A/N: o.0 I know, I know. I'm a total freak. But the idea hit. It's crackish, it's weird, and it's physically impossible. But I don't care. I got a kick out of writing this. Plus, as of right now, I'm the only Raine/Anna writer. So, um, yeah. There's accomplishment for you.

I might continue this someday if I'm bored or whatever, but as of right now it's a oneshot.

I own nothing. If I owned Tales of Symphonia, Anna really would come back, and she would beat the living shit out of Kratos, Mithos, Yuan, Pronyma, Kvar, Mithos, and Rodyle. And Mithos. In that order. (I do not believe in a sweet and kind Anna. Can you tell?)

"No. Definitely not."

"Anna."

"You are not stabbing me with that needle."

"Anna," Raine said again, fixing her Evil Glare of Doom on the woman in front of her. Unfortunately, stubbornness seemed to be genetic. Raine sighed to herself. Why would one person have to deal with both Lloyd and Anna in one lifetime? It was hardly fair.

"You are not stabbing me!"

"I never planned to stab you. I just want a blood sample."

"By stabbing me."

"It's one tiny little pinprick."

"Have you seen the size of that thing?" the brunette demanded. "It's huge! It would make my arm explode!"

"I'm fairly sure it wouldn't."

"Yeah, but you're not sure sure, are you?"

Deep breaths, Raine reminded herself. "I'm sure."

"You just said you were fairly sure."

"Anna," Raine said pleasantly, "if you don't give me your arm in the next five seconds, I will knock you out with my staff and take your blood before you wake up. All right?"

"Yeah? I dare you."

That wasn't what she'd expected. Raine suddenly felt very sorry for Kratos. A bit envious, too. "You dare me," Raine echoed.

"I double dog dare you." Anna was grinning wickedly. "Come on. Take a swing."

"I'm not going to give you a concussion just because of a double dog dare."

"I triple dog dare you."

Raine groaned. "Anna…"

"What? Scared?"

"Yes, of giving you a concussion."

"You won't give me a concussion." Anna knocked on the side of her head with her knuckles. "My whole family has really thick skulls. You can't take us down that easily. Besides, back before Lloyd was born, Desians hit me all the time."

"I am not a Desian."

"Oh, well, duh, I know that. You're too nice to hit anyone anyway." Anna shrugged. "Not that that's bad or anything."

Raine twitched. "I have hit many people before."

Anna continued to grin. "Raine, patting someone on the head is not hitting them."

Outraged, Raine stood up, walking over to her closet. "Where did I put my staff?"

Zelos hadn't wanted to play hide and seek, but with enough begging, pleading, puppy dog eyes, peer pressure, and getting hit by Sheena and Genis (accidentally, of course), they had gotten the ex-Chosen to huddle in some bushes, albeit reluctantly. He convinced himself he was hiding from Sheena and Genis. He wasn't willing to play a child's game. Not at all.

"Oh no!" a voice from the schoolhouse wailed, and out dashed Anna. "Lloyd! Raine just tried to kill me with a staff!"

Lloyd looked confused, as he looked at his mother. "Well…yeah, she does that to everyone. What did you say to her?"

Zelos stood up abruptly, making his way out of the bushes. "What's going on now?"

"And she tried to stab me! No! Impale me! It was traumatizing!"

Raine had appeared then, looking weary, amused, and…yes, amused. Very amused.

"You tried to stab my mom?" Lloyd said in shock.

"I tried to get a blood sample."

"With a needle!" Anna said vehemently. "It was thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis big!" She swung her arms wide for emphasis. "I thought I was gonna die. She was gonna suck all my blood out. Like a mosquito. Or a vampire."

"I needed a blood sample, Anna," Raine said patiently.

"Where does you trying to kill her with a staff factor into all this?" Genis asked.

"Your teacher's abusive, Lloyd," Anna informed the brunet.

"Um." Lloyd blinked. "Yeah. We already knew that."

"You shouldn't abuse beautiful ladies," Zelos told Raine, who shot him a look.

"Apparently she doesn't get concussions," Raine said, as if this explained everything.

"You were going to test out whether she could get a concussion or not?" Sheena said.

"No!" Raine pressed her fingers to her temples. "She dared me."

"You dared the Professor to give you a concussion?" Lloyd asked Anna incredulously.

"No, no, I triple dog dared her. And I don't get concussions. I have a very thick skull."

"Count to ten slowly," Genis was instructing his older sister.

"I did," Raine said through clenched teeth.

"Do it again."

"I am getting that blood sample," Raine said, whipping out a tiny needle.

"You're scared of that tiny little needle?" Sheena said.

"It's not tiny! It's huge!"

Everyone studied the needle. It was not a large needle.

"I'm not getting impaled by that thing."

"If you let me get the blood sample, I promise I won't bother you again," Raine said with a hint of desperation in her voice.

"Ah, but, Raine." Anna was grinning that wide, wicked grin again. "I like getting bothered by you. It's always the high point of my day."

"Well," Raine said in a bit of a strangled voice, "that's very sweet of you, but…"

"Nope. No one calls me sweet."

"At least not if they want to live," Zelos muttered.

"Oh, I don't think I quite heard that." The evil woman turned to him. Still grinning. "Did you say you didn't want to live?"

Zelos paled considerably and ran for the hills screaming.

The next morning, Raine decided she might have better luck.

She didn't, of course.

Anna was cheerfully sitting on a desk, watching the half elf with bright eyes.

Raine could not find any needles. Of any sort. Anywhere.

That was going to make it difficult to get the blood sample.

"Missing something, dear?" Anna said, holding up a needle. Still that grin. Raine narrowed her eyes at the woman.

"Why, yes, in fact, I believe I am. Would you mind…"

"Yep. I would. See, I don't really want to get stabbed or impaled or…"

Raine belatedly realized that this was no longer about the needle or the blood sample. It was about Anna's stubbornness. Raine pondered that for a moment. Perhaps she could use that to her advantage.

Then again, if Anna was anything like Lloyd, perhaps not.

"So," Anna said cheerfully. "What's the plan for today?"

Raine blinked. "Plan?"

"Well, yeah. I'm bored, and I want to mess with your head today. So, what are we doing?"

"How kind of you."

"You could give me a tour of the world. It's been awhile. I was dead for, like, fifteen years, remember? You could show me what's changed."

"A tour of the world," Raine echoed. "You want a tour of the world."

"Sure."

"In a day?"

"I think we could do it."

Raine paused to consider that. "If I give you a tour of the world, then will you let me take the blood sample?"

A pause. Anna was planning something. Raine could feel it. Then she shrugged.

"Okay, whatever. So, where are we off to?"

"You don't care where?" Excitement was beginning to set in.

"Not really."

Oh, this was absolutely excellent. Raine couldn't help the grin from coming onto her face.

"We," she said grandly, "are going to the Balacruf Mausoleum!"

Anna blinked. "We are?"

"No, no, you definitely want to move your queen right here," Sheena told Zelos. "You'll win in three moves if you do that."

Zelos looked bleakly at the chess board. Lloyd was definitely winning. "Really?"

"Would I lie about something like that?"

Probably, but Zelos moved the piece anyway.

"Aha!" Lloyd clunked his rook down. "Checkmate. I win again."

"You lied to me," Zelos said.

"Yeah."

"Yo, Lloyd?" Anna entered the room. "Um, Raine's being kind of weird. I was wondering if she was off her meds or something."

"I think it's normal for her to be crazy," Lloyd mumbled, setting the chess board up again.

"Wait…you didn't mention ruins or anything, did you?" Sheena was giving Anna an anxious look. Anna thought back to their conversation, then shook her head.

"Nope. No ruins mentioned at all. I asked her to give me a tour of the world."

"And now she's acting weird?"

"Well, yeah, a little. She packed a bunch of archaeology tools in a bag, and got this kind of maniacal glint in her eyes, and when I left, she was stuffing a few history textbooks into a bag. Is that normal?"

There was a long glance shared between the three.

"It's…it's not, is it?"

"We were hoping to get you a little bit more used to everything before exposing you to this," Sheena said apologetically.

"So it is normal?"

"Sort of," Lloyd mumbled. "Kind of."

"Not really," Zelos said helpfully.

"It's normal for her," Sheena said finally. "We call it 'ruin mode.' We're sorry. There's nothing we can do for you."

Anna was giving them a puzzled look. "Is this some sort of joke?"

"Almost," Lloyd said.

"Not really," Zelos said.

"You'll see for yourself. Be careful."

"It helps to zone out."

"Or to just wander off."

"Yeah, but if that happens, she gets mad."

Realizing she was doomed and had made a very large tactical error (where, she couldn't recall), Anna went back to the schoolhouse.

"Uh, hey, Raine?"

"Here!" Raine shoved a headlamp at Anna. Anna stared at it.

"Is this necessary?"

"Absolutely! With these, we won't even need the Sorcerer's Ring to read the writing!"

"The Sorcerer's what?"

"We're off!" Raine cheered, hefting the giant bag on her shoulder, almost collapsing under the weight.

Ruin Mode, huh?

Ought to be interesting.

Raine had flattened herself against the smooth wall, and was rubbing her hands up and down the stone.

"Umm…Raine?"

"The stone is so smooth," Raine purred. She couldn't understand why they couldn't have held off the Regeneration journey for just a few hours so she could study this further. Already she'd found out that there were three different languages in the Mausoleum.

"I found a trapdoor…are you listening to me?"

Feeling the somewhat rougher edge of the slab, Raine grinned. If only she could bring a sample home…it was probably too much to hope for. Besides, she was not going to try and chip away some the ageless stone here.

"Uh, I'm just gonna go down, okay? Call if you need me."

Moving onto the next slab, Raine gave a happy sigh. It was so nice to come here alone sometimes. No one to complain about the time she was taking, no one to quip about how she would probably end up marrying an ancient stone slab, and…no one to carry anything of hers. It might be nice to come here with someone someday. If she were to truly enjoy herself as much as she'd like, she'd have to camp out, and it was unlikely there would be anyone as passionate or insane to do that.

Insane.

Raine frowned. Come to think of it, hadn't she come here with someone?

Reluctantly pulling away from the slab, Raine glanced around. No sign of Anna. Right, that was right. Anna. It was eerily silent other than the clashing of iron spikes. Raine glanced at all the traps. No bits of Anna on them. That was good.

If Anna dies here, Lloyd will never forgive me. Besides, how would I get a blood sample then?

Blood sample. Damn, Raine was good. Roping a poor, innocent woman into going into ruins with her, and getting a favor out of it? Raine. Was. Gooood.

Almost tripping over a raised bit of ground, Raine glanced down. Trapdoor. Excitement filled her again. That certainly hadn't been there before.

Without even thinking of what might happen, Raine leapt into the hole offered.

Hearing a thump, and then a crash from behind her, Anna glanced back. "Raine?"

"Anna? What are you doing down here?" Raine sounded genuinely puzzled. Well, Anna had been warned.

Anna winced against the glare of Raine's headlamp. "Your headlamp's blinding me."

"Sorry." There was a click, and it turned off. In a few moments, Raine joined Anna to look at the wall.

"You found another stone slab down here?"

"Yeah." Anna grinned. "Look, it's Kratos. And Yuan. I bet the girl's Martel, and the shorty is Mithos. Kratos used to tell me all these stories about…just stupid stuff that happened. Before Martel died, you know."

Raine looked at the stone slab, illuminated by Anna's headlamp, which was in her hand. "Did he?"

"You knew Kratos, right? Did he ever tell you guys any of those stories?"

"Hardly," Raine said dryly. "We weren't even supposed to know he was anything but a mysterious mercenary."

"Ah, well, you know. The girls go for the dark and mysterious types."

Raine was studying Anna. "Do they?" she asked softly.

"He told me about this time…" Anna reached out to touch the stone slab. "When he and Yuan put neon pink hair dye in Mithos's shampoo." She grinned. "Apparently, Mithos didn't forgive them for days. Didn't help that Martel, Yuan, and Kratos would crack up whenever they saw him."

Raine looked thoughtful, then smiled. "Somehow the idea of Mithos with neon pink hair fits."

"You knew Mithos?"

"Yes." The schoolteacher didn't elaborate, though, so Anna didn't pursue it.

After a few moments that were blissfully Ruin Mode free, Anna touched Raine's shoulder. "Hey. We should probably head back, huh?"

"Hm? Oh…yes." Raine straightened, and gave the stone slab one last lingering look. "I'll have to come back some time."

Anna smiled. "That sounds nice. I might tag along."

Raine gave her a look of utter shock that almost made Anna laugh. "You'd be willing to come to ruins with me?"

"Sure."

"Even though you know about my…Ruin Mode?"

"Yeah. I've seen weirder things."

Another moment of silence, and then they hit the end of the passageway. Raine placed a hand on the ladder.

"You're very strange, Anna."

"Hey, it's genetic. And I might have actually gotten a concussion one of those times."

Raine smiled. "It's a possibility."

"That's not the right answer," Anna protested. "You're supposed to say something like 'Oh, don't worry, Anna darling, you don't have any brain damage at all."'

"Yes, but then I might be lying." A pause. "I think we have a problem."

Uh oh. "What kind of problem?"

"It might not be a problem. I could just be overreacting. Give me my headlamp, will you?"

"No, really, what…"

"Anna, my headlamp, please."

Anna tossed the headlamp up. There was a click, and the ceiling was illuminated. Anna closed her eyes. "Don't tell me."

"The trapdoor seems to have closed on us."

"Well, that's just wonderful."

Raine sighed, and came down the ladder. "I'm sorry. I think in my enthusiasm…"

"No, it's okay." Anna sighed. "It's wood, right? We can probably chip through it in the next hundred years."

"I'm sorry," Raine repeated. "I didn't mean…"

"Hey." Anna bumped Raine's shoulder with her fist. "This is why I'm coming into ruins with you, okay? You'd die without someone to keep an eye on you."

"Funny." But Raine stopped apologizing, and clicked her headlamp off. "We could wait for rescue."

"There's an idea. I say we wait for a few hours and then start trying to break through the trapdoor."

"Do you have a way to keep time?"

"Uh…nope."

Raine sighed. "Fine then. We…"

Anna zoned out, watching the half elf thoughtfully, not even listening to the words. There were a few options here. And…well, Anna had always been rather impulsive. What was the worst that could happen, anyway?

Swallowing the nervousness, Anna spoke into the silence. "Hey, Raine. Did Kratos ever kiss you?"

"Wh-what? No! Of course not." Anna could see Raine's pink cheeks, in the almost-darkness. "Honestly, Anna, why would you…"

"Good," Anna murmured, and bent in to kiss the half elf herself, with the fleeting thought of Sorry, Kratos.

"They're still not back?" Lloyd said, surprised.

"Nope. They've been gone awhile." Sheena was frowning. "I wonder if something happened."

"Yeah, I bet Raine's Ruin Mode happened," Zelos said. "Though you'd think that Anna'd get away. Seriously. Five hours of that?"

"It probably took awhile to get there," Genis pointed out. "So they weren't in the…wherever they went for five hours."

"They took Rheairds," Sheena said, arms crossed. "It would have taken them a half hour to get there, tops."

"Maybe it broke down?"

"Yuan said they were in perfect working condition."

There was a brief, pensive silence.

"Well, I'm always one for rescuing beautiful ladies," Zelos said finally, standing up. "Who's with me?"

Lloyd stood, too. "Don't even think about hitting on my mom, Zelos."

Recalling Anna's wicked grin and her inquiry of whether or not Zelos wanted to live or not, Zelos nodded. "Yeah, that's probably some good advice."

Raine suddenly broke away, much to Anna's displeasure. "Did you hear something?"

"No. Kiss me again."

"I think I heard something. It might be from above…"

"Really?" Anna said.

Raine looked at Anna. "No," she said decisively, leaning in to kiss the brunette.

And there was a slamming from above as the trapdoor opened. Four faces stared down at them.

Then Lloyd and Genis abruptly slapped hands to their eyes and turned away.

"Oh, Martel!" Lloyd cried. "I did not need to see that!"

"Then knock next time," Raine snapped, smoothing her clothes down. "Honestly, Lloyd."

"'M gonna be sick," Genis whimpered.

"It could have been worse!" Anna called up cheerfully. "We hadn't even started taking clothes off yet!"

There were gagging noises from above, and Anna grinned, beginning her climb.

Sometimes life was just way too good.

"Anna," Raine said calmly, amusedly, exasperatedly.

"You're not stabbing my arm."

"I gave you a tour yesterday, didn't I?"

"You took me to ruins, made me jealous over some big pieces of rock, and almost locked us down there forever. You did not give me a tour of the world."

Raine decided that this would be a good time to kiss Anna, and did so, effectively cutting off any of Anna's protests.

A few moments later, Yuan said dryly, "so should I come back later?"

"Is knocking such a hard concept to understand?" Anna snapped. "Seriously, Yuan. I'm trying to enjoy myself here!"

"There's no door," he pointed out a bit smugly.

"Why are you even here? Go away. Piss someone else off for once."

"Well, upon hearing you were back from the dead, I realized I could return your underwear. It's fifteen years old, but I think it went through the washing machine a few times since then. It's probably fine."

Yuan was enjoying this too much. Anna snarled, and threw one of Raine's textbooks at his face.

"Will you go away?"

While Anna and Yuan bickered, Raine grinned.

She'd finally gotten that blood sample she wanted.

A/N: Umm...yeah...reviews really would be appreciated here. I'm kind of curious as to how horribly I did. And what peoples' reactions are to this...insanity. Yaaaay, insanity!