A/N: I had this written for a while now, but I think I might have messed up with tenses and I am so sick of editing it I decided to just leave it as it is. The idea came to me thanks to a song Find a way by SafetySuit, and it's pretty much Farewell Swords from Ichigo's POV. Enjoy ;)
Disclaimer: Bleach and it's characters belong to Tite Kubo.
He stared at her in oblivion. With eternal sparkle in his eyes. Whenever he looked at her, his eyes were beaming with inner joy, confidence. Like he was almighty. Like he was on top of the world. Like nothing else mattered. Just not this time.
Don't go echoed in his head. Thousand times a second. In all different pitches, lengths, volumes. Huskily whispered. Harshly demanded. Softly begged. Desperately asked. He had been thinking about it so hard he didn't even know if he already said it or not. But it didn't matter anyway. She knew. She knew all the unspoken. She always had.
But why wasn't she looking this way? She turned her had away and drilled hole in the ground. She was laughing at her own poor joke when she lowered her head. The thing was she never looked back up again. The laughter stopped. The smile slowly left her face. Went away from her eyes. Her brows frowned again. But not at him. At this stupid pavement underneath his feet. Not a single muscle on her face moved now. As if she froze. Except for her clenching jaw. Could she..? No, she never cried.
She wouldn't just leave now, would she? Just turn around and go? Never look at him again. So he never sees her face again. Wasn't it the last time they had seen each other? Sure she could always come back here, she could watch him whenever she'd want, but he? He would be left here all alone. Even if she ever came by, he'd never be able to see her again. Hear her. Touch her. Feel her. She would stop existing in his world from now on.
All of this was to save her life, but now, he thought, what for? Sure it was comforting, she would be there somewhere, safe and sound, alive, but so what if he wasn't going to be there with her? For her? By her side?
For a quarter second he thought he'd done enough. He fought, he lost, he trained and fought once again. He travelled beyond life for her. He risked everything he had, his own life, to save her. He gave up on everything. He didn't expect anything. If there was just something more-… Couldn't she stay? If she really wanted, really tried? Tried as hard as he did. Couldn't she really stay? He felt anger slowly spread around his head. Disappointment filling his chest. Helplessness in his limbs dragged him heavy towards the ground. But he had to do it. Stand straight up. Clench his fists and grit his teeth, but stand fucking still.
No. No, it is not like this. She's a Death God for goodness sake. It's not like you can just quit being a Death God. She can't just run around the living world, pretending it's okay. Decide, hey I don't give a damn about your soul purifying anymore, watch me! Even though it would be very much okay with him. But, if she had a chance to do something, anything, she already would have, right?
But the time. An hour more. Just one hour more. Wouldn't it do? There was so much to say he didn't knew where to start. Oh, hour wouldn't be enough to say even a quarter, but it would still be better than this. Rushed, clumsy bye with everyone watching. Just an hour to tell her-… He still couldn't see her face, but it felt as if she already knew all there was.
That he's grieving. That he feels so hollow inside, he doesn't even have anymore room for sadness, because he feels so damn numb all over his body. Like it didn't belong. Like his soul could, would flee far away from here if only it could. Like the good old times. The times when he had been forced into being shinigami, God what would he give to feel it one more time. The wind in his hair, when he shunpoed the town. The strength flowing through his veins, when he released the power. Burst of confidence when he yielded Zangetsu. The sharp sting, when she gave him that power… He's grieving nearly as much as when his mother died. Because if they never were to meet again, it did feel like death.
Will she still be there when he... Will she wait for him? The thought seemed so ridiculous. Him aged god-knows-what and she, probably unchanged, bold and stubborn. Would she wait for him? Will she miss him? Did she miss him? He did. She was merely an arm away but it already felt like miles. Was it because he couldn't feel her reiatsu anymore? Because it felt like she wasn't really there? Like if he looked away for just a second, she'd dissappear? Like it was only his strong will that kept her here.
But that's what was going to happen eventually. No matter how hard would he stare at her, she'd vanish into a memory. And it will all be gone. He wondered if after years have passed, he'd still be able to distinguish that memory from a dream? Will he remember? Will he be able to recall his sword name, it's weight, it's looks, it's abilities? How almighty he felt, when using it? How he was able to stop Sokyoku itself? How he was able to crush it? How he was able to help her? Save her life. Will he remember her?
Her looks? Her messy, raven hair? The strand that always got in her eyes? Her big blue eyes? Her trusty, brave eyes. Her terrified look at her execution. Her proud look at his arrival. Her trusty look at Aizen's defeat. Her tiny nose that wrinkled at his silly jokes. Her straight brows that frowned at cell phone notifications. Her dry lips that pouted when she held her sword. Oversized robes on her bony frame. It started. It started disappearing. She started disappearing. His fingers moved in her direction. He wanted to grab the cloth, hold it here, hold her here, on Earth. He blocked all the sound from the streets and he could hear her breath shivering. Imagined warm air exhaled down her lips, her chin, her long skinny neck. It started blending out too. Her head shot up, her mouth opened, she was just about to say something, she was speaking to him, she wanted him to know something, to hear it from her mouth.
But she was now gone. Out of Ichigo Kurosaki's sight.