Title: A Cracked Family Portrait
Rating: K+
Pairing: Chase/Cameron
Summary: When an infant dies it is a tragedy. When it is Chase's and Cameron's child though the whole hospital feels for them. The couple try to make it through the hardship but the impact on the relationship is tremendous. Will this tear them apart?
Disclaimer: I don't own House.
IIIII
Take a seat and catch your breath.
You're only working towards your death
For us the days go by oh so slow
IIIII
The baby died four hours after birth. Being so premature, barely seven months, took it's toll. She wasn't developed enough to make it through one day.
Cameron was inconsolable. There had been many complications throughout the pregnancy, and being doctors themselves, of course she and Chase knew there was a good chance that the baby would not make it.
Instead Chase went back to his faith and prayed everyday that his baby would make it through. The Aussie would have given anything he had, anything in the world, to have his baby girl survive. He asked God to take something away - he didn't care if he lost his car, apartment, or even a limb - this was his child. Watching her die had been so painful that he cried so hard he began to feel a headache coming on. Watching the baby gasp for breath so it's undeveloped lungs would expand just one more time . . .
Cameron's eyes were glazed over as she stared up at the ceiling.
Her baby was dead.
How can I move on? How can I do anything? My baby . . . Cecelia . . .
Tears came to her eyes again as she thought of how she had prepared the baby room. She had bought unisex blankets in case it wasn't a girl - surprises do happen. The room was stocked with presents from family and friends. Foreman had gotten the baby a large stuffed elephant for when it was grown up enough to clutch something. Wilson bought a little piano since new sounds would be exciting to the tyke. House had given them fifty dollars and told them to start a fund for college; since undoubtedly he/she would be a little genius given it's genes.
They had decided on Cecelia for a girl and Trenton for a boy.
When Cameron had held the baby, after she had begged the nurses before they put her in the ICU, there was a magic about her. Cecelia moved around with her tiny hands grabbing at the air. Chase had grabbed a hand, lightly rubbing his thumb over her palm lovingly.
"That's our baby girl," He had whispered.
"She's so beautiful . . ." Cameron whispered back cradling the baby.
"I'm sorry but we need to get her into a safer area. She's not stable enough as of yet."
Reluctantly Cameron gave her child back to the nurse. It was the first and last time she would ever hold her.
"Allison? Are you thirsty?" Chase asked. He grabbed her hand to show that he was still there with support.
She shook her head. Cameron knew that if she attempted to talk a gasping sob would be the only thing coming out.
"You need to eat and drink. You lost more blood than you should have during the birth," Chase informed her of the obvious. "Nothing you withhold yourself from will make things better."
"I know that," She snapped back. She was about to take her hand away but she knew the look in his eyes. Chase was suffering as much as she was. "I'm sorry. I-I'm just . . . upset."
"We both are, and it'll be that way for a while, but please don't take it out on yourself. I'll get you whatever you want. Hell, I'll drive to New York for some special kind of cheesecake for you!" Chase smiled at her hoping it would be contagious.
A small smile appeared on her lips. "You've always been a sweetheart. I don't think any other woman has been treated this good during her pregnancy."
"I do my best," He assured while patting her hand. "So what do you want?"
Cameron considered for a moment some food and said, "Can you get me a peanut butter sandwich and some lemonade? That sounds good right about now."
"Alright sweetheart," He said. He planted a delicate kiss on her forehead before getting up to leave.
Cameron tried hold the tears in until he left but as he shut the door silent sobs racked her body. She turned on her side - away from the door - and thought of all the things Cecelia never got to experience.
Her first steps. Her first word. Would she have said "Daddy" or "Mommy" first? Would she have been interested in sports or would she prefer reading books? What would have like chocolate ice cream like her mother or like raspberry like her father?
So many things she wouldn't know because her body failed to keep the baby for another month!
I failed Cecelia.
IIIII
Chase ran into Foreman and Wilson in the cafeteria. After seeing his red eyes and his mild shaking they came to calm him down. He couldn't even get the tray down the line before he slammed it down out of frustration and rushed away. Foreman did get out of him what food to get so he concentrated on that, leaving Wilson to deal with the poor Aussie's shot nerves.
"I don't know what to do!" He said while cradling his head in his hands. He sat down at a table while his legs kept moving up and down. "She's just a wreck and I'm trying . . . I can't do a damn thing to bring her back. My baby was dying a-and I'm a doctor! I should have done something but I can't even save my own child! What kind of father am I?"
"I know this must be extremely hard for you. I am sorry about the baby but Cameron is here now," Wilson said trying to sound as comforting as possible. "Concentrate on her."
"Right. Ignore the dead baby."
"I never said ignore it but maybe if you help her, over time things will be better." Under the disbelieving glare of the Aussie he continued. "It's only been a day. The feelings are raw and nothing seems rational anymore. Give this time."
"Here," Foreman said handing his colleague the tray. "Does Cameron want visitors?"
"I appreciate the thought but I need to talk to her for a while . . . You see, I had been planning to . . . get engaged," He sighed heavily and continued so they could fully understand, "As soon as she had the baby I had been planning to ask her to marry me. We've been together almost two years. I-I thought it was time but not anymore . . ."
"Chase you can't let this tragedy become toxic to all aspects of your life," said Foreman while taking a seat beside him. "I think she would be over-joyed!"
"So do I," added Wilson.
"Let me think about it for a while. Not this early. Not yet."
He left the cafeteria with the tray. He just wished he had gotten something for him to eat but this wasn't about him right now. Cameron needed him to be her hero right now and if he had to skip a few meals, not sleep for nights at a time, he would do it.
Chase loved her. There was nothing more to do besides shower her with affection and assurance. Then again it wouldn't seem to be enough because they had both expected for that affection from their daughter.
Everything keeps going back to Cecelia. I don't know if we'll both escape this.
He never did bring up the engagement. He could not find it within him to ask her to marry him after he had done a miserable job of saving the baby.
IIIII
Cameron hated how she was being selfish - atleast that was the way she saw it - because no matter what she thought of either herself or her child. Over the next few days she saw Chase smile against their mutual adversity as though he were fine. Of course he wasn't. It was his offspring too but Cameron still found it hard to speak sometimes. A strangled cry would come out, more than often, and Chase would hold her hand to show that he was there for her.
Everybody came to see her and Chase. Cuddy said she was setting up funeral plans so they had nothing to worry about. It would be that Sunday at 10 in the morning. Cameron would be discharged by then so they could attend it. She wasn't sure how she would re-act to seeing Cecelia in a tiny coffin when the old cliché popped into her mind. It was that the child was supposed to bury the parents, not the opposite.
House even visited. He didn't say much but said he would also go to the funeral. He did not try to put effort into cracking a joke, or even have a drip of sarcasm in his voice. What House did say was that he remembered when he and Stacy thought about having a child but decided to wait.
House did say that they should try again. After that, when Chase and Cameron's heads hung low on that note, he left.
Foreman, Wilson, and a lot of the staff also said they would go to the funeral. The pain started to evolve into a hollow spot when they heard the words Cecelia and funeral put together in the same sentence. It seemed to become detached, somehow, as though it were another child they spoke of.
The discharge papers came to them four days after the birth and death. On a Friday. They wanted to make sure that Cameron was stable enough, and after a blood transfusion, she was declared healthy enough to go home. It seemed like a chance to have privacy but it was a curse.
Cameron, and Chase, weren't sure if they could go into the baby's room without breaking down again.
"Thank you so much for everything Cuddy," said Cameron as she got into the elevator with Chase by her side. "I appreciate it."
"Of course. And feel free to take time off to grieve properly. We do have people here you can talk to. The doors are open for either of you," She said kindly. She did try to make it obvious though that Chase should get help, if needed, too.
Chase clutched his girlfriend's hand tightly. He could feel the box containing the ring in his pocket. It seemed to become heavier every second he thought about what he should do. He thought about proposing every since she announced her pregnancy. If he were a Christian through and through he would have waited until marriage to have a baby but he figured that if you were in love there was no need for a piece of paper saying what you already know.
IIIII
Cameron passed the nursery room without stopping.
Chase had his hand on the doorknob but turned away.
The two were busy trying to distract themselves. Cameron took it easy as possible. She did cook, and dust, but mostly read on the couch. A nice novel seemed the perfect way to fade away from life.
Chase kept the house spotless. He had always been a bit of a clean freak throughout his life and with the need to escape reality he did all he could. He vacuumed the living room four times, mopped the kitchen twice, and used a whole two bottles of cleaning formula to scrub things down. He - of course - avoided the nursery.
That was how Friday passed away.
Saturday was a new day and Chase was going into his routine of cleaning once again. Cameron decided enough was enough.
"Chase, you're going to drive a hole into the kitchen counter if you scrub it one more time," Cameron said trying to sound remotely humorous.
Chase put down the rag and new bottle of cleaner. He reached out grabbing her by her arms and pulled her into a tight hug. It was sudden but welcomed.
"Do you think Cecelia would have liked the color red? I got her a red blanket because I thought it was a color liked by both genders but it reminds a lot of people of blood," Cameron said. It appeared to come out of nowhere when in fact she had thought about it constantly. "Did I make a bad choice?"
"You're reading into it too much," Chase said holding her out some so he could face her. He let his forehead rest on hers and smiled. "I'm sure she would have loved it. Like mother, like daughter. Right?"
"Yeah . . ." Tears began to gather in her eyes once again. She blinked them away before asking, "Do you want sushi for lunch?"
"No I'm not hungry."
"Remember in the hospital when you told me I should eat?" She reminded him.
"It's not the same. You weren't eating out of grief," He said. "I'm doing it because I'm actually not hungry."
"Well, okay, but you are eating dinner whether you're hungry or not," said Cameron while wiping off some dust from his shoulder. "Even if I have to shove it down your throat."
"Oooh, kinky," Chase joked.
"We can play doctor and patient later. I am actually hungry."
"So cliché. What about cop and robber?"
"What are we? Thirteen?" Cameron smiled at him as she got some fish and rice out of the refrigerator to begin rolling them up in seaweed.
The phone began to ring and Chase went to answer it. He came into the kitchen to hand the phone over saying it was her Mother.
"Hi Mom," Cameron said brightly. She had to fake that she was fine - she didn't want to worry her Mom who had a heart condition. "Tomorrow. Are you coming? Yeah, I know, wouldn't miss it . . . I love you too, Mom. Thank you . . ." Her voice begin to crack but she regained her composure to continue the conversation.
Chase let her have privacy. Meanwhile he was fighting with himself to open the door to the nursery but he couldn't.
Do it sometime this week atleast. It can't be so painful that you can't straighten things up...
But it could be that painful.
IIIII
Review! I won't continue until I get atleast five good reviews. I'm someone who need a lot of reassurance so I don't care if I already get five reviews - review anyway! Please?