A/N: It took me a bit to start this fic, then I saw the last episode (Top Secret) and I got this idea. Then, I saw the new poll on the House website and I got so annoyed that I had to write this quickly. The poll currently asks what we think of the Cameron and Chase thing that's going on. The response options are "Loving the duckling affair" and "Cameron should be with House." I got annoyed at (take a guess) the second response option. Cameron should not be with House. In my opinion, the only person who I would ever consider as an option to be with House would be that Doctor in the wheel chair from Needle In A Haystack. However, since her chances of ever being seen on the show again are slim, I hold the opinion that no character "should be with House." Thank you for enduring my rant... please, enjoy the fic.
Disclaimer: Not mine!
I'm Over Him
"Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves."
-Confucius-
I'm over him. I'm over him. I'm over him. It has become my mantra. I say it over and over again. I'm over him. I am over House. I am over him. I tell myself this daily, looking in my mirror or driving to work. I repeat it to Chase, assuring him that I am over House. Perhaps repetition will make it true.
Yet, why does it matter so much? I mean, I know why I need to be over him. I need to stop letting him effect my life, my emotions. I have to continually tell myself how he's a horrible person just so that I can focus on my job. But why does Chase need to know? I know that he wants to know, but I can't figure out why I even take the time to tell him.
Our relationship is about uncomplicated sex. It isn't about who we're really in love with, so why do I feel like he has to believe that I'm over House?
Maybe it's because our uncomplicated sex has suddenly become more complicated.
I see how he looks at me when we're not together. It's not the hungry look of a guy who just wants to get laid on a regular basis, there's a real longing in his eyes. I try to ignore it, ignore the fact that he so obviously wants our relationship to turn into a real relationship, but it's difficult.
Every time I feel him glancing at me with his soft, hoping gaze, I wish that he would always look at me like that. I don't get the magic feeling when I kiss him like I always imagined I would with House, the feeling that the world has stopped, but I feel content and that's what scares me.
It's not a settling kind of contentment, it's not that I want him because I can't have House, it's like I really truly want him. Maybe Chase is right. Maybe this did start out as a way to make House jealous, but now I'm not so sure.
It's like I'm in love with two men.
How did this get so complicated?