IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE – I'm sorry I've written so much but I really feel like I need to start you off on the right track before you read this story. To lay the foundation of this story, we're just going to say that Jacob and Bella were close even after establishing he was a werewolf and all that she doesn't stay in forks and she doesn't jump of the cliff, so Alice never turns up. After Jacob pushes Bella away, she retracts and goes back to her zombie-self.
Note: I named this story Gold Dust Woman (a song by Fleetwood Mac) because when I listened to it, it painted a very vivid picture in my head that inspired me to write this story. I hope you like it and I strongly advise you listen to the song, it's really good.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters, or Twilight itself. I play around with the plot and characters for entertainment purposes only. Any copyright infringements are unintended.
Rating: M just for the sake of bad language and suggestive themes. It may get explicit, I haven't quite got to the place where I can fully decide. Characters will remain as true to themselves as I am able to portray, although I won't sensor anything like Stephenie has in her books. That's not my style.
Gold Dust Woman
Alice POV (June 11th, 2006)
The dusty, boxy gymnasium looked different, adorned with deep navy blue and dull gold. The young adults stood in proud formation, flanking either side of the makeshift stage in their navy robes. On the curiously rocky stage, seemingly constructed with a collection of old hardwood boxes, stood a handful of Forks high school teachers.
My husband was at my side before the vision pulled me back in, his supportive hands on my shoulders.
The principal held his smile up as the seniors each filed out across the stage, all in the correct formation to be called upon to graciously receive their diploma. He murmured an insincere 'congratulations' to each and every child, shaking their hand firmly before handing them their reward.
"Isabella Swan," he called, letting the name boom out across the tight space, seemingly louder than he had said the rest. The gym, filled with unrelenting, near silent mumbling of small town parents, seemed to go completely silent. A frail, thin looking girl stood up, drowning in her robe. She robotically made her way up to the smiling principal. Her hair fell over the side of her face, a dark, limp curtain, shutting out the crowd.
I recalled Charlie's voice as he proudly cheered her on, feeling the vibration of his clap against my hands. This vision was in his eyes.
His voice rang out in the silence. He didn't seem to care, didn't even bat an eyelid at anyone but his daughter. She stopped in her tracks, slowly, lethargically turning her head up to face the sound. Her face came into view.
A pair of dark, lifeless eyes stared into mine for the briefest moment, something hidden deep inside them. Something raw. Something painful way beyond what any creature could ever really handle. Her face was gaunt, almost yellowing. She looked somewhat unwashed, layers of dry, dead skin dusting over her pallid face. Beneath her dead eyes were deep, lilac bruises.
Her pale, cracked lips pulled up at the corners for two whole seconds, before she turned so slowly, so delicately. As if the wrong movement could cause her body to fall apart at the seams. The principal's smile immediately fell as he reached to shake her hand limply. He hastily pressed her rolled up diploma into her feeble grasp, obviously wanting rid of the problem child. He forgot to congratulate her in his all his haste.
No one but Charlie clapped for her as she wandered off the stage.
It ended there.
I felt Jasper's hands slip into mine as he gently kissed the back of my neck. I let myself lean back against his towering frame as the pain of my most recent vision shuttered through me. Never had I imagined my lovely sister in that state. She looked so broken, so lost...
"Another one?" He murmured the question quietly in my ear. I closed my eyes, fighting against the dry lump in my throat. I had betrayed my brother, betrayed him by letting the visions come. I had betrayed my sister, for leaving her to rot as I bore witness to her ever deepening depression.
"How can I fix this?" I whispered harshly. "This is madness. They belong together."
"Give him time," Jasper replied, placing healing kisses upon my hand. The familiar feeling of artificial calm sunk into my bones. I was grateful usually for Jasper's interrupting my emotions as of late. However, right now I needed to feel this. I gave him the look, the one that unequivocally stated 'not now'. He backed off.
"Jasper, he's had all the time in the world. I've called and called. And on the rare occasion he does answer, it's like talking to a cactus. He's so stubborn," I seethed. I glanced up at Jasper, watching sympathetically as he winced against the weight of my intense emotions.
"Okay," I said, determination clear in my voice. "You may calm me down, now. I need to fix this, before they lose themselves in this nightmare."
Edward POV
The dull vibrations of my cell phone resonated through the quiet in the room. The other sounds of the world seemed distant in my ears, shrouded in something thick. The sensation was not unlike being under water.
I knew fine well who it was. The thought of answering was about as appealing as sinking my teeth into a rotten carcass. I couldn't remember when I'd last fed. The burning came and went. Starving myself was nowhere near as unbearable as I had initially presumed. I supposed I wasn't actively starving myself. I'd just decided to do nothing at all.
The real pain came from somewhere else, somewhere from deep inside my silent chest. Who even knew I had a heart to break? Who knew I could love like this?
The love I had felt for her had caused me more pain than any thirst. This heartache was unlike anything I'd ever felt. I'd welcome a thousand lifetimes of intense physical pain if ridding myself of this hunger, hunger for my mate, could be put to rest. I longed for her. Sitting here, slowly becoming an ancient statue, all I thought of was her lovely face. The feel of her lips against mine.
I both cherished and loathed the memories.
I couldn't let myself return to her. I had to stay strong, for her. For all I knew, she was undoubtedly moving on from her human infatuation with me. She'd be about to enjoy her last summer of childhood, launching into her brand new adult life. I imagined her in college, meeting new people, learning about literature, probably. Who knew, perhaps she'd earn her degree in some alternative subject. She'd never ceased to surprise me.
Not that I would ever know. Not that it was my business. Her whole future was a mystery to me, a perpetually unanswered question. However, no matter how I suffered I would never allow myself to invade her fragile world. The best thing I ever did for her was promise to stay out of her life, to make it seem like I had never even existed.
How I longed to be human. So selfishly, I longed to be right kind of man for her.
One thing I would never do, for the sake of being an essentially selfish creature, was allow myself to imagine her with another man. The thought made me want to spring to my feet, to walk out into the baking Italian sun and have the Volturi end me within hours.
My phone vibrated again, for the sixteenth time today. Alice had no knowledge of what it meant to just quit.
This time, the vibration was brief, short. A text.
I reached for my cell, flipping it open.
Answer the phone, Edward. It read. It's rather important.
I couldn't really see how anything she had to say would hold any real importance to me. I had nothing to live for anymore. The more I thought it over in my head, the more I realized that it had been a long time since I'd seen my family. About six months. Alice had rarely contacted me since then. Carlisle even less. A small voice in the very blackest corner of my mind suggested something that made my chest ache.
Something's wrong with Bella.
The very thought of her name, uttered even in the far reaches of my mind, caused a level of pain I had no idea could even exist.
I answered on the first ring.
The silence barely lasted a millisecond before Alice spoke gently down the receiver.
"Edward?"
"Yes?" I responded, deadpan. My voice cracked. I hadn't spoken aloud in months.
"I think it's time for a visit."
I sighed, raking my fingers through my hair. I could feel the dust fibres that had settled on my scalp whirling around my head.
"I thought you said this was important," I uttered, aggravated. It felt strange, feeling anything other than hollow and longing.
"It is," she insisted. "You and I both know that we all miss you. Especially Esme."
The unwelcome guilt lay heavy on my shoulders at that.
"I don't think I can face it," I whispered, sounding pathetic. I didn't even have it in me to care. My head was in my hands as I spoke almost silently into the receaver.
"I know it's hard, brother." Her voice was laced with sincerity. "We all miss Bel–"
"Don't," I warned lowly, feeling a new level of pain blossoming in my heart. She knew not to say her name. I didn't want the hear her name. I couldn't for the life of me handle it.
"I'm sorry," she quickly apologised. "I did call because we're worried about you. It's not just that though."
"What is it, then?"
"It's...It's kind of..."
Alice at a loss for words was a once every decade occurrence.
"Spit it out, Alice."
"We need to talk about something. It's really, really important. It's not appropriate for over the phone though," she added.
"Alice-" I started.
"Just be here as soon as you can Edward. Please. Not just for me."
The long silence stretched on. I stood up, for the first time in a long time. It felt strange. My bones felt weaker.
I sighed in resignation and hung up the phone. Alice was undeniably a force to be reckoned with.
Alice POV
We were all ready and waiting, each positioned too casually around different parts of the house as he approached. I carefully shut my thoughts away before he could come close enough to focus on what secrets I held. I focused on his arrival, and when my mind would wander, I would find myself thinking of random things, like all the major current Parisian tourist attractions and the Russian alphabet.
I would talk to him about it later. But not now. Not yet.
I watched as Esme fidgeted, perched on the couch with Jasper holding my hand, sending waves of calm through me. I had to keep my wits about me and anxiety would do nothing to assist me in my bid to save my family.
Edward's feet gently padded on the pathway leading up to the house as he walked at a human pace. Esme anxiously stood up, smoothing her pencil skirt, a nervous, somewhat human-like habit.
Emmett and Rosalie appeared at the top of the stairs. Carlisle waited patiently in his office.
Esme reached the door and flung it open a hair too hard, cracking the wall paint with the force of the blow. The hinges groaned. She hardly noticed.
"Son!" she choked out happily as he reached her. She eagerly wrapped her arms around the lanky frame of my brother. His scent immediately struck me as off, tainted with dust and something else. He looked half starved. His cheeks were hollowing slightly, his eyes wild and blacker than I'd ever seen. They looked like two holes in his head. His skin was no longer a snowy white but rather a dull, milky grey. His mouth was set in an unmoving grim line, his expression painted with something that caused the dry lump in my throat to return.
He was suffering more than I had ever realized.
Esme gasped as she held him at arm's length. She narrowed her eyes accusingly, treating Edward as only a concerned mother would.
"You need to hunt," she scowled. "Desperately." It was incredibly unlike Esme to scowl. It looked all wrong on her beautiful, kind face. She was right to be worried. Edward didn't even glance at me, obviously ignoring my thoughts. Probably ignoring everyone's thoughts.
"Yes," he murmured quietly, to appease her more than anything I think. "Perhaps I will hunt later."
The way he spoke...he sounded like he'd fallen somewhere deep into the pit of his mind, letting his body do the work for him while he suffered quietly within.
I also couldn't help but notice that he was wearing exactly the same clothes he wore when I saw him last, six months ago.
He looked up at us then, freeing himself from Esme's grip. His movements were noticeably weaker. I had wondered why it had taken him so long to get here, thinking that maybe he was half way around the world by now. I now realized that it was probably because he had slowed down due to his depleting energy levels.
"Hello, Edward," I greeted him, smiling as genuinely as I could muster in light of the dark direction our family life had taken.
"Alice," he nodded, in turn nodding at everyone else. They all glanced warily at him, unsure of how to proceed.
"Where do you hail from," Emmett smirked, trying to make light of the circumstances. "Were you travelling?"
Edward did not smile.
"No...I have been staying in Toronto. In a motel." He glanced down at Esme nervously.
"A motel?" She choked out, stunned. "This whole time? My goodness, Edward what on earth..."
He didn't answer. He simply stared ahead, sorrow etched deep in his face.
"This is not healthy," she continued on. "Darling...you must get back some kind of routine. You need to carry on-"
Suddenly, his face turned sharply, meeting her gaze. Esme, taken aback, took a few steps backward. Something in his eyes shut her up, like he was silently begging her to just leave it.
And then Rosalie opened her mouth.
"She's right Edward. I think it's time we moved on from this," she said with confidence. Trying to catch his eye.
His deeply bruised lids closed over. His voice was almost too low, even for our ears.
"Don't. Just don't."
Rosalie opened her mouth to speak. I turned my head sharply, catching her eye. I raised my brow, daring her to say another word. I had warned her about this. She scowled at me. I scowled right back.
Edward gave me a brief, grateful glance. Something about the brand new look in his eyes seemed disturbingly familiar. I couldn't really place it.
And then suddenly, I could. I recognised the look in his eyes. It made all the sense in the world. I immediately thought of Bella, the same look in her eyes in all my recent visions.
Panicking, I slammed my secret thoughts down, burying the image of her harrowing face deep in the dark before Edward could catch the thought. But it was too late.
He had seen.
I felt his eyes on me before the Russian alphabet even entered my mind.