Dying… I know it happens to everyone, but is it so terrible if I said I didn't want it to happen just yet? I like life and I don't really want to see it go. That's not so bad, is it? But I didn't even try to scream, just laid there in my own growing puddle of blood. Staring at the cold stone that is now going to be my tomb. I didn't think I'd die like this, even when I first became a Warden and the Calling was explained to me. I thought "Fuck that, I was born under the sun, I'll die under the sun. I'm going out the way I came in."

Obviously the Creators didn't agree with me on that one…

But this wasn't my Calling, I'm dying early, even by Warden standers.

Tamlen appeared in my thoughts. "C'mon Theron!" he was saying "The Keeper won't even notice we took it!" We were nine years old, and had stolen a book that the Keeper never let anyone read. We darted off into the woods, as we usually did, and opened the book. We both knew two languages, but not the one the book was written in.

"Great! You stole the wrong book, dipstick!" Tamlen cried

"Wha- You're the one who grabbed it, dummy!" Theron argued

"Grabbed what, exactly?"

We both nearly jumped out of our skin when we heard the Keeper ask that from behind us. Tamlen and I started mumbling out excuses, we hadn't exactly thought one in case we did get caught. We looked at each other, and silently decided the best course of action was to run. Marathari had read our expressions though and grabbed the backs of our shirts before we got even two steps away.

Then I could see Merrill, it was the day we found out she was a mage. We were twelve and Tamlen and I had been teasing her. But instead of pulling my hair like she always did, I found myself on fire. I yelped and patted rapidly at the flames that were crawling up my arm.

We stared at Merrill, who was staring at her hands. "I'm a mage…" she muttered then looked up at me with tear filled eyes "Oh, Theron! I'm so sorry I set you on fire! I didn't mean to!"

I just laughed, it wasn't her fault.

Then I remembered Duncan. Creators, how I hated that man. He had asked six times to recruit me, and I turned him down every instance. How could he expect me to just get up and say "Goodbye clan, it was nice knowing you! I'll probably never see you again! Oh, of course I'm ready to set out just three hours after my best friend died! Don't worry about it!" Bastard. To make matters worse, Marathari had agreed with him, and let him take me. I had never felt so scared or abandoned in all my life.

Moments after we were out of sight of the clan, I ran. There was no way I was going to join the Wardens. He'd have to kill me first. But Duncan was the fastest shem I ever met, and caught up to me in matter of seconds. Though, the sickness from the Taint might have had something to do with it… That was my excuse anyways. After that, Duncan didn't let me walk anymore. He simply tied me up and carried my ass to Ostagar.

Alistair and I watched from the tower down at the battle field moments after we lit the beacon. "What. The. Fuck." I said as we watched Loghain and the rest of his men march- in the wrong direction. I threw my hands up "What the hell is he doing! We're going to lose the battle if he doesn't get his ass in there!" I screamed

Alistair didn't say anything, he just stared down trying to process it all.

"Damn it all!" I screamed. I was already pissed about just having to be there, and being a Grey Warden at all. Why couldn't it have been me, instead of Daveth that died? I remembered thinking. Then I would've been out of that mess. "C'mon! I have a noble man's balls to cut off!" I said and darted towards the stairs. But the darkspawn were two steps ahead of us, and I blacked out.

Then the archdemon. I would lying if I said I thought that we were even going to make it that far! I was so sure that we weren't even going to be able to get the first treaty. We had killed its Generals, but it was still a bitch to even scratch. I was so terrified, and so sure that I was going to die, that I didn't even care. I just charged straight at it, and when that failed we whittled it down with the balista. I could remember thinking "What Morrigan's magic sex rite doesn't work?" as I was about to stab the beast through its ugly skull.

Then I thought "Well, at least I'll died a fucking hero."

But that was back when I drug myself through every day with sarcasm, bravado and chest pounding. I could've sworn I didn't know what reason was. I liked to simply punch my way through every problem I encountered. During the Blight, I didn't care about anything. I would purposely run straight into the fray, looking for death. But at that last moment, before anything could land a killing blow, my damn survival instincts would kick in, and I'd block it.

I had wanted to die.

Tears welled up in my eyes, but that was back then… Back when I didn't know that I had what this world called 'friends'. Back when I felt like I meant nothing to anyone. When I was just a likely stab someone in the middle of a conversation as I was to actually respond to them…

I thought of Alistair, and even though I had sometimes been such a dick to him, he was always there for me and refused to give up or quit. And Wynne, who reminded me so much of Ashalle, that I couldn't help but go to her for motherly advice. Leliana, who could talk my thoughts away… Sten, who showed me that you had to earn respect. Zevran, it didn't matter how shitty the day was, he could always brighten it. Morrigan, even though she could be quiet the bitch, she was the one to go to for your daily dose of awesome. And Oghren, who was always drunk, and always ready for a bloodbath.

I remembered all the times in camp that we had spent talking bull, or daring each other to most stupid things. Back when I finally realized…

I didn't want to die.

I still don't want to die.

"Gods, damn it… I'm not ready yet." I muttered to the floor. I was here alone, and the darkspawn that had ran me several time through, had left… So my words simply disappeared into the darkness.

Tears streamed themselves into my now ocean of blood.

"I want to stay… I want to live."

I thought of Alistair, and my other friends. "Creators! I don't want to die!" I yelled, "Not like this… I don't want to die like this… not in this hole…" I muttered

But it didn't matter… I could feel my life ebbing away, slipping into the Beyond.

I closed my eyes, and somehow I smiled when I thought of what Tamlen used to tell me. "Shit happens, you can whine about it, or you can put your big boy pants on, and just move along."