After that great season premiere I decided to write a short one shot before getting back to my story Pregnant?. I hope you enjoy this one. Gregg.
Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
"Hodgins, I need some advice," Booth said as he took a seat across from Hodgins.
Hodgins was of two minds about this one. He could give some advice and make some brownie points, or he could give some advice, it goes sour, and Booth beats him to a pulp. Booth had been on edge lately as Brennan's pregnancy had brought on the emotional hormonal deluge. He decided to answer and pray for the former scenario.
"What's up?" he asked.
"Bones is getting a bit edgy whenever I say she looks great," Booth told him. "Should I just not say anything?"
Hodgins burst out laughing. "That's an easy one, Dude," he told his friend. "Keep on pouring on the praise about her looks. Trust me. The first time you don't, you'll be sleeping alone and working your ass off convincing her you really do love her. I learned that one the hard way!"
"But this is Bones we're talking about," Booth told him. "Nothing seems to work the way it should. I usually get some anthropological lecture that makes me feel like some strutting peacock even thought I'm telling the truth!"
"Truth is the least of your worries, Dude," Hodgins chuckled. "A pregnant woman makes no sense. It sounds bad, but it isn't. Didn't you learn any of this when you had Parker?"
"I missed out on all the fun stuff," Booth said, a bit bitterly. "Rebecca froze me out."
"Just keep heaping on the praise, G-Man, but when the pregnancy is over with don't fawn over all the pregnancy photos," Hodgins advised. "I made mention of how hot Angie looked in a picture when she was about eight months along and you'd have thought I'd gone out and had a wild time with some hooker! I'm still looking over my shoulder to see if that sadist Billy is lurking about to hand out some punishment."
"Alright, so it's praise while pregnant, no while not, huh?" Booth mused.
"Exactly," Hodgins nodded firmly. "Even when they're giving you the evil eye, you can't go wrong, Dude."
Elsewhere
"I am getting increasingly frustrated with Booth always telling me I look great," Brennan complained to Angela.
"Men are such idiots," Angela agreed. "As if we need reassurance when we're pregnant. We know we're fat and waddling. It's after the pregnancy we need to hear how hot we are."
"Do men really think, outside of some anthropological rush of chemicals at the sight of their progeny inside of us, that we are more appealing sexually when we are fat and have to use the bathroom nearly every half hour?" Brennan continued. She wasn't usually one for female bitching sessions, but these damn hormones were the driving force behind this one.
"And then when we aren't pregnant they pull out the picture album and go on and on about how beautiful we were," Angela continued her own grousing. "Don't let Booth get away with it, Bren. Strike a blow for beautiful women everywhere."
A smile curled Brennan's lips. "I know just what to do when he says it again," she told her friend. "Especially as I just warned him not to this morning."
"What?" Angela asked eagerly.
Just then the phone rang. Brennan punched speaker phone.
"Brennan," she said without looking at who it could be.
"Hey, Bones, I thought you might like some lunch," Booth said cheerfully.
"Sounds excellent," Brennan said with a smile. "I was just about to go and get something to eat. The Diner in twenty minutes?"
"Perfect," Booth replied. "You know, you looked really great this morning, Bones. A perfect 10!"
Both Brennan's and Angela's jaw dropped when he said that. Brennan recovered quickly.
"Good bye, Booth," she said and ended the call. She got out her cell phone and scrolled through something and then sent an e-mail. She smiled. That would show him. "I'm going to go to the Diner. Check your e-mails, Ange."
Later That Day At The Hoover
Booth was happily working away on the dreaded paperwork that usually had him in a fowl mood. Nothing could ruin his mood, though, as Bones had insisted on a nooner in addition to chowing down on both of their lunches at the Diner. He'd barely managed to swipe one measly bite of pie before she wolfed the rest down. He was just signing his name on an evidence release form when his e-mail alert pinged. He opened it seeing it was from Angela. Hopefully she had the facial reconstruction done and an ID for him. He read the quick note with a raised brow.
Hey there Studly! Just had to say it. NICE Legs! Ange.
"What the Hell?" Booth asked out loud. Then he saw Caroline coming, and she was smiling widely. That always meant trouble.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't the dancing stud himself," Caroline said in that Louisiana accent she had.
"WHAT?" Booth about had a stroke when she said that, and if his ears weren't all messed up it sounded like she had a sultry tone added in.
"I just need to know, Cher, do you do private parties, too?" Caroline asked deadpan, but with a wicked glimmer of humor in her eyes.
"What the Hell are you talking about?" Booth screeched.
"I just got this rather interesting e-mail with a great photo attached," Caroline told him. "So I figured I'd ask if you were available to do a little show at a little hen party I'm putting together for a few friends."
"A little what, WHERE?" he shuddered, nearly having a fatal heart attack on the spot. The idea of Caroline and a Hen Party in the same sentence was too disturbing for words in his opinion. He grabbed the paper Caroline was holding so firmly. He looked at it and almost pissed himself. "She didn't!"
There in front of him was that damn picture Bones snapped of him in the kitchen singing and dancing while cooking breakfast while he was totally nude. Yep! Not a stitch! Not even his rainbow socks or skeleton glow in the dark boxers! Then he noticed the cc at the top of the page. His eyes widened. Angela, Caroline, Cam, Rebecca, Perotta, and on and on and on. She had to have sent it to almost every woman he had some reason to associate with! He wanted to shrivel up and die right then.
"You can get back to me on the party, Cher," Caroline chuckled as she left her favorite agent's office.
His e-mail pinged again and he almost flinched. He opened it and saw a message from Bones.
I told you not to tell me I look great. Love you. Bones.
Booth opened an e-mail and sent a quick one to Hodgins telling the man he was full of shit and to be very afraid for a long time to come. Then he hightailed it from the building to hide out at home. It was just too embarrassing for words. Bones was going to have some serious explaining to do tonight. After which he would make sure he showed her how beautiful she was. No more of this telling her crap. That was just too damn dangerous!
A/N: Well, there it is. I hope you all enjoyed it. Gregg.