Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach nor any of the characters featured in this story. All credit go to Tite Kubo.
This is a BL (Man/Man) fanfiction so if you don't like it you may want to go somewhere else now.
Tobiutsuru
It was about as stupid as jumping over and over again to try to reach the alluring clouds from the bright sky.
It was clear to Tesla that he'd never get that only thing he desired for, he'd never get him. But he kept on jumping, clinging tightly to the brittle hope of that maybe, one day he'd be able to jump high enough.
"Jiruga" The man with a low, annoyed tone called out, not getting any response. "Jiruga!" He repeated, trying to force even some kind of respect out of the rude student's head. "Yeah, yeah what is it?" He mumbled with kind of couldn't-care-less-what-you-say style and leaned back on his chair. This was surely going to be one hell of a lecture.
Tesla sighed outside the classroom his upperclassman had been called in to.
Why does he always have to get into troubles like this? Another deep sigh and he slumped down to sit down and gaze down the empty corridor. Sunlight shimmered through the windows, making the place look even emptier, only quiet cheers and whistles echoed from the gym.
It was almost time to their summer vacation and that idiot still had to cause trouble by acting dishonorable towards everyone who was supposed to be above him. That guy sure lacked respect toward everybody.
Tesla fingered nervously his blonde hair, thinking what he'd get as a punishment this time… If it was something annoying or disgusting, Tesla would be the one to do it, of course.
He was after all something like a servant for Nnoitra. He always followed the freaky bastard and did whatever he was told to. Tesla admired him, adored him and he swore that he could even die for the guy. In fact, he was in love with the quirky black-haired man.
It was beyond understanding to everyone in the whole school and beyond, to everyone who had heard of it.
To be honest, he didn't really understand it by himself either.
Tesla was a blonde, skinny guy with soft mocha eyes. He had some looks and the girls actually would have liked him, just if he wasn't, as said, the personal servant for Nnoitra.
He was intelligent and responsible when it came down to his education but he kept his test ranking low by mean… He didn't even want to imagine what Nnoitra would do if Tesla scored higher than him.
He'd seen his reaction every time when Neliel got almost perfect and his was average. All the hell broke loose and once again he found himself sitting in the principal's office because of fighting. Neliel always talked herself out of trouble and used the fact that she was a girl, and a really nice looking one.
Almost everyone in the school gossiped about some love triangle between the three of them. They spent time together quite often, although, it wasn't so pleasant of a time when it cam down to Neliel and Nnoitra.
Tesla going after Nnoitra who's going after Neliel was what they whispered from ear to ear.
Maybe it was like that.
All Neliel did though, was just tease. His favorite hobby was to pick the hell out of Nnoitra in everything. They were on the same class above Tesla and they were 24/7 contending. Neliel always won… And Tesla had to bear the consequences of it, like getting beaten by Nnoitra, for example.
No sane people would endure that all with an honest smile on their face.
"Yo! Tesla!" A voice called out and I snapped out of my dream, I had apparently closed my eyes and fell asleep for a while… I raised my eyes from the floor and found out that the one calling for me had been a certain green-haired upperclassman - Neliel. She grinned and waved to me, I greeted her too and got up.
"Is he still in there?"
"It will be over soon", she crossed her arms and smiled, I wondered that how long she had been here.
And indeed I heard the teacher raise his voice steadily, getting more and more pissed off, which meant that it'd be soon over with.
A loud bam echoed through the door, making it clear that a chair had fallen down. Couple footsteps and the door opened, revealing Nnoitra's totally annoyed face.
"Fucking shit", he cursed and walked past me like I was air, giving at least a death-glare to Neliel. I grit my teeth and swallowed, before following him outside the building.
As soon as the sunlight's warmness met my skin I saw Nnoitra light a cigarette. I was just about to say something about that, when I saw Neliel snatch it from between his lips and take a couple of deep breaths from it and running away with it, laughing.
There were no clouds at the sky and the sun was glancing down with all it's might.
Yet… I shivered from the cold feeling that ran through.
For once, I started to doubt that could my legs throw me high enough no matter how hard I try. I had been already overshadowed by her; she was just almost brushing the edges with her fingertips when I was still so far left behind. Could I still pass her?
I saw him yell something and try to catch the foxy girl but she was faster.
I hurried after them, picking up the bag that Nnoitra had left behind. I was actually way faster runner but he'd get mad at me if I caught Neliel and he didn't so I stayed behind them and just followed.
"Bitch gimme back that!" Nnoitra shrieked and with a single snap of fingers Nel threw the butt of the cigarette right into his forehead and laughed loudly.
"That's for you for hitting me today!" She winked and jumped to sit on a wide concrete fence. Nnoitra growled furiously but just simply sat down on the stairs next to the fence she was sitting on. I walked to them and leaned on the fence, still holding his bag on my left hand. No thanks for getting it for him.
He lit another cigarette and this time was careful not to let the bitch smoke it instead of him and Neliel laughed at his cautious appearance.
It was like she had the wings I was longing for… But she wasn't actually after the same that I was, she was just testing that could she reach it. She tested that how far could she go.
"You're awfully quiet Tesla", Nel popped right in front of my face with a questioning look. I twitched from surprisement.
"Hey, I'm always quiet, right?" I forced a little laughter come out of my throat and a soft smile on my lips. In reality, I wanted to scream on her face what I felt.
I want to have those wings too. I jump higher than ever, maybe I'll get them too.
She turned around and made a face to Nnoitra making it clear that she was blaming him to be the cause of my quietness today. Nnoitra didn't even flinch, neither bothered to even look at me for a second.
Nel started to pick on him again by reminding him of the test results and what a loser he really was, even though he claimed to be the king. I closed my ears and just watched them.
When you didn't hear what they were talking about, you could see the thing going between them. Every time I saw Nnoitra pay attention to her a piece of my soul got torn away. I was already in little bits when Nel finally stopped and turned around to leave, giving him the finger and sticking out her tongue -mocking combination as a final sign of victory.
Nnoitra cursed loudly and threw the worn out cigarette to the ground.
Then it was silent.
Dead silent.
He didn't speak a word. He didn't even look.
Instead of being able to fly I'm still jumping, and now you can't even see me. It's unbearable like this.
"Hey, Nnoitra" I swallowed, my mouth was as dry as a desert and my eyes stung. He didn't answer.
"Nnoitra!" I tried a little louder and all I received was a small flinch from the surprisement of hearing me raise my voice.
I was on the verge of getting desperate.
YOU HAVE TO SEE ME.
I threw his bag at him with force, making him fall on his back and I attacked him, grabbing the collar of his white uniform.
"Fuck, I'm speaking to you dammit!" I cried out and now he was looking straight at me, shock pouring over the edges in his eyes. Me acting like this… it wasn't supposed to be even possible.
"Why don't you fucking notice me…" I sobbed and loosened my grip, leaning my head on the base of his neck.
I'M RIGH HERE REACHING FOR YOU.
A traitorous sob escaped my lungs and a tear wet the collar of his uniform. I shivered and sobbed again. I can't stand this anymore.
"Tesla", He whispered still with a shocked tone but a little softer than usual.
"Fucking notice it…" I whispered and rose my head with a scared face, I hadn't though a bout it soon enough… he's totally going to beat me up good after this outburst and probably would never talk to me again.
I made a vow to myself that if that happened, I'd refuse to live anymore.
He was my life already, had always been since I met him and will always be as long as I live.
And if he was to die or abandon me, I'd die without a doubt and I was sure that he was aware of that too. He would've had to be completely blind not to see it.
I dropped my hands to my sides and leaned a little back, giving him all the opportunity to hit if he felt like that.
I finally got to brush the edges but now I'm preparing to fall again.
A direct punch landed on my jaw, making me fall off him and down the few stairs. The pain stung like hell and I tasted blood in my mouth.
"Fuck you, you fucking fag", he spat and got up.
"You can fucking stop following me like some fucking sick puppy!" Tears flooded down my cheeks, I kept my head down that he couldn't see them.
I tried to sob something but my voice betrayed me and refused to work, only a dry-sounding groan escape when I lifted myself up, whining from the pain on my feet.
"I know about it!" He growled with fury and walked towards me, I flinched but didn't move. If he felt like kicking my ass for this, he had all the freedom to do it.
He grabbed the collar of my uniform and lifted me up. I didn't put up any force. The punches didn't really hurt, or they did but I didn't feel them anymore.
"If he abandons me, I'll die"
And I smiled with sorrowful eyes. Lifting my hand to grab the one holding my collar.
"I'm sorry"
He hit to make me loose the grip.
And he hit again, he hit as long as I still could stand up and then he kicked, he couldn't have cared less that I had always been there for him, always followed him, always supported him.
He denied it all from existence and he swore to god to kill me.
He was going to kill me for sure.
At the time Neliel showed up I was nothing more than a bloody limp that used to be a human being.
She shrieked with panic and yelled something at Nnoitra who didn't listen a word. She demanded some kind of reason and what's wrong with him.
"Fuck him, I don't care if he dies" He said as his final words and turned around to leave us there. Nel cried and yelled something again towards Nnoitra's more and more distant-growing back. I coughed and saw blood pouring down to the ground. Now Nel's attention got back to me and she asked me what happened with a look of total horror. I couldn't answer properly, just kept staring at Nnoitra walking away and lighting another cigarette.
"I'll call an ambulance!" She panicked and tried to find her cell phone.
"No…" I whispered with dry and broken voice and grabbed her hand tightly.
"…don't"
"I have to! You'll die if I don't!" She cried. Funny, I never noticed that I was actually this important to someone. Now there would be one who'd cry at my grave I guess.
Nobody else would.
"It's okay" I had kept the sorrowful smile on my lips the whole time and I let go her hand.
"I'm fine with that"
"Well, I'm not!" She yelled, desperately still trying to find the phone and not succeeding.
"You're the only one then. I'm sorry but…" I looked again at the direction Nnoitra had walked off to and sobbed.
"Fuck what he thinks! You still deserve to live!" She cried, she couldn't believe that I'd be willing to die because of something like this.
"No" I said with a strict voice, she knew by herself that it'd be impossible to talk me over this.
"What about your parents!? Your friends!?" She yelled now with anger sparkling in her grayish eyes along with the tears on the corners that constantly fell down.
Oh yeah, my parents… As if they'd care. I chuckled a little. Ever since I had been a child, I had never gotten any care from my parents. Never anything simple as a hug, they barely talked to me.
Friends? I fucking didn't have them. Never had since I had dedicated my whole self to that bastard.
Even without saying this aloud, she saw from my expression that I really meant the fact that I had nobody.
The puddle of blood was growing little by little and the picture of her in front of me was getting blurry.
"Thank you Nel… I think he loves you instead of me"
I coughed some blood again and reached my hand out to touch her hand with a comforting way. She flinched to the words I spoke out and I saw guilt build up behind her eyes and she tried to apologize but I stopped her.
"I always swore that if he abandoned me, I'd die… now's the time"
She tried to yell something to keep me awake and she yelled for help, I heard the desperateness in her voice even when I closed my eyes. I heard her voice but it all faded to blackness very soon and I willingly walked towards the depth of growing shadows.
You, whose wings I always envied, tried to help me and finally you failed at something. You reached your arm but I closed my palms from your grip. It's time to give up. I can never fly.
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