Stupidity
He was used to people calling him stupid, used to hearing the derisive comments and having people shut him out of their conversations.
So why did it hurt so much this time?
'You could just ignore them,' his mother had suggested.
How was he supposed to ignore them?
He was almost an adult now- would have been an adult by now if only people had paid attention to him. He could pass the tests, he knew it. But they wouldn't let him take the tests.
They all thought he was stupid.
Stupid, was he? he thought savagely, kicking at the wall.
Well, they could keep thinking he was stupid for having such strong emotions! It wasn't like he could control it- it wasn't like he had asked for them!
And he was making excuses.
Emotions were in your mind, weren't they? He had the best mind of anyone, a mind better than anyone. So why shouldn't he be able to control them?
He thought for a moment and came up with an answer.
Was it really because he was so used to saying he couldn't do anything about it? Was that answer –what a truly stupid answer it was!- the only thing that had been holding him back from such acclaim that he could have for all these years?
Perhaps he truly was stupid, for not have realizing this sooner.
His resolve hardened.
He would get his emotions under control, he would show these people what he could do, and they would believe. He would prove himself, out in the world where no one knew him, where no one would have preconceived judgments.
After all, one of the most important things in evaluating an experiment was the lack of bias.
But first he would learn to control these intense emotions of his, before he left. There was no point in going out in the world if he was going to have emotional outbursts all the time.
They were so strong, sometimes- but he could do it. He would do it.
Even if it meant not feeling, not showing emotion. He would give no other people the excuse to see him as an emotionally-driven illogical imbecile.
He would be the best- even better than he was now. He would show all these people. He would show them that he could do anything, and they would have to listen then.
Querl Dox smiled humorously to himself, then remembered that he was supposed to be working on not doing that sort of thing anymore.
It will work, he vowed to himself. I will work at it until I succeed.
Querl imagined himself as stone- stoic, immovable, inscrutable.
That was what he would be. No one would hurt him again.