The darkness was so endless, it beckoned to me.
I wanted to go, to submerge myself in the empty void. .
Maybe it would help, throwing myself to the bitter depth that lay beyond?
Perhaps it would numb the pain, the aching hole in my heart where something once blossomed.
Something beautiful, something magical, something wonderful…love.
Love that was found.
Love that was cherished.
Love that was lost.
It plays in my mind over and over again.
The sharp and glistening glass in his hand. She walks forward, screams my name.
"Harry".
Then she falls slowly to the ground, and my heart is dragged down with her.
The emptiness grasps me and pulls me away from the upstairs world. I can feel the pulse of that connection ebbing away, the final drops being sucked from the tangible love we once held, together.
But it leaves me behind.
It does not drag me down with her. It leaves me to suffer without her.
My love, my life, my Ruth.
All I can think about is her.
My love for her. Everything about her.
Her beauty, her wit, her humanity. I love her, but she is no longer here.
And so I give myself up to the darkness, the beckoning vision of hell.
For perhaps, if I give myself to the darkness, my aching heart will be healed.
Perhaps, if I give myself to the darkness, hell will give me back to the world of the living.
For perhaps, if I give myself to the darkness, I will find her.
My dearest Ruth and I.
Together at last.