DA Kmeme continuation of Accidental Confession, or what happened when Anders blew up the Chantry.
Fenris, Hawke, Isabela, Aveline and the rest of the party stood there in shock as Anders made his speech to Meredith and Orsino. Fenris, poor Fenris could not believe that the fool mage had betrayed them all, he'd hoped that Anders had given up on his vendetta against the Templars and the Chantry; well that damned to the Void demon that had taken over his lover in the last couple of years.
True, they'd grown slightly apart in the last couple of years but Fenris didn't love the damned fool any less. He'd done his best to save Anders from iVengeance/i but the mage wouldn't heed his warnings, his pleas any longer. The last time Anders was truly himself was the last time Anders had confessed his love for the elf, and the last time he truly felt as if he knew who Anders used to be. Of everyone there, Fenris felt as if he was held in thrall by the destruction of the Chantry, his gaze diverted only by Sebastian's agonized screaming for Elthina.
When Fenris finally dared to look over to Anders, he was sitting forlornly on a crate, staring off in the opposite direction of the destruction he'd wrought in the Chantry. His lover was sitting there, while Meredith screamed for the Rite of Annulment and Hawke stalked over to Anders, speaking so low even Fenris' elven hearing couldn't pick up his words. He watched as Anders sat there, refusing to meet Hawke's gaze, his anger and his fury. Only seeing Hawke reach for one of his blades spurred the elf into action.
Almost as if he was acting on instinct, Fenris bolted over to where Hawke was halfway to ending Anders life and blocked the rogue's blade with the tip of his sword. He looked up to see Hawke's gaze following the line of his sword up to Fenris' face. He withdrew his blade and turned to his companions. They moved away to discuss what to do with Anders while Fenris grabbed him by the scruff of his greatcoat and forced him to stand and face him.
"You Void bedamned FOOL! How could you do this and for the love of the Maker don't you dare say because you had to. Don't give me platitudes Anders. You betrayed me, you … Maker take you to the Void himself but how could you do this to Kirkwall, to Hawke… to me?" Fenris' voice dropped to a mere whisper as he finished his rant, and he kept Anders held up almost off the ground. His beautiful green eyes shined with hurt, betrayal and unshed tears. He'd dared to give his heart to the abomination and once again found himself played for a fool.
Anders hung his head and tried to avoid looking at Fenris. The elf refused to let him off that easy. He grabbed Anders chin and made him look him in the eye. Made him see what his actions had done to Fenris. Danarius didn't manage to break the proud elf, being betrayed by his sister for power hadn't shattered his resolve but having his heart shred into small pieces after he gave it so willingly to the mage had undone him. Fenris was a heartbeat away from running Anders through himself, but that would be too easy. Making him a martyr would only advance his cause and let take an easy out. When Anders refused to speak Fenris slammed him against the nearest wall that wasn't smoldering and let his brands flare up as he held Anders pinned to the wall.
"May the Void take you, you will speak to me even if I have to phase my hand into your Maker damned head and use you as a feast day puppet. Answer me Anders, if you have ever truly loved me you will at least .WHY?"
At Fenris' anguished Why, every head in the Gallows courtyard whips around to watch the two play out their anguish. Anders swallowed and leaned down to speak only for Fenris' ears.
"I do love you, have loved you and will always love you despite my idiocy. I did it because I'm corrupted as you've always said. Justice is no more Fenris, I'd hoped to spare you this pain by pushing you away these last few months. I'd hoped to make it easier for you to do what needed to be done today. I'd hoped that you would grant me peace from the torment of recent years. Forgive my duplicity Fenris, please release me from this mortal coil."
Fenris closed his eyes, took a deep breath and gathered himself before he replied, loud enough for the others to hear him but making sure that Anders saw every ounce of hurt he'd caused the elf while he spoke.
"No, I will not make you a martyr for your cause or rather for that demon you've been harboring for the last ten years. I will not allow you an easy death Anders. You will pay for this and you will do so willingly. You will pay for your betrayal, Elthina's death and every single Circle mage you have condemned to death due to your selfish act today. As for my forgiveness, we will not speak of it until today is concluded. You will assist Hawke, no matter what side he picks and may the Dread Wolf take you if you try to kill yourself. I will march into the Fade and drag you back myself mage. You will pay for today, beginning now and always."
Sebastian nocked an arrow and spoke in his harsh brogue to the elf and mage. "Fenris, he must pay with his life for this murder. Grand Cleric Elthina, all the Chantry sisters and brothers that never did a thing to him, the mages who will die because of him. Move aside, and let me do my duty. I've no quarrel with you."
Fenris didn't even deign to look in Sebastian's direction as he responded. He kept his gaze locked on Anders while he spoke to the Starkhaven noble. "If you kill him, he becomes a hero for mages everywhere who have resented the Circle's hold on their lives. If you kill him, I will kill you Sebastian Vael. Not today perhaps, not in the months to come but I will take your life for his. Put your bow down and help Hawke. You know I speak truth, and perhaps when the dust settles I may let you do as you will, but for now we need to end this war."
Sebastian swore at them both. He put his bow back across his shoulders and glowered at the mage that was still in Fenris' grip. "You speak truth, no matter how much I hate to admit it. I will have his life after this is settled. He's got to pay for his crimes."
"He will, one way or another Vael. He will pay." Fenris let Anders feet touch the ground, but he kept one hand firmly on the back of Anders neck, while he marched the mage over to Hawke. "Hawke, what is your choice?"
Hawke looked at Anders as if he had crawled out of a pile of nug shit in the worst part of Darktown. "As much as it pains me, I'm supporting the mages. They don't deserve to be slaughtered wholesale because of this damned fools idealism. Fenris, I understand if you won't fight with me because of this."
Fenris looked down at the ground, his grip on Anders neck tightening to the point Anders whined from the pain. He let his grip up enough to stop choking the mage but not enough for him to flee. "Despite my feelings on mages, I agree that others shouldn't suffer due to his idiocy. I will lift my blade for you this time. Provided we survive, we can decide what to do with this bedamned fool when the dust settles."
Fenris turned to Anders as he loosened his grip on him. "If you so much as twitch the wrong way I WILL hand you over to Vael or the first Templar I see. If you run from this, from me I will disembowel and debone you in the Gallows courtyard as feast day entertainment. .?"
"Yes Fenris, I understand." Anders sounded as if he didn't care what happened to him. To be honest, now that the demon's work was done, he felt hollow inside. As if he was missing a large chunk of himself and he had no idea how to move forward any more. At least with Fenris barking orders at him, he had a direction to follow. He knew he'd gone beyond the pale and that no one would forgive him for his actions. For all of Fenris' threats, Anders knew he wouldn't run anywhere. Even if Fenris didn't take him out, anyone who saw him or any other mage would kill him due to Meredith's calling for the Rite of Annulment.
The group trudged along, engaging in battles here and there with Templar's and mages who thought they were fighting on the Templar's side. Anders was silent as he fought and healed alongside the others. No one really bothered watching his back, other than Fenris, and he knew Fenris only did so to keep him from suffering for his deeds. A quick death in the battle would only serve the demon's purposes and no one else's.
They convened in the Templar hall of the Gallows, one of the few places no longer in control of Meredith's group. While Orsino rallied the mages who had stuck with him, including Bethany Fenris dragged Anders off to the far side of the room so they could speak for possibly the last time. Anders collapsed in a heap on the floor, drained in every way possible. He couldn't meet his lover's eyes, not when he had broken his trust so completely. Fenris grabbed his face and made him look at him once more.
"Anders…in case I die out there, I need you to know how I feel…felt" Fenris halted while he tried to will the burning of his eyes and the tears to remain unshed until he could afford to fall apart. He took a deep breath, and just let the tears fall, no use in trying to hide his pain, especially if he was going into battle for the last time. Anders raised a shaking hand and wiped the elf's tears away. He wanted to run, flee from the pain he'd caused someone he loved but he knew it was time to pay. Fenris finally spoke, his voice heavy with sorrow and anger.
"I loved you with all I have Anders. I would have given anything to you and you let the demon corrupt you. You may have been corrupted before I gave you my heart, but you have torn it from my chest and ripped it into pieces. If we survive this fight, if either of us lives know that I loved you but your demon destroyed that love. If I don't survive, promise me you'll turn yourself in to whoever wins. Don't make Vael hunt you or the Templar's make you Tranquil. Don't run into a convenient blade either, there will be no easy way out for you. If by the grace of the Maker, we both live through this, I will make you pay for the remainder of your days. It will break my heart further, but I should have seen this coming and done something."
Anders started at that and he wrenched his face out of Fenris' grip. "You have no part in this Fenris. It was my own doing, my own weakness that allowed this to happen. You've always been right about the demon, and what's done is done. I did this and you cannot make yourself culpable. Flog me, jail me, do what you will with me, even… make me Tranquil but do not blame yourself. I still love you and I'm sorry for the pittance it's worth. I'm sorry for breaking your heart and your trust. You've made me happy and for that I'm grateful. If we both live, I will do as you wish to repay my crimes, though nothing will be enough. May I kiss you one last time Fenris? If I die today I will take one happy memory with me of this battle to my end."
Fenris looked away; gazing at the wall like it had offended him. He shouldn't give the abomination anything he asked for but he knew he still loved the fool despite his own words. The lie was to protect his own shattered heart but he knew if they both lived, he might be tempted to open his heart once more.
"I know I don't deserve anything Fenris. I'm sorry I asked." Anders started to stand up only to find himself shoved against the rough stone and being kissed by his lover.
"I hate myself for this, but even now I cannot deny you mage. Should we both survive and no one kills you on the spot, we will have words." Fenris took the scarf from around Anders neck and wound it around his wrist, a favor from his lover. Anders hands shook as he tightened the knot and pulled Fenris into a tight embrace.
"That is more than I deserve, thank you." Anders plucked one of the feathers from Fenris' armor, a small one and tucked it in his belt. "For luck on the battlefield." Fenris nodded at him before they turned to join Hawke and the others. Hawke was dispensing orders, choosing his team. He picked Fenris and Anders because while Anders was a repulsive shit, he could keep them all healed and Fenris was obscenely powerful in battles. Vael opted out after he chose Anders, so he chose Varric to come along for the fight. There was no time for tearful last words, or promises to meet again as Meredith and her Templar's finally battered the door open and streamed in to fight them.
"Champion, you have chosen poorly in this fight. You will go down with your apostate and your crew of hangers on. You will pay for your treachery to Kirkwall, the Templar's, and the Crown and for the murder of so many innocents today."
"Come off it Meredith. There's been no Crown to be loyal to since you took over and you are no noblewoman. You're the self-appointed judge, jury and executioner of anyone who doesn't tow your line. I've never liked you or your ways, but you will not sunder this city for your bloodlust. I've tried to work with both you and Orsino and its failed to bring peace to the city. You see blood mages under every rock and in every shadow. Orsino, you are no better than Meredith. You see yourselves as oppressed as Tevinter slaves. I've no love for either of you, but wholesale slaughter is not the answer to the problem here. We've needed a Viscount for ages; even the Divine has sent her forces to settle things here. You can still end this here; you can still resolve this before the city is destroyed."
Meredith smiled at the rogue. "It's too late Champion, Orsino had his chances and now he'll pay along with the city for his treachery."
Orsino's derisive laughter cut through the tense silence. "Meredith, you are a fool, a blind hateful fool. Very well, since you see blood mages in every corner, witness my fall to it as well. I will not willingly be slaughtered."
Orsino slit his palm and chanted the spell that would summon the corpses of his fallen mage brethren to him, lending him strength and power. By the time the spell was done, what stood before them was no longer Orsino, but a creature spun from nightmares. Anders looked as if he might sick up, Fenris looked disgusted and Hawke and Varric just sighed.
"Thanks a lot you damned fool." Hawke muttered under his breath while he pulled his daggers out of his sheaths.
"See Champion, mages are weak and power hungry-"
"Knight Commander, save your gloating for later, we've got a fight on our hands now." With that Hawke launched into the fight against that thing that used to be Orsino. Everyone present threw themselves into battle until finally the creature had been defeated, and both sides taking a moment to heal and rejuvenate. Hawke lets Anders heal the damage from the hits that creature got in on the rogue. Once he was healed Anders moved away and stood behind Fenris as if it would protect him. Hawke rolled his eyes and turned to the rest of the group. Bethany had managed to escape and found Hawke's group after they defeated Orsino. While the Hawke siblings got reacquainted, everyone else checked their gear and got ready for the showdown with Meredith.
Anders sat on a nearby chest, alone and miserable. He didn't want to think about what would happen to him once the fight was over, assuming any of them survived it. He looked up when Fenris came over to him and stood next to him. Anders leaned over and rested his head on Fenris' hip, and sighed. He knew he deserved nothing less than the elf's hand through his chest and possibly more inventive ways of being executed but the fact that Fenris was still there calmed him and helped him focus on what needed to be done. He almost fell asleep from exhaustion but Fenris shaking him made him jump up from his perch.
"Time to face her then?" Anders downed a lyrium potion and grimaced at the taste of it. Fenris nodded, tossing away the flask he'd used for a stamina potion as he stretched sore muscles before lining up for battle. Anders dared a brief kiss on the cheek then took his place as they got ready to face Meredith for the last time.
Hawke's instructions were brief, direct and brooked no diversion from the plan or they would all end up dead. Having Cullen and other Templar's who'd finally seen how far Meredith had gone around the twist join their side added much needed strength to their lineup. The fight with the Knight-Commander was long and brutal, Meredith was drunk on the power she'd gained from her sword and she didn't even see the irony in using a magical weapon to try and destroy the magic that surrounded her. It looked as if the battle was going to be over soon, but somehow she animated the bronze statues that surrounded the Gallows Courtyard, including the two monstrous ones of Andraste that took forever to destroy.
Finally the battle was down to Hawke, his group and a few surviving Templars and Meredith. Having Bethany back in their ranks certainly helped keep everyone on their side alive, if not healthy. The silence on the battlefield was shattered as Meredith went after Hawke with an inhuman scream and her red blade ready to slice the Champion into pieces. Her rage wound up being her downfall; since it left her wide open to everyone else's attacks and she was hit with Tempest and Lethargy fro Anders and Bethany. Fenris was able to ghost past her and land a fatal blow while Hawke finished her off with a feint and Twin Dragon to the heart. Once Meredith's body finally expired, everyone present was able to relax. Hawke all but collapsed from exhaustion, Fenris and Anders were supporting each other due to their wounds and Varric was cleaning up Bianca, and somehow had remained uninjured and pristine. Bethany went around healing people while Cullen limped over to Hawke.
Hawke and Cullen spoke in low tones while everyone else found a spot to sit or collapse in as it were. Fenris and Anders remained standing after Bethany healed them. Fenris realized that Anders was shaking, from fear, or anger or anxiety was anyone's guess. He turned to face him and seek out an answer for his behavior. "Are you still injured, what is wrong?"
"I'm afraid of what comes next for me. I'm physically fine, emotionally not so much." Anders let the wall support him as he watched things play out among Hawke, Cullen and now Vael. Fenris didn't like the way Sebastian was gesturing toward them nor did he like the way Hawke seemed to be focusing in on them as they stood there. Fenris didn't have to wonder for long once Hawke came over to them with Sebastian trying to follow as well, but Cullen grabbed him before he could mow Hawke down.
Fenris and Anders grasped hands in anticipation of Hawke's words. The rogue was furious, covered in gore and about a moment away from killing the next person who so much as looked at him sideways. He looked right at Anders as if Fenris wasn't there next to the mage.
"You must leave Anders, Fenris go with him or stay that's your choice. Cullen is now Knight-Commander and I've accepted the Viscountship for now, until the people can decide on who should sit in the Viscount's seat. Sebastian wants your blood, both of you and to be honest I'm sorely tempted to hand you over to him Anders. I wish no war with Starkhaven but that can't be helped, he's mad in his grief and unless his bloodlust is sated now he'll declare war anyway. I cannot let you remain here Anders not will I take your life and give you martyrdom either. What will you both do now?"
Fenris tightened his grip on Anders hand. "We go then Hawke, I will not leave him now not after standing by his side against Sebastian and you. Forgive me Hawke, one day."
Hawke figured that the elf would follow his lover but he wished he'd picked a better time for loyalty to the idiot. "Very well, Fenris take this and I hope it makes your journey easier. Don't argue just take the coin. I'll miss you and you don't need my forgiveness friend. If there are still horses at the estate, take one for your travels. Go and safe journey to you both."
Fenris and Anders didn't argue, just left Hawke there in the midst of the carnage. They checked at the estate and found a horse that was in good health and ride able, they struck out toward the coast, neither man speaking until they stopped to make camp for the night. Fenris was unsure of how to even approach Anders about their new life on the run together. He found Anders curled up on his side near the small fire they'd made, just staring into it. He sat next to the mage and Anders turned over to curl around Fenris as if he was the only thing that kept him grounded.
"Anders, we need to talk are you up to that?" Fenris drank from the waterskin and passed it to Anders who didn't even look up. All he got in response was racking sobs from the mage. He looked down to see Anders had curled himself even tighter around him and was weeping inconsolably. Fenris didn't know what to do, so he let his hand rest on Anders head, softly petting him while the mage cried himself out. He finally sat up and wiped his face off after the crying jag. Fenris offered him the waterskin and waited.
"Yes, there's no avoiding it is there?" Anders looked down and waited for the verbal thrashing he expected. After some time of Fenris not speaking he dared a look at the elf who quirked an eyebrow at him. "What? I'm waiting for you to lay into me Fenris why are you looking at me like that?"
"Because I want to flay you Anders. I want to berate you, cuss you and break you apart piece by piece but I can't find the words to do so. I need you to explain yourself to me. I need to understand how you could betray us, betray me so thoroughly. I need to know that I made the right choice in not letting Sebastian kill you back there and that I won't have my heart shredded again because I'm fool enough to trust you with it again."
Anders looked away, his eyes too bright from the tears that were threatening to spill over again. Not from grief this time but from joy over the fact that Fenris was still willing to stand with him.
"Very well, get comfortable Fenris this is going to take a while."