Disclaimer: I don't own Murdock. Wish I did. But I don't.

Author's Note: This was actually supposed to be the second part in a three part series I was going to write. But the first part ended up falling to pieces on me so I decided I'd go ahead and write this one anyways and throw in bits and pieces from the first story as flashback points. Please take note of the dates, also, and remember that Murdock wasn't always crazy. These first few letters show his sanity and everything. As the months progress though, you begin to see the damage war is having on him...so that also renders him kind of "Out of Character" you might say. The story following this one (which I'm working on now), will give my take on how he wound up fully cracking and getting locked up before it goes into the full plot for the story. Sara is important though...so...yeah, that's all I've got for now. Please be kind. I'm still trying to get a feel for writing A-Team stories...my last attempt didn't go over so well. Thank you.

Letter One

July 20th 1970

Dear Sara,

It's raining here…again. Lately it seems like that's the only thing it does around here. Rain. And if it's not raining water, well, then it's raining bullets. You know me, I'll take the water over bullets any day. Ya know that James Taylor song, 'Fire and Rain'? Well I've seen enough fire and enough rain to last me the rest of my life.

I know you probably think I ran out on you, but deep in your heart I know you know that's not true. I really wish I could explain things better, tell ya what's really going on and what happened to me that night, but I can't. Strict orders from people you don't want to tick off, ya know?

Please know that I think about you every day, even when I should be thinking about getting those boys out of the fire fight. I miss you so much, Sara. What I wouldn't give to wrap my arms around you one more time and just kiss the breath right outta you, like I used to, remember? Hey, listen to Elton John's new song, 'Your Song'. I heard it the other day on one of the rare times I had a few free minutes all to myself. I instantly thought of you when I heard it. So close your eyes, wrap your arms around yourself, and pretend I'm singin' it to ya. If I were with you, I would in a heartbeat.

Speaking of heartbeats, I met a group of Special Forces boys who would make your heart give out. They're a bunch of crazy guys! Their Colonel, John Smith…who they actually call Hannibal, I think it might be his middle name, I don't really know…smokes like a chimney and is always coming up with new plans for different attack strategies. He seems like an alright guy, though. Kinda reminds me of your Pops, actually. Not the strict, political jackass…more looks wise than personality. Kinda older, graying hair, blue eyes, that sorta stuff.

Then there's Lieutenant Temp "Faceman" Peck, he's something else all on his own. He looks like any of the all American football boys back in Texas…except, not as big. Ha! He's a little shorter than me, about my build, but he's got that pretty boy face and definitely prefers the finer things in life. I dunno how but, he was able to get a classic car here in the jungle. The guy can scam just about anything, and if it's got long legs in heels he'll try to seduce it. I keep tellin' him he better be careful or by the time he goes state side again he'll have half a dozen kids to support. He doesn't seem to be too concerned.

And then there's BA. He's a Sergeant with a bad attitude…that's actually what BA stands for, it's pretty funny. He's an ugly mud-sucker; always snarlin' and actin' like a tough guy. I don't think he likes me much, dunno why…prob'ly cuz I call him an ugly mud-sucker, but hey, I just call it like I see it!

Like I said, they're crazy, but they're crazy good at what they do.

Well darlin', I just got the word. Back to the skies I go.

I love you, Sara. Please don't ever forget that and know that one of these days I'm comin' home to you and were are gonna get married! I told ya we shoulda run off after I proposed. Keep the faith, doll and I'll see you soon.

Forever yours truly,

HM.
Captain. United States Army.

Letter Two

August 20th 1970

Dear Sara,

Happy Anniversary, darlin'! It's hard to believe it's been exactly three years since the day we first met. Remember that day? I sure do. I remember it like it was just yesterday. God I was so afraid to talk to you. Heh, nearly twenty years old and I was terrified to say anything to you. It's amazing how war can change a guy. I'm a Captain for cryin' out loud! I'm in charge of other people's lives now…and they have to do what I tell them to do! Sometimes it's pretty fun. Get a new guy over here and make him do all sorts of stuff. Kinda like rush-week back on campus. I'd love to tell ya that we aren't nearly as bad over here to the new guys as those damned frat boys were back in Amarillo, but I can't. Sometimes I think we're worse.

I've been thinking a lot about that first day we met, especially today. Bud's Café is still around, right? When I get back, that's one of the first places I wanna go. That way we can try to relive that first day we met…

*flashback*

August 20th, 1967

Rural Texas

A group of six or seven young man sat in a corner booth, laughing and smiling as music blasted from the PA system Bud recently had installed in his roadside diner. They'd been having too much fun picking on each other and trying to embarrass one another to notice the shadow fall over their table. Leaning over the back of their bench right next to Doc's head was a sweet faced girl. Her hair pulled up into a ponytail, she smiled brightly at the group.

"Which one of you gentlemen is Doc?" She asked curiously. All laughter and conversation at their table stopped. The girl was clearly not from around there. For one thing, she mistook them for gentlemen! Plus, she didn't know who she was even looking for—everyone knew Doc! And on top of all that, she didn't have a lick of any accent.

Eyes looking between each other and then back at the girl, all six men pointed to the only one wearing a ball cap and trying very hard to disappear. Her smile increasing, she lightly nudged his head with her finger.

"You've got a phone call, darlin'."

Her voice was soft and sweet in his ears. Looking over his shoulder, Doc felt his heart skip a beat. Emerald eyes sparkled back at him from under the longest lashes he'd ever seen and her smile was beyond intoxicating. His grandfather always warned him that the men in their family were known for falling in love at first sight, but until that moment he'd never believed him.

Mouth dry and palms sweating, he moved to stand up, his eyes still locked on hers. The bustling little roadside café went silent in his ears as he tried to think clearly. His heart nearly leapt out of his chest when she laughed and touched his arm. She had to think he was nuts, or a complete nincompoop, either way he knew he wasn't exactly making that great of a first impression. He'd always been a little bit shy, even more so around pretty girls, but that little waitress had sent him completely into orbit. He probably couldn't even get his name to come out right if she asked him right then and there.

Following her to the counter, he gulped hard as she handed him the phone. He could see her lips moving, but not a single word reached his ears as he slowly reached out for the receiver. His fingers just barely brushed over hers and sent his whole right arm tingling. He was going to have to remember to hit his grandparents when he got home. How dare they have a son who would then go and have a son of his own! Especially with the long line of hopeless romantics they came from! It was cruel.

Gulping again as he put the phone to his ear, Doc struggled to hear the voice on the other end through the beating of his heart. He didn't even know if he'd actually made any sound as he answered the voice asking if he'd be able to work the kitchen that night. He could at least tell it was his boss at Gordano's Pizzeria and Restaurant in Amarillo, but what the man was actually saying was completely lost on him.

He watched as she moved around the tiny room, smiling and laughing as she handed out drinks or burgers. She even joked with the boys at his table and playfully ruffled Doug's hair as she moved to take someone else's order. There was a sway to her step as she moved in time with the music, almost dancing her way around, the smile never once fading from her face.

"Sara Murphy,"

A kindly older voice next to him managed to break through. Doc blinked quickly as he felt the phone being taken out of his hand. Glancing to his left, he raised his eyebrows in confusion. How long had Bud been standing there?

"Huh?"

Bud smiled as he hung the buzzing phone back up and turned to place a hand on the lad's shoulder. Short and stout with thinning gray hair, Bud was exactly the type of man one would expect to find in a small diner like his. Always seemed happy and remembered every face he saw. Bud Hanson had yet to meet a stranger.

"Her name. It's Sara Murphy. She moved here a few weeks ago."

"Sara," the name breezed out of his mouth so naturally, as if he'd been saying it his whole life.

"She's single too." Bud smiled as he nudged Doc forward. He watched as the boy's feet stumbled over the other and he reached out to grasp the counter for support. In the sky the young man was fearless, doing barrel rolls and loop-de-loops, stunts even a seasoned pilot would think twice about he would do in a heartbeat; put his feet on the ground though, in front of a sweet girl, and it was a completely different story. He'd known Doc since he was just a little boy and had practically helped to raise him, so he knew as well as anyone else just how awkward the nineteen year old could be at times.

"I'd hurry up if I were you, Doc. Ray's already asked her to go out with him twice, I don't know how much longer she'll be able to hold out against his charm."

Eyes darting back to his table, Doc felt a strange wave of jealousy wash over him. Ray was already leaning across the table, his used car salesman grin plastered on his face as he tried out different lines on Sara. He wasn't the right guy for her! He didn't like the sweet girls; Round-n-Round Rhonda was more his type.

Doc watched his friend flirt and cause the girl to blush; his hands gripped the counter so tightly the chrome was beginning to cut into his palms. Her cheeks a bright pink as she looked over her shoulder, he felt his chest tighten at her suddenly shy smile. She looked back to Ray quickly and shook her head before hurrying for a table across the room.

"That's three…" Bud said was a little grin as he moved off down the counter to refill a glass of soda.

Gathering his courage, Doc released his death grip on the counter. He had to do something before Ray won. The guys were always hassling him about rarely going out on dates? Well how was he supposed to when they kept stealing girls away from him? Watching Sara move from table to table, he waited for her to start back for the counter before he made his move.

Stepping out into her path, he smiled sweetly, his brown eyes shining brightly out from under his cap. Sara stopped quickly to keep from running into him. Looking up at him, her bright smile turned soft and shy once more.

"H-hi. Uhm…I…I'm HM Murdock and…and I'd like to take you out to dinner, if you'd let me."

The pink returned to her cheeks as Sara glanced back at the table his friends were sitting at. All six men were leaned in close, talking quietly to themselves as they watched their tall friend make his move. Looking back up at him from under those long lashes of hers, she bit her lip a little as she nodded.

"I'm Sara Murphy, and I would like that very much."

*end flashback*

Ya know, for the longest time I couldn't for the life of me understand why you'd go out with a guy like me. You completely floored me when you said you'd have dinner with me. The most beautiful girl in all of Texas and you wanted to date the biggest goober around. Ha! People over here think I'm nuts for some of the things I can do in a helicopter, but really I think you're the one that's nuts! It's ok though. I love you no matter what you're like.

I need to go now though, love. Take care of yourself, make sure Gramps didn't shoot Billy or anything yet for me, ok? I love you.

Forever lovingly yours,

HM
Captain, United States Army.

Letter Three

October 17th 1970

Dear Sara,

I haven't got much time darlin', so I'll probably be writing this letter over the course of a few days at least. How have you been doing? I still haven't heard back from you, but that's probably because I'm always getting moved around so it's impossible for the mail to keep up with me. Plus, you've got school and everything going on. How has that been goin', by the way? I sure miss seeing your pictures scattered across the floor. And that damned camera of yours. Ha ha! I know I used to give you hell about that thing, but ya never know what you miss 'till it's gone. That's for damned sure.

Ya wanna know something funny? I've been seeing a lot of photographers over here. There's even a few girl ones floatin' around. There was one girl, Maggie, she was something else. Amazing photographer, you probably even know who I'm talking about, don't'cha? She's been flyin' around with me for a few days now, taking pictures from the air and of the boys I pick up. She's lookin' for the Pulitzer winner, that's what she keeps tellin' us. She acts just like one of the guys. At times we all forget she's a woman. It's alright though because she takes it all in stride. You'd like her, you really would. Don't worry 'bout me though, I'm really not interested in her. I'll let Faceman have her. Sides, why settle for the rest when I've already got the best?

These guys are nuts over here, darlin'. Faceman seems alright though, in his own way. He and I had a pretty good conversation the other night. Guess he got a letter from home from a girl he'd been going with. She got tired of waiting for him and worrying if he was faithful to her or not (which just between you, me, him and…well…any woman over here, he hasn't been) so she was callin' it quits. It actually seemed to break his heart. Felt bad for him in a way. I told him not to worry about it too much though; he'll find the right girl for him some day. I told him what Gramps used to tell me about the lightning. He asked if I'd ever felt it and all I could think of was you. Guess that's a yes, huh?

Know what I've been thinkin' a lot about lately? Bein' a kid again. Prob'ly due to the fact half the boys I lift outta places aren't much more than kids themselves. I've been thinkin' 'bout all the great old shows I used to watch. Remember Range Rider? I loved that show when I was younger. He was my hero; I wanted to be just like him when I was a kid. And how about Uncle Safety? Oh man, I wanted to be on that show, I never missed an episode. I entertain the boys over here with some of my impersonations and voices. A Colonel caught me doin' it one time and told me I was in the wrong end of the field. Told me I needed to be with the USO Group that's been floatin' around. I kind of took him up on that though. I've got a buddy over here, Benji, he's a good guy and a hell of a guitar player. Me and him started up our own little troupe. We go into the mess tent and put on little shows for the guys and they even bring in some of the wounded to watch. It's a nice distraction for everybody, until the bombs start droppin' too damned close for comfort and we all gotta dive for cover.

Damn I hate doin' that. I'd much rather be up in the air. I know it's not much safer up there, I've been shot at quite a few times but at least up there I got plenty of space to move and try to dodge shots.

Shoot. I gotta get for now darlin'. Whole bunch of boys just went down three miles from here. Gotta go get what I can. I'll be back!

Love ya!

HM

Letter Four

Nov 1st 1970

Dear Sara,

How's it goin', darlin'? Stayin' outta trouble? Wish I could say I was! Ha ha! I think I'm startin' to have way too much fun over here! Flyin' these copters is just too much fun. Especially when I've got a group of hot shots with me who are laughin' up a storm and tellin' stories with each other.

I've been seein' the boys a lot…and by the boys I mean the fellas I already told ya about, Face, BA, Hannibal…those fellas. Boy do we have fun! They've flown with me quite a few times and let me do all sorts of great stunts. They don't even seem to mind! Well, except for that ugly ol' mud-sucker BA. He hates it when I do my stunts and have fun! Calls me a crazy fool! Boy if he only knew! Keeps tellin' me I'm gonna give him a fear of flying if I keep my antics up. Pffft! At least I haven't been shot down yet with them on board, so he's got nothin' to worry about in my opinion!

Hey, my nickname from college finally picked up 'round here! People started callin' me Howlin' Mad again! It's actually nice hearin' that again; makes me think of home and you and all the good times we had.

Speakin' of good times, I doubt I'll be able to write in a couple weeks when it's my birthday (I wanna tell ya we're all goin' out to Hanoi to celebrate, but prob'ly not gonna happen), so I wanted to write to you about it now. Hard to believe we only got to celebrate my birthday once together, but damn what a birthday it was!

*flashback*

November 24th, 1967

Plainview, Texas

The Thanksgiving dinner his grandmother had prepared was certainly among the best she'd ever made and it had made Sara feel instantly at home and part of their small family. She had seen the family photo albums filled with pictures of HM at various ages doing various things: from being covered from head to toe in mud to the day he found his dog Billy near dead on the side of the road and brought him home to nurse him back to health to Confirmation Day at church to school dances. His entire childhood had been laid out in front of her in those pictures and had made her love him more.

His grandmother had treated Sara like she was one of her own and told the eighteen year old if she needed anything at all to let her know.

HM was glad his birthday had fallen so close to the holiday that year so that she could spend it with him and his family before he drove her back up to Illinois to celebrate with her parents. He'd fallen in love with her in the few short months he'd known her and was planning to ask her father for her hand in marriage. He knew they were both pretty young, but he also knew that there was no way on earth he'd ever love anyone the way he loved her. He'd already gotten his mother's engagement ring from his grandpa and the simple gold band with single diamond was burning a hole in his pocket.

He had taken Sara for a walk around his grandparent's ranch after dinner, holding her hand in his as they walked in comfortable silence around the grounds, Billy the Bassett hound trotting happily along beside them. The night had been crisp, the threat of an oncoming early winter storm in the air. Ending the walk in the warmth of the horse barn, HM felt his heart swell as she laughed at the velvety feel the horses noses had against her hand. He'd moved to stand behind her; gently sliding his hands over her hips and pulling her back against him while he leaned down to lightly kiss the crook of her neck. He felt her shiver against him as his hands rested on her stomach.

Turning in his arms, Sara moved her own arms to wrap over his shoulders as she leaned up on her toes to place a sweet kiss on his lips. It was a gentle kiss; one that lingered longer than it should have and stirred emotions in both of them. HM let the tip of his tongue slide out to curiously probe at her lips, groaning softly when hers parted and their tongues met. She was intoxicating, making his head spin and heart flip-flop in his ribcage. When her fingers took a tender grip to his hair, he thought he was going to die.

Their hearts raced as their heads spun. Each lost in the kiss that was growing more and more intense and wanting. Pulling away from her slowly, HM took her hand in his, and grabbing a clean saddle blanket from a cabinet, led her up the ladder to the hay loft. As a child he'd often slept in the loft, the door open so that he could see the bright shining stars as he'd drift off to dreamland. Now as a man, he moved to clear a place to lay the blanket down.

His hands trembled and his knees threatened to give out as he gulped back his fears. Taking his jacket off, he tucked it around a pile of straw turning it into a makeshift pillow. It was as if they both knew what he was thinking; Sara placed her hands on his chest, her dainty fingers timidly unbuttoning each button of his red plaid shirt. His breath caught in his chest as she tugged the shirt free of his slacks and slowly trailed it down his arms. Pulling away from her once more, he carefully shed his white undershirt while she bit her lip shyly and hesitantly undid his belt.

Neither really knew what to do, but both knew that it was fine. HM had been teased and ridiculed by his friends for being a (now) twenty year old virgin and Sara had always been taught to save herself for when she was married. Being far from home and on her own now, Sara was free to make her own choices, and though HM hadn't asked her to be his bride yet, she knew that one day he would; she just knew it.

Slowly and silently they undressed one another, each turning a slight shade of pink the more they were exposed. Feeling her hands rest on his bare chest, HM pressed his lips to hers once more as the last bit of their clothing fell soundlessly into the hay. Carefully lowering her to the blanket, he trailed soft, warm kisses down her neck to her collar bone. Her scent filled his head and made his body react in ways not many women had been able to make it react. The feel of her chest rising and falling against his brought his hand up to investigate; gently massaging the warm, soft skin of her breast and playfully teasing the taut nip.

Sara rolled her head back into his jacket as her eyes closed lightly, her back arching ever so slightly. She gulped hard and gasped when she felt his kiss move from her collar bone to her chest, his teeth just barely grazing her nip. Her fingers tangling up in his hair once more, she gently guided his mouth back to hers, capturing his lips in a kiss that begged for mercy.

"Hunter," she moaned in a hushed whisper, "Hunter please…"

Hearing her strained sweet voice groan out his name, the only person in his life recently to call him by his given name, it took every ounce of willpower he had not to ruin their night before it even began. His grandparents preferred to call him HM, an homage to his father and their only child, Hunter Mitchell—while his friends opted to call him Doc, short for his last name of Murdock. It'd been years since he last heard someone call him Hunter, not since his mother died.

Nudging her legs apart with his knee, HM slowly moved to lie between her. Looking into her bright emerald eyes, he searched for any hint of doubt, anything that should give him reason to stop what they were doing. What he saw floored him. There wasn't any doubt, no fear or hesitation in her eyes, only a look of unyielding love. It was a look so soft and gentle it gave her eyes an almost silky feel.

"Are you sure?" He whispered softly, his lips lightly brushing over her ear as his cheek nuzzled hers.

"I…I'm sure." Sara nodded as she moved to kiss his bare shoulder. "I love you, Hunter Matthew."

Letting a soft chuckle escape his lips, HM nuzzled the crook of her neck once more, gently kissing it as he moved his hips into position. She'd said the words he'd been waiting to hear, the words that confirmed his decision to marry her. Feeling his tip press against her warm, moist entrance, he gulped hard. Letting his lips hover over hers, he gently began to push himself in.

"I love you too, Sara Marie…"

*end flashback*

Darlin', I swear, that memory alone is the only thing keeping me semi-sane over here. Any time I feel myself startin' to slip, I think about that night and…well…it kind of helps. Know what else helps? Chewing gum. The fellas all have their smokes and booze and women, I have my chewing gum. It's not the greatest stuff in the world over here, but it gets me by for the most part. I impress Hannibal. He says I'm one helluva guy for not giving in and taking up all the shit the guys over here do, says it shows I was raised right. I've kind of adopted him, ya know? He's not old enough to be gramps, but he's older than my pops woulda been. Still, I've kind of adopted him as my own, which makes Face that annoying brother who gets away with everything just because he's good lookin', and BA the illegitimate cousin no one wants to claim. Ha ha!

I pick on BA but I love the guy! He's a lot of fun! It's fun to tick him off and watch him get into fights. Speaking of fights, I think I hear one happenin' right now! I better go check it out!

Ciao for now babe!

Your Howlin' Mad Captain.

Letter Five

December 15th, 1970

Hey baby! Guess where I'm writin' from today? I'm writin' from the hospital! That's right, yours truly got shot down and wound up here with the rest of the gimps. I have Hannibal to thank for this. I can't go into details about it, but I will say it was all his fault I got shot down. It was a terrible plan. Faceman even got shot in the leg! Poor guy. Poor me! Now I'm stuck listening to his belly aching about how much pain he's in. He's not in any pain! He just wants the cute nurses paying attention to him and not to me. I can't help it the nurses find me irresistible! Though, can't say as though I blame them! I am pretty damn cute. Ha ha!

I didn't get a chance to tell you, but now that I'm hung up for a couple of days, guess I've got time to tell you now. Remember me tellin' you about my buddy Benji? Well, Benny-boy is playin' guitar for the angels now. I got sent out on the med-evacs to pick up a bunch of real badly wounded guys, Benji was one of them. I didn't know it at when I picked 'em up though. It wasn't until I got landed at one of the M*A*S*H units that I found out he was back there. The medics were getting the other fellas out first, the ones that might possibly make it. I didn't even know it was Ben. I got out of the front and moved around to the side to help the medics out and felt a hand grab my arm. Look down and there's what's left of this guy lying there staring up at me with one eye. If it hadn't been for the fact he called me Howlin' Mad and told me he was glad I was the last friendly face he ever saw, I never would have known it was him. He died right there in my arms, Sare. I've seen plenty of dead people over here, I've seen people blow right out of their boots, but I've never been that close to someone once their time was up.

Ya know things are getting bad when your best friend dies in your arms and instead of crying and mourning the loss of life, you get up and get back to work. That's what I did, babe. I dunno, maybe I really am losin' my mind. I mean, I felt like I was going to be sick when I heard that last struggled breath rattle through what was left of his chest, but once he was gone…I just got up and left him there. Let the medics take him from there.

I'm half afraid once I get back to the states that you won't recognize the man I've become. I do crazy shit now, Sare. I swear (like my letters kind of prove), and I'm acting more and more goofy every day. I volunteer for suicide missions no one else wants to go on and come back laughing. I've been spending more time in the air than I have been on the ground. General Morrison came in after I woke up after surgery and told me it's a good thing I'm grounded for at least a few days, gives me time to cope with all the stress I've been dealing with. I dunno about that though. I'm goin' stir crazy already, and this is only the first day of bed rest. Even after getting shot down I'd rather be in the sky than down here on the ground.

Faceman says I'm starting to crack; keeps telling me that if I'm not careful they're gonna lock me up somewhere. Honestly, I don't think that's such a bad idea, so long as I'm stateside and can see you again. I think it's the lack of seeing you or hearing from you that's driving me insane. I'm worried 'bout you babe. I've been sending you letter after letter after letter and haven't gotten any back from you. Not even Grams has heard from you. Now that's not nice, ignoring a little old lady who loved you like her own daughter. I get ignoring me, I mean, I did just poof one night after work and wasn't able to try and contact you for a good two years or more, but my Grams? What'd she do to deserve being ignored?

Well, Nurse Nazi is makin' her rounds. I better pretend to be dead or something.

Ciao for now!

Captain Crazy

Letter Six

January 29th 1971

You moved? You moved and left no forwarding address? How could you do that to me? I loved you…no…I LOVE you and you just up and move. Don't tell anyone, don't tell me, you just do it. I thought you loved me back, I mean, you did tell me you loved me every night, you made love with me like you loved me, you agreed to marry me and was even in tears when I got down on my knees and asked you to be mine and mine alone. So why did you suddenly change your mind and leave? Is it because I got kidnapped by the damned CIA and forced into military service? It wasn't my fault! Trust me! I didn't want to! I was on my way home when they nabbed me and shoved me into the back of a truck. I wanted to know what your surprise for me was! Don't you think I would have sounded different on the phone when you called tellin' me to hurry home so I could see the surprise you had for me? I wouldn't have sounded nearly as excited and anxious as I did!

Ya know, this has been one lousy week, and getting the letter from my grandparents saying all my letters to you had been returned to them really doesn't help matters any. I had guys dyin' on me left and right while trying to get them to medics, had to fly the fellas to Hanoi for some secret covert operation and then fly back to HQ to report in with Morrison, no sooner do I leave HQ and get back in my copter to go out and pick up some more wounded guys, the damn place gets bombed and I get sent back into the hospital tent again! Now I find out you up and left and didn't have the decency to even so much as send me a "Dear Murdock" letter?

Alright, fine. If we're hurting each other then maybe I should tell you what I did three weeks ago on leave. I went out with the guys and ended up spending the night with a sweet little southern gal named Montrose. Man alive did she keep me busy all night. She's a nurse I met the first time I was laid up in the hospital. She kept trying then to get me to sleep with her, but I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't because I thought I still had a girl who trusted me and loved me and was waiting for me back home and the thought of breaking your trust tore me apart. But hey, what can I say? I never could hold my liquor very well.

So there. Now you'd have reason to leave and not tell anyone. I'm over here losing my flippin' mind and you don't care. You just abandon me like everyone else. Well thanks a lot, Sara. I hope you have a fantastic life wherever you are. I'll look for your pictures in the magazines and newspapers. That is, if they'll let me have paper when I'm locked up for good. Of course, if I don't survive this next time out, it won't matter anyways, right?

Why bother living if I can't live with you? So I guess this would be goodbye then. Maybe I'll peek in on you from time to time, ya know, knock some stuff over and scare the hell out of whoever you decide is my replacement. You won't know about any of this though, especially since I'm not going to even waste the stamps it'd take to send it.

Murdock.