
"Come on now, look!" she commanded. At a loss of words, Ichigo could do nothing but obey his orders.
Some time passed, full of muttering and musing on Rukia's part, and full of quite bafflement on Ichigo's. He simply decided to let Rukia choose, as it would be the wisest choice. When they were close to being done, Ichigo stopped walking when he stepped on a plastic advertisement sign. Looking down, he suddenly realized how confused he was, and tried desperately to make out what he was doing here in the first place.
"Oh, you look so confused," Rukia laughed, standing up on tiptoe and kissing the helpless counterpart above the plastic sign swiftly. She pulled back, giggling, and turned around to pick up the paint cans. Ichigo blinked. Several times.
"That did not just happen," he said to himself, rubbing the place on his cheek where Rukia had landed her kiss, looking on as if in a daze as the tiny girl tried to simultaneously lift three cans of paint. She struggled for a moment on her own, fumbling with the handles and trying desperately to lift them all and failing. She turned and looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
"Well?" she asked. "Are you going to help me?" Seemingly snapping out of it, Ichigo finally deemed the moment a passing whim, and walked over to carry two of the three cans. A bit awkwardly, they walked up to the front desk and placed the gallon cans on the counter, and Ichigo reached for his wallet. He opened it and began to search for bills, but suddenly his eyes widened.
"Where's all my money?" he asked loudly, flabbergasted that every cent in his pocket was missing. "Where'd it all go?"
"What, you're money's gone?" Rukia asked, standing on tiptoe and peeking in the wallet. The cashier rolled his eyes and patiently waited for it to be over.
"How are we going to pay for this?" the teen asked, running his hand through his hair. "I can't cough money up magically. I could swear I had some in there! It's like it cleansed itself!" Rukia gasped dramatically, and waved her hands in the air.
"The wallet purges!" she said, breaking into giggles. Ichigo rolled his eyes and started patting his other pockets, and was glad when he felt a soft wad in one of them. Pulling it out, he took the rubber band off his roll of ones, and counted them out, to about $20, and paid for the paint.
"I'm lucky I had that," he said. "And wallets do not purge themselves." Rukia giggled again, lifting one of the cans with both hands.
"It'd be funny though!" she said. Ichigo didn't laugh, needless to say.
"I wouldn't be surprised if my dad didn't sneak it all out so that I'd have to ask you for money," he moaned, shaking his head in a mortified way.
"What's wrong with that?" she asked. He glanced at her.
"Well he probably thought you'd be all like 'but you never ask a girl to pay for a meal!'" he said, raising his voice to a squeak as they left the hardware store.
"He thought we were going out to eat?" she asked, a little flabbergasted. She closed her eyes and shook her head. "You have a weird dad."
"You're telling me," Ichigo said, rolling his eyes. They kept up this chatter until they made it back to Ichigo's house, thoroughly chilled by the snow. Luckily, Isshin was busy in the clinic, and Yuzu had cranked the heat up, so they were greeted with warmth and an absence of the crazy doctor.
"Well, here we are," Ichigo said, putting down the cans of paint he was holding. He glanced around the room with his hands on his hips and suddenly noticed, now with all the light, that ALL of his walls were quite chipped. He leaned down to pick up the paint can again, but was horrified to see Rukia taking off her shirt, and changing below him.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" he roared, leaping backwards and into the opposite wall. Rukia looked up with a weird look on her face.
"Geez, I'm only taking off my sweater," she said, peeling off her outer garment. "It's hot in here." She then proceeded to throw her sweater off into the closet and then crack her knuckles as Ichigo regained his composure.
"Hmm…" she continued. "Let's move all the furniture off the wall, and then start painting!"
"Sure, sure," Ichigo said, shoving the bed off the wall with extraordinarily jerking force, sending the still-sleeping Kon flying off and into the room like a kite.
"Nee-saaaan!" he cried, spotting Rukia, but unfortunately flying right over her head and out of the door. The small, black-haired shinigami wisely slammed it shut after him.
"There," she said, dusting her hands. She went over and started scooting chairs and things away from the wall. Ichigo took care of big things like the dresser, bookshelf, and desk, and pretty soon, the whole room was jam-packed in the center with furniture.
"Done," Ichigo said, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand and letting out his breath. "That went quicker than I thought.
"Good!" said Rukia from over by the door, where she was dragging cans of paint towards him. "Now open these and we can get started! I'll go grab brushes from downstairs – I saw some earlier." She dashed outside, being sure to step on Kon as she did so. Sighing, Ichigo started to pry the lids off the cans, using a screwdriver. He closed his eyes and split a yawn as he opened the first one, and when he opened his eyes, he stopped breathing.
"P-PINK?" he roared, leaping up quickly. "RUKIA WHY DID YOU BRING HOME PINK PAINT?" He heard giggling as Rukia slipped back into the room with two paintbrushes, once again stepping on Kon.
"That's only for the trim!" she said, holding up another can of paint. "This one, the purple, is for the rest of it, and the white is for the pictures of Chappy and the windowsills!"
"WHAT? NO WAY!" Ichigo roared, horrified that he'd let her purchase such horrible colors for HIS room. What would the others say? The next time Renji or Ikaku saw this room, they would never let him have the end of it.
"Well it's too late now anyway," Rukia said, putting her nose in the air and crossing her arms. "These are the colors I got and these are the colors we're gonna use."
"No way!" Ichigo shouted, pointing. "You can't… you can't DO that!"
"But… but…" Rukia said, suddenly switching tactics and giving him big eyes. "It's not like we're competitors or anything. And besides, why do you feel for the walls?"
"What do you mean, why do I feel for the walls, is this some kind of interview? I don't feel for WALLS!"
"Well you are a competitive bugger!" Rukia retaliated.
"Well YOU are a literal competitor bugger with the stupid champion interview!" he said back loudly. Rukia lifted her eyebrow.
"Well then," she said. "Literal competitor buggers get to paint the walls!" she scooped up a paintbrush and dipped it in the can of purple paint, promptly swishing it over the wall swiftly. Ichigo groaned.
"This is going to be my worst day ever."
"There we go!" Rukia shouted, looking the happiest she had in a long time. "What a beautiful room you have now!"
"I thought it was OUR room," Ichigo said in a disappointed manner. His room was now officially purple, with pink trim, and white windowsills. The only thing he had managed to get away with was no pictures of Chappy, much to Rukia's initial disappointment, but then later, reason.
"Well, I guess it is," concluded the petite girl finally. Ichigo looked down on her and was highly amused to find that she had purple paint all over her, and a few spots of pink on her face that made her look like she was blushing on one side of her face, and grinning widely on the other. He broke out laughing.
"What's so funny?" Rukia asked, giving him a weird look.
"You are!" he laughed, even harder than before. Rukia glanced over at the mirror beside her and gave it a smirk.
"So?" she asked. "You're just as bad!"
"Huh?" Ichigo asked, standing up and looking in the mirror. He was mortified to find that his face had white paint on it in nearly the right shape for a beard. Now it was Rukia's turn to crack up.
"That looks idiotic!" she squealed.
"Well so do you," Ichigo said sullenly, rolling his eyes. "Let's go wash this off."
"Why?" Rukia asked, sitting up. "You look good in it."
"I… what?" he asked, turning back and looking at her funny.
"You look good in it," she repeated, looking a little embarrassed. Ichigo realized that she looked the same way.
"So do you," he said sheepishly. They stared at each other a moment longer, and then broke out laughing again for no reason. It carried on for quite a while, as they laughed at each other's and their own absurdities.
It turned out not to be such a bad day for them both after all.
Outside, Kon sat with his back to the door, eyes wide.
"Why, that Kurosaki!" he said, smashing one fist into his palm. "I'm not going to let him get away with my Nee-san!" He grinned evilly and smiled just as such.
"Revenge time."