It all started on March 23rd, 11:43 P.M. I awoke next to my wife punching me in the shoulder with far more force than necessary, asking me with a mock offended expression why I felt the need to strangle her favorite "Joan Jett & The Blackhearts" pillowcase and call her a slimy, snivelling half-wit murderer with an overly large nose.
"That was uncalled for, Remus. C'mon, my nose isn't THAT big!"
Then, screwing up her eyes in concentration, I suddenly saw Richard Milhous Nixon at his sexiest staring me down, five o'clock shadow and everything, arms folded and awaiting an explanation.
"No, no, it wasn't you, Tonks, I - I was dreaming about Severus."
Nixon shot a peek at my trousers.
"You had a wet dream about Snape and not your President? Not cool, hippie. Put that snake back in your trousers!" Nixon giggled.
"What?! NO! - You see - what happened - I did NOT have nocturnal emissions about your former potions teacher and my former classmate!" I protested, pulling the covers over me. "How old are you anyway, twelve? Get your mind out of the gutter, Nymphadora."
Nixon glared daggers at me. "DON'T call me Nymphadora, draft-dodger! It's Nixon. Just for that, I'm instituting a new policy: no shagging for the next five minutes until I get an apology."
"But Dora - I mean, Mr. Nixon, by YOUR logic, couldn't I conceivably not apologize and still make excellent coitus within five minutes time?"
Nixon scratched her chin, deep in thought. "Oh….didn't think that one through, did I….hmmmmmm…."
I grinned. Nixon is such a Hufflepuff. I squeezed her arm with my right hand and stroked her hair with the other.
"I was only talking about Snape, the snake. I'm really sorry, Dora. I like your little button nose just the way it is. It's cute, just like your name."
"But I hate my name! It's so...so...silly and too damn old-fashioned." Nixon moaned. "Now Tonks, THAT'S a name. Easy to spell, and merchandisable as all hell! "Tonkstacular!" "Tonkserrific!" and my personal favorite, when somebody gets what's coming to them you can go all Schwarzenegger and say; "You just got Tonksed, motherfucker!"
"But doesn't it get confusing when your entire family also answers to that name?" I asked. We've had this argument before, I'm just humouring her.
"Nah, my Mum and Dad have the right, basically anyone I consider a parent has the right and no one else. Like, say, Professor Sprout or Molly or dudes like Michael J. Fox who'd say it all sexy-like."
I laughed. "Makes sense to me. Funny you should mention Pomona. When I was working at Hogwarts, she told me all these stories about the spikey-haired little devil who raised hell and got into all sorts of trouble. Said you were basically all of The Marauders squeezed into a teenage girl."
"Yeah, there's a term for that. It's called a totally awesome but still totally underage gang bang! Somebody call the cops!" Nixon cackled.
"Ugh! Terrible." I groaned. Nixon laughed, well, there's no better way to put this, like a dick. Rolling my eyes at her, I pulled my pants down and we fooled around for a bit. Tonks always liked to take the intimacy out of the moment by pulling faces and saying strange things at me while we had sex in order to see if it would break my concentration.
My personal favorite was when she straddled on top of me, spread her pussy with one hand, and pulled me into her with the other, declaring "Superman!" upon penetration and sticking up her left arm up as though flying, the other arm curled up at her side and fist closed. I'm frankly shocked the high-pitched, shrieking laugh I emitted didn't wake Tonks' poor mother.
A few minutes later, we were both sweaty and out of breath, but with identically stupid grins on our faces.
Everything was silent for a bit.
"Hey, Remus?" Tonks asked. Nixon was gone now.
"If it's a sex question-" I began.
"No, it's not a sex question, although I'm ready to go again whenever. I'm sure L'il Tonks Jr. wouldn't mind all that much if I give you a BJ. I mean, he's a baby, he doesn't care if I force him to drink your jizz for the nutrients."
"Ugh! Terrible." I cringed. "I would never have thought of that if you didn't bring it up. Why even bring it up to begin with, Dora, it's very disconcerting."
Tonks smiled seductively and winked at me. "It's part of my charm, Remus. Anyway, I was just wondering… Do you think Lily would have liked me?"
"Are you kidding?" I exclaim. "Of course. She would have LOVED you. We all would have, you would have been a great Marauder. Give us a run for our money and made off like a bandit. Why do you ask?"
"I dunno," Tonks shrugged. "Just wondering. The Potters were heroes to my generation, and I'm turning twenty-five tomorrow, I'm gonna be older than they ever were. When I found out You-Know-Who came back, it kinda shook me, y'know? And with my Dad gone-"
At this Tonks took a deep, shuddering breath, allowing her hidden anxieties to wash all over her, as she allowed herself to babble on.
"I'm just afraid that they'll win. That everything Lily and James did will be forgotten. That I couldn't do anything. Sirius died because I wasn't strong enough. I couldn't even save M-Mad-Eye. It makes so feel so freakin' useless, Remus. I HATE feeling weak. I hate the idea of my kid having to get used to all this. I hate being cooped up in this house. I hate waking up in a cold sweat, afraid Bellatrix is gonna finish me off. I hate that I'm not the Auror I should be. I hate the way people treat you just 'cuz of your "furry little problem." Really pisses me off. I've tried to be strong, say I don't care, but I do, I do care. I wish I could be like Lily; fearless. But above all, I hate knowing Mad-Eye would be disappointed in me, crying like a s-s-scared little-."
"Bitch." The last word was choked out before Tonks turned her face away, not wanting to look at me.
"Lily wasn't fearless." I whispered.
"Huh?" Tonks asked, misty-eyed.
"Lily was afraid. She told me through her letters she was afraid Voldemort could come and kill everyone she loved at any moment. She was afraid to die and lose out on everything Harry was going to experience. But you know what? She kept on going anyway, and died a hero. That's why I loved her. That's why Mad-Eye loved you. That's why Sirius loved you. You see the good in people others don't see in themselves, you keep on laughing even when no one else is for the benefit of the forgotten. That's what we were about in school, and that's why I love you. Because YOU never gave up on me, a trampy werewolf who shuns commitment and extended social situations like the plague. And I promise you, I would rather die than just hand our son or daughter to those monsters. That's what Sirius would want."
All of the sudden, I start tearing up.
"What?" Tonks asks.
"I - I - I miss Sirius." I whispered. "I didn't even cry when he died. He was my best mate, and I didn't even cry. I didn't cry at Dumbledore's funeral, either. I didn't allow myself to feel it. I was so afraid if I started, it'd never stop, like with my Mum. It's all my fault, I brought Peter in, I should have helped him or you in The Department of Mysteries. I shouldn't have let Dumbledore go off alone the night he was killed. That way, we'd all be safe. I was selfish, I was foolhardy. I - I don't deserve you, Nymphadora. You're young and funny and beautiful and smart. I'm none of those things, I destroy everything I touch. I'm a monster."
Tonks gave me a meaningful look, watching me vent my feelings out. "Remus, you know what?"
"Yes?"
"You're being waaaaayyyyyyy too hard on yourself. If we die, I want you to remember how much good you did. All those kids you inspired. All the lives you've touched, mine included. And if we're in a corner, give 'em hell. Make 'em work for it. It's what Mad-Eye - scratch that, it's what I want. Besides, when we die we can hang out with my boy Chris Farley in a van down by the river, tell me you aren't excited for that and tomorrow we're filing for divorce. And as someone who has had a fair number of accidents over the years due to my impaired sense of balance mixed with a general lack of common sense-"
"Well, that settles it, beyond of a shadow of a doubt, you really ARE Sirius' cousin." I interjected, grinning.
"Thanks." Tonks grinned back. "Anyway, before you rudely interrupted me, ya prat, if there's one thing I learned from being a klutz, it's that no matter how many times you fall down you gotta pick yourself back up again. Just because you screw up once doesn't mean you're a screw-up for life. So what if you're a werewolf? Stan Shunpike wasn't a werewolf, but he was the worst boyfriend I ever had. Treated me like crap the moment the sex was over, hated that I made more money than him, that sort of thing.
I know we have our issues (I'm still kinda mad you, y'know, left me and our kid everything during wartime and you'll be giving me foot-rubs until the end of time to make up for it), but we can face 'em together. You use all these big words I have to look up in the dictionary, have compassion up the wazoo, and a HUGE schlong I am proud to rub my tits on, so cut out the waterworks, OK, Moon-Face?"
"It's Moony, and you're the one who started crying!" I mutter.
"Yeah, but I'm carrying a watermelon in my uterus, hormones are comin' out of the wazoo, what's YOUR excuse, dude?" Tonks teased, poking me in the belly. Which she really shouldn't be doing, I don't like being poked.
"Whatever, Tonks." I chuckle. "Sorry I woke you."
"Don't be! I'm waaaayyyyyyy too fat to sleep comfortably right now anyways thanks to my own "furry little problem. Say, look at the time!" Tonks said, pointing at the clock, which now read 1:32 A.M.
"It's my birthday! Holy schnikes, I've been twenty-five for an hour and a half and haven't even known it!"
"Congratulations, Miss Lupin! How do you want to celebrate?" I ask, putting on a fake announcer voice. Haha, Tonks isn't the only one who can do half-decent impersonations.
"That's Miss Tonks-Lupin to you, pal. Weeellllllllll, I have been curious about *ahem* tryin' butt sex again." Tonks blushed. "I liked how it felt, just wanna save it for special occasions. But I'm dead tired, maybe tomorrow night if I don't sleep through then. Sound good, Moony?"
"I see nothing wrong with that," I smile. "I could use some sleep, too."
Tonks fixes me with another meaningful look as she pins me down, holds me close, and kisses me like she kissed me the day we got married. Seventeen years ago, I thought life had nothing left to offer me. That Hope was literally and figuratively dead. How could I have been so blind? Fuck you, 21-year-old Remus, you were wrong. I love this woman more than life itself and she's having my kid. I miss James, and Sirius, and Lily, and my Mum and Mad-Eye and Dumbledore and Ted, but they would want me to be happy. I know this because they cared about me, showed me a different path. Life is NOT a joke. Life is beautiful.
"Remus?"
"Yes, Tonks?"
"Call me Nymphadora."
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