Disclaimer: I do not own Daa! Daa! Daa!

Title: His First Hate Letter

Author: littlemissworrywart

Summary: What would you feel if you receive a hate letter? Would you be annoyed, teary, or shamed? Well, not if you're Kanata, who actually felt smug after reading his. So what does the letter really says? Hmm…

XOXOXOXOX

It was at that moment that Attorney Saionji knew that he had led a sheltered life. Even though his mother died young, even though his father was selfish (who left to train in India), even though aliens took refuge in their temple, even though fan girls kept chasing him, and even though he has a very annoying housemate (who goes by the name of Miyu), nothing or nobody ever prepared him for his first hate letter.

He recalled that he was still in a good mood when he entered the offices of the legal firm that morning. With a precious thing weighing heavily in his pocket, Kanata didn't mind the typical stares and flying admiration that welcome him as he passes the lobby and the hallways. Upon reaching his office, he greeted his secretary good morning before tucking the usual stack of letters at the crook of his arm.

He was briskly scanning the bunch when Nanami, his secretary, entered with his coffee. If he minded to look at her, he would have seen her amused smile as she set the mug to a corner of his desk and the funny-looking mail beside it. Since it caught his eye, Kanata reached for the envelope ridiculously covered with hand-drawn pumpkins in different sizes colored using orange crayon. Miyu, he thought instantly.

"I believe you have an interesting correspondence, attorney" Nanami said with a more cheery tone than her usual polite one. "'Thought you might want to read it first," she added, before leaving the office.

Inspecting the letter, Kanata smiled at his girlfriend's weird sense of humor. Miyu, who so obviously leveled down to 'more immature state' than her kindergarten class, wrote in all caps "If you read this, you're stupid". Without even batting an eye, he proceeded to opening the letter. His smile only widened.

Attorney Saionji,

If you continued reading this after that insulting opening, then Congratulations! You have just adamantly confirmed that you really are stupid. Now, now…don't open that mouth for some witty remarks because I'm not yet finished. I have yet to start listing your hateful attributes. So better be prepared, attorney, because I bet you can't reason your way out of these as you so well-do in court. Here it goes,

I hate your I-am-cocky-and-smug-grin that nothing could please me more than to pinch your cheeks until it permanently reddens.

I hate your addiction to pumpkins. But well, it's good to know your weakness is a vegetable (or a fruit?). It's pretty hilarious, don't you think?

I hate that you can cook while I can't even make a decent meal no matter how much I try. Don't worry, I hate you less when you let me eat yours.

I hate that you look so cool in a monk suit when everyone can agree with me that monks are supposed to be bald and well…uncool. (No offense to Uncle Houshou. He's one monk I truly respect and adore)

I hate all those fan-love letters flooding the office mailbox (with Nanami as my witness) when I honestly think you should receive hate letters (like this) for a change. NEVER think I'm jealous, ok?

I hate that you're too polite to other girls while you're too busy teasing me. You meanie!

I hate that you can't be comforting as a teacher's boyfriend should be. Instead you stick out your tongue whenever I make a fun of myself.

I hate your unexpected 'little' gestures when anyone (including me) thinks you are capable of doing great; I hate that those were what I really find most heart-warming.

I hate that you can read my mind so well. Am I that predictable to you?

I hate that you're mostly right and I'm usually wrong. I hate that I have to depend on you whenever there's trouble. And for that, well…I'm grateful.

I hate that you chose not to be clichéd (like sending a dozen of roses and a box of chocolates) and instead you sent a dozen pink and yellow balloons, a basket full of custard purin (which I can feed to my class) and a single white rose – all of which I have a weakness of.

And since this list could be endless and my class will start in ten minutes (to which you should pray that I'll get out alive), what I really wanted to say is,

HAPPY ANIVERSARY, MY PUMPKIN JERK

P.S. Do me a favor. This is not the day for overtime so come home when you can (and be quick!) before I delude myself that I can bake or that I can give you one smooching kiss. I love you, Kanata.

XOXOX Owari XOXOX

I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing this.

Read and Review. Click on the lonely pleading link at the end of this page to do so. *Wink*

Also, read my other fics please? Arigatou.