Friendship above all

"Have you seen Toothless?"

Astrid blinks in response, her head titled sideways as she leans on the doorframe. Shivering, she rubs her bare arms. Puffs of air leave her mouth with each outtake.

"Have I seen - no," She mumbles, sliding a hand down her face, her eyes half-closed. Hiccup taps his prosthetic leg impatiently, turning his head away for a moment. His cheeks puff before he lets out a deep breath. Despite the restricted lightning, she quickly notices the grim look on his tired face. It's enough to sober her up.

"What," Astrid does her best to stifle a yawn as she pulls herself away from the wall. A particularly loud snore comes from inside of her house and she winces. "What is going on? Why-"

"Toothless is gone," Hiccup runs a frantic hand through his hair. "I haven't seen him the whole day but I've been so busy and he usually finds himself something to do but I-"

"Hiccup, you need to breathe," Astrid grabs him by the upper arms and he finally faces her. She places one of her hands on his cheek, heart dropping to her stomach when she realizes it's wet. He has been crying. Gods, she should have checked on him after náttmál. She turns her head upwards briefly, noting the bright moon in display, and moves back inside her family house. Hiccup follows her with his eyes silently.

"Where was the last place you've seen him at?" She calls outside as she grabs a fur coat from the hanger by the door. Fastening it on quickly, she shuts the door and rushes to meet Hiccup, her eyes burning with exhaustion. She blinks again.

"Home," he mutters with a frown as if the word felt alien to him. Given recent events it might as well, the thought crosses her mind briefly with a small but painful pang in her chest. He shifts slightly to the side, munching on his lip. Her throat tightens when she notices he is avoiding her gaze but she tries to tell herself it's nothing personal. His fingers play with the compass at his wrist. "By the hill."

Astrid gives a curt nod in response and trudges towards the stable on the side of her house, quickly tying up her hair into a loose braid. Hiccup follows her like a lost child, head hung downwards.

"When was that?" she stops by the wooden stall and knocks on the wall. "Stormfly! Come on, girl, we're going out."

The dragon gets up from the hay laid down on the ground, head tilted in curiosity. She pushes her snout under Astrid's hand with a happy squawk.

"Sunrise." Hiccup supplies weakly as she throws the saddle over the Nadder's back. His hands shake when he tries to tie the laces on one of the sides and Astrid needs to finish it for him. His cheeks and neck burn red with embarrassment. "He-he woke me up. To go fly. But I, I-"

"Babe," Astrid's voice softens and she smooths down his hair before tucking in a loose strand behind his ear. "Hiccup, look at me. We're going to find him, okay?"

"Okay," he whispers back, voice breaking slightly by the end. The clear pain in his eyes feels like a dagger straight to her heart. Astrid looks over his face and presses a gentle kiss on his forehead.

"Come on," She climbs on Stromfly's back and holds out a hand. "Let's find him."

The grip is weak but enough for her to pull him up. He lands behind her unsteadily and as his hands grip her sides, she feels how scared he really is. Hiccup's thundering heartbeat against her back makes her breath hitch, his fears turning hers as well. It's on the back of Stormfly that his words are suddenly much bigger, much…scarier.

"Where do you want to go?" her words, a mere whisper, sound far away.

"Gobber said he'll search the beaches. Mom," Hiccup swallows thickly, the grip on her tightening slightly. "Mom will go look through the caves in the east. The cove?"

"Good idea," Astrid nods, her voice strained. He feels her tensing up in front of him and takes one of his hands away, loosening the hold on the other. She nudges the Deadly Nadder on the side and soon enough they're up in the sky, cutting through the thin, cold air. The village is lost in deep sleep.

Hiccup finds the thrill of flying gone. The views are not as beautiful as they were the day before, the stars are not as bright. He is lost in the vast skies and, for the first time ever, he feels out of place, like he doesn't belong there. It's not his home anymore, second only to the house he shared with his Dad, and now Mom. Green eyes search through the endless dark of the night, desperately sweeping across waters, forests and hills as Stormfly covers more and more ground.

The Cove is empty and with that his heart drops and his mind turns completely blank. Astrid doesn't comment on that, simply urging Stormfly to change direction. They fly in silence, so different from all the comfortable silences that preluded this one. His heart jumps to his throat once he spots a black shape on one of the cliffs. He is ready to shout out in joy when he realizes it's simply another tree trunk.

The air is suddenly too stuffy and he finds it hard to catch a breath. He forgot his flying mask…his mask….

"It's all my fault," Hiccup mumbles as he leans his forehead against Astrid's back. She grips his loose hand, her skin much colder than his.

"It's not," he doesn't know how she has managed to hear his words against the shivering wind. It's Astrid, he tells himself.

"I should have paid more attention," Hiccup tries to contradict as he pulls himself up. Astrid shifts in her seat a little, enough for him to see her beautiful profile. He feels her squeeze his hand reassuringly. "I was too busy, and-"

"Hiccup, you don't have to explain yourself to me," He feels he does but presses his lips tightly together and forces himself to look elsewhere. From the corner of his eye he can see Astrid turning back, her expression hard to read. He feels the silence weigh them down, thick enough to be cut through with a sword.

Berk's forest, a place he has gotten lost in many times as a child, is suddenly too big, too deep and too wild. He desperately tries to search the dark abyss underneath him but it proves to be impossible. What if Toothless is there - hurt, lost? They will have to search through the forest but…what if they are not fast enough? He cannot make the whole village look with him either. It's not fair.

It's not fair at all.

Lost in thought, he hasn't noticed they left the forested area of Berk, the tall trees replaced by cliffs and deep water. Cold wind gets stronger the further they fly from the mainland and he shivers despite himself.

He hears something that sounds fairly familiar in the distance and his heart leaps to his throat. A stone pillar close to the rest of the island stands amongst the splashing waters but it's the black shape on the top that catches his attention.

"Astrid! There!" Hiccup props himself on Astrid's shoulders, the strong wind sweeping him backwards. His prosthetic foot slips as it tries to find the stirrup on the left side and it presses on Astrid's boot. He hears her hiss in pain and he quickly slams back in his place behind her. "Gods, I'm so sorry! I-"

"Come on, we need to reach him!" She cuts him off and urges Stomfly to fly faster. The Night Fury perks up noticeably once he spots the familiar dragon, his ears rising in tired joy. Hiccup lets out a soft laugh, voice filled with relief.

"Toothless!" Before Astrid can protest, Hiccup slides from the saddle and lands on the stone pillar. He hangs his arms around the dragon's neck, hugging him tightly. "Bud, I'm so sorry."

Toothless warbles and presses his snout into Hiccup's chest. Stormfly and Astrid land nearby and the two pull away. The girl slides down from her saddle, her hand reaching to greet the missing dragon.

"Toothless!" Astrid exclaims in joy and runs her palm across his back. "We were so worried!"

Hiccup observes them both with a soft smile. It falters once Toothless shifts.

"Astrid, his tail is broken," he mutters and she quickly raises her head to see. "The prosthetic, I mean. I-I forgot to take one for backup."

Hiccup keeps his eyes on the tailfin, jumping slightly once a hand softly lands on his shoulder. He looks up to see Astrid softly smiling up at him.

"Me and Stormfly will get it, you can stay here with Toothless," she reasons, walking towards her awaiting dragon. Her hand goes under the Night Fury's chin briefly, scratching it affectionately. "Keep Hiccup safe."

Hiccup snorts softly behind her. Once Astrid and Stormfly take the skies again, he slides down to check on the tail himself. The damage is indeed impossible to fix and the nagging question of "what happened" is deeply etched in his mind. He looks up at his best friend, noting his unusual stillness.

"Why did you fly out here, bud?"

The dragon raises his head to point it towards the sea. Lowering his ears, he lets out a soft warble.

"You wanted…to fly?" Hiccup feels the frustration building up inside him. He and Toothless – they never needed words, they never… What has changed? He knows they have been growing apart. He knows it and it hurts. It was never supposed to happen. It never seemed possible, not with them – and yet... All the anger, the regrets, the frustration…

Hiccup's breath hitches when he feels a warm puff of air reach his hand. Snapped from his thoughts, he meets Toothless's dilated eyes, full of emotion that he can only partly recognize. The Night Fury moves his snout and sniffs the fur cape reaching from Hiccup's shoulders and falling over his legs all the way to the dirty ground.

"Bud…"

Toothless presses his snout into the cape before looking up at his best friend. Hiccup feels his eyes sting once again this night as his vision blurs without his consent.

"He's not…he's not coming back," his lip trembles as the words escape his mouth and he slumps on the ground, feeling all the strength he still had leave him in this one short moment. He feels something wet slide down his cheeks and he angrily wipes the tears away.

"G-gods," He presses a hand to his face, his body shaking with sobs. "He's not," his voice cracks, "not coming back."

Toothless leans away, ears flat against his head. Lowering his body, he warbles, and for the first time since the "event", Hiccup knows – he knows exactly what it is.

Sorrow.

Pain.

Regret.

He pulls away and sits up on his heels. He meets the Night Fury's eye, both pairs wide with pain, both glistening with tears, both scared – scared of what they've done and what they've become to each other.

.

.

.

I looked at him... and I saw myself.

.

.

.

Hiccup feels short of breath as he looks at the Night Fury. How could they have let that happen? How could he-

He reaches for his best friend, but Toothless is still wary, still stuck in the past, still filled and outweighed with regret and guilt. The guilt…

"It wasn't your fault," Hiccup shakes his head violently. "It never was. I-"

His head hangs downwards.

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I ever made you feel otherwise."

Hiccup throws his arms around the dragon's thick neck, his body shaken with soft sobs. Toothless croons, encircling his lean shape with his wings.

"Thank you…thank you for being here, for everything," Silent relief washes over him once he meets the Night Fury's eyes again. With no need of any words spoken, he knows that Toothless feels the same.

They settle against each other by the edge of the sea stack, the way they did many times before. And it feels good, it feels familiar, it feels…

…right.

Neither of them knows how much time passes as they sit there, But, for the first time since Drago's attack, they feel like them again. Hiccup hasn't realized how much he missed it until now.

A familiar dragon shapes on the horizon, just as the sun starts to rise. The Deadly Nadder lands gracefully by their side and Hiccup pulls himself up, feeling much lighter.

"Hiccup!" Astrid quickly jumps off the saddle, one of his reserve tailfins in hand. "I got it."

"Thank you, Astrid," his eyes glisten as he says that. She notices but keeps quiet, relieved that he and Toothless seemed to have made up. She reaches for his hand instead, squeezing it lightly. Hiccup returns the gesture with a soft smile playing on his lips. He takes the tailfin from her other hand and slides down beside the Night Fury.

"I'm glad you're okay, Toothless." Astrid says as she runs her hand over the dragon's head. She laughs when he licks her head, crooning softly. Hiccup sticks out his tongue, strapping the device on and she observes him from the corner of her eye. He cried, she knows, but she also knows he needed it.

Hiccup looks over the straps by the prosthetic, smiling softly in satisfaction. Toothless lifts up the tail, testing its weight, and turns towards his best friend, a toothless grin in tow. Hiccup props himself onto the saddle, feeling more calm and more at home than he had in a while.

"We're going home, bud," he leans forward, pressing himself against the dragon. "We're going home."