A/N: I do not own any character Boosh related.

I could feel the club music reverberating throughout my chest as I leaned against the wall of the club. The hot mass of swirling bodies swayed and moved in time with the beat. I stared out across the crowded expanse feeling sweat trickle down the small of my back. I was exhausted; physically as well as mentally. This was the fourth night this week I had been out from dusk til dawn at the various clubs. It was on nights like tonight that I really felt my age, my real age.

My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a touch on my hip and a voice in my ear asking if I wanted to dance. I turned to look at the girl, which was a very accurate description, as she couldn't have been more than twenty. I cocked my head to the side and smiled my well practiced smile. Leaning towards her I replied, with a no thank you.

The girl made a pouting face and wandered off. I closed my eyes with my head against the wall taking in the sounds and smells of the crowded space. Feeling the same I decided to call it a night. Pushing off the wall I made my way through the crowd and out a side door into the alleyway. The stink of trash bins and the city hit me at the same time as the chilled air. I stepped down into the street and started walking. I heard the door open and shut again as I neared the entrance of the alley. Sounds of rushed but light footsteps came up behind me as a feminine voice called, "Vince."

I turned to find the same girl from inside. "Alright," I said as she caught up to where I had stopped.

"My name is Katy," she whispered moving in closer to me. I looked down at her hands that she had placed on my chest.

"Hello again, Katy," I whispered back, letting her push me backwards against the wall of the opposite building. We were mostly hid from any passersby by a large bin at the mouth of the alley. She went up on the tips of her toes to kiss me, her hands now sliding under my black leather jacket to grasp my sides. She pulled back and I felt her lips along my jaw line and move down my neck. Her hands had slid under my shirt and to the front of my tight black trousers. I felt the snap give and the zipper come undone. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the wall of the building, allowing her to continue. A firm tug lowered the trousers enough to give her better access as I wasn't wearing any pants. I felt her breath on my cock as her hands began stroking it to life.

Just another typical night in the life of Vince Noir Rock and Roll star, admittedly, what she was doing felt good. I thought to myself just how many times this very thing had happened to me. Too numerous to even begin to count with her hot, moist mouth working me, this thought led to another because that's just how my brain functions; one random thought to the next, I wonder if Howard is still a total virgin. It had been almost three years since his party. Surely after his embarrassment he had ventured out into something physical with someone. Looking back through my memories I couldn't recall a single date or attempts by Howard to chat any women up for that matter. I made a mental note to try to remember to ask him the next time we talked.

I would…."ahhh," a groan came from deep within my throat as the girl, almost forgotten in my walk down memory lane, started bobbing up and down at a faster, deeper pace. Howard definitely did not know what he was missing. I should find someone to do this for him. It would be a great gift, although I could never tell him about it. He really wasn't as boring or as unstylish as I made him out to be when we were picking at each other playfully. I mean he couldn't exactly run with my Camden crowd, but London is huge and there are bound to be loads of women out there looking for someone like him.

Howard should get his meaningful trip beyond the physical boundary, he deserved it. My thoughts were once again interrupted when I could feel the tell tale tingling that I was fast approaching my own physical release. I am certain I'm going to find someone for Howard now. He must be very lonely; at least I have many friends to keep my nights occupied if I choose to go out and about. If I wasn't so easily distracted by shiny people and things I probably would have noticed this many years sooner. It has only been recently that I felt like I am missing something myself. I go to club after club, and face it, they are all the same after so many, I get pissed more often than not, and I hook up with random people. It was fun and entertaining for a long time but now I find my self getting bored.

I dig my fingers into the brick of the building I am leaning against as I feel my stomach tighten; reflexively I move my hands to the girl's head and thrust forward. She groans as she swallows around my jerking cock. The girl stands up on her toes again and kisses me deeply as I am trying to catch my breath. After a moment she pauses and looks up at me saying, "I can't wait to tell my Dad that I met you."

This phrase eventually filters through the post orgasm fog that is clouding my brain. "What do you mean," I ask, slightly worried at where this is headed as I rearrange myself and my trousers..

"Well, you see my Dad was three years ahead of you in school and he has pictures of you and him. His name was Dan, you remember him right?" without pausing for breath she continues, "I always thought you were so cute in the pictures, I recognized you in the club."

I do remember Dan. He wasn't that much older than me. "How old are you?" I manage to verbalize.

"Oh I'm eighteen," she says. She pulls out a biro from her bag and starts writing her cell number on my wrist. I am still standing here like an idiot.

She is eighteen. She is technically old enough to be my …Christ. Fuck.

I pull my hand back and mumble something about having to go. I leave the alley and start walking briskly towards the flat. A dull grey haze is appearing in the horizon. I walk numbly, all the while thinking about how I've just technically had sex with someone who is almost young enough for me to be their father. The world has gone wrong.