Amy stood in line at the CVS pharmacy on Colorado Blvd. A small part of her still couldn't believe she and Sheldon were having intercourse regularly enough to warrant her going on the pill.
One night they got a little reckless and forgot to use a condom. Sheldon pulled out when they finally realized why the sensation was different, but they both knew there was still a chance Amy could get pregnant. When her period arrived on time, she had happily embraced the cramping and moodiness.
After visiting her doctor, they performed extensive research before choosing a brand with the fewest side effects. Another plus was the fact that it didn't lower libido like some of the other alternatives, according to multiple online reviews. This was their best option to avoid another scare.
As the line got shorter, she twisted her head around, searching for her fiancé. He wanted to speak with the pharmacist to ensure they were armed with all the correct information before she ingested the little pills, so she hoped he would return soon.
"Is that Amy Farrah Fowler?" A woman whispered behind her.
Amy craned her neck towards the voice. Two women about her age carrying baskets loaded with hair care products and body wash approached her.
"I think it is. She's probably buying prescription-strength hemorrhoid cream," the other woman laughed, loud enough to ensure the target of their taunting heard.
Amy squinted at the duo, tilting her head slightly. Something about them seemed very familiar. They obviously knew her, but she couldn't quite place them.
"What's wrong, Gorilla Fingers Fowler? You're not even going to greet us? Cat got your tongue?"
At the mention of her childhood nickname, recognition set in. "Stacey, Jolene," she acknowledged in a neutral tone, willing her hands not to shake in the presence of her high school bullies.
"So what are you getting?" Stacey asked in a honeyed voice.
"Not that it's any of your business, but I'm picking up birth control pills."
The women looked at each other and burst into laughter.
"Yeah, right. Like Miss Never Been Kissed and Forever a Virgin could ever get laid," Jolene snickered.
Amy mentally counted slowly to ten. She couldn't let on that they still intimidated her after all these years. "My fiancé and I engage in frequent, frenzied lovemaking," she stated matter of factly. "He is an excellent lover, both in and out of the bedroom."
"Isn't that cute, Jolene? She even made up a fake man."
While the women shared another laugh at her expense, Amy raised her left hand, flashing the antique diamond engagement ring. "I assure you he is not fake. I really am engaged."
Jolene grabbed Amy's hand, showing it off to her friend. "Probably a cubic zirconia and gold-colored band from Wal-Mart that she bought herself."
"Fine don't believe me, but I find it interesting that you don't have a ring on your finger. If I recall correctly, you were engaged to the football captain shortly after high school. Did he break it off?"
"We're divorced, but at least I had a real man in my life, and I won't die a virgin."
Amy shook her head slightly. Seventeen years after high school, and she still didn't understand them. Were their lives so miserable that they had to put others down to make themselves sound good? She realized the line had moved, and she was now second in queue. The women followed at her side, still talking about her, as she quickly closed the gap.
"Amy!" Sheldon called.
She looked behind her to see him rushing towards her with an assortment of condom boxes.
"I found a few choices that claim to make the experience even more pleasurable until the pills take effect." He held up a box. "This one is ribbed for her pleasure, while this one," he gestured to another box, "is thinner and says it will feel like there's nothing there, but I'm concerned that may make it more susceptible to breaking. What do you think?"
The two women gaped at the couple.
Amy addressed her former classmates. "That's right. He's real and he's all mine."
"Next please!" The pharmacy tech called.
Amy wrapped her arm around Sheldon's waist as they advanced to the pickup window. She turned back towards the women one final time with a smirk on her face at the sight of their still-dropped jaws.