Dear Diary.

Do I really have to call you that? Jesus.

Dear… piece of paper.

That's more accurate.

Dear piece of paper,

Hello, my name is Kenneth McCormick. Kenny for short. I go to South Park High School. My grades suck and my favourite subject is Sex Ed. I'm the poorest, but hottest kid in school. Girls either avoid me or practically beg for my dick.

Which used to not suck.

Now it sucks. I just want them to leave me alone.

I wouldn't say anything like that… Well, fuck, since no one's going to be reading this, I'll just write it and burn it. Let me start again.

Hi. My name is Kenny McCormick. I like drinking and smoking. I die a lot. I'm the sexiest straight-looking gay guy you'll ever meet.

Damn, this just isn't working. Fuckin' Kyle, telling me to do this shit… It's not like it's bothering me that fuckin' much.

And… scene.

Hi. I'm Kenny. I'm gay. I'm in love with the most adorable thing in South Park.

Dude, I can't even write his name without getting butterflies. Maybe Kyle was right.

Why the fuck do I sound like a swooning chick? I'm the most badass kid in this shithole town. Badass-est…?

Whatever.

I'm Kenny McCormick. I'm in love with Butters Stotch.

Not that he can tell. Shit, he wouldn't be able to tell I had an ache if there was a sword stuck up my ass.

Which has happened to me before. Let's not bring that up.

Anyway, Butters.

He's, like, an adorable, innocent, blue-eyed little fuckin' angel that fell from fuckin' heaven or some shit. I want to piss myself whenever he smiles that cute little smile while he's talking to me. Every single time he rubs his knuckles together and shuffles his feet and shifts his eyes nervously around the room I want to pound my head against a wall and scream at the top of my lungs.

Even imagining it now, my handwriting is getting erratic and squabbly because I'm so fucking excited to think about him.

But shit, I don't know if he's gay. I mean, how rude would it be if I was like, "Hey, you're adorable and gay-looking. Wanna fuck?"

That's not what I mean. I mean, I don't want him just to fuck him. I really do honestly love him.

Then again, with love does come sex…

Shit. Now's not the time to think about that.

But fuck, what I wouldn't give to hit that. To see that adorable little look- all violated and red and, "But Kenny, we're not supposed to do such naughty things…"

Oh, but we are, Butters. We are.

Fuck, that was fast. Mini-Kenny – who is pretty fuckin' big, mind you – has decided to come to full attention. Yeah, bro. I see you.

I haven't even been thinking about sex for that long. He must REALLY want that ass.

How could he not? How could anyone's dick not want that sexy, tight, hot, virgin-

Ugh. I should get rid of this accidental boner before he gets here. Bad idea to write about him right now huh? He's coming over to help with homework. I help him with Sex Education – he's too naïve to get some of the concepts – and he helps me with English. Yeah, I know. English is easy. I don't like reading. Or writing. Shut up.

Well, time for a cold shower.

"Shit," Kenny rubbed at the back of his neck and glared down at 'Mini-Kenny.' He cursed at it and regrettably stood to trudge out of his room.

"Hey, Kevin," he caught the attention of his older brother in the hallway, "Will you get the door if Butters gets here before I'm out of the shower? I don't want mom scaring him off."

"Sure," Kevin responded and continued to the living room.

"Thanks, Kev," Kenny said after him and went for the bathroom.

"Ken's in the shower, you can chill in his room while you're waiting for him." Kevin told the petite blond at the door.

Butters brushed his knuckles against one another and shuffled his feet on the carpeted floor, "Oh, uh, okay…" he was nervous to be in someone else's room, but he smiled and followed Kevin down the hall of the small house and passed the bathroom that hummed and hissed with the sound of a shower.

"Let me know if you need something," The older boy said and left the room, clicking the door shut softly behind him.

Butters surveyed his surroundings. He could tell the room had been recently tidied; the hamper in the corner was full and there seemed to be too much floor space. He blinked up at a poster on the wall of two almost-naked girls making out, before averting his attention to the makeshift desk against the wall. It looked like a cheapy fold-out table, which wasn't farfetched by any means. Butters walked over to see what was on the papers sitting there. Did Kenny start on his essay by himself already? Well, good for him! He picked up the first sheet.

"Dear Diary…"

"Oh, hamburgers!" he immediately put it back where he found it, "I'm not supposed to read something like that.." but the thought was seared in his mind. Has he seen his name written there? It sparked Butters' curiosity more than just a little bit. He reached out and shakily picked up the pieces of paper.

Kenny fluffed his wet hair, shaking out excess water. He draped a towel around his waist and shuffled to his room.

"Oh, hey Butters," he said nonchalantly, ignoring the fact that he was almost naked in front of his super-crush.

"H-Hey, Ken," Butters was squirming uncomfortably where he sat on Kenny's bed.

Kenny raised an eyebrow, "You alright, kid?"

"Y-yeah.." the smaller glanced up at the boy in front of him, but blinked and immediately looked away with reddening cheeks. On top of what he just accidently read, Kenny was in only a towel and glistening with leftover water.

Ken shrugged and pulled on a near pair of pajama pants before hopping up on his bed.

"So, what don't you get about sex?" The shirtless blond grinned.

"U-uh, most of it, I guess…?" they just HAD to start with Kenny's subject. English would have given Butters time to suppress and get over Kenny's stolen secrets.

"Well, you obviously get what parts go where, right?"

"Sure, mostly…" Butters was clearly paying no attention and he was not about to look a Kenny yet.

"Alright," Kenny folded his arms and made a face of disapproval, "What's bugging you? You're not usually this out of focus."

"H-huh? Bugging me? Nothing's bugging me!" Butters defended.

"You seem to have a dirty little guilty secret," Kenny grinned and scooted closer to stare the other down.

"I don't know anything!"

"Ooh, what do you know?"

"Too much! Please, Kenny, I don't want to talk about it, I don't want you to get mad at me!"

Kenny raised his eyebrow again, "Mad? Why would I get mad at you?"

Butters stared unconsciously at the desk across the room out of guilt. Kenny followed his stare. They both held an awkward moment of silence.

"Oh," Kenny sat back up and gulped, "You saw… that?" He mentally kicked himself for leaving that out. He kicked himself hard.

Probably too hard.

But if there was ever a chance, it would be now, right?

"…and?"

"H-huh?" the glint in Kenny's eyes was mysterious and confusing. He wasn't mad?

"What are your thoughts?"

"M-my…?"

"Yes, Butters, your thoughts."

"U-uh…" Butters' head was reeling. He rubbed his knuckles together.

And Kenny drank up the adorable sight like it was the last drink of water he would get to have on earth.

"All those things are true, you know."

"Well, uh-"

"I really do think you're adorable." Kenny drew closer.

"I-I, uh-"

"I really do love you." And closer.

"K-Ken, uh-"

"I really do want you." He stopped an inch away from pressing his lips to Butters' and could feel his quick unsteady breathing.

"I-I don't' understand…" Butters' words were heavy with confusion.

"Do you want to?"

The long silence that followed was almost unbearable. Before Butters steadily nodded.

Damn, maybe I should write like this more often.