Autumn Rain
Hitomi Kanzaki looked down at her textbook. Math class was dry and boring, partly because she already knew how to solve all the problems in the book. Listening to the teacher describe how to go about solving one of the homework questions was tiresome. It was like this every day. Instead of paying attention, Hitomi did what she always did, and that was learn the lessons for the next chapter. It was the only way to get through the class. Actually, it was like this for most classes.
What could she do? Since she was five years old, her mother enforced unbearably strict rules when it came to studies. Nothing less than an 'A' was good enough, and because of that, Hitomi had gotten all straight A's since. She was the smartest student in her year, by far. Despite knowing that, Hitomi chose not to throw it in people's faces. In fact, she tried her best not to be noticed at all. No one noticed her. She was the quiet nerd at the front of the class who didn't speak a word to anyone and yet managed to beat every single person in their year at every exam. It wasn't as though she'd chosen to be the way she was after all.
When the bell rang to indicate the end of class and a following ten-minute break, Hitomi closed her book. Looking around the classroom, she felt the familiar tug of envy at the sight of her classmates gathering around each other in their small little groups. Everyone had a friend. She was used to it, not having one. People tended to avoid her and she didn't know why, but she'd learned to accept it over the years.
"Van, will you be doing a solo during next week's concert?" A girl asked at the back.
"Yeah, Van, we want to hear you play the sax. You should ask Yashima-sensei to get you a part. How sweet would that be?"
"I don't know yet," the warm male voice replied with a laugh. "I guess I could ask."
Hitomi glanced behind her. Van Fanel was one of the most chased-after boys in the school. And he had perfectly earned the right for it, being an amazing saxophone player and the leader of the school band who had won the national championship on the year he joined the team. His looks had a lot to do with it too, though, Hitomi mused. The choppy black hair that tended to spike out stubbornly across his forehead and the mahogany-coloured eyes that could stare thoroughly right at you. She'd gotten one of those looks from him before, when he caught her listening in on one of his practices. It had made her run as far away as she could in fear at the way her heart thudded in response.
Her one personal pleasure was music and ever since she started middle school, the sound of the saxophone both thrilled and warmed her. It was so unique, so beautiful. Knowing her own limitations, though, she hadn't bothered learning it. Instead, she had learned the piano, but it didn't give her the same feeling as when she would listen to a saxophone solo.
When the next teacher came in to start the class, Hitomi discarded those lingering thoughts to the back of her mind. It was time to focus again.
...
Van scanned the room and let his eyes rest at the front. He watched idly as Hitomi sat, hunched over, thoroughly reading a book. He didn't know why he found her so interesting. She was so incredibly different from all the other girls in class. She had nobody. Literally no person ever went up to her and invited her to anything. It must be sad, he considered with some sympathy. It was lunch period and everyone was loud and noisy in the classroom. And there she was, all alone. Every day it was like this. Why didn't she ever talk to anybody?
"Stop drilling holes at the poor girl," Allen Schezar, one of Van's oldest friends, said with a sigh, then stopped and eyed him shrewdly. "Don't tell me you have your sights on her now?"
"No." Van folded his arms casually. "It's just sad if you think about it. How can you survive high school without any friends? I was thinking how miserable she must be. It's pitiful."
"Yeah well. Some people weren't born with our charm and looks," Millerna Aston, Allen's girlfriend, added with a sly grin. "Hitomi's been in all of my classes since middle school and she's always, I mean always, been alone. It doesn't seem to bother her. Most people don't like talking to her anyway. Just because she doesn't have anything interesting to say."
"How do you know if you haven't talked to her?" Van replied with a questioning look.
She shrugged. "From people. I mean, I once tried and she started sputtering off about school and homework and all that crap. Who honestly talks about school work with friends? It's like she's nothing but a nerd. There's no substance there." Millerna grabbed a sushi roll from Allen's lunch.
"I have the best news ever!"
All three looked to their left. One of Van's most loyal fans, Merle stood with her hands on her hips, her eyes bright, and her smile giddy. "Van just got a slot on next week's concert! I was talking to Yashima-sensei for what seemed like hours, trying to convince him that you deserved this chance. He eventually gave in and said that I was right. Van, you get to have a 4-minute solo!"
Shocked, Van got to his feet and grabbed Merle's shoulders. "No way."
She nodded rapidly. "YES way. And Yashima-sensei said you could perform one of your own pieces if you wanted! Well, okay he did say that it would be up for discussion at practice today, but I couldn't not tell you about it!"
"That's amazing, Merle! You really are an incredibly loyal fan," Millerna said with some admiration. She had always viewed the short, pink-haired girl with some annoyance, but clearly saw her gutsy, unrelenting personality. She loved Van, that was for sure.
"Of course I am." With a proud smile, she hugged Van. "So, are you happy?"
"More than. Thanks a lot, Merle. Yashima's been hinting about giving me an opportunity some day but he was never upfront about it. This is amazing!" He laughed and high-fived Allen who was sitting there with a proud grin on his face. "I get to play my own music now. Shit. Couldn't have asked for anything better than that."
"Damn, Van. Is it wrong that I'm completely attracted to you right now?" Millerna asked.
Allen pinched her cheeks. "I'm right here."
"Ow. Your 'cool' aura is severely lacking right now, I'm afraid," she said haughtily, rubbing her cheek lightly. "While Van is just handsomely shining."
Meanwhile, at the front of the room, Hitomi bit into her bun and flipped to the next page of her English textbook. Her heart had tripped for a second there. So Van was going to be playing the saxophone at the concert…and he was going to have a solo. Never an attendee for these school events, Hitomi began to think it over. No one would care if she showed up to the concert just to listen to him play, right? It wasn't like they hated her to the point of kicking her out.
She'd heard everything they said before Merle had come into the picture. It didn't hurt. Well, Hitomi sighed. That was a lie. It stung pretty badly, she supposed. To be pitied by one of the most popular boys in school then to be considered having no substance and being just a nerd through and through. I still have a heart, and interests, and even though I have no friends, I've got a good family, she reminded herself. It made it less painful to know there were at least some people who cared.
...
Hitomi stared up at the dark, black clouds hovering above the school. She vaguely heard on the weather channel that a storm was coming in earlier that morning, but she hadn't exactly stopped to listen to the forecast. She hoped it would hold off until she finished all these papers to be completed. Being the school genius and widely-considered 'loner' automatically made her the go-to girl for organizing all the files and application forms for school trips and events. The upcoming concert still had to go through some final paperwork.
She looked at the clock on the wall. It was nearing 5:45PM already. Most people had already gone home, she knew, and that was perfectly fine with her. Being alone in school was fine. Even if she had a little fear of the dark, she was going to make it. There would be flashlights throughout the whole campus, she assured herself. Not that the power was going to go off. The rain had yet to descend after all. And she was almost done everything.
Hitomi spent another twenty minutes filling in forms and organizing them into piles. "Now I just need to pass it to all the club meeting rooms," she said to herself quietly. When she looked outside the window, she noticed how strong the wind was picking up. The rain was pouring loudly against the windowpanes. "That's weird…I didn't hear the rain at all before…" The storm seemed to be picking up quite quickly. Already feeling a little trickle of panic, she gathered all the folders and papers and carried them in her arms. You'll be done in ten minutes flat, Hitomi. Get a hold of yourself. "Right." She cleared her throat then made her way along the hallways.
Eventually, she got to the last group of papers in her pile. The band club. She glanced out to the other end of the hallway. The band club was so secluded, being placed in a sound-proof room underneath the school gym. It was scary if you really had to think about it. That was why Hitomi decided to ignore that little tidbit and hurried her footsteps. One more stop and she was good to go.
When she walked down the stairs, her heart hammered when the lights began to flicker. Oh no. She didn't care anymore. Afraid of being stuck in the dark without anybody scared the living daylights out of her. Hitomi grabbed the knob and pulled at it. She ran into the band room, and because she was in a state of panic, she didn't catch Van sitting at the center of the room, playing the saxophone.
At the sound of the door opening, he stopped and looked up.
And as luck would have it, the lights turned off. The power was gone. Stuck in her position, Hitomi blinked her eyes rapidly. She couldn't see anything. Oh no oh no. Slightly moaning in fear, Hitomi straightened her arms out and began to reach for anything, anything at all. Why of all the people in the world did this have to happen to her? "Oh no…okay Hitomi, relax. Breathe. You just have to find the door…You're okay…no one else is here."
"I am."
Her heart thudded painfully.
"It's Van," he supplied from an area a few feet to her right. "Stay there. I'll come to you."
Even in her fear, she kept her arms outstretched and waited for any skin contact to be made. When she felt his arm, she immediately grabbed hold.
He chuckled. "Found you. Wait. I'm just going to go get some candles. Yashima leaves some here in case of power outages. He's a smart one," he commented optimistically. As Hitomi tried to find her footing in the dark, she absently wondered why Van was so calm.
In a matter of minutes, he had resourcefully found three long candles and a lighter. Hitomi had found a chair at the meantime and kept herself warm as she waited for the dim light to come. Their eyes met when the candles were lit. Her nerves rattled as she got up with uncertainty. Van tore his eyes from her and placed the candles in different areas of the room.
"This should last us for some time. If not, there must be some flashlights around here." Van smiled in encouragement.
She nodded, unsure how to go about thanking him.
Amused by the way she was wringing her hands in front of her, Van watched her as he sat on the countertop. "You're not afraid anymore, right?"
She shook her head.
"You know, Hitomi, I'm starting to think you're mute. You must not be able to say a word, huh? That's probably why you don't ever talk to anybody in class," he considered thoughtfully.
Hitomi cleared her throat partly in insult and partly to prove him wrong. "I can talk."
His eyebrows slightly rose. "There you go. You should reply once in a while when people are talking to you."
"I…don't know what to say, that's all," she managed as her cheeks flamed in embarrassment. Who was this boy to lecture her this way? He didn't know anything about her. So he was a marvellous saxophone player, but that was moot when it came to attitude. "Excuse me but, just because I don't say a thing...doesn't mean I'm an idiot."
Finally, Van thought. "What are you still doing in school by the way?"
"Paperwork." Her eyes darted to the doorway. "I should go."
"Suit yourself."
She began to walk to the door then stopped as she noticed that he made no move to get on his feet. "Shouldn't you be going home now too?"
At that, Van shook his head. "Nope."
She watched as he walked back to the centre of the room where a saxophone and a music sheet were positioned. Had he been practicing before she barged in? She hadn't even seen him in her fright, Hitomi realized. A part of her wanted to turn away now and go home, but there was another part that feared the darkened hallways and the long and pitch black flight of stairs she had to endure before getting outside. And she did want to hear him play.
Without saying a word, she turned and walked back towards the room.
He carefully studied her as she made her way to one of the chairs. "What are you doing?"
"I'd like to hear you play," she said quietly as she placed her hands on her lap. "I love the saxophone."
And he thought this girl had no other interest but textbooks. Without asking anything more, Van continued. He pulled the strap over his head and positioned the saxophone at the front of him. He began playing softly, reading through his music sheet to start the song at first. When he got through the first line, he closed his eyes and played from memory. This was the first song he had learned on the saxophone. It was called The Moment by one of the greatest saxophone players of all time.
Growing up in a family of music lovers, Van was exposed to various instruments at a young age. Picking the saxophone had been a difficult choice, as he'd initially wanted to learn the acoustic guitar or the drums first. But when his father had picked up the saxophone and played a song, Van had known at that moment. It was something he'd wanted to learn himself.
When he finished the song, he pulled away from the mouthpiece and placed the saxophone back on the case sitting on a nearby table.
"How was that?" He asked, smiling as he looked over at her.
There were tears in her eyes.
His smile faded.
She shook her head as she wiped them away quickly. She hadn't meant for him to see that. It was her favourite song. He wouldn't have known, but even then, it was the first song she'd ever heard him play. It was funny how things worked sometimes. "That was beautiful. You're very talented."
Completely confused, Van sat backwards on a chair across from her, rested his arms over the spine, and sent her a penetrating look. "I don't get you."
She knew how the rest of the school saw her. When her eyes dried, she calmly continued looking at him.
"Everybody thinks you're the weirdest kid in school, even if we all know you've got one crazy brain in there. You don't talk to anybody in class and it doesn't bother you. You don't seem particularly interested in anything but textbooks and lessons. I honestly think I heard your voice for the very first time today. And we've been in what, the same class for 2 years?"
He had judged her correctly. Who was she to argue? She was exactly what he described. "Does it bother you?"
Taken aback by the question, he laughed in disbelief. "No, not really."As weird as he found her, he wasn't put off by it. In fact, he was growing more curious as to who this girl really was. Did it not bother her, the way people saw her? "You don't have like a people-phobia, do you?"
She shook her head, that small smile on her face again. "I'm just like this, Van," she finally said. "I'm not good with words, so I try not to say anything at all. No one wants to hear what I have to say, unless it's a mathematical problem or scientific equation no one else can figure it out."
He had to give her that. It was true that all people saw of Hitomi was the brain and nothing else. Like Millerna had said, everyone believed she had little else to offer. Wondering how true that was exactly, Van said, "Good point. So considering you and I are both here and no one else in class are, can I hear your honest opinion on something?"
"Yes."
"Do you think I'm good enough to have a solo for that concert?"
Hitomi blinked. Why was he even asking this? "What?"
A little impatient, Van repeated the question with more emphasis. "Do you think I deserve a solo? Am I good enough?"
"Of course you are." She responded clearly, boldly. "I listen to saxophone solos hours in a day, to an incredible number of artists from all over the world. I've been a fan of this instrument sound since I was twelve. And you made me cry after playing just one song." Hitomi carelessly brushed a stray strand to the back of her ear. "And as much insult as I hear every day from everyone, including you, I don't cry as often as you'd think."
He knew nothing about this girl. Van could only stare wide-eyed. It was probably the most heartfelt compliment he'd ever heard.
"That was my favourite song, though," she added with a genuine smile. "So I cried partly because of that."
His heart took a little speed bump. "Sorry," he managed as he looked back at her eyes. He didn't realize how pretty she was when she smiled. "About what I said a few days ago."
"I don't mind anymore. I hear it often."
Sincerely curious, he asked, "Have you ever had a friend, Hitomi?"
Hitomi shook her head as she stood up and walked over to the blackboard. "I was told by my mother that friends weren't worth the time and effort, specifically because it was more important to study and continue achieving the best grades possible. Of course, I realized how horribly skewed it was to think that way…but it was too late by then." She took a piece of chalk and began to write up musical notes along a bar. "Everyone had their own group of friends and no one was interested in befriending a quiet, monotonous nerd. I understood."
"Yeah, but you could have done something about it too, instead of sitting there and taking it."
"I suppose, but with the way I am and the way people see me, it doesn't seem possible." She shook her head, discarding the thought. "You know, I once wanted to learn the saxophone. But I had no patience to learn it. That's why I envy and admire you." Hitomi continued, starting from the top left corner of the blackboard and moving her way towards the bottom right corner. "I took up the piano and mastered it, but it's not quite the same."
As he listened to her, he imagined the sound of the piece of music she had written up. It was one of his songs. "How do you know that?"
Hitomi dropped the chalk and wiped off the marks from her fingers. She met his gaze and admitted, "I think it's the most beautiful song you've written." She had often sat outside the band room, listening to him practice when the door was open.
Feeling a rush of pleasure at her words, Van let out a smile. "Yeah?"
"Have you decided what you're playing in the concert?"
He stood up and slid his hands into his pant pockets. "I've been staying every day for a couple extra hours after school to figure out what I should play." More than grateful that she'd come into his life so suddenly like this and made the decision immensely easy for him, Van walked over to her and offered a hand. "Thanks for clearing my head a little. I'll play that song," he glanced up at the board then back at her.
She looked down at his hand and hesitantly slid her hand against his. "You're welcome." His hand was so rough. It felt oddly warm. When she looked back up to meet his gaze, she hadn't realized how close he was. Now aware of it, she backed up a step immediately and pulled her hand out of his. "Ah…sorry. Maybe it's time for me to leave."
Seeing the nervousness in her actions, Van pulled back as well, uncertain of how he felt after seeing her reaction like that. "But do you want to hear the song?" He offered, turning around as she walked past him to the door.
Hitomi took a deep breath and faced him. "I'll go to the concert and listen to it with everyone."
He knew Hitomi never attended any school event. She had never been present in a single one since high school began.
"Why?"
"Because I love the saxophone." Her eyes briefly shifted away before swinging back to him. "And you listened to what I had to say. Thank you." Her cheeks reddened as she swiftly turned around. "You'll do an amazing job, Van." She offered before she disappeared from his sight.
Van stood back and thoroughly studied the music piece Hitomi had written up in a matter of minutes. It wasn't the whole song; it wouldn't have fit the board. This must be her favourite part, he mused, reading it from top to bottom. Feeling his fingers itch for the sax, he bent down and picked it up. Despite the dimness of the light, he managed to play the part she'd written out.
...
Hitomi took out her lunch and laid it out in front of her. It had been two days since that incident in the band room occurred. Van hadn't acted differently towards her. She understood. People would have noticed otherwise and his popularity score would probably have decreased several notches. And as surprised as she had been about how kind he was that night, she knew there was a limit to how kind he would be around other people.
She threw her hand in her bag and aimlessly reached for the juice box that was seemingly missing. With a frown, she brought the bag closer to her face and inspected it with her eyes. Darn. The juice box was probably sitting at the family dining table right now. A little disoriented, Hitomi placed her bag back on the hook and decided to buy a drink. She closed her bento and took her wallet from the bag.
When she inattentively glanced behind her, she noticed Van was watching her. Startled because she wasn't expecting it, Hitomi looked away immediately and left the room.
"So what do you think about going out tonight after band practice?" Allen asked Van.
Looking distantly at the board, Van shook his head. "I'd rather practice all night, sorry."
"Come on man, don't be so lame. Everybody knows how great you are. You don't need to spend hours and hours every day for a four-minute solo."
Millerna nodded in agreement. "And look, I've got a friend who's been bugging me endlessly about you for weeks and weeks now. She's coming tonight and she wants to meet you. She's really cute. You'd like her."
Van ruefully smiled at his friends. "Sorry guys. I'll think about that offer when the concert's over."
Annoyed and disappointed, Allen shook his head. "This is why you don't have a girlfriend, Van. You're so friggin' popular, it's insane. Girls are practically confessing their love to you every single day. But all you want to do is play the sax. Come on, live a little."
Understanding Allen's frustration and knowing that Allen would never understand him, Van just patted his friend on the shoulder. "Let it go." Instead, he got to his feet.
"Where are you going?"
"I'll be right back," he replied, waving as he walked out of the classroom.
As he walked along the hallway, Van wondered where she was right now. It was true that he'd ignored her since that night. He didn't quite figure out how to go about approaching her. He knew people would talk. Maybe that was part of the reason too. But he was still curious about her. It hadn't gone away. And even though she didn't know how to play the sax, she shared his love for it, and that was rare. Even with his friends now, they still didn't understand how much music defined who he was.
When he crossed the open grounds, he saw her. Hitomi was coming from the cafeteria with a bottle of juice in her hands. She squinted against the sun and immediately noticed him. He could've sworn she slowed down her walking pace by half her original speed. Was she trying to avoid him? At the thought, he bit back a smile. He continued walking her way.
At a loss as to why he was coming right at her, Hitomi looked around. He was probably going after someone else, she figured, and tried to pretend like she didn't care. Just as she looked up again, a few girls going a different direction bumped her. She lost her footing and fell on the ground. The girls took one notice, recognized her, then shrugged and walked away.
She sighed. It was expected. Just as she found her balance, she felt arms go around her waist and pull her up. Her voice stuck in her throat, Hitomi looked up promptly and caught the smile on his face.
She pulled away from him immediately. "Why are you…"
"Thought you might need a friend." Feeling a little uncomfortable himself, Van glanced around. In truth, he'd never gone after a girl before as long as he could remember. This was the first, he realized. There was just something so damn appealing about her. "If you're free, come by to the band room after school. You said you play the piano right?"
Trying to figure out where this was going, Hitomi nodded slowly.
"One of my band mates suggested it yesterday and I thought about it for a while. It'd be fun to do a duet with the two instruments. If you're interested," he added, seeing the uncertainty in her eyes.
"Why me?"
"Honestly?" Van let out a small laugh as he began to walk. She followed. "Partly because you're the only one who understands my passion for music."
"What's the other part?"
He glanced over at her. He couldn't describe it well. "I don't know. Maybe Allen was right; I might have a little interest in you after all."
Hitomi's already-quickened pulse turned up another notch.
Van didn't believe in pretences. Rather than play around it, he decided to face it head-on. Maybe it was just a current phase he was going through. Or maybe it really was just sympathy for the lonely girl who had no friends. It didn't sit well with him to leave people, who had nobody to lean on, to fend for themselves.
"I…" Hitomi didn't know what to say or do. How did you react to something like that? What did it mean anyway? Speechless, she merely looked down at her feet as they headed back to the classroom.
"It's fine if you're not up for it," he said with some reassurance.
The thing was, Hitomi wanted to go. The idea of listening to him play and offering her own talent on the piano to produce a possibly great sound were unbelievably tempting. The problem was, she wasn't quite sure what to say or do once she'd get there. Being alone with Van for any length of time, like right now, shook her sense of self a little more than she liked. She didn't like feeling incompetent and unsure.
"Doesn't it bother you? When people look at us and start judging you for talking to me?" She asked abruptly.
He shrugged. "I couldn't care less what people think about me. Why, does it bother you?"
Surprised that he threw it back to her, she merely shook her head. "Why would it?" She asked in return, her voice quiet. "I would have thought…" Instead, she stopped. "Never mind. I'll see about today."
He nodded.
...
Van studied the two music sheets in front of him. Though he played very little piano, he'd gone to enough classes to know how to read a piano music sheet. He could already imagine what it would sound like, with the piano starting out the song softly, then the saxophone would come in a moment later and bring in a different sound.
Though the concert was only a few days away, Van knew he'd practiced more than enough to nail his solo. Wanting to stay behind and play the sax was more a personal choice than an obligation. More than spending his nights with possibly cute girls who just liked him for his looks and image, he preferred to spending it doing something meaningful.
The door opened.
He glanced up negligently, then did a double take. Hitomi stood there, staring back at him.
"Hey."
She managed to smile briefly before bringing herself completely into the room. "Have you eaten dinner?"
He glanced up at the clock. It was nearing 6. Van shook his head as he stood up and walked over. "I should get something to eat, I guess." He'd hoped she would come. Van wasn't sure what to do with her now though, especially when she looked so hesitant.
"I…" Feeling incompetent yet again, Hitomi bit her lip. She had convinced herself to get up the courage to go. "I made some food." Hitomi brought up the bento box she'd made. Despite having gone home already, she had decided to go back and bring him food, knowing he probably would have been practicing until it got dark. She could see how hard he must have worked to be as good as he was.
Shocked, he stared blatantly at her. "What?"
She felt her cheeks warm. "I went home and prepared some food for us." Hitomi took an inner deep breath. Instead of backing away like she always initially did, she would face this anxiety and fight it. How else was she going to learn if all she did was back away at every sign of apprehension? "It didn't take me long to do though."
"Wait, you made me food?"
Hitomi turned and placed it on the countertop. She opened the bag and began unloading the containers. "I'll stay with you until you finish practicing. To be honest…" She looked over her shoulder. "When I'm at home, it's suffocating. All my mother wants me to do is study. I haven't played the piano since summer break and I miss it. And for some reason, I trust you." Cautiously, she turned and faced him. "Will you play a few songs for me?"
It wasn't her obligation to prepare him dinner, but she still did. Slowly he came to see what kind of person Hitomi really was. Van grinned. "As many as you want. It's good practice for me too anyway. So what'd you cook?" He came over and surveyed the six sets of dishes in their own container. "Damn." He said under his breath. "You went all the way."
"Cooking is like breathing for me. I don't mind at all," she said, passing him a set of chopsticks. Her comfort level had gone up in a matter of minutes. It was funny how his smile seemed to make her anxiety go away.
"So how were you introduced to the sax?"
"My father. Before he died, he and I would listen to all these record albums he'd collected over the years since he was our age. There were great artists he'd found out just by word and managed to get his hands on their music. Listening to the saxophone reminds me of him," she said with a shy smile. Talking about these things so openly, she had never thought she meet someone else who would understand her feelings. Van was listening to intently to her now and she could see it. He understood. "And you?"
"My whole family, we're all musicians. My mom plays the clarinet and my dad plays the sax. My older brother plays the electric guitar. I was introduced to it when I was a kid. Before I knew it, I got hooked on the saxophone. My dad is amazing. He plays the tenor though, so it's not the same as mine." Van glanced over at his alto sax. "I guess we have that similarity too."
Hitomi looked up at him as she bit into a rice ball.
"Our dads are our inspiration."
She felt her heart tremble at his words. "Yes." He couldn't have said it better.
...
Right before the concert, Hitomi sat at one of the red-covered seats in the auditorium. The place was slowly filling up. On the stage, she saw the various instruments placed in their positions. The violinists and flutists would perform at the front, while the bigger instruments stood at the back. She saw the golden alto saxophone. A small smile came onto her face without realizing it.
That night she had come with home-cooked food, they had learned a great deal more about each other through music. It took away a lot of barriers that otherwise would probably have remained had they not shared that same love for it. He'd played her several songs she requested. After, she had settled on the grand piano and performed a few songs for him. Then, just before they'd gone home for the night, they'd experimented playing the piano and saxophone together. It took a few tries to get the timing and melody to work, but it did. Remembering it now, Hitomi felt warmth spread in her chest. It was the first time she realized how wonderful it was to have a friend.
Soon the band arrived and walked on stage. Everyone applauded as they bowed and sat on their respective seats. Hitomi hadn't realized how amazing her school band was. After performing five music pieces, the band school teacher, Yashima-sensei, walked to the microphone.
"I'm pleased to announce that we have reached the portion in our concert where an exceptionally talented saxophonist will be giving us his very first solo performance tonight. It is my great pleasure to introduce this second year student from Class 2-1, Van Fanel."
Hitomi's breath caught as she watched him walk from the sidelines and face the audience. He let out a smile as he pulled the strap over his head and settled the saxophone on the front of his body. The girls around her had gone a little mad. Their screams of support made her jerk in her seat. Ignoring them now, she inadvertently placed her fisted hands on her chest as she waited anxiously to hear him play.
No other sound was heard, except for the saxophone. Everyone had gone silent the moment he covered the mouthpiece. Van closed his eyes and let the music flow through him. The lights and the crowd disappeared. The only one remaining, shockingly, was Hitomi. When he opened his eyes and went on to play the second verse, even in the large crowd, he spotted her. This is for you. You picked this song, he wanted to say.
Her heart was knocking violently in her chest. She could feel it. She had been watching as he looked over towards her. A week ago, she probably would have still been blown away by this performance, but would also have walked out without truly understanding the meaning behind it. It was incredible how much she'd learned about him in a matter of days. His performance now etched itself in her memory, because she could see the heart and soul that came with it.
...
A week after the concert, Hitomi stood at the front of the band room door. She had avoided him. For a whole week, she had purposefully ignored his presence. When he neared her or walked over, Hitomi found ways to leave and go a different direction. Even after school, she quickly left the classroom before he could trap her. She didn't know why. Was it fear? After that concert, it had done something to her. She hadn't been able to sleep. Thoughts of him kept her awake for nights.
But it was wrong to shut him out like this. He hadn't done a thing to deserve it. It scared her to come back, but…after being her first friend, she felt she didn't deserve his kindness.
She opened it and peeked inside. He was there, sitting in front of the piano, playing a song with effort. Not noticing her, he continued while making mistakes here and there. Hitomi closed the door behind her quietly and walked slowly towards him. She stopped about a few meters away.
"Hi."
He glanced over his shoulder then swung back. "What do you want?"
"I'm…sorry for…" She knew how inadequate and shallow the words sounded. With great difficulty, Hitomi walked closer. "I…"
"Did you hate my performance that much?"
Bewildered, she stared, wide-eyed, in shock.
He let out a dry chuckle. "I mean, I know you think I'm a good saxophone player. Hell I'm grateful that you managed to listen through a lot of my practices last week. But…I practiced really hard for that solo." Completely pissed off, Van stood up and pushed himself away from the piano. "I don't know, maybe you expected it to be better?"
"Why would you think that?" She began, frowning.
He looked straight into her eyes. "You think I didn't see you that night?"
Hitomi swallowed. "What? No, I…"
"You walked out before I finished the piece, Hitomi. That was the biggest insult you could have thrown at me. I chose that song because of you."
She opened her mouth to respond, but couldn't find her voice. Her pulse was throbbing under the base of her jaw. No, he was misunderstanding everything.
"Then it's like you can't even be bothered in class. I don't even know why I put myself through that crap. People must have looked at me like I was crazy trying to talk to you." Still in a bad mood, he walked away. "Shit."
If she didn't say anything, he would continue to misunderstand. He would keep feeling hurt. She didn't want that. Hitomi forced out the words. "I'm sorry. I know it sounds insincere, but I am. I'm sorry about avoiding you all this time. I didn't know…I still don't know how to deal with this." She wrung her hands in front of her. How could she keep her voice from shaking? "That…when you played that song, I felt like…" She let out a deep breath, unable to explain it.
Okay, start over. "It meant so much. It was more than I expected." With that, she helplessly lifted her shoulders and let them fall. "The whole time, I couldn't take my eyes off you. I couldn't see anything but you. I couldn't hear anything but you. And my heart, it was…it was hurting." She swallowed difficultly. His eyes didn't waver. They stayed on her, sharp and intense. "You're my first friend. I've…never had a friend before." She bit her lip when she felt a hot ball of tears climbing up her throat. "I didn't want anyone to see me cry. That's why I walked out. But I stood there…at the back…you didn't see?" The first tear escaped. Hitomi hastily wiped it away. "I stood there, by the doors, watching you, until the concert ended and you all walked out of the stage."
When she looked down in shame, he took the opportunity to pull her right against him. He wrapped his arms tightly around her.
She stood still and stiff. Hitomi looked up slowly, but could only see his Adam's apple.
"This must confuse the hell out of you," he said quietly. "But let me hold you for a second. I've wanted to do this for a while."
Speechless, she let him hold her.
...
Van looked up as the first few droplets of rain fell on the top of his head. It was the first day of November. The trees were all completely bare of leaves. He felt the icy cold breeze pass and automatically shoved a freezing hand into his jacket pocket as the the other held the umbrella upright. He glanced around and still saw no sight of Hitomi. Where was she?
It was their first date. Of course, she had stared at him blankly when he asked her the night before.
When they reached the front gate of her house, Van turned so he faced her. "Go out with me tomorrow."
In the cold, Hitomi's cheeks brightened. "Okay."
He grinned at her agreement. She didn't know how big of a deal this was, did she? "So it'll be our first date, right?"
She blinked. "What?"
The rain had started pouring at that moment too. Immediately, he pulled up her hood over her head and did his own. "Go inside. I'll meet you at the park at 1:00."
"Wait-"
He hesitated for a few seconds then leaned down and lightly kissed her cheek. Her skin had been warm against his lips. "Goodnight." It was cruel, but he smiled to himself as he walked away from her, leaving her speechless yet again and staring after him.
As ridiculously smart as she was, Hitomi lacked all the social knowledge most teenagers were equipped with. Finding it more amusing than burdening, Van took it upon himself to teach her what he could. That confession she'd given him in the band room that one day in September had rocked him to the core. He hadn't realized until that moment how important her opinion was.
He had pursued her endlessly after that, acknowledging the fact that there was only girl he was interested in. Day after day, he worked on showing her and the rest of the school how he felt. Granted, everyone was against it at first, trying to stop him while treating her miserably. That had fuelled him to protect her instead. Eventually, by mid-October, they'd given up. The other girls who'd been chasing him endlessly to that point eventually stopped as well. But that was because of the cruelty Van had thrown at them. He was the type of guy who could only love one girl at one time.
"Sorry!"
Van turned. Breathless, Hitomi stood behind him. She had done something to her hair so that the normally straight honey-brown hair curled loosely around her face. She had put on some color in her eyes and lips too. He felt sucker-punched at how beautiful she looked. Unable to resist, he traced her jaw line with the back of his index finger.
"You look pretty."
Already feeling out of her comfort zone, Hitomi managed a small smile. "Thank you. I wasn't…exactly sure how to dress appropriately."
"Before we get going," he interrupted, reaching over and adjusting the lapels of her jacket. Why couldn't he keep his hands off her? Maybe she looked so damned irresistible right now, he mused. "You know what it means to go on a date, right? I don't have to explain that to you?" He teased lightly.
Her cheeks coloured as she looked away.
He pulled up her chin so she would face him. "I really like you."
When he continued studying her, waiting for a response, Hitomi nodded slowly. Quietly, so only he could hear, she murmured, "Me too."
At that, he grinned, ecstatic, and pulled her back into his arms again. "I'm glad you know what that means. I was afraid I'd have to explain it all." He laughed when she punched his stomach lightly. He pulled away and took her hand in his. "Just so I stop thinking and worrying about it for the whole day, after I walk you home tonight, can I kiss you?"
Embarrassed, Hitomi tried to pull away. He wouldn't let her. Van really knew how to make her life difficult, didn't he? In truth, over the past few months, spending more time with him and becoming friends, Hitomi had grown to develop strangely strong feelings for him despite not having previous experience with these emotions. All she'd known was that she wanted to see him and talk to him every day. His friendly hugs felt warm. It had made her feel special.
But now, as she looked up at him, it was definitely something different altogether that settled in her heart when he held her like this. Like she was safe and loved. It was a feeling she would always treasure. Hitomi bit her lip. All this time, Van had been so patient, understanding her personality and matching his own pace to hers. In gratitude, curiosity, and the simple wanting of it, Hitomi rose to the tips of her toes and leaned forward.
He didn't expect it. She kissed his lips for a second. When she fell back on her heels, Van stared down at her, bewildered. She let out a bashful smile. She had never been so forward before, but it felt wonderful. Before she completely pulled away from him, she managed to mumble, "You can kiss me tonight too."
As she began to walk away, he followed and took hold of her hand again. With the umbrella above their heads, Hitomi and Van walked to the movie theatre for their very first date. And just as it had been that first night they spoke to each other, the sky was filled with dark clouds and the rain was pouring heavily. As he placed an absent kiss on the top of her head, Van smiled to himself. He didn't mind the rain one bit.
The End