The sun was perched comfortably in the middle of the clear blue sky when, as usual, the two inseparable Auditore brothers danced their way back home to the Palazzo di Auditore, laughing and joking. The parents that waited for them within, however, didn't look as amused.
"There you are," Madonna Auditore remarked dryly, "We were all waiting for you two to decide to show up."
She gestured lightly to Claudia and Petruccio, who stood nervously beside their father.
"Mi despiaci, madre," The younger of the two brothers shrugged, "We sort of…lost track of time."
"I'll bet you did." The mother replied, her tone betraying all truth of the sentence.
Before any punishment could be decreed, Giovanni cleared his throat.
"The reason," he eyed his wife cautiously as he began, "we've called you here today is to announce something quite important."
"And what would that be?" Federico asked curiously.
"Don't interrupt your father," Maria hissed quietly.
"It's fine, dear," Giovanni nodded distractedly, "Anyway, the reason I've called you here-"
"Madre?" Petruccio suddenly interrupted, raising his hand meekly.
"What is it, Petruccio?" The mother huffed in annoyance.
"May I go collect feathers when padre is done speaking?"
"No!" Maria groaned, "Just let your father speak, please, bambini!"
Giovanni cleared his throat again, somewhat nervously.
"We've been invited to a dinner party," he announced, "a rather informal one, but it's hosted by the Augustini family, a family rather important to the bank."
"So?" Ezio snorted, eyes finding the net of Morning Glories suddenly more interesting than what his father had to say.
"So because they are so important," Giovanni continued, flashing his son a annoyed glance, "It is imperative you do nothing to disrespect them." The father's eyes wandered between each of his sons' mischievous faces, as if they couldn't decide who to trust with this enormous responsibility.
"Is that all?" Claudia asked, frowning.
"The dinner is early this evening," Maria chided, "I expect you ALL to be properly groomed and dressed-"
"-But you said it was informal!" Petruccio exclaimed, eyes widening in dread at the prospect of an entire afternoon being washed.
"-Yes, but even so-" Maria attempted to continue.
"Mother!" Claudia moaned pitifully, "how will I know which dress to wear?"
"Do they have any daughters?" Ezio asked brightly.
"Enough of this!" Giovanni said loudly, ending the chaos in the courtyard abruptly. He watched in approval as his family turned to face him questioningly.
"We'll all be ready to go in about two hours," He surmised, "You'll all be checked by your mother before we leave, for approval. I will lead the way to the Augustini household, where once we arrive you boys will do absolutely NOTHING inappropriate! You will all behave on this outing, am I UNDERSTOOD?" Giovanni roared fearfully.
His three sons and single daughter nodded meekly.
"Good," he sighed, "Then off you go."
Two hours later, a wary Giovanni Auditore stepped from the palazzo's gate, a beautifully dressed Maria grasping his hand dignantly. The husband and wife serenely made their way through the golden tinted streets of Firenze, glancing now and then to their children, who followed shortly.
Ezio and Federico had made little changes to their outfits, though Maria had threatened them with death by stoning if they didn't fix their collars. Their hair had also been painstakingly washed and brushed, so it no longer flew casually in the wind, but actually seemed to cling to their heads like blocks of cement.
Claudia looked stunningly gorgeous on the outside, black hair tied up and gleaming, a deep red dress clinging to her, adorned with gold spirals- but when you got close enough, you could hear her groaning about every single accessory.
Petruccio looked as though he expected some wild beast to pop out of a corner and eat him. He had tried (unsuccessfully) to convince his mother that he needed more bed-rest, and that he was still feeling sick, but she had insisted he come. His long brown hair had been parted out of his eyes, not the way he liked it. Petruccio preferred to hide his eyes from the world, for whatever reason his mother could not fathom- so every chance she got, she brushed his bangs back. It was a never-ending silent war between mother and son.
After a (semi) peaceful walk, the Palazzo di Augustini loomed into view, ever sturdy and impressive. Giovanni called all his children together once more.
"Now let me repeat this one more time," he whispered fiercely, "NOTHING inappropriate or disrespectful, understand?"
His children nodded in silent agreement- he turned back to his wife and sighed in relief. She smiled in approval and took his arm into the courtyard.
"Auditore!" The warm welcome echoed through the marble entrance area as a large, round man with a friendly grin kicked his door open and hurled himself at Giovanni's thin form.
"Augustini," he replied smoothly as he caught the large man, "It's been a while since we've met off business, yes?"
"Indeed," Messer Augustini agreed, breaking the embrace and settling for shaking Giovanni's hand wildly, "It's an honor to have you, Messer Auditore."
"L'onore a mio, signore," Giovanni chuckled, "allow me to introduce my children."
As though they'd been waiting for this exact moment, the Auditore siblings lined up according to age and bowed respectfully.
"My oldest, Federico," Giovanni gestured accordingly, "as you no doubt heard, he's been working at the bank recently."
"Oh, that," Augustini laughed, "That'll blow over soon, don't worry, Auditore. People forget, in time."
"I should hope so…" Giovanni replied nervously. Federico shot his father an apologetic glance, but kept his mouth shut.
"This is my other son, Ezio," Giovanni nodded his head, continuing.
"Ah, he looks like a strong one!" Augustini proclaimed in approval, "and what does he do?"
"Well he's been working for me recently," Giovanni explained, "he's a useful little paperboy."
Ezio frowned but said nothing to defend himself while Messer Augustini laughed heartily.
"My daughter, Claudia," Giovanni continued.
"What a beauty," he whispered, "Really, Auditore, how old is she?"
"Honestly, we've been looking for a suitor," Giovanni said warily.
"I'll speak with you about it later," Augustini elbowed the taller man and winked, "I may have just the boy for you."
Claudia's cheeks gushed fire and it took all her self-restraint not to devour the man right there.
"And finally, my youngest, Petruccio." Giovanni concluded, then sent his friend a sad glance. "He's been sick for a while…"
"I'm sure, with your spirit, he'll make a fine recovery." Augustini slapped a comforting hand on the Auditore's back and nodded.
"Well, come in, children, come in!" He announced cheerfully, finally acknowledging that the Auditore children were indeed there and could hear him. "I have daughter of my own to introduce!"
Ezio and Federico silently exchanged eyebrows as they hurried in after their father. Federico entered first, and the younger brother would have followed if something hadn't quickly caught his eye. An ancient white furred cat tiptoed its way around the corner into the courtyard, peering at Ezio curiously. The mischievous Auditore grinned at the feline, recognizing it instantly.
"Hello, kitty," Ezio said quietly, but more than loud enough for the startled cat to catch on, "remember me?" Ezio waved a hand slowly.
The cat shrieked, the hair on its tail reaching for the sky. It turned on its heels and ran as fast as it could in the opposite direction.
The inside of the Augustini's villa was nearly as beautiful and pleasing as the outside. A large hallway lined with statues and paintings greeted the family as they made their way inside.
"I've been looking everywhere for a suitor for her," the banker drawled on as Petruccio marveled at the masterpieces they were passing, "But I suddenly realized- her husband is going to be my son-in-law! A man wants a workable son, one who's smart and knows his place, am I right?"
Finally they reached the dining hall. Places were already set for nine, and servants were buzzing for the exit, apparently just adding finishing touches.
"Have a seat," Messer Augustini said loudly, "My wife and daughter will be in shortly."
Maria quietly gave her children seating directions, which they carried out flawlessly. Messer Augustini seated himself at the head of the table and Giovanni sat to his right. Just after they'd taken their seats, a plump woman with rosy cheeks appeared at the room's entrance, approaching the table rather clumsily.
"Sorry I'm later, dear," she huffed apologetically, "Just had to do a few more things…"
"Auditore," Messer Augustini bowed his head, "This is my wife, Amelia Augustini."
"It is an honor to meet you, signora," Giovanni bowed as well and kissed the woman's hand as she made her way around the table.
"What a gentleman!" She gushed as she sat beside her husband. Federico made a gagging face secretly with his brother, causing Ezio to lift a hand to his mouth, stifling the giggles.
"The servants are already coming with the appetizers," Madonna Augustini explained, "And they've taken out the special dishes I prepared for our guests!"
"Special dishes?" Maria asked curiously, finally involving herself.
"Yes, my wife is quite the exotic cook," Messer Augustini joked, "she enjoys preparing meals from other cultures."
"Oh joy," Ezio groaned, nearly silent.
"I just hope it isn't fattening," Claudia whispered reverently.
"Where's his daughter, already?" Federico growled anxiously.
"As I was saying, about my daughter," Messer Augustini boomed, oblivious to the children's conversation, "A man can never be too careful choosing his daughter's groom, no?"
"Indeed," Giovanni nodded, eyes darting back to Claudia for a moment, "So I assume you devised something?"
"I have," Augustini announced, "A brilliant plan!"
"Please, continue," Giovanni nodded.
"I have made my daughter swear never to speak to any of the suitors who come for her," he continued, obviously proud of himself, "she must try her absolute hardest not to say a word!"
"And?" Giovanni trailed off, apparently intrigued.
"The man who can make her talk, must marry her!" Augustini concluded happily, "Amazing, no?"
"I admit," Giovanni replied, amused, "it is quite interesting…"
"Ah, here she is now!" He cried, "My dear Polliziana!"
Just then, a girl peeked shyly around the corner of the entrance.
"Come in, darling, come in!" Her father beckoned loudly.
She nodded quietly and strode gracefully into the room, managing not to make a sound. She had crystal eyes, grey as storm clouds, and hair like fire, blazing freely, though tied beautifully behind her. Her stunning white dress flowed around her like silk as she approached the table.
"Wow…" Ezio whispered.
"She's something…" Federico gazed in awe.
"She's mine." Ezio remarked quickly.
"I would be honored if one of your sons would attempt to speak with her," Messer Augustini continued, flashing Giovanni a wide grin.
"First we must eat," Amelia announced giddily, "Sit, Polliziana!"
As soon as they were all prepared, two maids entered the room, bearing trays heaped with breads and rolls. They set the bread down and whisked themselves back to whatever mythical kitchen they came from. Ezio reached out for a roll almost immediately but was cut off by his brother's arm.
"Wait for mother to nod," Federico whispered loudly, "This is considered not well mannered!"
"But I'm hungry!" Ezio whined quietly.
Both boys peered over the edge of the table, sending pleading looks at their mother. She nearly rolled her eyes at them, but nodded curtly. The brothers sighed in relief and grabbed some rolls from the nearest tray.
The meal continued on normally, with the children discussing things among themselves, and Giovanni and Messer Augustini discussed husbands, daughters, and business at the bank. Polliziana was widely ignored, a tactic of the Auditore brothers.
"Phase one," Federico grinned devilishly, "Feign disinterest."
Everything was fine until the maids brought out the first course. The small girl laid the tray in front of Ezio expectantly. He grimaced- the silver palette was slopped with a green paste-like substance. Bits of corn and rice stuck out like freckles, and all in all it gave the appearance of green tapioca pudding.
"And what is this…er…concoction?" Giovanni asked carefully as a tray was set before him as well.
"Majadara!" Amelia bubbled happily, "It's a recipe I got from a traveler from Morocco! Looks delicious doesn't it?"
"Yes, quite…" Ezio gulped.
"Just wait till you try it!" Amelia laughed and piled some on her plate.
Before Ezio could do anything, he was shocked to find Federico scooping up a large gunk of Majadara. He was about to ask-
"I assure you, Madonna Augustini," he smiled widely, "my brother Ezio would love to try your Majadara!"
Ezio gaped as an incredible amount of green pudding landed on his plate with a splat. Federico sent him an evil grin.
"Why thank you, brother," Ezio gritted out, resisting the urge to puke all over Federico's lap, "I'm sure I will!"
"What sweet boys you have!" Messer Augustini gushed, taking a bite of Majadara.
Meanwhile Ezio had to figure out some way to get rid of his food without eating it. He glanced around nervously and almost scooped it under the table when he suddenly noticed Polliziana was staring at him.
"Heh heh," he laughed nervously and stuck a spoon in the substance cheerfully, as though he fully intended to take a bite. Polliziana flashed him an encouraging smile and went back to her own food. Ezio sighed in relief and went over his options again. He was about to chuck the food again when he was interrupted by his own sister-
"This is amazing, Madonna Augustini!" Claudia said enthusiastically.
"You really like it?" Amelia giggled, "there's plenty more!"
Ezio's eyes widened in disbelief and he leaned over the table to get a glimpse of his sister. Sure enough, Claudia's plate was nearly empty and she was shoveling in Majadara as quickly as Maria allowed her. Suddenly an idea ensued.
"Pst!" Ezio hissed, "Claudia!"
He managed to catch her eye and pointed to his plate.
"Want more?" He smiled desperately.
"Ezio!" Claudia whispered angrily, "Eat your own food!" As though she were the older sibling.
"I can't!" Ezio whined, but quickly sat back in his seat when he saw Messer Augustini throw a glance his way.
Finally it seemed as though all hope was lost. But just when it seemed life couldn't get any worse-
"Here's the other dish I've been working on!" Amelia announced as a group of servants came in bearing two large plates holding a strange, yellowish-gray food.
"It's called Kavade!" She continued as the steaming food was set on the table, swimming in gravy.
"It looks wonderful," Maria remarked tastefully, "what is it?"
"Cow livers!" Amelia said loudly, as though it was the best thing in the world.
All three Auditore brothers visibly turned green.
"Another recipe from the middle east," Amelia explained.
When the tray passed Ezio he didn't waste a second.
"Why, my brother Federico LOVES cow livers!" He announced boldly, plopping the goopy grey chunks onto his brother's plate. "He'll try it for you!"
"Well isn't that nice!" Amelia replied sweetly.
"Yes, I do…" Federico gulped and stared down at the lumpy mass. Ezio stared at him smugly.
"So, gonna try it yet?" Ezio asked.
"I'll wait for you to finish your Majadara." Federico answered, just as smug. Ezio frowned- his brother was good.
"Seriously, Fratello, what are we going to do?" Ezio hissed, near silent.
"I'm still figuring that part out." Federico muttered.
"It's wonderful, Amelia!" Claudia cheered, staring at Madonna Augustini in complete idolization, "I love it!"
"I'm so glad!" Amelia bubbled.
"How does she do it?" Petruccio moaned.
"I swear padre's giving her all of his," Ezio mumbled, "his plate is clean!"
"Hey!" Petruccio brightened, "maybe we can give-"
"Already tried it." Ezio shook his head.
Petruccio slumped again.
Just as the boys were reaching their wits end, there was a purring under that table and Federico felt something brush his leg.
"Hey, ragazzi," he whispered, "There's a cat!"
"Yeah, kitty, so what?" Ezio replied miserably, "how can he help us make this food disappear?"
"Watch," Federico grinned and took a spoonful of Kavade. He inconspicuously lowered it down under the table where they all heard the cat take a bite.
Federico lifted his spoon- it was empty.
"All right!" Ezio cheered and starting loading up his Majadara.
"One at a time," Petruccio eased his spoon down as well.
Two hours and a stuffed cat later…
"That was a wonderful meal, Messer Augustini," Giovanni bowed respectfully, "it was nice getting back together."
"Yes, let's not wait so long next time!" The pudgy man bellowed as the servants set to clearing the table.
"If you don't mind," Maria interrupted the two, gesturing with a thumb to her boys, "it seems my sons wish to try your daughter."
"Then let them try!" He boomed in response, "I look forward to seeing it!"
"And what is your name, lovely lady?" Federico slurred, lifting his eyebrows.
Polliziana giggled, but said nothing.
"Surely you would pick me over my brother, could you speak," Ezio drawled, brushing her soft cheek with his fingers, "how sad; the most beautiful flower should have no scent."
She giggled more and pressed on his hand, flashing a smile.
"Do not fall for my brother's poetry," Federico sighed, "he happens to fail at writing unless there's a woman involved."
"Ugh," Petruccio gagged, moving away from the scene. He hated it when his brothers flirted, as they were both so desperate. He wedged himself into a corner and tugged his bangs loose until they fell against his eyes, so he watched his brothers through a screen.
"Those pigs," Claudia snorted, "They'll never get her that way."
"Yes, and I wish they'd stop trying." Petruccio sighed.
"As I said," Messer Augustini explained, "whoever can get her to speak must be right for her."
"How many suitors have tried, exactly?" Giovanni asked warily.
Augustini shrugged, "I stopped counting over fifty."
"Your daughter is quite a jewel, Augustini," Maria commented, "I would be insulted if less than fifty came."
"Yes, indeed," he replied solemnly, "I do hope your own daughter isn't feeling left out…"
Maria did everything she could to hide the scowl that blackened her features. Several minutes passed however, and it seemed the infamous Auditore brothers were doomed to fail like all others that came before. Finally, Federico gave in.
"I give up," he huffed, raising his hands, "I've tried everything I can think of…the girl must be deaf!"
"And what of you, Ezio?" Giovanni raised an eyebrow, "It certainly isn't like you to give up so soon."
"I never said I was giving up!" Ezio flared dramatically.
"Come on, brother!" Petruccio finally took it upon himself and marched over to his older brother bravely.
"We've been here all evening," Petruccio explained angrily, "It's getting dark now, I'm still hungry because I haven't eaten dinner, and I don't feel good! I just want to go home, okay?"
Ezio's mouth fell open at his brother's display of independence, but before he could make any remarks, he was suddenly rudely shoved aside.
"OMIGAAAAAAAWD!" Polliziana burst, grabbing Petruccio and lifting him up with incredible strength. "She's so cuuuute!"
She shook Petruccio around like a little doll. Then she suddenly dropped him and turned to Ezio excitedly.
"Is she, like, your little sister?" Polliziana giggled, "She's adorable! I wish I had a sister like her!"
"I hate to correct you, signora, but-" Ezio attempted to clarify.
"What have done with her bangs, though?" Polliziana continued, mouth moving at amazing speeds, "it's so ugly. No, cutie, you should brush them like this- that way they won't get in your face, right darling?"
"I like them that way!" Petruccio protested vainly.
"You really should buy her a prettier dress, too," Polliziana tutted, "she looks kinda like a boy with these clothes!"
"He IS a boy!" Federico cried, "HE'S OUR BROTHER!"
"Omigod, he's a boy?" Polliziana gasped. She seemed to pause a moment, stuck in shock. Petruccio huffed, brushing himself off to retrieve what was left of dignity. Then she shrugged and picked Petruccio up again.
"OMIGAAAWD HE'S SO CUTE!" She shrieked, hopping up and down.
"Congratulations, Giovanni!" Augustini slapped the father on the back, causing him to shudder, "Your son has managed to make my daughter speak!"
"Yes, but-" Giovanni started, hard to hear over Polliziana's babbling.
"Come here, sweetie," she was messing with Petruccio's hair, "I'll redo this for you. And we WILL have to do something about your clothes. And what are all these feathers doing in your pockets? God, what's wrong with you? Feathers don't make you pretty, stupid. Here, I know how to fix you."
"I don't want to be fixed!" Petruccio screamed, breaking free.
"I think you misunderstand!" Giovanni began defensively, raising his voice over the chaos as Polliziana chased after Petruccio with Federico and Ezio right on her tail. "Petruccio is not old enough to marry!"
"But he's the one who made her speak!" Augustini cried, "Polliziana swore the first man that made her speak would be her husband!"
"THAT'S THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD!" Maria screamed- luckily Augustini didn't hear her, he was too busy biting his nails.
"What ever will we do?"
"I'M NOT MARRYING HER!" Petruccio shrieked while ducking another of Polliziana's grasps.
"Perhaps we can make a deal, Petruccio!" Ezio cried out, still unable to catch the girl, who turned out to be quite fast.
"Slow down, honey!" Polliziana yelled, "I need to help you! YOU NEED A MAKE-OVER!"
"You really want her?" Petruccio shouted, "THEN TAKE HER! PLEASE!"
And with that, Federico launched himself at Polliziana and tackled her to the ground.
"I'm so glad we worked that out, Auditore!" Augustini sighed in relief, patting Giovanni on the back for the countless time that night. "I was really afraid for a few moments!"
"Me too," Giovanni gulped.
"It's settled then," Augustini clapped his hands loudly, gathering everyone's attention, "Polliziana does not need to wed Petruccio, because it was a simple gender mistake."
"Yes, simple," Petruccio muttered.
"Aren't you relieved, daughter?" Augustini cried happily, "You don't need to marry an Auditore!"
Polliziana probably would've responded with a mile-long stream of words if she wasn't so busy rapidly kissing Federico, who was kissing back hungrily.
"Er, well…yes…" Augustini trailed off, broken, "I'm sure she's…quite happy…"
Polliziana moaned.
"How did this happen?" Ezio threw up his hands in frustration, "CURSE YOU, BROTHER!"
Federico mumbled a reply through Polliziana's lips.
Two angry fathers, embarrassed mothers, and a swooning sister later…
"Well that was the scariest night of my life," Petruccio remarked as the family made their way back home under the Florentine moon.
The youngest Auditore shook his head again, "Seriously. I'm going to have nightmares about that."
"Me too…" Federico sighed, eyelids drooped.
"I can't believe it…" Ezio muttered angrily, "…I just can't believe it…"
"I hope we go back some time," Claudia smiled hopefully, "their food was truly delicious! I just hope I didn't eat too much…"
Maria and Giovanni were speechless until they finally reached home, where Petruccio set to kissing the ground.
"Enough, Petruccio, I get the message," Giovanni muttered, hoisting his youngest son from the dirt. "We won't eat out for a while."
"How about never?" Petruccio asked weakly, "can we not eat out ever?"
"We'll see, caro, we'll see," Maria sighed. The family of six tiredly entered their own home and closed the door. Each then went to their own bed to be plagued by nightmares of every sort…With the possible exception of Federico and Claudia.