Corrupted gems, that's what they liked to call us. Kids with great potential who "just made bad choices." I call bullshit on that. Potential we may have had but choice, not likely. Of course thinking that sort of thing or, heaven forbid, saying it out loud is just me trying to shift the blame onto someone else. The shrink in group would just tell me that I need to take responsibility for the poor choices I made. No one forced me to run away from home. There wasn't some guy with a gun pressed to my head making me beat up that lady and steal her purse. I wasn't forced to become a thief and a dealer under threat of death. Nope, I chose to do all of those things because at the time I thought anything was better than being home watching dad get drunk and use mom as a punching bag again.
I was 11 when I stopped going to school, 12 when I ran away from home. Before everyone thought that I was just a normal kid. I went to school, did well in my classes, and even won a few scholastic awards for English and reading comprehension. If anyone noticed the bruises they never commented. I was never questioned about my black eyes. The guidance counselor didn't pull me in for a "special meeting" when I missed three days of school only to return with my arm in a cast. Everyone just kept their heads down and ignored it because they weren't paid enough to give a fuck.
The rusting of cloth pulls me out of my bitter trip down memory lane. In the hazy moonlight filtering in through the barn window I see a figure hovering uncertainly near the edge of my bed. Though the light is uncertain I catch a glimpse of blue hair and my posture eases, it's just Lapis. "Hey", I whisper not wanting to disturb the others, "Are you okay?" She freezes like a deer caught in headlights. I guess she wasn't expecting me to be awake or some shit. As if anyone could sleep with Jasper snoring like a bear on the other side of the room. Seriously that meathead could cure the deaf.
"Not really", Lapis answers in her soft voice. Even though I can't see her face I can tell she's been crying. Her tone has that weird raspy edge to it that only seems to happen when your throat is trying to close. "Is it okay if I lay here for a bit? I just", She trails off with a choked sob. Like an idiot I nod before promptly realizing she probably can't see it. Instead I pat the space next to me and shift over a bit so there's more room. Lapis climbs in hesitantly like she's expecting me to change my mind at any second. I wouldn't do that though, that would be a seriously dick move. I do roll over so I can watch her settle in to the grey sheets. Twin beds aren't exactly made for multiple sleepers but we make due.
Slowly I reach out and put my hand on her shoulder squeezing lightly. Lapis is a lot like me. I don't know the particulars of her story but I know enough to recognize quick movements as a bad thing. Despite my sedate pace she still flinches and for a moment I fear she'll pull away or slug me. Instead she surges forward, wrapping her arms around my waist and tucking her head under my chin. The closeness makes me uncomfortable but I let her do it. She needs someone right now and who am I to let a little bit of anxiety deny her? For a while neither of us talks, her because she's fighting sobs and me because I don't really know what to say. The folks who run this thing are better at this kind of stuff. They're the ones always talking about not bottling up your feelings and how it's okay to need comfort. It's really weird.
Rose and Greg Quartz-Universe own and run the farm where myself, Lapis, and four other "corrupted gems" live and work. It's a new program set up by the state to "rehabilitate troubled youths through hard work and positive reinforcement." Personally I think the big wigs are hoping we run away or get killed so they don't have to deal with us anymore. To their credit the Universes seem to actually care about us. The lady, Rose, is always making sure we're hydrated and eating regularly. She greets us every morning with a huge smile. Greg, her husband, is some kind of retired musician. On days when he's not in town working at his car wash he hangs out with us and busts out some killer albums on his record player. They have a kid too, Steven. I've only seen him a few times but he seems really cool. He has his mom's giant smile and his dad's overenthusiastic approach to everything. I truly hope life doesn't smack this joy right out of him like it does to everyone else.
My calloused fingers run through Lapis' fluffy blue hair in an attempt to comfort her. Like I said earlier I'm really bad at that sort of stuff. Spending a quarter of your life in the hell that is the juvenile detention system kind of kills your ability to empathize with people. Behind those bars showing any kind of weakness immediately shoves you to the bottom of the food chain. Scared kids are dehumanized and made into mindless meat in a way that even the glorious American educational system can't hope to duplicate. Still my efforts seem to be doing something because Lapis' ragged breathing evens out and she releases her death grip on my back. "Better now?" I ask with a smile even though I don't think she can see it. My fingers never stop moving through her hair rubbing slowly along the back of her ears with every stroke.
"Yeah", She sighs, "better. Thanks, I'm sorry I don't really know what was up. One minute everything's cool and I'm about to doze off the next I'm freaking out. Fuck I probably woke you up", She starts to pull away but I don't let her. My arm shifts from her shoulders to her middle and I hold. Whether she wants to admit it or not she needs the closeness. Words don't really work for Lapis, at least not the version of her that I've come to know. Action was her style whether that meant a pat on the back for doing a good job or a fist just depended on her mood. She's not a bad person, not really, but she feels everything in a way that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Feelings are heightened for her so she tends to go off the deep end a bit. Like when one of the cows gave birth she sobbed for like an hour because she was so happy. I'm pretty much the complete opposite. 90% of the time I'm numb, the other 10% I'm angry it's just how I am. Emotions are hard so my brain just channels everything into rage by default.
"You didn't wake me up", I mumble into the top of her head, "I was already awake so don't even worry about it. Now c'mon it's like midnight and we gotta be up in a few hours. Greg mentioned something about getting the roof fixed up so we don't get a shower every time it rains. I think he's bringing Steven along", any mention of Steven is usually enough to get Lapis to smile. That kid just has this way about him that makes it impossible to not like him. Even I'm charmed by his horrible puns and silly songs he plays on his ukulele. Kid is like some kind of alien or super adorable internet kitten.
My grip on Lapis eases but she doesn't pull away. We just lay there for a while enjoying the closeness. Crickets chirp happily outside our window and a few frogs croak in the distance. Things are peaceful out here in the country. All good things must come to an end however. In this case the end is Jasper doing her best grizzly bear impersonation in her sleep. Lapis just chuckles and the two of us settle into a companionable silence until we drift off.