Author's Notes: Don't take anything in here seriously. I just thought it would be funny to see how Akatsuki members were initiated into the group. The etcetera is mentions of drugs, alcohol use, slight yaoi
Tobi's Party Bomb
It was a normal day in the Akatsuki hideout. Kakazu was counting the money he got from his latest bounty, Hidan was reciting some religious bullshit about how he was destined to kill, Kisame was sitting on the couch watching some nature show, and Itachi was sitting in a dark corner watching mushrooms grow. Zetsu was debating on rather or not to eat the mushrooms. Also rather or not they were either poisonous or a hallucingen. Sasori was putting on a puppet show.
Pein, the leader, was pacing around the room, throughly pissed off for some reason.
"Pein-sama, what's wrong?" ,asked Konan, who followed him around like a lost puppy.
Pein huffed and crossed his arms.
"It's that damn Tobi's fault! He was supposed to be here to cook dinner!" ,Pein barked. This made everyone in the room look at Pein as if he grew a third eye.
"What!?",Pein demanded
"Don't you remember the last time we let Tobi cook?" ,Kisame replied, shivering at the memory of Tobi enticing him to sit in a boiling pot, thinking it was an indoor hotspring, but realizing, after Tobi poured salt on him that he was cooking him.
"He tried to cook me!", Kisame bellowed, going to the mushroom corner to cry, much to Itachi's chargin.
"That does save us money on food though" ,Kakazu defended, both eyes twinkling at Kisame and Zetsu. Which caused everyone to step away from him.
"But I hate fish!" Hidan yelled, sticking his tongue out, "It goes against my religion!"
"Whatever" ,Pein said, then pointed at Itachi, "Fine, Itachi it's your turn to make dinner!"
Itachi glared at Pein, but consented since he was tired of Kisame holding him like a child would a stuffed animal.
While Itachi was making dinner, Deidara walked in carrying some new clay bombs with Tobi following closely behind.
"Sempai, what are you going to do with those?" Tobi asked, cocking his head to the side.
"Blow your ass up if you don't shut up, hmm" ,Deidara barked, obviously not in the mood for Tobi's stupid antics.
"Hey Deidara, what took you so long? Did you catch another Jinchuuriki or something?",Pein questioned.
"No, not yet, hmm" ,Deidara glared at Tobi who was skipping around him, "But we did get the groceries, hmm." Itachi suddenly appeared behind Deidara and stole the groceries from him.
Pein looked at Deidara quizically. "And you went as highschool girls?"
Deidara blushed and muttered under his breath, "It was Tobi's idea, hmm."
Tobi skipped around the room in the sailor highschool uniform singing, "Highschool girls! Highschool girls! I get to meet Highschool girls!"
Everyone rolled their eyes, except for Hidan who snickered, "Wow! I didn't know you were a girl Deidara! You almost look as pretty as Konan! Hmm!"
Konan glared at him. But Konan's glare didn't even come close to Deidara's who practically turned animal with his venemous glare.
Deidara stalked off to his room, his untied blonded hair swishing uncontrollably behind him.
Everyone, except Tobi and Itachi, sweat dropped.
A large explosion and black smoke alerted everyone in the room that Itachi blew up the stove, again.
Pein sighed and said, "Looks like were ordering take out, again."
Kakazu cursed.
Deidara was in his room, organizing his clay bombs. He put them in order from smallest to largest, but decided against that and reorganized them from favorite to least favorite, his favorites being his bird clay bombs. Deidara smiled back at his collection, proud of his artistic genius. He had ten bird clay bombs, his favorite being the large hawk-shaped one, which he used to catch the Jinchuuriki, Gaara. He patted the hawk's head before laying down on his bed, about to drift off to sleep when...
Tobi suddenly burst into the room quoting lines from Sailor Moon and kicking the clay bombs. It wasn't until Tobi stopped and striked an obviously sexual pose, exept maybe to her-erhm-him, Sailor Moon pose that the clay bombs went off with a...
BANG!
Deidara was thrown through out of the room and right into a wall.
Tobi freaked out and ran over to his Sempai. "Sempai are you alright?" Tobi then noticed that Deidara was shaking, almost like he was crying.
"Sempai there's no need to cry! I'll comfort you" ,Tobi said hugging Deidara, "Tobi's a good boy!"
Deidara stilled. "Yes, Tobi's a good boy...hmm",he replied.
"S-Sempai?",Tobi questioned, like someone who was oblivious to the fact that he just stepped into a lion's den.
"He's a good DEAD BOY! Hmm!" Deidara roared, shoving Tobi off of him and picking him up by his collar.
"S-sempai! Tobi's sorry! He-he didn't mean to...!" Tobi struggled to breath beyond choked gasps and was trembling slightly.
"Remember this, GOOD boy! I'm not going to make revenge easy on yo, hmm. No...you're going to suffer a lifetime of explosions for this! Hmm!" Deidara scathed, his grip hardening on Tobi before letting go completely.
Tobi scampered away from his sempai, shivering like a frieghtened rabbit. Deidara stalked away from him, an evil grin gracing his lips.
Pein was pacing around the living room, going through a checklist.
"Banner..."
He looked up to see a long banner hanging across the room reading "Tobi's Akatsuki Iniation Party!"
"...Check!"
"Decorations..."
Mini red clouds-not that Cloud!-were lying along the floor and furniture.
"...Check!"
"Entertainment..."
Sasori was setting up his puppet show about the Akatsuki gathering the Jinchuuriki and ruling the world! Mwahahaha! ...Erhm...
"...Check!"
"Cake..."
Pein looked around but there was no cake to be found.
"Itachi!" Itachi looked up from the orgain, quite displeased.
"Wait! Pein-sama, hmm!" Pein looked around to see that Deidara had his hand raised.
"Yes, Deidara" ,Pein questioned, tapping his foot impatiently.
"I'll get the cake! I'm actually quite good at baking sweets, hmm!" Deidara replied, wearing a creepy chesire-cat like grin that made Pein step back.
"Alright...",Pein figured Deidara was plotting something devious but decided against getting involved since he wanted to get this day over with and go back to catching Jinchuuriki.
Deidara smirked.
"But take Tobi with you..." Deidara's smile faded, but came back as he countered, "But, it's Tobi's initiation party, hmm! He can't know about it! Hmm!"
"Alright...",Pein sighed and went back to his checklist.
"Drinks..."
Something that looked like either wine or blood, was stacked on the counter.
"Check!"
Tobi was blindfolded and taken into a dark room. He heard wolves howling and bats screeching. Thunder roared in the distance and cars were crashing into each-
"Itachi! Stop fooling around and play the track!"
Itachi huffed and suddenly Tobi heard very scary, ominous-sounding music. As he walked closer he could hear creepy humming of some kind and then...
BOOM!
Tobi jumped into the person's next to him arm's and then suddenly his blindfold was ripped off.
Pein looked pissed and was yelling at Itachi for screwing up the ritual by messing with the piano's many different sounds. Itachi just sat there and glared at him.
Tobi sweat dropped and suddenly felt the arms holding him tighten their hold and could feel hot breath on the top of his head.
He looked up to see a very pissed Deidara glaring at him.
Tobi gulped, "S-sempai...?" His voice quivered as he spoke.
Suddenly Tobi was dropped to the floor and Deidara stalked to the other side of the room. Tobi scampered to his feet and brushed the dust off him, still shaking.
"Pein-sama, don't we need to get back to the party, hmm?",Deidara interjected.
Pein sighed. "Yes, I guess we do."
Pein walked over to the middle of the room.
"Welcome, fellow Akatsuki members. I know we have a long journey ahead of us. We are still in search of many of the Jinchuuriki. But, don't be jilted. With our new member, Tobi, we shall capture all the Jinchuuriki and make the world feel out pain!" Pein laughed like a maniac that made all members, except Tobi and Itachi, step back.
"Mwahahahaha!...Ehm..Enjoy the celebration!"
Hidan celebrated by cracking open a bottle and "accidentally" spilling it on Konan, who reacted by taking a broom and repeatedly him with it, which, with her messed up blue hair, made her look like a nasty old witch. But Hidan would never say that out loud since the witch would probably cast an evil spell on him that would make him look as bad as her. And he didn't want that.
"Hey! Hey! It was only a joke!" Hidan bellowed, Kakazu snickered, while Deidara and company just rolled their eyes in disbelief.
Itachi went back to messing with the piano keys, with Kisame trying to change the setting to "dolphin noises." Itachi stabbed Kisame with a fork and Kisame whimpered and sat in the mushroom corner for the rest of the party.
Tobi, forgetting about what happened yesterday, jumped on Deidara's back, pulling on his ponytail yelling, "Giddyup! Giddyup!"
A vein popped out of Deidara's head as he wondered what Tobi's guts looked like on the walls after he exploded his ass, but then sighed and consented to Tobi's retarded behavior since he was in for a nice surprise later that evening.
After an hour or two of partying, with a portion of the group being drunk, mainly Hidan, Kisame, Sasori, and Itachi. Pein announced it was time to cut the cake. The cake was, in Pein's opinion, surprisingly well done. It looked exactly like Tobi's face with red clouds around it. Pein reminded himself to remember that Deidara was the best cook and would cook all Akatsuki meals from now on.
Pein was about to cut a slice, when Deidara interjected, "Shouldn't Tobi cut it, hmm? It's his celebration afterall!"
Pein looked at Deidara quizically for a second, then back at the cake. When he realized what was about to happen, he left the room, handing the knife to Tobi, followed by Konan.
"Really, Sempai-sama!? I get to cut the cake!?" ,Tobi chirped, jumping up and down, really looking like a highschool girl.
"Yup, you'ved earned it! Hmm!" Deidara flashed him a smile.
"Boobies!", Hidan shouted, who conveintly was carrying two melons in his coat and struted around like a model. Itachi was following behind him, singing, "I'm a barbie girl in a barbie world!~"
While Kisame sang Ken's part, "Come on Barbie! Let's go party!~"
Sasori was singing something completely different, "Ooh...You touch my tralala~"
Ignoring them, Deidara prodded Tobi to cut the cake, "It's really good! I made it specifically for you! Hmm!"
Tobi had tears in his eyes and pounced onto his Sempai, while said Sempai resisted the urge to blow him to bits.
"Thank you so much, Sempai-sama!", Tobi exclaimed, cutting a large peice out of the cake.
Deidara's smile widened, holding his breath. Unbeknowst to Tobi, Deidara filled the cake with his special clay he made his clay bombs out of. And, the moment Tobi takes a bite-BOOM!-he would immediately explode.
Tobi, with a fork, took a peice out of the cake. Deidara bit his lip in anticipation. The fork drifted toward Tobi's mouth and he wrapped his lips around the cake and-Kisame and Itachi pushed Tobi whose cake flew out of both his mouth and hands-
And flew right into Deidara's face.
BOOM!
The cake exploded and the room was covered in cake batter. Deidara was thrown through a wall and into Pein's room. Where he found Pein and Konan sitting, naked, in a very intimate pose.
Deidara blushed and ran out of the room, going to find Tobi and give him a peice of his mind. He found Tobi cowering in a corner, licking the cake batter off his hands.
Deidara stalked over to him and picked him up roughly by the collar. Their face mere inches from eachother. Tobi could feel Deidara's hot, seething breath on his cheeks and his eyes looked more animal-like than human.
Tobi visiablly gulped.
He tried to back away from Deidara, but that only made his grip tighten on him even more. And their lips to move closer, nearly touching.
Tobi blushed and said, shakingly, "Um...S-sempai?"
"What, hmm?",Deidara growled.
Tobi quickly kissed Deidara, and then looked away embarassed.
Deidara didn't have time enough to react because Pein interrupted the rendevous by yelling,"Deidara! I know your the one who blew up the living room! You better clean it up or I'll make Tobi your partner forever!"
Deidara immediately released Tobi and started cleaning furiously.
Even though Deidara still wanted revenge on Tobi, even though he was still shocked about the kiss, he couldn't imagine how horrilbe it would be to have Tobi as his partner permamently. Unbeknowst to him, however, Pein already decided that Tobi would be Deidara's partner and this whole event would be left forgotten by Deidara. But not for Tobi. Which is why Tobi still calls Deidara "Sempai" and why he formed a "Highschool girl" crush on him.