"Elf Elf Baby"
by Sonia
(To the tune of Ice, Ice Baby – by Vanilla Ice)
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Tolkien and themelody is owned by Vanilla Ice. This was penned purely for amusement.
Yo, Hobbit, Let's kick it!
Elf Elf Baby, Elf Elf Baby
All right council, gather and listen
Elrond is back with a whole new mission
It's about a ring that grabs a hold of you tightly
To Mordor you travel daily and nightly
Will the evil stop? Yo -- I don't know
Coz, there's another two movies to go
See Sting light up like a Roman candle
Cavort around and fight all the orcs you can handle.
Prance and rush towards Mount Doom
Watch out for ringwraiths and poisonous mushrooms
Deadly, to Hobbits both could surely be
Keep rushing on to the town of Bree
Those cuddly Hobbits had better hide away
The nazghul always hit the bull's eye, Their aim don't stray
The ringwraiths are a problem and Strider will solve it
Check out the hook while Strider belts 'em
Elf Elf Baby, Elf Elf Baby
Elf Elf Baby, Elf Elf Baby
To Rivendell our party goes jumping
Aragorn's gone looking for his elf lady Arwen'
Quick to the point, they wanna be making
She's immortal and he's a human
The 'wraiths will slay em if they're not quick and nimble
This ring is more than a symbol
And Arwen saddles up with Frodo
She's on a roll and it's time to go solo
Riding through the paddocks with a wounded Frodo
Galloping full on so her hair can blow
The river's nearby. Wave at the 'wraiths just to say Hi
The river thunders by
Sending the wraiths to the next stop
Arwen busts outta there and heads for the hilltop
Thinking those wraiths were wet
Yo -- so we continued to council at Rivendell.
Elfies so hot wearing a lotta cheesecloth
The hobbits hook up with their old friend Bilbo
Elrond says that ring has to go
Fellowship heads to the Moira Mines
On guard for Orcs all the time
Slay em in a rage, any weapon will do fine
All the body parts hang in clumps on the wall
Elf arrows start bouncing off the walls
Cave troll lets out a might yell
Oh shit – the Fellowship's going to hell
Run over the dodgey bridge real fast
Baelrog's seriously after Gandalf's ass
Ancient stones start to splinter and crack
We try to get away but Baelrog cracks
Gandalf's gone, you know what we mean
He's passed into shadow and you know what that means
The Hobbits start to hug and sob and there's only one thing to solve it
A trip to Mount Doom is gonna resolve it
Elf Elf Baby, Elf Elf Baby
Elf Elf Baby, Elf Elf Baby
Hobbits -- Let's get out of here! Word to Gandalf!