(A/N) So this is the first thing I've ever posted on here! I've not written any description about this, but if I get round to it I might rewrite it as a proper story rather than in this format!

(ElyzabethRose skips in)

Me: Liz, what are you doing here? I thought you were busy!

ElyzabethRose: (Grins at me) I'm here to give you this! It's from me to you! Read it!

(Hands over an envelope)

Me: I'm sorry to say but I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or Ouran High School Host Club , they belong to Hiromu Arakawa and Bisco Hatori!

(Glares at ElyzabethRose)

ElyzabethRose: What? It was necessary! You wouldn't say it otherwise!

Me: You're too clever for you're own good! Anyway, back to the story! I apologize if the characters are too OOC, I did try not to change them much, but if I have, it's to hopefully make it funnier! So enjoy! Reviews would be much appreciated :D

Ouran Alchemist

Chapter 1

Me: Well this is interesting!

ElyzabethRose: Sure is!

Ed: There's nothing interesting about this at all. I don't see why you two are dragging me to such a ridiculous place!

Me: Trust me, you'll want to be here, I swear.

ElyzabethRose: There's only one reason he'd want to be here Mia, and you said you wouldn't tell him!

Ed: So if AmeliaRea won't tell me, you will, right Elizabeth? (With teeth grinding and fist's clenched)

ElyzabethRose: No way in Hell you half-pint midget!

Ed: WHO ARE CALLING SO SMALL HE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT DROWNING BECAUSE HE CAN BREATHE THE OXYGEN ATOMS IN THE WATER?

Me: Liz…

ElyzabethRose: I DIDN'T SAY THAT! YOU NEED TO GET YOUR EAR'S TESTED LITTLE BOY!

Ed: DON'T. CALL. ME. SMALL! ARE YOU TRYING TO PISS ME OFF OR SOMETHING? IT'S NOT SMART TO ANGER AN ALCHEMIST YOU KNOW!

Me: Liz?

ElyzabethRose: I ALREADY EXPLAINED TO YOU THAT YOU'RE NOT AN ALCHEMIST ANYMORE! YOU NEED TO BE ABLE TO TRANSMUTE TO BE AN ALCHEMIST, REMEMBER?

Ed: WELL I COULD KICK YOUR ASS ANYDAY, WITH OR WITHOUT ALCHEMY!

Me: LIZ!

(Ed and ElyzabethRose continue arguing)

Me: ELYZABETHROSE, STOP IRRITATING MY VICTIM DAMMIT!

Ed: (Stops ranting) What did you say?

Me: Oh! Erm, nothing, nothing at all, I was just singing to myself, you know, Do Re Mi!

ElyzabethRose: Fa So La Tiiiiiiiii!

(Silence)

ElyzabethRose: Sorry.

Ed: Why do I have to be here? This place is an utter mess. (Falls over) Dammit! See what I mean? This floor is uneven!

Me: Wow, it takes skill to trip over a flat surface.

ElyzabethRose: Ed has that skill.

Ed: Not helping.

Me and ElyzabethRose: Not intending to.

(Ed stomps off ahead)

ElyzabethRose: (Grins evilly and whispers) Anytime now.

Me: (Completely ignoring Liz's comment) And besides, this school is for rich people, there's no way it can be a mess Ed. Everything is perfect, even the students! You're just not used to all of this luxurious decoration, that's all.

Ed: (Mumbling) Yeah, I spose… AHH!

Tamaki: Watch where you're going pipsqueak!

Ed: DON'T CALL ME SMA-

Kyoya: Or you'll do what exactly?

Ed: I don't know! These things come to me on the spot you know!

Kyoya: Ok, here's the deal, you think of some impressive threat that's completely impossible for someone of your height to actually pull off while I call my private police force that will assemble here in seconds, and then we'll see who walks away unharmed.

Ed: (Looks away) Kono yaro.

Me and Tamaki: NO! DON'T START GOING JAPANESE ON US!

ElyzabethRose: Wait, aren't you like, Western or something? How on Earth do you know Japanese?

Ed: Oh I don't, I just know a few words and phrases, nothing useful though.

Tamaki: Je pense qu'il est parce que vous êtes si petit. (1)

Me: Huh?

Kyoya: (Laugh's)

Ed: What does that mean?

Me: Basica-

ElyzabethRose: He called you small.

Ed: WHAAAA? (Sulks in corner)

Tamaki: Hell to the NO! THAT IS MY CORNER OF WOE! THE CORNER BELONGS TO ME, GET UP NOW DAMMIT!

(Ed doesn't move)

Tamaki: GET UP! GET UP! GET UP! GET UP! GET UP! GET UP! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?

ElyzabethRose: I'm gonna take a wild guess and say no.

Tamaki: Mummy! Do something! Get him up from MY corner!

Me: Who the heck is mummy?

Kyoya: (On the phone) Could you send the Ootori Police Force right away please?

Ed: (Stands up straight away) I'm up, I'm up!

Kyoya: (Still on the phone) Never mind.

Tamaki: Don't ever try that again pipsq-

Kyoya: So you're new here, have you signed up for you're club activity yet?

Ed: Club activity? I didn't know I had to pick one.

(Kyoya glares at the two girls)

Me: Oh yeah! I guess I forgot to mention that to you earlier. Every student is required to join one of the club activities. In fact, these two boys are in the same club.

Tamaki: I'm Tamaki Suoh, the President of the Host Club! The Prince of the school!

Ed: Sheesh, obnoxious much?

(Tamaki goes to his corner)

Ed: Wow, he wasn't kidding about the corner of woe thing!

Kyoya: Of course he wasn't! I'm Kyoya Ootori. My family specialises in hospital management, and owns a private police force, as you already know. I'm also the Vice-President of the Host Club.

Ed: So what's this Hos-

Tamaki: Edward! You should join the Host Club!

Ed and Kyoya: What?

ElyzabethRose: He recovered quick.

Tamaki: You look the part! I'm pretty sure you'd make a great host! Not as good as me of course, but still, a pretty good host!

Kyoya: You know he's probably going to be awful, right?

Tamaki: And you know he'll make us extra money, right?

Kyoya: Well in that case, welcome aboard!

Ed: Woah! Hold on a sec! Don't I get a say in this!

Everyone Else: (All grinning) Nope!

Ed: (Sighs) I guess I'm in the Host Club then.

Me: I hope you enjoyed this chapter of Fullmetal Academy! I wasn't sure whether to just leave it at this, but I am enjoying writing it, so for now I'll carry on, then when the next chapters are sorted, I'll decide whether to update it! In all my planning there are plenty more characters from Ouran and FMA to come!

ElyzabethRose: Which you still don't own so stop wishing it!

Me: Fine, fine! But yeah, the chances are I will update this with the next chapter, which will most likely explain how Ed got to Ouran Academy in the first place! YAY, CHARACTER ORIGIN FLASHBACK!

ElyzabethRose: You wouldn't dare!

Me: Ok, I wouldn't, because most people wouldn't be reading this if they haven't already sat through the character origin flashbacks yet! OH and by the way, this story is pretty much based around when Ed is 17 and Al is 16. It's also set it a year after the end of the Brotherhood anime, because that way, I have more characters to use! Also, during the two year time skip, you don't really find out anything, so I can put a bit more background detail about me and ElyzabethRose, and how we meet the Elrics :)

ElyzabethRose: Good! Oh! Don't forget the translation!

(1) - This is French for "I think it's because you're so small"