"Dyke"
"Mistake of nature"
"Disgusting"
I hear these words everyday, and everyday I'm alone. It feels like I am the only thing in the world that people pay attention too. I never wanted attention. All I ever wanted was to be normal, to fit in, blend in, be a nobody. But because of an inconsequential aspect of myself, I am the only person worthy of eyes. But those eyes are not adoring but filled with malice and hate. All I ever wanted was to have some one to fall asleep next to every night and hear the words, "I love you" and grow old with them. That's ALL. Why am I not destined to have that, just because the person I want it to be is another woman? My abnormal silver hair that runs to my hips and red eyes don't help with not gaining attention either.
I did have some one though. Key word is did. I had some one that held my hand and held me while whispering sweet nothings in my ear while I cried. She would try to be the strong one but I knew. As I clutched her waist I could feel her chest trembling with contained sobs as well. She only held me when in secret though. As soon as we were exposed she abandoned me to stand alone and fend for myself. The girl had long teal hair that hung to her calves on twin tails, and an adorably high voice. I never hear that voice anymore though. Her name was Miku and it fit her perfectly. Small, simple, cute. Just like her. She had decided to take her voice from the world forever though. No one cared. Some celebrated.
It all started when she had discovered my hiding place in the back of the school library, crying. Miku somehow understood immediately and embraced me, saying it was going to be okay. Apparently her understanding wasn't so mysterious, there had been rumors of my sexuality flying throughout the school for awhile now. She held me as I cried like many times after and had said that she was the same as I.
Our relationship didn't last long. Only a few weeks after a blonde girl who was the leader of my tormentors had taken a picture of us kissing on the roof of the school. Neru was her name. She had posted the picture to Facebook and blown it up to hang on the wall of the entrance to the school. We were exposed and Miku had still bravely tried to stay strong for me. But I suppose I didn't know how bad she had taken the abuse until I discovered her floor painted with red that stained the once pure teal hair. That red doesn't work very well with teal, so what was it doing there? A parchment with her final words of, "I'm sorry." is all that remains of her. I only curse her name now, for leaving me alone.
I still clutch the note while crying.
Replying the words back to her for not being stronger. It seems like that's all my life is filled with now.
If only I was stronger.
If only I was more perceptive.
If only I had loved her more.
If only . . .
I'm relieved to know that I will not have to ask "If only" anymore.
Miku left me alone and I hated it.
So I decided that I shouldn't leave her alone either. I will honor Miku by joining her the same way she left me. The silver that is now covered with red is the same shade as my hair. I guess that means all I was ever meant to do was cause pain. It's selfish of me to stop my own, but I will be joining Miku in the flames. We'll burn together.
At least we won't be alone.