Prologue
I sat unmoving while that shrill, godforsaken bell sang its song to the eager ears of my classmates. The shuffling of bodies came in waves soon after, amplifying the tension I felt building in my shoulders. Fingering my ragged nails, I pretended I didn't know what was coming.
Eventually the class had emptied out, save for two. It was just she and I. She glanced towards me from the front of the room, beckoning me silently to the place we had both agreed was ours. Wordlessly, I raised myself from my seat and started towards the janitor's closet with her in tow.
The door closed with a click behind her and we stood facing each other, a war waging between us. The silence hung heavily in the room, and I could tell she was scrutinizing my every move.
Unable to take it any longer, I shifted towards her and began, "Look, Vega –"
"Don't." She replied with such intensity that I complied and retreated further back into my corner of the closet. "Jade, what are you doing? What are we doing?" The concern, the hurt, the confusion was thick with each word, dripping in front of me and corroding the wall I'd built up.
I searched for the right words amongst all of the janitorial tools. Even having known the question would come, and having rehearsed the answer, I couldn't bring myself to utter the truth. Staring at a bucket, I attempted, "Vega… Tori… I don't know what you want me to say. Things are all fucked up..." I looked up at her, apologies glinting behind my eyes. It wasn't unusual for me to feel sorry for her. Especially when she had to deal with my bullshit.
She poised herself to leave, "Well, Jade, if you ever do know, come find me. Otherwise this is done." And with that, she left.
Part I.
His arm is heavy, strewn absently over my shoulders. The mild L.A. weather is uncharacteristic for this time of year. I wasn't prepared for it to be this cold, so I welcomed the contact. Settling further into his side, I return my attention to the conversation at hand.
"I'm just saying, it's getting really creepy!" Cat nods her head sympathetically while Vega explains how she keeps finding Sinjin going through her trash.
"One time my brother went through a trash bin outside of the supermarket and he got bitten by a raccoon!" Cat's face drew in with concern, remembering the event. She added, "he bit it back..." She then perked up and continued, "He's okay now! I haven't heard from the raccoon, though."
I grabbed a pop-up book from my bag and gave it to Cat. "Here, look at this." Cat snatched up the book and bounced around while looking at each new picture.
Glancing pleadingly at all of us, Vega kept on whining. "Seriously, you guys. What should I do?! I'm pretty sure he's taking our leftovers and sticking them to his locker. Euuugh." She picked at her salad in disgust.
Beck shifted around, removing his arm, only to take my hand seconds later. He poked at his burrito with his free hand and looked thoughtful for a few moments. "Maybe you could have your dad on call, and when you see Sinjin, text him. He can drive up with his sirens on and poof! Problem solved," he suggested. Vega nodded triumphantly in agreement.
I looked over at Beck and noticed he was still playing with his burrito. "You gonna eat that?" I asked. He shook his head in response and slid it over to me, only to slide it back when I reached for it. "What the hell!"
Chuckling, he said, "Of course I'm going to eat it. I've gotta warm it up a little bit, though. Get it ready with a little teasing." My mouth dropped as I clued in to his innuendo, my face flushing scarlet. I smacked his arm while choking on a laugh.
The group joined in on the laughter and Vega gave me a sly smirk.
"Well, I'd spend a lot more time with it, then. Wouldn't want to finish it too quickly," I quipped, shaking off the feeling that Tori was still looking at me. Again, everyone laughed.
Andre plucked up his keyboard and removed himself from the table. "As much as I love to hear about your sex life… Well, I don't. I have to go get ready for class, anyway. See ya!" he said as he turned to leave. Robbie and Cat sprung up as well and called for Andre to "wait up!"
I frowned, Beck devouring his burrito beside me. Why hadn't she left, too? Staring at her with my favourite death glare, I snarled, "Don't you want to go with them, Vega?"
She challenged, "I have a spare after lunch."
"I have a spare after lunch! Now I can set up a hitchin' post and rassle me a man!" I drawled.
She stood up, bag in hand and said, "I do not talk like that!" She turned on her heel and left. I smiled in spite of myself as I watched her leave.
Beck leaned in to surprise me with a kiss, but I hastily dodged it. He then popped a piece of gum into his mouth, apparently understanding that his breath was disgusting after the burrito. We sat together in silence for a long time – the bell signalling our defiance. He ran his fingers through his hair and motioned towards the parking lot. I pulled him up and led him to his truck.
/ I'm not sure how long I spent, laying there, naked and intertwined with him.
He drove us to his RV where the earlier innuendo became a twisted joke between us as we let our passion – and hormones – overcome our sense of responsibility. After we both came, we collapsed in a heap of skin and sweat, an air of love and lust settling over us.
Still high on the moment, I kissed his collarbones lazily while tracing a path down his stomach. He took my hand and held it between us. Moving my head as to better look at him, I opened my mouth to say the words that scarcely fell from my lips, only to have him lean over and kiss me.
"I know, Jade. I love you, too."
/ After our little sex-cursion, Beck and I decided that we had enough time to dress and attend our last class of the day. Sikowitz would probably notice our absence, and it would be better to avoid any awkward jokes he tossed out at our expense. We barely made the bell.
Our friends made room for us and we fell into our regular spots. I put my boot-clad feet up onto Beck's lap and sputtered off a round of "hi's" to everyone. Vega cocked her eyebrow at me and shook her head with a knowing smile on her lips.
A crash came from the front of the room and my head snapped automatically towards it. Sikowitz lay across the floor, messenger bag hanging from the window he had jumped through. He shook himself off and popped up, apparently unfazed. He bounded to the opposite end of the room and back, spinning as he hit the stage and said, "Drive-by acting exercise! You are all candles whose wicks are about to burn out!"
I shot up from my seat, along with everyone else, and began rolling my body fluidly in my best attempt to mimic a flame.
Before I had the opportunity to say anything, Vega shouted, "I'm burning out! How will I make it shine?!"
An uproar of laughter bounced off the walls – including mine – and we all took turns at witty banter. I was aware, all the while, that Beck's body moved close to mine, and I realized then that my light really would burn out if he wasn't around. He's the spark to my fire.
I realized, also, that Vega's body moved nearly as close on the other side of me when our arms brushed. The touch sent a jolt throughout my body, but I shook it off and shifted my position.
The commotion died down and I returned from my jaunt into the land of the overly emotional and evermore conflicting. Falling back into my chair, I placed my feet back in their spot on Beck's lap. He began drawing little shapes with his finger all over my legs and I felt shivers creep down my spine, now able to forget the strange closeness I had with Vega moments before.
"I have an announcement!" boasted Sikowitz. Continuing, "I just finished my newest play and I will soon be picking actors from you," he motioned to the class. A giant grin covered his face as he tilted from left to right. Buzz flew about the room and the hype was hanging thick throughout. "Okay, calm down, young people! I have one more announcement." We all stopped talking. "You're free to go! I have a date with a very important female to get ready for!"
Whistles and enthusiasm ensued, but all I heard was more time with Beck.
Before I could pull him out of the class with me for a repeat of our earlier trip to his RV, an eager Cat snaked her arms around my waist, yelling, "Jadey!" I removed her arms and turned to face her, looking more annoyed than was warranted – it was Cat, after all. "We're going out to Nozu! Want to come?!" She poked Beck and I simultaneously while she said, "We're all going! And then we're going to drive to Karaoke Dokie. It's gonna be so fun. Please come. Pleeeeease."
Cat knew that I hated when she used her baby voice. I was weak to it, even after years of her using it on me. She looked up at me with those damned innocent eyes of hers and I caved. "Fine, Cat. We'll meet you there." I looked to Beck and he nodded, letting me know that he was in, too.
"Tori, I can't drive you! My grandma brought her oatmeal in the car again and spilled it all over. I had to take it in to get it reupholstered. I'm riding with Robbie and Cat," Andre spouted off, apologizing to Vega. She looked upset.
An idea crawled behind her eyes as she looked to Beck and I.
"No," I snapped.
"Please?" she asked, more to Beck than to me.
"Jade, she has to have some way to get there."
"She can walk!"
"No, she can't. You're just going to have to get over it."
"Oh." I huffed and tapped my boot, unamused.
Beck led both Vega and I out to his truck, letting her into the back while I assumed my position in the passenger seat. He came around to his side and slid in beside me. With Beck turning the car on and shifting it into gear, and Vega waving briefly to the other group, we finally set off.
/ Nozu was crowded – packed even – so everyone decided it best to just head straight over to Karaoke Dokie. We ordered buffalo nuggets and discussed the rejects that were on stage. Beck once again had his arm around my shoulders, while Cat sat to my left, then Vega, Robbie, and Andre.
"They kind of sound like a chorus of dying whales," I offered, staring up at the girls tunelessly singing a song I didn't recognize.
"My brother once saw a dying wha – "
"Cat, eat your nuggets," I interjected.
"'Kay 'kay!"
Robbie looked kind of like an angry toddler as he spit, "Excuse you! I think they're very talented and it takes a lot of courage to sing in front of a crowd! I'd like to see you get up there and sing in front of everyone." He looked around the group, searching for approval. I considered his challenge, probably more seriously than he'd intended, and decided that I would stifle his attempt at bringing me down by accepting.
The horrid singers beamed at the crowd and took off to their table after the music stopped. My hand found its way to Beck's thigh as everyone clapped for them. I gave it a little squeeze before I stood up, preparing myself for what I was about to do. I'd only ever really sung in groups – mostly as back-up for Vega in her performances. I didn't mind that so much. Solo's kind of freaked me out a little bit, but I bit back the nervousness and propelled myself from the table. I glanced back to find reassurance on the faces of the group – save for the still huffing Robbie.
Walking over to the DJ, I decided on the song I wanted to sing. Whispering it in his ear, I proceeded up onto the stage and braced myself, waiting for the music to start.
The music started slowly and I swayed, gaze locking with Beck's momentarily, moving only to find Vega's in the same moment. I lost myself in the song, belting out the words I knew so well. The crowd reacted with applause and hollers, so I really got into the chorus.
But I wish I could feel it all for you
I wish I could be it all for you
If I could erase the pain,
Then maybe you'd feel the same
I'd do it all for you,
I would, I would, I would, I would
The song came to a close and I took a bow, panting. I exited the stage and resumed sitting with the group, praise falling off the lips of all of them – even Robbie. My lips found Beck's and I let my body fall in beside his.
"That was really beautiful, Jade."
Leaning up, I find Vega waiting for me to say something. I wish she'd stop being so nice to me – she makes it nearly impossible to keep being a gank without feeling guilty. Stumbling over her praise, I respond with a simple smile and nod.
The evening came to a close after two more rounds of buffalo nuggets and a performance from Cat and Vega. We all said goodbye; Andre and Robbie remaining so Cat could run off to the bathroom, while Beck again led both Tori and I to his truck. We took off out of the parking lot and headed towards Vega's house first.
We arrived in her driveway shortly after, where she and Beck chatted about homework that had all but slipped my mind. They exchanged goodbyes – me simply watching her leave the truck.
I remembered her words from earlier and rolled down my window. "Hey, Vega," I called out.
She stopped to face me and replied, "Yeah?"
"Thanks."
/ Checking the Slap mobile was a routine for me each morning. I loved to laugh at all of the stupid shit people considered relevant. Scrolling through the sea of angsty updates, I hovered when I spotted Vega's update from 2:05 this morning. "Found Sinjin going through our garbage again. Arrrrgh! Mood: Sketched." I got up from my bed and tossed on a wrinkled outfit and my leather jacket.
Tentatively sipping my morning coffee, I walked into Hollywood Arts and wondered what I was thinking when I decided I was going to get Sinjin off of Vega's back. Maybe it was because I remembered how much of a skeaze he was when he bugged me, or maybe I felt some kind of debt was owed for her perpetual kindness. Either way, I got there fifteen minutes earlier than was necessary, so I wasn't backing down now. Swiftly and with purpose, I strode into the Black Box and found Sinjin where I knew he'd be. His unusually long body was hunched over the switchboard on the second floor, unaware of my presence.
Clearing my throat to get his attention, I began, "So, Sinjin." He peered down at me. "I hear you're giving Vega some problems." I tapped my boot on the floor. "It's going to stop," tap, tap, tap, "if you value that shaggy mop of yours." I took a swig of coffee, swallowed, and smiled a pleasant – albeit evil – smile at him.
"But Jade – " he started.
"You heard me, creep." Once I was satisfied that I got through to him, I glided over to the door and down the hall. Ahead, Beck was stationed at my locker with some girl I had never seen before.
More hurriedly now, I nearly jogged to close the gap. He waved at me, but I paid it no attention, eyes set on the mystery girl. I tried to burn holes through her as I glared, but she merely shrugged and continued talking to Beck. I moved in closer, face to face with this new girl.
"Hi, I'm Jade. I see you met Beck, my boyfriend." Grabbing his waist, I pulled him closer to me and kissed him theatrically. He was mine and she had to know it.
The girl shook her head and rolled her eyes, walking away in the opposite direction. Beck pulled away.
He sighed and asked, "Why do you always have to do that, Jade?" An undertone of anger bit at me.
"Do what? Swat the pests that you always seem to have buzzing around you?" I snapped back.
Beck looked as though he meant to say something, but the warning bell chimed and I took off for my class, leaving him behind.
We continued to argue through texts while the rest of my class paraded in the door. I was lucky that he and I didn't share this class or it might have turned into a verbal war.
I did, however, share this class with Vega. She had decided that she wanted to try and pursue acting to broaden her career opportunities in the future. I didn't really care what her reason was; as long as she didn't crowd me. As if she had heard my thoughts, she slipped in the door just as the second bell chimed. The only seat left for her was beside me. Wavering for a moment, she plopped down and gave me a timid smile. I nodded in recognition and turned to listen to the teacher.
"Good acting is all about creating a character that connects with the audience…" the teacher began.
Vega leaned over to me and whispered how she thought she had once seen our teacher in a commercial for adult diapers. Snorting and then recovering with a forced cough, I smothered my smile in my sleeve. She continued to poke fun at our teacher and his lesson all throughout the class. It became harder and harder for me to keep up the "I don't like you" façade because, well, Tori was kind of okay.
Class ended and my classmates streamed out in clusters. I remained, waiting for Vega of all people. She smiled up at me as she gathered all of her things, me dipping my head in response. She probably thought this meant we were friends or something. Together, we left the room and walked slowly to our lockers, dodging all of the bustling bodies trying to make their next classes while socializing and exchanging their things. She stopped at her locker that gleamed "Make it Shine" and I continued on to mine.
Having gotten all of the things I needed, I quickly checked how I looked in the mirror on my locker door. In the reflection I spotted Beck a ways down the hall. And he was with that girl again! My brow furrowed as anger took on its familiar form, burning deep within my stomach. I watched, growing more furious with each smile he gave that thing.
All through the rest of the day we argued back and forth through text, becoming particularly enveloped in our fight during Sikowitz's class, where we barely looked up from the angry words scrawling across our phones. The final bell rang and I stood up and stormed out. Beck and I both knew this wasn't over.
/ I got home and continued to think of how angry Beck made me sometimes. He's just so smug and it drives me insane. It's not my fault that girls hit on him all the time; of course I'm going to get angry. I'm his girlfriend. I mean, he could look worse if he wanted to. We continuously fight over how "jealous" I get, and how "overbearing" I am, so obviously I'm wazzed at it happening again. I picked up my phone from where I'd thrown it not a minute earlier and replied: "Come over now. I'm not done talking about this." Again, I tossed my phone away from me, it landing at the edge of my bed.
After what seemed like forever, my phone vibrated and flashed "text: Beck," so I snatched it up, slid my finger to unlock it, and scanned his message. "Fine, be there soon." I smirked, feeling like I'd won, even if in the most microscopic way. Lying down, I waited.
A half hour had passed and he still hadn't shown up. Beyond angry, I grabbed my phone and dialed his number.
Ring. Ring.
If he thought I was letting this go now, he was so wrong.
Ring. Ring. Hi, this is Beck. I can't answer your call, so leave a messa-
I ended the call and slammed my phone down. He never ignored my calls, even when he knows he's in real shit. Whatever. I would sooner yell at him in person than over the phone, anyway.
Sometime later I gave up. The light from the television set flickered, illuminating my room. I turned on the set to get my mind off of how Beck actually stood me up. Flicking on the news and grabbing my favourite pair of scissors that Cat got me from The Scissoring, I settled into my bed and paid minimal attention, mind on how I'd probably finally screwed over the one good thing I had left.
I opened and closed the scissors by force of habit and turned my attention to the TV, which was now showing the scene of a gruesome car wreck. I recognized the area instantly – it was only a few streets over from my house. And I recognized the red truck; my disbelief grew. Moving closer to the screen, I listened, mouth agape and heart bounding furiously in my ears.
It seems the truck had no chance of escaping the speeding white SUV. It collided with the driver side door, leaving the driver of the truck dead on the scene and the driver of the white SUV in critical condition. Alcohol was not a factor in the crash.
Reality lay suspended and time stood still. I stared at the TV, paralyzed. A sob-filled scream escaped from my throat before I had the chance to stop it and I threw my remote straight through the still flickering set. The room pushed down on my lungs and I couldn't stop myself from buckling under the crushing weight of it all.
He was gone.
A/N: Okay! So. There was a little bit of insanity regarding this fic the other day. Turns out I had pretty much written half of what I wanted to write and it was entirely disjointed and incoherent. Hopefully this makes up for it and gives a little bit more life to the story. I appreciate any kind of reviews/feedback; I'm new to the world of fic writing and need to be nurtured! Thank you for reading, and stay tuned for updates.