"We do share a more profound bond."
Dean: .
"Well, I wasn't going to mention it..."
Summary: Now and then Dean prays, Castiel listens, and ponders on the friendship (or "profound bond") between them. Spoilers up to the latest episode. Warning for language.
The fic starts some time late in S5.
Castiel remembered the first time Dean sent him a prayer. He was surprised but felt oddly touched, personally trusted. Dean's silent prayers would always reach him loud and clear, ever since his hands had pulled him from Hell and left their mark on his shoulders. But he knew Dean was oblivious to the strength of the link between them, so it surprised him when he used it.
Castiel - you know I don't know jack shit about praying, hell I don't even know if I'm doing it right - do you have to say it out loud or what? Ah fuck it. Just ... thanks. For taking our side. And busting me out of Hell...you're not as big a douchebag as the other angels. Ok I'm gonna stop now cos actually the thought of you being able to read my mind kinda freaks me out...
He didn't pray again until after Sam fell into the pit. He said it out loud this time, alone in his car driving towards Lisa and Ben's house.
"Glad you made it through Cas, really. And thanks for saving Bobby. But until I find a way to get Sam out of Hell you better not want me to play any more stupid fucking angel games because I got other things to do... I gotta get my brother back. If you can help, then help, otherwise stay out of the way."
Castiel respected Dean's wish for space, since he knew there was nothing he could do to help. Things in Heaven were deteriorating to the point where every day was a struggle, every day a fight to gain the upper hand. It was wearing him down...
Cas... man if you can help me find a way to get Sam back... I need my brother out of there. I need Sammy... he's my little brother, Cas you gotta help me...
Dean slugged more whisky as the words on the laptop started to blur in front of him. Research that was getting him absolutely nowhere after months of trying.
"Dean." Lisa's soft voice called behind him, kindly, with only the smallest amount of pity and the smallest amount of entreaty. She deserved so much more than this, Dean thought.
Cas...please don't ever let anything happen to Lisa and Ben. Ever.
When Dean prayed to him, he could locate him. Without the prayers Dean was totally hidden from him thanks to the seal he'd placed on his ribcage. He wished he could help, but instead he just kept an eye on the little family when he had a spare minute from the fighting, which wasn't very often these days. He felt that Dean's broken soul was getting a much-deserved rest from the pain he had endured, yet knew that it wouldn't heal, not really. It was too late for that.
Finally, Dean asked him to come. Those weapons could change the direction of the fight to his favour...could end this exhausting war. He wanted it to be over. It was beginning to feel like it might never be over, it might go on for eternity. He could no longer see a vision of what "over" would look like, and it scared him.
Castiel - yeah I know, I'm doing it again. The weird thought-prayer thing. Fucking crazy right? Only maybe you nearly told Sam about it yesterday...and if you did, could you keep it between us? If this stuff actually works and you can creepily hear my thoughts that is. Also, "profound bond" sounds totally wrong dude. Seriously. People will start talking. But uh... well, it was good to see you again man. Good luck with that mess you're taking care of up there. There's no angel I'd rather have in charge of Heaven that much I know. Which is not saying much since most angels are total dicks. But you're not, and that's something worth fighting for.
Castiel appreciated the sentiment more than Dean knew, but he wasn't sure it was enough anymore. The war in Heaven had gone on for decades. He needed it to end. Now he'd done something he thought he'd never have to do - he'd killed Rachael. She had turned against him...but she didn't understand how important it was to end this. To have stability in Heaven. If he had to take this weight on his shoulders in order to obtain it, he would.
Cas - thanks for saving our asses back there. I haven't told Sam but I got the feeling you weren't telling us everything. But hey - I guess it's your fight not ours and you saved our asses from that Fate chick so thanks. If you wanna talk to us though...tell us what's going on... you can trust us. It's not always safe to talk I get that. But if you need us- you know where to find us.
Dean spat out the toothpaste and rinsed his toothbrush.
"I dunno what's going on with you Cas but I'm worried about you man. You know where to find me." he said quietly before returning to the motel bedroom.
In Heaven Castiel sighed tiredly. Dean was more perceptive than people gave him credit for. He felt exhausted...desperate for this civil war to end. Desperate. He thought. Desperate times call for desperate measures...isn't that what they said on Earth? Still, he wasn't proud of some of the things he'd done... they weighed heavily upon him. He wished he could ask for Dean's advice. Dean always seemed to know the right thing to do...even after what happened in Hell.
His shoulders slumped as he felt the weight of Heaven on him like Atlas. He heard Dean's prayers, knew Dean was supposed to be praying to God rather than a lowly angel like himself but since God wasn't around anymore he supposed it didn't make any difference.
When he heard Rachael telling them off, he couldn't allow it. She didn't know what she was talking about, didn't know that Dean was the one who connected him to Earth, to humankind. To friendship and the meaning of loyalty. He knew his charge would never admit it out loud, always erecting walls and hiding any vulnerability...but they'd been through a lot together, and he could see past the walls. He could see the gratitude, the trust, the genuine fondness, even the slight fear and resentment that Dean had for him. He might come across as brash and arrogant sometimes...but there was still no one Cas trusted more as a moral compass.
But he couldn't ask him. He wouldn't ask, because he knew deep down that Dean would tell him he'd done something... wrong. And he was trying to keep the friends he had.
End
A/N: Yeah so a little bit of hinting in the sort of way the series has been hinting (I have no idea what it is but season 6 is clearly hinting that Cas has done something ethically wrong, and he's sort of hiding it from the boys.). It's my interpretation of what the show is getting at just now.