I don't own Naruto or the majority of this first chapter. Kudos to bloodyredshade for being the must behind this chapter.

"I don't own anything" Regular speaking

'I don't own anything.' Thoughts

"I hope you know what your doing" Flashback sequence

"Hell no" Kyuubi voice

My selfishness

On top of the kitchen table, Naruto's home

I have come to a point in my life where I only have two decisions. One is to step back and continue this cursed life of mine, or I can step forward and hopefully die in the fall. Knowing me I'll survive and hurt my self real bad, but I have to try. Oh you want to know how this situation came to be? Well it all started when…

Flashback

For the first time I felt content with my life. The villagers don't hate me anymore, in fact they think I'm a hero now, took them long enough anyway. I am easily one of the top ninja in the entire village at the age of fifteen, the sound and Akatsuki have fallen, and after long last I finally had her. My pink haired angel…Sakura. It only took me ten years, six months, five weeks, fourteen hours, five minutes and fifty nine seconds since I met her but, I finally had my Sakura.

"Hey Naruto!"

I broke out of my revere and looked up to see Sakura.

"What?"

"We have a report that Sasuke was near the borders of Fire country, lets go." She said excitingly.

"What are we waiting for? Let's go!"

We both rushed to the gates, eager to find our lost friend, at least, one of us was. At least it was a beautiful morning.

--

It was night, and finally we have completed our mission, the retrieval one Sasuke Uchiha, my friend and brother. It took one hell of a fight and a lot of talking but we did it. I could finally fulfill my promise to Sakura.

Two days after the retrieval mission

Sasuke was still in the hospital but he says that he'll stay in the village, which is good. Right now I have to go to the Hokage tower and get a mission from Tsunade. I said my usual greeting and was punched through the wall. After taking the forty pounds of plaster off my stomach I walked back into the office.

"Naruto, I have decided to send you on your first S-class mission. It will take a month and you will be by yourself. It's a recon mission do you accept?"

I accepted, after going to my apartment to gather my supplies I went to Sakura's house to say goodbye. Than I left thinking that everything would be alright, I was wrong.

A month later

Finally, it feels great to be back in Konoha, now to give my report to Tsunade and I can finally see my Sakura.

"Report Naruto." Tsunade said.

"The recon mission was completed and successful. It seems that the reports of the rock building up an army was not true. I quickly got out of there and got by the patrols than I made my way back here to Konoha. Now, if you excuse me I must go and see Sakura."

Just as I was about to leave Tsunade interrupted me.

"Naruto!"

"Yes."

"Never mind, it's nothing."

I could tell she wanted to tell me something but I couldn't tell what, so I dismissed it. Now time to find Sakura.

"Why didn't you tell him?" Jiraya said.

"Because he needs to see for himself, that and he wouldn't believe me."

Somewhere in the village of Konoha

Man I've been looking for her for hours where is she? I mean I searched everywhere except the…Uchiha district. Realization dawned and I denied it. No she wouldn't do that to me, right? So with a speed I have never had I raced over to the Uchiha district.

Uchiha district

I never thought she, they would do this to me. I rushed over to the Uchiha district and found the house Sasuke would live in before he left the village and opened the front door and I was assaulted with the sounds of sex. 'No it's not her' I thought 'it could be just some girl Sasuke could have picked off the street' but I was wrong.

"Oh Sasuke fuck me harder!"

I felt something in my chest shatter and all of a sudden I went numb. I don't know how but I found some paper and ink and wrote a note it said,

"Sakura I know what you've done and I can't blame you. Finally you have lived your dream and I hope you're happy.

I love you,

Naruto Uzumaki"

After I wrote the note I walked out and went to the nearest bar. That was the first night but it wasn't the last that I would drink my self stupid to forget. I never showed Sakura the ring I had bought for her.

End flashback

Now some of you are probably wondering how something like that could cause me, Naruto Uzumaki the most surprising ninja, to come to a decision like this. Well it wasn't just this that caused it there was actually nine more cases like this one. I'll start with Ino.

You see after my break down from Sakura I drank more and took higher risk missions. It only got worse when Sakura suggested we just be friends. Then Ino came, my beautiful flower girl. I got to know her when I went to her flower shop to buy flowers for the third. We quickly became friends and, later, lovers. I stopped drinking and took safer missions for her. Than I left on a C-class mission that lasted for two weeks guarding a diplomat. And when I came back it was the same thing as Sakura except it was Shikumaru and Ino. I left the same type of note that I gave to Sakura and left to go to a bar. I left the ring I bought on my travels in my pocket, as I drank another guy under the table.

My second breakdown was worse than the first, and I picked up a new habit, smoking. And the same thing that happened every time I left. After Ino it was Hinata and Kiba, TenTen and Neji. After all the little girls were gone I thought maybe an older women would know better to cheat on me…I was wrong. I picked Kurenai first, she went to Asuma, then it was Shizune, she went to Yamamoto, Hana, Kiba's sister, went to Kakashi, Ayame went to Chouji, I even dated Tsunade for a while and then she cheated on me with Jiraya. The last one hit me the hardest, Anko, my little snake charmer. I thought she would know my pain, that she would stay faithful but I was wrong you see…

Flashback

I had just gotten back from a two month mission and I was pissed, it happened again. I gave my report to hokage-sama, or Tsunade, I have called her Hokage-sama since I caught her cheating on me. And I walked home to find her there.

"Hello Naruto-kun." She screamed at me as she tried to hug me.

I side stepped and walked into our house.

"Naruto?" She questioned as she followed me into the house.

I didn't say anything as I took off my armor and placed all the weapons I had into a safe. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed the hardest liquor I could find and guzzled it all. She followed me. I sat in a chair while she stood up.

"How long?" I questioned.

"What do you mean Naruto-kun?"

"Don't call me that!" I threw the bottle to her left, letting it break and scatter glass everywhere.

"How long have you've been fucking him?"

She had a surprised look on her face.

"Oh you didn't think I would know, huh? Please, I could smell his scent on you a mile away."

"Please Naruto, it's not like that!"

"You're just like any other girl I dated, a fucking liar, now get the fuck out of my house. I'll send you the rest of your stuff later."

She didn't move.

"I said get the fuck out!" This time adding killing intent to the mix."

She walked out that time.

I sniffed again.

"Shit!" I got up and caught Anko by the door. I handed her a hundred thousand.

"What's this for?" She asked.

"For the baby, and tell Iruka that if I see him I will kill him." I slammed the door in her face.

"Bitch!" I looked at the sake bottles on the shelf.

"Looks like it's just you and me again." I lit up a cigarette. I felt the ring in my pocket move around.

End flashback

After that I wore each ring I got for a girl on my finger. Pink is for my Sakura, Yellow for my Ino, Blue for my Hinata, Brown for my Ten Ten, White for Hana, Red for Kurenai, Black for Shizune, Green for Tsunade, Orange for my Ayame and Grey for my Anko. Ten names for ten fingers I worked to the bone for. Whenever someone said it was girly, I slammed their face into a wall. I drank more, I smoked more, I hated more, the only thing that I did less was sleep. I always dreamt of them and I hated them for it. Than one day after I completed another double S-class mission and asked for a new one the Hokage sent me into a room to briefed. I was met with the greatest shock of my life. In the room sitting in a circle was all of them, including Tsunade.

"What's this about?"

"Naruto please sit."

I found an empty seat, right between Anko and Sakura, the ones that hurt the most.

"Naruto we are worried about you. You barely sleep, you drink too much, and smoke too much. You are running yourself ragged with these missions. We are worried about you." Tsunade finished.

I just sat there, looking calm and unaffected by the girls that looked at me with concern and said,

"Thank you for your concern can, I please have that double S-class mission please."

"Naruto grow up and be a man. Face the facts and stop drowning yourself in misery." Tsunade said.

And with the calmness I could muster I got up, picked up my chair, and tossed it out the fucking window. Than I turned my sights onto the girls.

"Who the fuck are you to tell me how to be a man! I have grown up Tsunade, and I have seen you all for what you are. Liars, oath breakers and cheating bitches. And I have faced the facts I was cheated on by all of you, I have had my heart broken by all of you, and I have been left by all of you. I was a replacement for them! Do you know what these rings are, what they stand for!?"

I lifted my hands and showed them the ten rings adorning my fingers.

"I was going to marry each and every one of you at some point in my life. Pink is for my Sakura, Yellow for my Ino, Blue for my Hinata, Brown for my Ten Ten, White for Hana, Red for Kurenai, Black for Shizune, Green for Tsunade, Orange for my Ayame and Grey for my Anko. Ten names for ten fingers I worked to the bone for. And each time I went to ask you to marry me I would find each of you in another man's bed. Oh yeah."

I punched the floor and made a head size hole, in it I could see all the men that had stolen my girls.

"Why the fuck do you guys always work up the balls to steal my girl right before I ask her to marry me!? Also if I see any of you again I will kill each and everyone of you. And Iruka this is your second warning if I see you again I will break every bone in your fucking body." I walked out the door. Nobody stopped me. I immediately went to a bar and got drunk.

That had been almost a month ago. In that time I had become the truest sense of the word of "Ninja" in my own home, my own hell. Except when I wished it I was unseen. Month long missions took a scant few days, assassination targets gone missing without trace in broad daylight, hostages in holding cells before awakening from even the farthest reaches of Kumo. Looking at the knives in my hands, not kunai, but simple kitchen knives, I was reminded of a man I'd never met who had done exactly as I plan to do. Hatake Sakumo, the cycloptic bastards father, who had killed himself after public disgrace and the death of his wife.

I don't have any lost honor, or foolish disgrace, but I do have lost love. I don't think this will make anything better. I don't think this will make anything easier. I just hope that the hell I've earned is kinder than the hell I'm in. On the table behind me is a note, and in town right now buying groceries a cheap imitation of myself, the kage bunshin, a shadow clone. Without tears, fanfare, or even a second thought I slice the knives across my wrists and step forward from the table edge on which I stand. The last sound I hear, the last thought I have, is about a bone-dry, sickening

POP!