I looked down and saw blood on my hands
Inside: torture tearing me to shreds
The pit of hell inside my head
Demons and faces I cannot really make out.
My blood has the color of darkness;
Manifesting the blackness of the path I follow
My soul's what evil went to buy...
I looked around and saw so much sorrow
and lost hopes of seeing tommorow
There is sadness but tears would not flow
Death and pain to where I go
I'm no kishin, yet I claim lives
I'm no killer, only someone that hides
In the shadows with no light to show
It's the only comfort I've known.
My back would hurt, my blood would outburst
It solidifies and he'd emerge
The sword I fight with; my protector
The big bully, my abusive tormentor
I loathe him, but cannot do a thing about it
Because, after all, he's part of me
And he's the only one I always had with me
I feared everything that ever moved
I shiver on seeing everything that stood
And getting away is nothing as an option
So I slash everything I set my eyes on
I was never one to see the sun
I was never one to ever have fun
I was never one to have a dream
I was never one to be someone.
I'm at a beach but there's no sea
The sun looked so lifeless above of me
Just like those whose lives I spilled
And now I had nothing more to spare.
I see no life playing before me
I don't know how to deal with this;
I cannot look at them face to face
I cannot speak for myself
I'll just be cowering here forever
I tried to look but cannot see
How it would really suck to be me
I don't see their end as fun either
I did it all for the love of my mother
and I thought, she'd love me more
If I could only do all she asked for...
But what's happening? It's all the same
Can't even figure out my own shame
I cannot see why I had to do all this
when all that's left is nothing
I feel nothing; is this numbness?
Is it all because of fear?
I cannot understand this pain
This madness kept on eating me up...
Please, let me feel anything,
anything, but fear of everything...
When is it going to be right?
With all this power I have now
What could possibly go wrong?
Let my blood be red;
I'm tired of being so tough
I want tears in my eyes
I have never heard of a smile
I have never seen one
or if I already did, what does it mean?
What's that emotion again?
If I shall never know about it
Atleast let me be sorry;
I'm so sorry for being born...
I wish that I've never been born.