Request fic-slash-suggestion for a friend. And wouldn't you know….this started as a one-shot, and now….is probably going to end up being a two-shot. Erm, or maybe three chapters…or four. I don't even know. I just write and write, and when it's done – I stop.
Summary: Reno buys a hookah for a party being hosted by Zack, Angeal, Sephiroth, and Genesis. Suddenly, everyone is in need of snacks, and hits the supermarket for a midnight snack/booze run. Total Crack!fic. RenoxCloud, GenesisxSephiroth, ZackxAngeal.
Setting: Crisis-Core-ish, with some obvious revisionist history.
Rated M for safety: Yaoi, language, hints of lemon, marijuana use. Possible full lemons in later chapters, so..M it is.
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy, Square Enix does. Woe is me.
And… drugs are bad, mmkay? Ahem.
It had been a rough week of final examinations at the ShinRa military academy, and Cloud Strife was anxiously awaiting to hear what his marks were. He was trying to keep his mind off of his worries, and decided to work out in the SOLDIER training facility, which cadets were allowed to use on a limited basis. Cloud had a pretty good rapport with his instructors, First Class SOLDIERS Zack, Angeal, and Genesis. General Sephiroth still intimidated him, but the general had that effect on pretty much everyone in the academy.
Cloud decided to begin his workout with a quick run on the treadmill. He put his headphones in his ears, got on the treadmill, and set the incline to ten percent; then, he hit the start button on to begin his run. Starting out with a slow trot, he quickly broke into a fast gait. Turning up the volume on his music, he barely noticed when Reno entered the room; if it weren't for his shock of red hair, Cloud might not have even realized the Turk was in the room. He seemed to have some sort of package tucked under his arm.
Glancing up briefly, Cloud waved over to him. "Hey, Reno," he called. Reno grinned upon seeing Cloud, instantly recognizing him. He had assisted Zack during one of his training sessions with the cadets on hand-to-hand combat. Reno licked his lips as he remembered just how well Cloud had done when sparring with him. It wasn't often that a cadet bested Reno, but Cloud had done so, dodging Reno's attacks with the EMR, and overcame Reno, knocking him on his back, and straddling him, pointing his sword at the Turk's throat and forcing him to surrender. For some reason, that totally turned me on, Reno recalled, grinning.
He wondered if perhaps Cloud had felt the same; Reno had been noticing Cloud more and more since that encounter, and would swear that he had caught the blond cadet stealing glances at him more than once. One day the cadet had shown up in the Turks' office to drop off some reports; clearly something Zack Fair couldn't be bothered with himself. That day, Reno found himself unable to stop staring at Cloud. The young cadet was attractive, for sure, but it seemed like there was something else that stirred Reno's interest. Reno wasn't quite sure what that was, as yet, but he was determined to find out.
"Yo, Cloud," Reno said, greeting the cadet as he approached the treadmill. "Hey, can I talk to you for a minute? Sorry to interrupt."
Raising an eyebrow, Cloud shrugged indifferently, and paused the treadmill. "What's up?" he asked nonchalantly.
"Well," Reno began, "you've had a hell of a week last week, with finals…want to go hang out with the big boys?"
"The big boys?" Cloud echoed, sounding confused. "Reno, what are you talking about, exactly?"
"I mean," Reno said, chuckling, "want to hang out with Zack and Genesis, and Angeal and Sephiroth? That's where I'm headed now."
"Um, really?" Cloud asked, somewhat disbelieving. He knew Reno's reputation as a prankster, and didn't want to be the butt of one of his jokes.
"Yeah, really," Reno replied, smiling easily. "I probably shouldn't say anything, yet…but I have it on good authority that you aced it, Cloud."
"No fucking way!" Cloud shouted happily. "Seriously? Um…sorry, I'm just, uh…"
"Excited?" Reno said, laughing. "Yeah, I get that. Come on…I picked up something here," he continued, indicating the package tucked under his arm, "that'll be a shitload of fun, for all of us."
Cloud grinned. Although he was a bit nervous thinking about hanging out with the likes of Zack and the other SOLDIERS – not to mention, General Sephiroth – there was something about Reno that put him at ease. "That sounds good, Reno," Cloud answered. "But…I didn't even get my workout in!" he protested, smiling.
I can think of a few ways to give you a workout, Cloud, Reno thought, his mind racing. "Eh, don't worry about it!" Reno replied nonchalantly, with a wave of his hand. "Seriously, yo – you were put through your paces enough this week. Remember, I've already been through this shit – I know what they do to you here."
"Well…I guess I could hang out for a little bit," Cloud began, leaning forward a bit on the treadmill, and scratching his head distractedly. Reno got a sudden urge to run his own fingers through the blond spiked hair. Down, Turk! he warned himself.
"Yeah," Cloud said decisively. "I'll come. Let me just…hit the showers really quick. Should I meet you there?" he inquired.
"Well, seeing as you don't know where we're going," Reno replied, smirking, "I'll just wait for you out here, yo."
"Oh, okay then!" Cloud replied, smiling, as headed back toward the locker room. He paused in his tracks, and glanced back at Reno. "Thanks…for inviting me, Reno," he said shyly.
"Anytime, yo," Reno replied, waving at Cloud as he sprinted off to the showers. "Anytime…"
Zack Fair was completely exhausted, and had fallen fast asleep on the sofa, in the house he shared with Angeal, Sephiroth, and Genesis. The house was a big, rambling, old affair, and was large enough that none of the men got in each other's way. Today, however, Genesis and Sephiroth grumbled about Zack taking up the entire sofa, while they had to squish together on the love seat. "Leave him alone, he's tired," Angeal had warned them both gruffly.
"Says who?" challenged Sephiroth, as he stared Angeal down.
"Says me," Angeal replied steadily, gazing down at Sephiroth. The general was tall, but Angeal towered over him. Not to mention, the man was a wall of solid muscle. Sephiroth could easily defeat anyone – even Angeal – but he was not in the mood to press things further. "Come on, Genesis," Sephiroth barked. "We'll just go to our room. Maybe we'll fuck," he said loudly, smirking.
"Oh?" inquired Genesis, a bit too eagerly, as he trailed Sephiroth up the stairs.
"Just keep it quiet this time!" Angeal hissed at them, as they departed. "Gods, those two." Angeal took a seat in the recliner near the head of the sofa, his fingers lazily and gently stroking Zack's spiked black hair. "Tired little puppy," Angeal murmured, smiling.
A knock came at the door, and Angeal groaned. "Nobody's getting any damned rest around here," he muttered, as he got up to answer the door. "Oh," Angeal said as he opened the door to see Reno and Cloud standing there. "It's you."
"Is that any way to greet your favorite Turk, Angeal?" Reno asked, grinning, as he waltzed through the door without waiting for Angeal to invite him inside.
"I don't have a favorite Turk," Angeal replied, rolling his eyes. "Hi, Cloud," he said, greeting the cadet. Cloud had been standing there nervously; Angeal certainly didn't seem to be happy to see them, and he was starting to wonder how wise it had been to come here with Reno.
"Zack was trying to sleep," Angeal warned Reno, who was approaching the sleeping figure anyway, in spite of Angeal's warning.
"No time for sleeping, it's time to party!" crowed Reno. "Dude, come ON," he said, clapping a hand on Angeal's shoulder. "Finals are over, get the stick out of your ass! We've worked hard all year whipping these guys into shape!"
"I'll say," said Cloud, chuckling nervously. He was starting to wonder if there would be other cadets showing up…or, would he be the only one?
"See?" Reno continued. "Case in point. This guy here busted ass, and got the highest marks out of anyone in his class. So I think we should get him drunk off of his ass!" Reno chortled.
"Reno," Angeal said patiently, gritting his teeth as he did so. "For one thing: you really shouldn't be telling Cadet Strife about his marks before they are officially posted. And another thing – do you really think that's appropriate, planning to get this young man intoxicated?"
Not only do I think it's appropriate, thought Reno, but it'll probably increase my chances of scoring with him. "It'll be fine, yo!" Reno replied, assuring Angeal. "You're cool, right Cloud?"
"Um…yeah, I'm Cloud. I mean, I'm cool," he stuttered nervously, turning beet red as he tripped over his words.
Reno laughed out loud. "You know, you're kind of cute when you blush, yo," he teased, causing Cloud to turn an even deeper shade of crimson. "Hey, Angeal," Reno continued. "Where the fuck are Seph and Gen?"
"They're upstairs," Angeal replied.
"Oh. Fucking, probably," Reno remarked, rolling his eyes. "Those two are always fucking."
"What?" Cloud blurted, not quite believing what he was hearing. The General…and Genesis? Were they…together?
"You mean you didn't know?" Reno inquired, with a bemused grin. "Sephiroth and Genesis are a couple, yo. They have been for a while."
"As are myself and Zack," Angeal said quietly, trying to ignore Reno, and intently studying his fingernails. He sighed, wishing he could throw Reno out, but he was starting to feel badly for the Strife kid, who seemed like he felt uncomfortable and out of place.
Reno grabbed his EMR and started tapping up above his head, jabbing the ceiling. "Hey!" he shouted toward the ceiling. "You two fuckers, get down here, I've got something to show ya!" Reno shifted the package that he still had clutched underneath his arm, and placed it carefully on the coffee table, right in front of Zack, who was still snoring with his mouth wide open.
The Turk knelt down near the coffee table, and began to remove the brown shipping paper from the large package. Peeling it off layer by layer, something that looked like a large vase soon appeared. It appeared to be made out of blown glass; the base was a large, rounded bowl, that looked like a coiled snake tail; as the vase curved up, it transformed into a serpentine-like shape. Eight small hoses were placed around the middle; the item in question appeared to be a hookah.
"Is that…is that supposed to be the Midgar Zolom?" Cloud inquired, clearly impressed. He knelt down next to Reno to inspect the item a bit closer. "That is really cool. Although, I've heard that the Midgar Zolom is a myth."
"It's no myth," Reno replied dryly. "I can assure you of that."
"Reno," began Angeal, knitting his eyebrows together, "what is that thing, anyway?"
"You mean you don't know?" Reno asked, chuckling. "It's a fucking hookah!"
Angeal frowned. "Oh brother. I am not interested in that," he remarked, with disdain.
"Well, you might not be, but I bet Zack will be," Reno retorted. "Yo, Zack, wake up!" Reno urged, poking the still-sleeping SOLDIER.
"Nnnnf. Wha…Angeal…what?" Zack mumbled. He opened one eye, which was right in line with the hookah that was set on the coffee table. Holy shit, how did a Midgar Zolom get into our fucking house? Angeal! Where are you! he thought, confused.
Zack screamed, and fell off the couch. "Ahh!" he shouted. "What the…fuck, what the fuck!" he babbled, still half-asleep. Reno burst out laughing. "Relax, yo," he told Zack as he helped him up. "It's just a damned hookah!"
Zack groaned. "Oh gods, Reno," he complained. "Don't do that shit to me! Oh, hey, Cloud," he said, greeting the cadet, suddenly noticing he was there. "What are you doing here?"
"I, um…I don't know, Reno invited me," Cloud stammered uncomfortably. "He said…something about a party?"
"Oh, yeah," replied Zack. "I forgot. And I forgot to tell you too, Angeal….sorry!" He gave Angeal a sheepish grin.
"What…party?" Angeal asked, gruffly. "I'm not in the mood for a party."
"What the hell is going on down here!" demanded Sephiroth, who had just come back down the stairs with Genesis, both in varying states of undress. Genesis was flushed, and his eyeliner was smeared all over his face. "Who was banging on the goddamned ceiling?" Sephiroth barked.
"That was me, yo," said Reno, waving nonchalantly at the pair. "Um…sorry if I interrupted anything," he said, chuckling. "I just wanted to show you guys what I brought for the party!"
"What PARTY!" demanded Angeal, irritably. "Am I the only one who doesn't know what the hell's going on?"
"That's today?" Genesis inquired, as he suddenly noticed the hookah. "Oh wow, Reno….is this what I think it is?" he asked the Turk, grinning.
"Yup," affirmed Reno. "It's a hookah. Got it at Wall Market!"
"Cool," Genesis replied, taking up one of the hookah hoses in his hand, inspecting it. "Oh, Seph, we are going to have fun with this," he said, smiling up at the general, who raised an eyebrow curiously and smirked, but said nothing.
"Angeal," Zack began, trying to explain. "Remember? We decided to have a party after finals ended, and invite the cadet with the highest marks, along with any friends he'd want to bring. Of course," Zack continued, glaring at Reno, "marks haven't even been posted yet, have they? Way to jump the gun, there, Turk."
Reno shrugged his shoulders indifferently. "So what?" he replied, grinning. "You all need to fucking relax, and I'm going to make damned sure you do."
Cloud was suddenly feeling mortified, and very out of place. "Maybe…maybe I should just go, then," he muttered, embarrassed; this was met with some protest by Reno, and the other SOLDIERS.
"No, man, you don't have to go!" Reno exclaimed, putting his arm around Cloud. "Please," he said softly. "Don't leave just yet." Cloud stared into Reno's aquamarine eyes, and felt something stir inside him. "Okay," he replied slowly, smiling. "I'll…stay. For a little while."
"Good," said Reno, smiling. "Now let's get the party started!"
"I'll order some pizzas," offered Sephiroth, grabbing his cell phone. "How many? Twenty?"
Cloud laughed. "Twenty? There's only….six of us here, sir."
Sephiroth gazed coolly at Cloud, and smiled. "Ten of those are for me," he replied, chuckling. "Hey, Zack – go get a keg, or something. Isn't that what you usually do?"
"I always have to make the beer run!" Zack complained. "Can't Genesis do it?"
"I'll go with you, Zack," Genesis offered, "but I will be getting some wine. I prefer it over beer," he said, making a face.
"Man, when did you turn into a wine snob?" Zack inquired, teasing.
Genesis cast him a withering glare. "Unlike you, Zack," he said evenly, "I drink because I enjoy the taste, not to simply get shithammered."
"Like hell you don't," Zack retorted, laughing. "You're a girl-drink drunk. I've seen you getting three sheets to the wind, just on your foo-foo blender drinks."
"Fuck you!" shouted Genesis, indignantly. "Come on. Let's go, if we're going," he hissed at Reno.
Angeal was smiling in spite of his resistance to the idea of this party. After all, parties were something that Zack enjoyed; and anything that made Zack happy, was worthwhile to Angeal in the end.
"Wait!" Reno said suddenly. "Hold up, yo. Before everyone scatters, why don't we give this thing a test drive?" he said, pointing at the hookah. "I'm going to fill it up," he continued, before waiting for an answer. He ran into the kitchen to get a cup of water out of the tap; then, he filled the bowl of the hookah with it. Next, Reno fished around in his pants pocket for his Zippo lighter, and, lifting the top, lit the tobacco that was nestled within. "Ah, we're ready to roll, yo," the Turk said, grinning, rubbing his hands together gleefully.
"What exactly did you put in there, Reno?" Angeal inquired, a bit suspiciously.
"The usual," Reno replied, grinning wickedly. "Oh, come on, Angeal, what do you THINK I put in there?"
Angeal folded his arms across his chest and shook his head. "I do not approve," he said stubbornly.
Grinning, Zack ran his hand up Angeal's well-muscled back, causing him to jump. "You know, Angeal," he murmured, "last time we did this…it ended up being pretty fun, didn't it?" A broad smile broke across Angeal's tanned face. "Yeah," he admitted, as he recalled exactly what happened the last time. "That was…nice. Um, the parts I remember, anyway," he said, laughing.
"See?" said Zack, grinning. "Don't be such a stick in the mud. It's a party, after all!" he crowed. Angeal sighed; there was little he could do to dissuade Zack, once he set his mind to have fun. It was simply easier to go along with him.
Reno already had the mouthpiece of one of the hoses inserted in his mouth, and was taking hits off of the hookah. "Anyone else, yo?" he said, offering a hose to Cloud. "Come on, Cloud, don't be shy. Step right up!" Reno urged him.
Cloud grinned. "Or…sit right down, you mean," he said, as he took a seat on the floor next to Reno. "I've…never done this before," he admitted.
"Well, aren't you glad you decided to stay, then?" Reno commented, smiling as he handed a hose to Cloud. "It's easy, just like smoking, but it's way smoother. See, just hold the hose like this," Reno instructed him, guiding Cloud's jittery hand around the mouthpiece of the hose. "Don't be nervous! You'll be…very relaxed soon, I promise," Reno said, winking at him.
"So you just stick it in your mouth, like I'm doing here," Reno told Cloud as he demonstrated, "and suck – don't blow into it, either. It's better to suck than to blow. Um…I mean…" Reno turned bright red as he realized the double entendre of what he had said. Cloud giggled nervously, but did as he was instructed, taking a long hit off of the hookah. Is Reno flirting with me? Cloud wondered. It certainly…seems like it, all of a sudden.
Cloud held the smoke in his mouth for a bit, savoring the taste, then let it out slowly. All the nervous tension he had been feeling, felt as if it had also been released when he exhaled. "Yeah," Cloud mumbled, smiling dumbly. "I feel better already."
"Good!" Reno replied, smiling. He stuck the mouthpiece in between his lips again, taking another hit. Sephiroth and Genesis sat themselves on the couch, the general scowling slightly as he picked up one of the hoses. "Don't bogart the hookah, Turk," he remarked, smirking. "Cadet Strife, are you enjoying yourself?" the general inquired, as he took a hit.
"I am, thank you," Cloud replied. "And, please, sir…call me Cloud," he said with a nervous smile.
Sephiroth slowly blew out four consecutive smoke rings right into Genesis's face, causing him to giggle. Smiling kindly at Cloud, Sephiroth told him, "And you can call me Sephiroth. Formalities should be left at the door, this is a party!"
Zack and Angeal both sat on the floor in front of the coffee table, and Zack handed a hose to Angeal. "You know what to do!" Zack told him, smiling. Shrugging his shoulders and smiling, Angeal took a small hit to start, then inhaled even more deeply. Fuck it, he thought. I'm already in deep enough as it is. Besides, whenever Zack smokes, he gets horny. Angeal grinned wickedly, and this did not go unnoticed by Zack.
"What are you smiling about? That good already?" Zack inquired, as he blew out a waft of smoke he had been holding in his mouth .
"Wouldn't you like to know what I'm smiling about," Angeal said mysteriously.
"Hewley's high on one hit, haaaaaa," Genesis snickered, then began snorting and laughing uncontrollably. Sephiroth began to giggle. "You…sound like a rutting Chocobo, Gen. Haahahahahaha." Sephiroth threw his head back, laughing hysterically, and as he leaned forward again, fell off of the couch and onto the floor, still chortling. Genesis took one look at the general on the floor and began laughing even harder. "Oh shit, Seph!" he cried. "My mascara's going to run!"
"Shut up, pretty boy!" Sephiroth retorted, giggling, and wiping the tears from his eyes. Reno and Cloud looked at each other and burst out laughing. They had both somehow ended up sitting pressed against each other, and neither had realized it, until that moment. "Uh, sorry," said Reno, inching away a bit from Cloud. "Didn't mean to squash you."
"Nah, it's okay, Reno!" Cloud assured him, clearly way more relaxed than he was when he first arrived. He boldly threw his arm around Reno's waist, pulling him in closer. "Sit next to me! You're keeping me warmmmm," Cloud slurred, giggling.
Reno hesitantly put an arm around Cloud's shoulders, not wanting to come on too strongly, but feeling a bit encouraged by Cloud suddenly glomming onto him. "So, you're liking it, huh?" Reno inquired, pointing at the hookah.
"Oh yeah," Cloud replied, smiling as he leaned into Reno slightly. "That's some good shit! Tastes like…I don't know, fucking blueberries or something. Where'd you get it?"
"From Tseng," Reno replied, as the others laughed at Cloud's comment. "Tseng's aunt grows that shit back on the family plantation in Wutai."
"No fucking way!" exclaimed Cloud. "Wow. Hey Reno," he crooned, clearly having no inhibitions left, "I really like you, Reno," he purred, nuzzling Reno's shoulder.
Reno beamed. The hookah was having the desired effect on Cloud. Not that he had ever intended on drugging the cadet in order to get anywhere with him, but if it helped spur things along, Reno didn't have a problem with that.
"I…like you too, Cloud," Reno replied, smiling over at Cloud. He suddenly realized everyone in the room was staring at both of them. "What?" Reno snapped. "Oh, uh, Cloud? It's kind of after the fact, but did you want to invite any of your friends over here to hang out?"
"Nah," Cloud replied. "Fuck them. They'll just hog all the weed." Everyone laughed at this.
"Hey….guys?" Cloud began. "I'm really, really hungry. Didn't Sephiroth order a shit ton of pizzas?"
Sephiroth wrinkled his brow at this, it sounded familiar. "I did order pizzas!" he burst out, indignantly. "Where the fuck are they?"
Genesis glanced over at Sephiroth, smirking. "Did you tell them to deliver? Or that we'd pick them up?"
The general smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand, and groaned. "Oh, for fuck's sake! I think I told them we'd pick up. Let me call them back…I'll tell them we'll be there soon, to get them. Or should I tell them to deliver?" he pondered uncertainly.
"I want ice cream," Cloud blurted suddenly. "Can we get ice cream?"
"Oh yeah!" interrupted Zack. "And I was supposed to get beer! And nancy-boy over there," he said, laughing and pointing at Genesis, "was going to get his fruity-tooty wine!" Zack burst out laughing, and leaned back, falling onto the carpet, giggling uncontrollably.
Genesis snorted, and glared at Zack. "You are a most annoying prick, Fair," he remarked. "You've certainly taken your share of my 'fruity' wine, asshole."
"I'm just kidding, Genesis!" Zack exclaimed, still giggling. "Geez! So, hey – let's go to the supermarket, we'll pick up some snacks, and we can get beer and wine there too. Seph, we'll get the pizzas on our way back…that sound good to everyone?"
Everyone nodded in agreement except for Angeal, who was still sitting on the carpet, cross-legged, moaning.
Zack looked mildly concerned, and asked him, "Angeal? You okay?"
"Too many words, Zack," Angeal muttered. "Too much…to process…"
"He needs another hit," Sephiroth ordered. "STAT." Zack took the hose, which was dangling uselessly in front of Angeal, and placed the mouthpiece in between his lips. "Suck it, baby," Zack murmured, grinning as he locked eyes with Angeal's. Angeal's eyes shot open at this remark, and he grinned hugely. "Nice, Zack," he commented, as he took another hit. "Ah," he said as he exhaled. "I think…I feel better now. I'm fucking ravenous, though," he complained. "Let's go, and get some food."
"Okay then," said Sephiroth. "Everyone pile into my truck." Cloud grinned; what a day this was turning out to be. Not only was he partying with SOLDIERS, and the general – now he was going to get to ride in the general's monster truck. He didn't feel one bit guilty about not inviting any of his fellow cadets either.
Reno made certain anything lit was extinguished, and Zack locked up the house behind them. As they all headed out to the driveway toward Sephiroth's gunmetal-grey truck, Reno shoved ahead of Genesis, wanting to maneuver it so he'd sit next to Cloud in the backseat. The truck was really a military vehicle; practically a stretch-limo version of a huge truck, capable of seating eight. As Cloud stood next to the open door, he suddenly realized that he was too short to get in without a boost. Turning around, he saw Reno standing there, and asked him to lend a hand. "I…need a boost, Reno," Cloud told him sheepishly. "I'm not tall enough, I guess."
"Hey, no problem, yo," Reno agreed easily. He cupped his hand and put it down near the ground, so that Cloud could step into it and enter the vehicle; Cloud gingerly stuck his foot in, and began hoisting himself up on the doorframe. Reno suddenly lost his balance and began swaying; he crashed to the ground, with Cloud landing on top of him – and Cloud ended up sitting right on Reno's face.
Lying on the ground, with Cloud's nether regions pressed up against his face, Reno couldn't help but laugh. This is…not quite how I pictured getting down with Cloud, he thought, bemused, but it's a start. Damn, he noted, smiling as he felt Cloud's erection pressing down on his nose, maybe he really is happy to see me.
Cloud hastily extricated himself from Reno, completely mortified. "I'm so sorry, Reno!" he apologized, putting out a hand to help him up. "That was…awkward."
"It's not your fault, yo," Reno replied, smiling. "It was my fault, I'm all fucked up, and I fell over," he said, laughing. "And, that wasn't awkward…not to me. That was fucking hot."
"Hot?" echoed Cloud quizzically. Reno gave him a smoldering look and pressed Cloud up against the side of the truck, kissing him roughly. "Yeah," Reno said softly. "Hot. Like that."
"Oh," Cloud replied dumbly. What do I do now? he wondered. I have to do…something. I can't just stand here like an idiot. He grabbed a surprised Reno by the lapels, and pulled Reno back toward him, capturing his lips in a fiery kiss. "And that," murmured Cloud. "That's hot, too." Reno nodded, smiling wordlessly. He hadn't quite expected Cloud to kiss him back, but he was damned glad it had happened.
By this time, everyone was seated in the vehicle, and Sephiroth was behind the wheel. "Will you two just get into my fucking truck, already?" he shouted impatiently. "You can make out later, for Gaia's sake. I'm hungry, and I want my goddamned pizzas." The general already had a lit joint in his mouth, and sucked on it as he slammed the transmission into reverse, backing out of the driveway with a screech, nearly taking out the mailbox. Soon they were on the road, and headed on their way to the supermarket. "Here," Sephiroth said, handing the joint to Genesis, who was riding shotgun, "pass it around. And don't fucking bogart it, Gen. Share," he commanded.
Smirking, Genesis took the offered joint, took a hit, and turned around to hand it to Angeal, who took a quick hit and passed it around. Reno chuckled, and reached into his jacket pocket, apparently searching for something. "What is that little thing?" Reno asked, cackling. "That's fucking tiny, yo. You could pick your teeth with that joint."
Sephiroth glanced in the rear view mirror and glared at Reno. "You got something better, asshole?" he inquired icily.
"As a matter of fact, I do," Reno replied airily. He pulled out a huge blunt, stuck it in his mouth and lit it, taking a huge drag. "Ahh," he murmured as he exhaled. "Now that's the shit." He handed it over to Cloud next. "Wow," Cloud said, grinning. "Are you…always this prepared, Reno?"
"Hell yeah," answered Reno, leaning back in his seat lazily, still blowing out smoke rings. "A blunt a day keeps the doctor away."
Cloud started laughing as he was inhaling, and began coughing and sputtering. "Fuck," he managed to choke out. "Here…Zack, take it," he said in between coughing fits, as he passed the blunt to Zack. "Give that shit up here when you're done with it," Sephiroth commanded Zack, eyeballing him in the rearview mirror. Reno began patting Cloud on the back as he was coughing. "I'm okay," Cloud said, smiling at Reno. "Thanks."
"No problem," Reno replied, as he leaned back again, clasping his hands behind his head and relaxing. "Remember what I told you, Cloud – it's better to suck than to blow," he said, giggling.
"I bet it is," Cloud said huskily, inching closer to Reno, and smiling slyly. Reno swallowed hard, and grinned hugely. I am getting the biggest hard-on right now, he thought. I hope I'm not too high to get it up later…
Zack giggled. "Should you be smoking while driving?" he asked Sephiroth innocently, as he passed the blunt to Angeal.
The general merely glared at Zack in the mirror. "My tolerance is…higher than average, shall we say," Sephiroth replied, grinning. "Now give me that fucking blunt, Angeal, you're hogging it."
Angeal giggled. "So…..so fucking what, Sephiroth," he babbled stupidly, laughing. "I'm taking a second hit, and if you don't like it, you can go fuck yourself with a shoehorn." The general opened his mouth to reply, but his mouth simply hung open.
Zack doubled over laughing. "Angeal, you are so fucking wasted!" he hooted. "I wish I had the fucking camcorder!"
"Finally! We're finally fucking here!" exclaimed Genesis, as they pulled into the parking lot of the supermarket. "Gods, Sephiroth," he complained, "you drive slower than you fuck, when you're high!"
Sephiroth snarled and gave Genesis an almost feral look as he jerked the emergency brake angrily. "Excuse me, Genesis? Want to put your money where your mouth is?" he hissed, as he pounced on top of Genesis in the front seat, and started dry-humping him as he began removing Genesis's clothing.
"Oh for the love of Gaia," Reno muttered, rolling his eyes. "Um…why don't we just go ahead, Cloud. They're going to be a while, I think."
"Yeah," agreed Zack, already exiting the vehicle, "Gods, Seph, nobody needs to see that shit in the parking lot, take it to the back seat!"
"A capital idea," Sephiroth said wryly, already crawling toward the back seat. "Give us…a few minutes," he murmured. "We'll meet you inside."
Sighing, Reno shrugged his shoulders, and threw his arm around Cloud's shoulders, smiling over at him. "I guess we'll…go get your ice cream, yeah?"
"Yeah," replied Cloud. "That sounds good."
"And I'm doing the beer run, as usual," complained Zack. He and Angeal were walking alongside Reno and Cloud as they approached the entrance to the supermarket.
"Did anyone make a shopping list?" Angeal asked quietly.
"A list?" Reno and Zack said simultaneously, chuckling. "Dude…are you serious?" asked Reno. "We're all fucking wasted…do you think anyone of us is capable of holding a pen, never mind writing with it?"
Angeal groaned. "Oh, my head…." he muttered. He turned to face the group, a serious expression on his face. "I just need to know one thing," he began.
"What is it, babe?" Zack inquired.
"Can someone," Angeal asked, "can someone PLEASE stay sober…or semi-sober?" He sighed, realizing that nobody was getting his point, and then went on.
"Someone needs to be a little bit coherent," Angeal added, "just in case one – or more than one of us, which is most likely – needs bail money come tomorrow morning."
Cloud smiled at this, in spite of himself. He was having the time of his life so far. Even if I had to spend a night in lockup, he reasoned, it'd all be worth it in the end.
"Can you believe those two, though, Seph and Genesis?" muttered Zack, changing the subject. "Seriously, I get being horny, but those two are horny every five fucking minutes."
Reno snorted at this, then glanced back to observe Cloud, who was lagging behind slightly. He hung back a bit, waiting for the cadet to catch up. "You okay, Cloud?"
"I'm fiiiiiine, Reno," Cloud drawled, grinning at Reno and staring through half-lidded eyes. "Hey! Can I ride in the cart? Can I?"
"I think," Reno replied, smiling, as he put an arm around Cloud, helping him along, "that is a great fucking idea. I'll push you, even."
"Oh good!" said Cloud, smiling. He frowned suddenly. "Oh no, Reno!" he said, sadly.
"What…what's the matter, Cloud?" Reno asked, as they entered the vestibule where all the shopping carts were.
"They don't have any racing car carts here," Cloud replied, morosely. "Or the fire truck ones, either! This place SUCKS!" he moaned.
Reno tried to stifle a giggle; the weed was starting to get to him, and suddenly everything was hilarious. "Dude," he said, trying to keep his voice steady, "You wouldn't even fit into those shopping carts…they're for kids!"
"Oh," replied Cloud. "I guess that's okay then!" he said brightly. "This one's fine." He climbed into the front of the shopping cart, nearly toppling it over, until Reno realized what was happening, and grabbed onto the handle. "Whoa, dude," chuckled Reno. "So, let's get your ice cream, Cloud."
Zack and Angeal had made their way inside already, and Angeal was pushing a shopping cart in front of them toward the liquor department. "What're we getting, Ang?" Zack drawled.
"Something with caffeine," Angeal replied. "I'm getting tired…"
"Aw, don't say that!" Zack complained. "The night is young…"
"I know, Zack," Angeal replied, chuckling. "Don't worry, I'll get my second wind…eventually."
Meanwhile, Reno and Cloud had reached the freezer aisle. Cloud had virtually lost all of his inhibitions after hitting the blunt, and was feeling really good. Really, really good. "I think I need to work 'yo' into my vocabulary more," Cloud blurted randomly. "What do you think, Reno?"
The Turk burst out laughing. "Well, then you'd start to sound like me, Cloud," he replied, chuckling. "I'm not entirely sure that's such a good idea."
"Why not?" Cloud replied stubbornly, sticking out his chin. He was still seated in the shopping cart, looking up at Reno as the Turk pushed him around. Suddenly, Cloud stood up in the cart, grabbed Reno by the shoulders, and pulled him in, kissing him. "Shit, Cloud," Reno whispered, breaking the kiss slightly, but still barely touching his lips to Cloud's, "you…keep surprising me, yo."
"Is that…bad?" Cloud asked hesitantly, frowning. "Am I…are we…going to regret everything in the morning?"
Reno stroked Cloud's hair briefly, and smiled. "Well," he replied, "I sure as hell don't plan on it. And neither should you." He hoisted Cloud out of the shopping cart and braced him against one of the freezer doors, kissing him fiercely, and running his hands up and down Cloud's torso, causing the cadet to moan. Cloud's hands wandered up Reno's back, feeling the lean muscle there, then raked his fingers through his ponytail. "Oh, fuck yeah," Reno muttered.
"Well, well, well!" interrupted Sephiroth, who had just come upon Cloud and Reno groping each other. Genesis was right behind him, chuckling at the sight before him. "Didn't take you long, did it," Genesis observed, giggling. " 'Just get a fucking room, yo!' Isn't that what you always say to me and Seph?" he teased.
"Oh, fuck YOU, Genesis," Reno muttered. "We were just, ah, um….ah," the Turk stuttered uncomfortably.
"Getting ice cream," Cloud said, finishing Reno's sentence for him. "Thank you, Cloud," murmured Reno. "Yeah. Getting ice cream. That's what we were doing."
"Clearly," Sephiroth remarked dryly. "Here's a hint, gentlemen: the ice cream is in those freezers there," he said, pointing. "Not behind Reno's tonsils, nor is it down the front of Cloud's pants."
"Well, that's good that it's not in my pants," Cloud said, giggling. "Because it would have fucking melted by now."
Reno grinned at Cloud, then asked Sephiroth and Genesis, "Where the hell are Angeal and Zack, by the way?"
"Who knows?" Genesis replied, shrugging. "Probably arguing over which is better: stout versus lager, if I know Angeal."
Sephiroth chuckled at that. "Yeah. That sounds about right," the general agreed, smirking.
"So, ice cream, yes? "Sephiroth began. "Let's just get this shit and get out of here. In case I haven't mentioned it yet? I still need to pick up my twenty fucking pizzas, which are waiting for me."
Cloud chuckled. "I still can't believe we're getting twenty pizzas for six people," he commented.
"That's how Sephiroth rolls, yo," said Reno, grinning. "I hope they're keeping that shit warm for you, Seph."
"They said they would, yes," replied Sephiroth. "Antoine was very nice about it when I called, I told him we were running late. You know, if you get a good pizza guy, you do NOT want to piss him off!" Sephiroth stated, with much authority. Reno and Cloud nodded, agreeing with this sensible bit of advice.
Sephiroth suddenly began looking around him, confused. "Wasn't…Genesis just here, like seconds ago?" he asked Reno and Cloud. "Where…is he? Where did he go?"
Cloud and Reno both shrugged their shoulders. "No idea, yo," he replied. "We were talking about ice cream, and then…"
Suddenly a droning voice came over the PA system.
"Infinite in mystery is the gift of the goddess
We seek it thus, and take to the sky
Ripples form on the water's surface
The wandering soul knows no rest"
.Sephiroth groaned and rolled his eyes. "Holy mother of Gaia, Genesis," Sephiroth complained. "You'll get us thrown out of here for sure! Reciting fucking Loveless again, for the billionth time, gods! And this time, over the goddamned PA!" He stomped off toward the front of store, apparently wanting to put a stop to this.
Reno and Cloud stood there for a minute or so, staring at each other, then bursting into a fit of giggles. "Oh, Gaia," squeaked Cloud, chuckling. "We are all pretty fucked up right now, aren't we?"
"Yeah," replied Reno, smirking. "But…not too fucked up that I don't know what I'm doing, either," he said, wrapping his arms around Cloud again, and kissing him slowly. Out of the corner of his eye, Reno spied the endless rows of ice cream in the freezer displays…and abruptly got a mental image of eating ice cream…off of Cloud. Oh, sweet Shiva.
"Hurry," commanded Reno, suddenly feeling a sense of urgency – along with a raging hard-on. He flung open the freezer door and threw several pints of ice cream into the shopping cart.
"I know, I'm sorry, I've delayed us," Cloud apologized. "Sephiroth needs to get his pizzas…"
"I don't give a fuck about Sephiroth or his nine hundred pizzas, yo," muttered Reno. "I'm wondering what flavor ice cream goes best with…"
"With chocolate sauce?" Cloud interrupted, holding up a jar of hot fudge sauce he had taken from a nearby display.
"No. I mean - yes, get that too, but…what I was going to say, was," Reno continued, suddenly feeling quite sober, "what flavor goes best with you, Cloud."
Cloud swallowed hard, and locked eyes with Reno. He looked into the freezer, and grabbed a pint of ice cream, handing it over to Reno. "This one," Cloud told him, not looking away from Reno's piercing gaze.
Reno took the container from Cloud and read the label to see what flavor it was. A grin lit up his face as he read the whimsical ice cream flavor to himself.
The flavor Cloud had chosen was called Pop My Cherry Bomb Parfait.
Oh fuck yeah! Reno thought, chuckling, as he placed the ice cream in the shopping cart.
A/N: Yeah, that ice cream flavor doesn't exist, obviously. But it SHOULD.
and P.S. - there's definitely more chapters coming. I am having too much damned fun writing this, that I'm not about to stop! :)