A/N: I thought this up at school today with Kellie Pickler's song One Last Time playing in my head. It's a great song, very emotional and I just felt like I could write something for it. This is a bit AU, so Long Way Back, one of the best episodes ever, did not happen, at least not in it's entirety. So maybe like the first scene, but the whole Thomas O'Neil story is not represented here. She really is going home to Ireland.
Spoilers: Through the first scene of Long Way Back.
Disclaimer: I sadly do not own Burn Notice or Michael Westen or Fiona Glenanne or Gabrielle Anwar or Jeffrey Donovan (though I wouldn't mind and Christmas is coming up, lol) nor do I own the song One Last Time. No copyright infringement intended. I just borrowed them to have a bit of fun and will return them, hopefully no worse for wear.
When I waltzed into his loft that last night, I had just been set on telling him that when he got himself unburned he shouldn't come looking for me. What overcame me, though, was a feeling of sentimentality I hadn't shouldered the weight of in a very long time. I supposed a different goodbye was in order.
I wanna lay in your bed
Stare in your eyes
Feel your heart beating with mine
One last time, one last time
All the lights were off, save for the bit that streamed through the windows from the club below where I could feel the music pulsing in time with my cautious steps across the room. He was sitting in his chair, a yogurt in one hand, a spoon in the other, head nodding to one side as if he was almost half asleep. If the circumstances of life had been any different I might have found it cute, like a small child who was so tired they had nodded off in the middle of a meal or a storm of toys, like Claire had when she was very little. But, life being the way it was, it was not cute, nor did it last very long. As soon as I got nearer, I'm sure he heard my shoes on the floor and he sat upright, instinctively knowing it was just me and not an assassin. Although, the look on his face told me he wasn't completely sure that distinction could be made.
It had taken very little to lure him to the bed. It wasn't filled with violence and urgency as it usually was. Instead, it was slow, careful, tender and nearly heartbreaking as I thought about how he would react when he woke up and I was gone. I looked deep into his blue, blue eyes, noting how they flecked with grey and green and I tried so hard to memorize how that soft gaze felt. Pressing myself as close to him as possible, I could feel the soft, steady beating of his heart, perfectly in time with my own and I knew I would never find one like him again. So I had to savor this moment. Just this one last time.
There won't be any tears
That's not why I'm here
Baby turn out the lights and let's disappear
One last time, one last time
I refused to cry over this goodbye, and I wouldn't let him either. Of course, to accomplish that goal, I could never tell him what this really was. I wasn't here to cry with him, or watch him cry for me, mostly because it would make me want to stay. As we disappeared into our own world for one last time, the lights and music of the club faded into the darkness that we no longer cared about and I pushed to the back of my mind that this was the end and gave him everything I had left. He deserved it. Despite how he acted toward me, I was just as terrible back at him. And I was about to do something worse to him than he had done to me in Dublin and I just couldn't let myself explore the possibilities of it at that moment. There would be plenty of time for that later, when this goodbye was over.
'Cause I'm not here to fight
About who's wrong or right
I just want your kiss
I wanna feel just like this
One last time, one last time
I wasn't there to fight with him, not about my leaving, not about his burn notice, not the kind that lead up to making love. I just wanted to kiss him for all it was worth and feel like I was the only thing in the world he could ever care about. When he looked at me, surrounded by the darkness and the sheets and the pillows, I knew that's how he felt and I almost couldn't stand the thought that I was going to shatter his heart into tiny little pieces and then throw them in the fire. Thinking back to the original plan, it didn't seem like that was how it would go. He was so blasé about it, I figured he would be alright. But here in the protection of the night, where we were both too vulnerable, I knew he would be more crushed than I had ever imagined, but that didn't mean I could stay. In fact, it meant I had to go even more than before.
Your breath on my neck
I don't want to forget the smell of your skin
Touch me again
One last time
We finally relaxed, his face buried in the crook my neck and his warm breath sending a cascade of sensation along it. I, in turn, buried myself deeper into the warm expanse of his chest and tired to take in the overall scent of him that had elicited so many different emotions over the course of our many years. It had aroused anger, love, passion, longing, and comfort, to name a few, and I would sincerely miss that. To be honest, I already did. Things weren't like they were in Ireland when I could wrap my arms around his waist and bury myself in his t-shirt at the end of a horrible day. Because I knew I could never really leave it behind, I had snuck one of his shirts into my packed up boxes, just in case, but I wanted to remember more than anything.
His hand settled on my bare waist, fitting perfectly into the curve of it, as if we had been engineered to fit together that way. Tears nearly sprang to my eyes at the thought that this would be the very last time the puzzle would be complete, seeing as we fit together like two halves of it and no one else would ever truly fill that spot.
'Cause I'm not here to fight
About who's wrong or right
I just want your kiss
I wanna feel just like this
One last time, one last time
As he opened his mouth to say something, whether it was to ask if I had found what I was looking for in coming here or to protest my decision to leave, I could not be sure. I didn't want him to ruin this moment by saying anything. So I lightly pressed my lips to his before he could get any further. He reciprocated easily and tenderly before I pulled away and he settled his lips on my forehead instead. If I could feel once a week like I did right then, I would be happy for the rest of my life. It was as if I nothing and no one in the world mattered to him but me and that was something I hadn't felt in a very long time and had never felt from anyone but him. I closed my eyes and sighed, letting the feeling wash over me one last time.
And when you fall asleep
I'll kiss your cheek
Whisper goodbye and I'll just leave
One last time
After another half hour or so of him holding me close, I felt his breathing even out and I knew he was fast asleep. It was no surprise since he had already been tired before I arrived. Sighing quietly, I slid away from his embrace and began pulling on my dress and tying my hair out of my face with a hair tie on my wrist. I picked up my shoes in one hand and stooped over the side of the bed to brush my lips against his cheek, careful not to wake him.
"Goodbye Michael," I breathed, barely loud enough to be called a whisper. He didn't stir as I took my last look around the loft and slipped out into the night and to my own future, one last time.
So, yeah. That was it. Please drop a review if you feel so inclined. About my other BN story, I Believe, I am very sorry for the lack of updates. They will be on the way, but life has had conflicting ideas, as well as my new fitness regimen to get me in shape for Miami. There should be stuff coming as soon as possible, but it is especially likely after Oct. 19 or 20 when I return from my college trips, during which time I will be in planes and rental cars and have a good amount of time to write. Thank you all for reading, and bearing with me through the hectic schedule that is my life. =]