-Pink Triangle-
@@@@@@@
-A Short Tale of Honest Deception-
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Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma 1/2. The whole franchise is owned by Rumiko Takahashi. In addition to that, neither do I own Weezer's wonderful song, Pink Triangle. What I _do_ own though, is my original character. He has no name, but he is an important part of this fic.
Summary and other Info of Import: I have the song-fic flu it seems. I just can help listening to a song and saying to myself, "Self, this would make a great song-fic!" then bursting out in hysterical, if maniacal, laughter and scaring away all passersby. ::sigh:: I really have no life, as was painfully pointed out to me by my self who bluntly put it, "Self, you have no life." Well. Shall we get back to the fic? As I was saying before I was rudely sidetracked...
Self: ^^;;;;;;; Gomen!
Me: It's all right, it's hard to stay mad at you for too long anyway!
::both engage in a friendly embrace::
::studio audience: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW...::
Sorry 'bout that readers. Anyway, some useful information; this goes like a music video, in case you are wondering. So I will mention fade ins and outs, and guitar solos, etc. But there _is_ dialogue. So, try to imagine a music video.
Finally, here's a guide to my crappy little dividers...
** -separates lyrics from storyline
@@- divides sections (like A/N from story) and also separates POV's
Now, for the fic!
In case you need to be reminded...
-Pink Triangle... A Tale of Honest Deception-
@@@@@@@
The new guy woke up, to his displeasure, to the shining sun, and a new day in his new home, in the Nerima district of Tokyo. He grumbled angrily, for the sun shining through his _stupid_ open window that his _mom_ had opened to wake him up, woke him up. He shouted angrily. "MOM! I was _ASLEEP_! THAT STUPID SUN WOKE ME UP!"
His mother was expecting his yelling, he did it whenever he was scared. "That was the sole purpose, dear." She smiled brightly and turned from the window. "It's a beautiful day to be alive, honey! To go to school, to be young! And you don't want to be late for your first day of classes! I'm so excited for you!"
He grumbled as he struggled out of bed.
"Plus, you looked like you were having a seizure. I wanted to make sure you were still alive and well." She wrung her hands worriedly.
At this, her son smiled lecherously. "Only dreaming, mom."
"It must have been some dream." She shook her head, then smiled once again, if a little pained. She knew what her son's dream had to have been about. He was... a miscreant when it came to the young ladies. In other words, her young son was a tad on the perverted side. She shuddered and left her 16 year old son alone to do... whatever teenage boys did when they were supposed to be getting ready for school. The woman closed her son's door on her way out and called to her husband.
"Koji, I think you need to have another 'man talk' with your son!"
...
As the new kid walked to Furinkan, his new school, the song started...
**
"When I'm stable long enough
I start to look around for love"
**
Oblivious to the music, he grumbled to himself, "Why'd we have to move here anyway? Everyone warned us not to. They all talked of all the stuff that goes on here! The crazed martial artists! The panty thieves!" He recapitulated and smiled. "Actually, I could get into that... but are there even any cute girls here?" Just then, two girls ran out in front of him, cutting off his train of thought...
**
"See a sweet and floral print
My mind begins the arrangements"
**
"We better not be late because of this!" Akane shouted.
"I just need some hot water, I'll be right back." Onna-Ranma said, as she walked into Dr. Tofu's office.
"Dr. Tofu? You here?" She called.
"Ranma!"
"AHHHHHHHH!" Ranma heard his (or maybe her) name and jumped. She wasn't expecting that.
"Oh, sorry to give you a start. So how can I help you?" Tofu asked pleasantly.
"Well..." Ranma-chan gestured showing her obvious dilemma.
"Oh, well..." Tofu said embarrassed and put his hand on the back of his head. "Well, Ranma,extremely sorry, but... there's no hot water. The heater is in need of repair, but until the repairman comes... I can't help you."
Ranma's eyes grew wide as saucers when the news finally hit him.
"N-n-no hot water?"
"Sorry, but it sure looks that way."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
...
"I can't believe you convinced me to wear this."
"It's probably the only way Kuno won't recognize you. And I went _ALL_ the way back home for this, so don't even start!"
"But, it's-" Ranma was shut up by a warning look for Akane. They were both running to school, after having run home to get a disguise for Ranma.
"But a dress!" Ranma persisted.
"It was floral print or nothing, Ranma. And that hat actually looks good on you."
Ranma growled. The pair ran so quickly, they didn't notice a young man walking. They cut him off.
"Soorrry!" Akane yelled.
"Wait!" the boy called.
@@@@@@@
"WAIT!" the new guy called. He had just seen the cutest girl in the world. She was wearing a frumpy dress and big hat, though, but they did nothing to hide her figure, nice hips and big bo- The new guy's head jerked back as a spurt of blood streamed out his nose, in Ryoga-esque fashion.
"Akane, ya clumsy tomboy, you must have hit him or somethin'!" The redhead said.
"Ranma no baka! You must have hit him! I wasn't even on his side!" Akane yelled.
Ranma, so that was her name. Interesting name for a girl... but to the new guy, names didn't really matter. She was hot!
"Listen, girls, it's alright." He said, in the midst of their arguing.
"Wait, do you go to Furinkan?" Akane asked noticing his uniform.
"Actually, I will be, I'm new in town."
"Oh. Well, I'm Akane and this is Ranma. What's your name?" The new guy opened his mouth to answer and just then an ambulance drove by, sirens screaming at full force muffling his voice and making it impossible for us to hear.
"Oh, that's a nice name." Akane said. Ranma just mumbled a response.
"Well, I really don't know where anything is." the new guy said, smiling lecherously. "Ranma, do you think you could be my guide?"
Ranma looked at this new guy in alarm. "It's actually pretty easy, you'll be fine by yourself."
"Can't we just enjoy each other's company?"
Ranma sighed. "Listen, man, I'm engaged."
The new guy gasped in disbelief. "To who? I'll beat him to a bloody pulp in Mortal Kombat if he dares to challenge me!"
Ranma sighed again. "I'm engaged to her." She said,pointing at Akane.
**
"But when I start to feel that pull,
Turns out I just pulled myself"
**
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"A bloody pulp?" Akane asked, eyebrow twitching, and an enormous hammer slowly materializing.
**
"She would never go with me
Were I the last girl on earth"
**
"Ranma how can you be a- I mean engaged to- I can't believe it, all the hot ones are lesbos."
"WHAT?!?" Akane and Ranma both burst out at the same time. Akane, mallet in hand, booted the new guy into the stratosphere.
**
"I'm dumb she's a lesbian
I thought I had found the one
We were good as married in my mind
But married in my mind's no good
A pink triangle on her sleeve
Let me know the truth
Let me know the truth"
**
"Might have smoked a few in my time
But never thought it was a crime
Knew the day would surely come
When I'd chill and settle down"
**
The new guy started on his way home, looking dejectedly at his feet.
"I can't believe it." He shook his head sadly. "I wish I could see her again."
Just then, a blur of floral print ran past him.
"Dreams do come true!" He said, smiled lecherously to himself and ran after the fast moving girl.
**
"When I think I've found a good old fashioned girl
Then she put me in my place"
**
"STOP RANMA STOP!" Ranma heard yelling behind her. Where've I heard that voice before? She thought to herself. She stopped running. She waited for the boy behind her to catch up.
"-pant, pant- Wow, you run -pant, pant- pretty -pant- fast!" The boy said between pants, with his hands on his knees.
"Well, you're pretty out of shape. Not a martial artist are ya?"
"No, -pant- and you are?" The new guy asked.
"Yes, in fact I am."
"Martial artist chicks are hot."
Ranma gave the new guy a warning look. "Remember, I'm engaged to-"
**
"Everyone's a little queer
Why can't she be a little straight?"
**
"Akane." Ranma finished,and started looking around worriedly. " Wait, did anyone just hear that music?"
"No." the new guy said, oblivious. "Are you sure you aren't kidding me about this? Or is this just a phase or something?"
"No, I'm engaged to Akane."
"I find the hottest chick in Nerima and she's a lesbo..."
"I AM NOT!" Ranma yelled.
**
"I'm dumb she's a lesbian
I thought I had found the one
We were good as married in my mind
But married in my mind's no good
A pink triangle on her sleeve
Let me know the truth
Let me know the truth"
**
"Then explain your ENGAGEMENT TO ANOTHER GIRL!"
Ranma shuffled his feet for a second, not wanting to tell this kid his little 'problem' yet. "Ummmmmmmm..."
"Wait, maybe this is good in the long run for me!" The new guy said, grinning lecherously, as he does noticeably often.
"Wait.... Whaddya mean?" asked Ranma, backing up warily.
The boy stared off into space, wide eyed and smiling pervertedly yet again. Every once in a while, he'd giggle. Finally, his head jerked back and a stream of blood came pouring out of his nose in Ryoga-esque fashion.
Ranma slugged the guy across the jaw.
"What the- WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" the new guy yelled.
"YA PERVERT!" Ranma yelled back, mad as ever, in a noticeably Akane moment.
The boy just laughed. "What were you running for anyway?"
Ranma froze. She seemed to be looking through the boy. Then she turned tail and ran again, just as the guitar solo was starting up.
"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Where's that music coming from?" she asked, running.
**
"I'm dumb she's a lesbian
I thought I had found the one
We were good as married in my mind
But married in my mind's no good
A pink triangle on her sleeve
Let me know the truth
Let me know the truth"
**
"Akane I didn't do nothin'!" Ranma yelled running.
The blur that was Akane carrying her mallet zoomed by and was followed by the blur that was Kuno. Almost.
The new guy stuck out his foot. Kuno, in his haste, didn't notice the foot. Not surprising.
"WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE?" The new guy yelled jumping up and down and throwing a major tantrum.
Kuno got up and brushed himself off.
"I was chasing the fair Akane Tendo and the pig-tailed goddess who is currently enslaved by Ranma. I will soon bring an end to her entrapment and make her mine. I was also hoping to bestow these gifts upon the two." Kuno said,revealing the previously concealed roses and stuffed animals. The new guy processed this information.
"So..." he said, pausing. " There's Akane Tendo, Ranma, AND a pig tailed goddess on the loose?!? I don't think I've seen the pigtailed chick, you're talkin' 'bout. But you said she's enslaved by RANMA?!?"
Kuno nodded solemnly. The new guy grinned that lecherous grin of his, and stared off into space again. Every once in awhile he'd giggle and then, finally, a spurt of blood came streaming out of his nostrils.
"So I take it you see where I'm coming from."
The new guy smiled and nodded lecherously. "LET'S GO!" And so the two teens bounded off.
**
"I'm dumb she's a lesbian
I thought I had found the one"
**
Ranma ran from Akane. She was wielding her mallet and making sure he knew it too, screaming out every once in a while, "RAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNMMMMMMMMA!" which was promptly followed by a whacking of her mallet on the pavement, and more than a few stares.
"AKANE! IT'S NOT MY FAULT!"
"LIAR!" she screamed and again with the 'wham' 'WHam' WHAM!'.
"WHAT'd I DO?" the redhead yelled.
"YOU MADE THE NEW KID THINK I'M A LESBIAN!"
"NO I-" WHAM! "DIDN'T AKANE!"
"LIES!!!!!" Akane yelled and drove her mallet into the pavement. Sending super powerful signals to all the earthquake detection centers in the area, driving all nearby earthworms out of the earth, and knocking all the old women off their feet.
Kuno and the new guy were running in the general direction of Akane and Ranma.
"Hey, dude, I think we're lost." said the new guy to Kuno, he stopped, panting. Kuno halted too.
"Dude? How quaint. I am Tatewaki Kuno, the Raging Samurai of Furinkan High School." said Kuno of himself, creating a new nickname in the process.
"Raging Samurai, I think we're lost." the new guy said. Just then, the ground buckled. "What the?"
Kuno looked off to the horizon. A flock of birds were flying away in fear. "You see those birds fleeing?"
"Yeah, and?"
"That is where Akane is."
"Whatever. I don't think so." the new guy said.
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAA!" they both heard in the distance.
"You have so much to learn." Kuno said and they started off again.
**
"We were good as married in my mind
But married in my mind's no good"
**
"There they are!" The new guy pointed. The pair had just caught up with Ranma and Akane. Ranma was still running from Akane, who was trying in earnest to make Ranma into a human pancake.
"-Wham!- -WHam!- -WHAM!!!-" She pounded the mallet, barely missing Ranma each time by a hair's breadth.
"AKANE! STOP! I never-WHAM!- tried -WHAM!- To make him think that way! -WHAM! WHAM!-" Ranma yelled while running. "You get SO -WHAM!- ANGRY over THINGS and don't EVEN -WHAM!- know the truth!"
"THEN STOP RUNNING AND EXPLAIN THINGS TO ME!" She cried.
Kuno couldn't bear to watch his two favorite girls go at it, even though he was enjoying the view. The new guy, on the other hand, was ecstatic.
"YOU GO RANMA! SHOW HER WHO'S BOSS!" He cried jumping up and down excitedly. "TELL YOUR FIANCEE OFF! SHE DOESN'T DESERVE A GIRL LIKE YOU!"
Everyone stopped running. Ranma and Akane halted. Akane's mallet froze in midair.Kuno and the new guy both stopped running.
"You! HOW DARE YOU UTTER SUCH WORDS TO THE FAIR AKANE TENDO! AND HOW DARE YOU RUIN THE REPUTATION OF THE PIGTAILED GODDESS BY ASSOCIATING HER WITH THE CUR RANMA SAOTOME! YOU MISCREANT! AND HOW DARE YOU EVEN SAY THAT THE PIG TAILED GODDESS AND AKANE ARE EVEN INVOLVED _THAT_ WAY?!? YOU SHALL BE PUNISHED!" Kuno cried, whipping his bokken from out of nowhere.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WAIT Tatewaki! I was just saying what they told me! And where's this pigtailed goddess you always are blabbing about?"
"The redheaded Pigtailed-Tree-Borne-Kettle-Goddess." Kuno said and pointed simply.
"HER! RANMA?!?" the new guy asked bewildered. "Then how can she be a slave to herself?"
"What do you mean?" Akane asked.
"Tatewaki said that she was enslaved to that 'cur, Ranma Saotome'." he answered.
"Why do you continually call her the name of that... Ranma Saotome?" Kuno growled out the word.
" MAYBE COZ THAT'S HER NAME?" the new guy said.
"..." Akane stood watching in amazement the two teenagers argue. "Ranma... are you seeing this?" she whispered, as her mallet fizzled out of existence.She received no answer and looked around. "Ranma?" she wasn't there!
**
"A pink triangle on her sleeve,
Let me know the truth"
**
"Time to kill two birds with one stone!" Onna-Ranma yelled from a roof of a nearby building.
"Ranma! Now, come down and explain this all to us!" the new guy yelled.
"Pigtailed Goddess! Come on and tell this fool that you are no Ranma Saotome!"
"Ranma just do something!" Akane yelled.
"I AM!" Ranma yelled. Akane noticed she had two cups in her hands. She stood open-mouthed as Ranma held one over her head.
The water fell out of the cup. Ranma smiled in triumph. "SEE? I _AM_ RANMA SAOTOME!" She yelled as the hot water took it's effect.
Kuno and the new guy stood, shell-shocked. "P-p-pigtailed G-g-g-g goddess IS R-r-ranma Saotome?"
"Ranma's a g-g-g-guy! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
Akane stood, shocked, then she regained her voice. "So now the whole engagement thing makes sense, huh?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kuno and the new guy shouted together. They both burst into tears, and slumped into the ground.
Ranma and Akane walked off together into the sunset. "I can't believe that finally Kuno gets it!"
Ranma nodded.
"Wait, Ranma, what was that whole thing about 'killing two birds with one stone' about?" Akane said and stopped walking.
"This." Ranma said, and pulled Akane into a passionate kiss that lasted about ten minutes. The crying pair in the distance saw this and started bawling even harder.
Hours later, the two got up and drowned their sorrows in sake.
**
"Let me know the truth
Let me know the truth
Let me know the truth..."
**
T-H-E---E-N-D
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(A/N: So how'd you like this little ditty? Very silly and OOC. If anyone can think of a name for our main character, I'm up for suggestions. Anyway, how about some bonus material? YAY!)
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-How They Turned Out-
Ranma and Akane...
Soon after the song ended, Ranma and Akane ran off to Las Vegas to get married. They went on to have billions of little pigtailed, tomboy children, most of whom were horrible cooks. They all grew up to become the best martial artists in the world including all of Japan.
The new guy...
Grew up to draw mangas. Finally got a therapist to help him with his nightmarish, hentai dreams. Lived with Kuno as roommates for years, until he met Kodachi. He and Kodachi, after a brief courtship, went on to be married. Thankfully for the world, no children were produced of that union.
Kuno...
Became a very successful businessman. With much counseling, he finally got over 'pigtailed goddess' and the fair Akane Tendo. He never got over his idiocy though, and set out to find someone who could accept him for him. Shortly after his sister's marriage to his newfound friend ,the new guy, Tatewaki found Nabiki, and with a little bribery she married him and they became Japan's power couple. She even said that she would fall in love with him for free if he apologized to Ranma and Akane. Not wanting to miss out on a once in a lifetime opportunity, he apologized.
The new guy's mom...
After watching her son's development carefully for many years, she was delighted when he finally grew up and moved out. She watched him marry the beautiful, if creepy, Kodachi and stops by every so often to check up on the dynamic duo and to bring by some fish paste cookies (her son's favorite, no wonder he was perverted, look at his upbringing!).
The new guy's dad...
After more 'man talks', he was delighted to see his son straighten up and move out. Partied for weeks after his son's marriage.
@@@@@@@
-Various Omake-
**
The new guy woke up, to his displeasure, to the shining sun, and a new day in his new home, in the Nerima district of Tokyo. He grumbled angrily, for the sun shining through his _stupid_ open window that his _mom_ had opened to wake him up, woke him up. He shouted angrily. "MOM! I was _ASLEEP_! THAT STUPID SUN WOKE ME UP!"
His mother was expecting his yelling, he did it whenever he was scared. "That was the sole purpose, dear." She smiled brightly and turned from the window. "It's so beautiful today! Too bad you won't live to see it."
The new guy gasped, "W-w-whaddya mean?"
"You didn't wash the dishes last night." His mother said as she whipped out her leather belt. "Now you shall pay... WITH YOUR HIDE!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
**
"I can't believe you convinced me to wear this."
"It's probably the only way Kuno won't recognize you. And I went _ALL_ the way for this, so don't even start!"
**
"Actually, I will be, I'm new in town."
"Oh. Well, I'm Akane and this is Ranma. What's your name?"
"It's Hentai."
"Hentai?!?" Ranma asked, "That's your name? You're playing with us right?"
"Was that a pun?" the new guy asked. Ranma could have puked. Akane laughed.
"This is my kind of guy!" She said and jumped into Hentai's arms. "Take me!"
Hentai smiled a lecherous grin and Akane purred. He ran off.
"Hey!" Ranma shouted."Get your own girl!"
**
"Ranma how can you be a- I mean engaged to- I can't believe it, all the hot ones are lesbos."
Ranma said. "But I'm a guy."
"Oh great, now we've got a lesbian and a transvestite!"
"WHAT?!?" Akane and Ranma both burst out at the same time. Akane, mallet in hand, booted the new guy into the stratosphere.
**
"Ranma just do something!" Akane yelled.
"I AM!" Ranma yelled. Akane noticed s he had two cups in her hands. She stood open-mouthed as Ranma held one over her head.
The water fell out of the cup. Ranma smiled in triumph. "SEE? I _AM_ RANMA SAOTOME! Wait." Pause. "DOESN'T ANYONE'S WATER HEATER WORK?"
**
Okay, so it's only five omakes that aren't even really that funny. So what.
::blows raspberry::
What else can I give ya? Wait. I thought of it!
@@@@@@@
-Pink Triangle- The song in it's entirety.
"When I'm stable long enough
I start to look around for love"
"See a sweet and floral print
My mind begins the arrangements"
"But when I start to feel that pull,
Turns out I just pulled myself"
"She would never go with me
Were I the last girl on earth"
"I'm dumb she's a lesbian
I thought I had found the one
We were good as married in my mind
But married in my mind's no good
A pink triangle on her sleeve
Let me know the truth
Let me know the truth"
"Might have smoked a few in my time
But never thought it was a crime
Knew the day would surely come
When I'd chill and settle down"
"When I think I've found a good old fashioned girl
Then she put me in my place"
"Everyone's a little queer
Why can't she be a little straight?"
"I'm dumb she's a lesbian
I thought I had found the one
We were good as married in my mind
But married in my mind's no good
A pink triangle on her sleeve
Let me know the truth
Let me know the truth"
"I'm dumb she's a lesbian
I thought I had found the one
We were good as married in my mind
But married in my mind's no good
A pink triangle on her sleeve
Let me know the truth
Let me know the truth
Let me know the truth"
"A pink triangle on her sleeve
Let me know the truth
Let me know the truth
Let me know the truth"
Once again, I claim no ownership of Ranma 1/2 nor do I claim ownership to this song.
I should be working on Family Ties, Interesting Happenings-Nine Years, Ganni LIVE! Again!, revising Ranma and Akane, or my story that was originally a one shot, Utada. I know all this. So don't go getting the idea in your head to flame me or whatever because I'm starting new stuff when I should be working on my old. I can see your frustration, but GET OVER IT. Thanks. Say G'Night Gracie.
G'Night Gracie.
@@@@@@@
-A Short Tale of Honest Deception-
@@@@@@@
Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma 1/2. The whole franchise is owned by Rumiko Takahashi. In addition to that, neither do I own Weezer's wonderful song, Pink Triangle. What I _do_ own though, is my original character. He has no name, but he is an important part of this fic.
Summary and other Info of Import: I have the song-fic flu it seems. I just can help listening to a song and saying to myself, "Self, this would make a great song-fic!" then bursting out in hysterical, if maniacal, laughter and scaring away all passersby. ::sigh:: I really have no life, as was painfully pointed out to me by my self who bluntly put it, "Self, you have no life." Well. Shall we get back to the fic? As I was saying before I was rudely sidetracked...
Self: ^^;;;;;;; Gomen!
Me: It's all right, it's hard to stay mad at you for too long anyway!
::both engage in a friendly embrace::
::studio audience: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW...::
Sorry 'bout that readers. Anyway, some useful information; this goes like a music video, in case you are wondering. So I will mention fade ins and outs, and guitar solos, etc. But there _is_ dialogue. So, try to imagine a music video.
Finally, here's a guide to my crappy little dividers...
** -separates lyrics from storyline
@@- divides sections (like A/N from story) and also separates POV's
Now, for the fic!
In case you need to be reminded...
-Pink Triangle... A Tale of Honest Deception-
@@@@@@@
The new guy woke up, to his displeasure, to the shining sun, and a new day in his new home, in the Nerima district of Tokyo. He grumbled angrily, for the sun shining through his _stupid_ open window that his _mom_ had opened to wake him up, woke him up. He shouted angrily. "MOM! I was _ASLEEP_! THAT STUPID SUN WOKE ME UP!"
His mother was expecting his yelling, he did it whenever he was scared. "That was the sole purpose, dear." She smiled brightly and turned from the window. "It's a beautiful day to be alive, honey! To go to school, to be young! And you don't want to be late for your first day of classes! I'm so excited for you!"
He grumbled as he struggled out of bed.
"Plus, you looked like you were having a seizure. I wanted to make sure you were still alive and well." She wrung her hands worriedly.
At this, her son smiled lecherously. "Only dreaming, mom."
"It must have been some dream." She shook her head, then smiled once again, if a little pained. She knew what her son's dream had to have been about. He was... a miscreant when it came to the young ladies. In other words, her young son was a tad on the perverted side. She shuddered and left her 16 year old son alone to do... whatever teenage boys did when they were supposed to be getting ready for school. The woman closed her son's door on her way out and called to her husband.
"Koji, I think you need to have another 'man talk' with your son!"
...
As the new kid walked to Furinkan, his new school, the song started...
**
"When I'm stable long enough
I start to look around for love"
**
Oblivious to the music, he grumbled to himself, "Why'd we have to move here anyway? Everyone warned us not to. They all talked of all the stuff that goes on here! The crazed martial artists! The panty thieves!" He recapitulated and smiled. "Actually, I could get into that... but are there even any cute girls here?" Just then, two girls ran out in front of him, cutting off his train of thought...
**
"See a sweet and floral print
My mind begins the arrangements"
**
"We better not be late because of this!" Akane shouted.
"I just need some hot water, I'll be right back." Onna-Ranma said, as she walked into Dr. Tofu's office.
"Dr. Tofu? You here?" She called.
"Ranma!"
"AHHHHHHHH!" Ranma heard his (or maybe her) name and jumped. She wasn't expecting that.
"Oh, sorry to give you a start. So how can I help you?" Tofu asked pleasantly.
"Well..." Ranma-chan gestured showing her obvious dilemma.
"Oh, well..." Tofu said embarrassed and put his hand on the back of his head. "Well, Ranma,extremely sorry, but... there's no hot water. The heater is in need of repair, but until the repairman comes... I can't help you."
Ranma's eyes grew wide as saucers when the news finally hit him.
"N-n-no hot water?"
"Sorry, but it sure looks that way."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
...
"I can't believe you convinced me to wear this."
"It's probably the only way Kuno won't recognize you. And I went _ALL_ the way back home for this, so don't even start!"
"But, it's-" Ranma was shut up by a warning look for Akane. They were both running to school, after having run home to get a disguise for Ranma.
"But a dress!" Ranma persisted.
"It was floral print or nothing, Ranma. And that hat actually looks good on you."
Ranma growled. The pair ran so quickly, they didn't notice a young man walking. They cut him off.
"Soorrry!" Akane yelled.
"Wait!" the boy called.
@@@@@@@
"WAIT!" the new guy called. He had just seen the cutest girl in the world. She was wearing a frumpy dress and big hat, though, but they did nothing to hide her figure, nice hips and big bo- The new guy's head jerked back as a spurt of blood streamed out his nose, in Ryoga-esque fashion.
"Akane, ya clumsy tomboy, you must have hit him or somethin'!" The redhead said.
"Ranma no baka! You must have hit him! I wasn't even on his side!" Akane yelled.
Ranma, so that was her name. Interesting name for a girl... but to the new guy, names didn't really matter. She was hot!
"Listen, girls, it's alright." He said, in the midst of their arguing.
"Wait, do you go to Furinkan?" Akane asked noticing his uniform.
"Actually, I will be, I'm new in town."
"Oh. Well, I'm Akane and this is Ranma. What's your name?" The new guy opened his mouth to answer and just then an ambulance drove by, sirens screaming at full force muffling his voice and making it impossible for us to hear.
"Oh, that's a nice name." Akane said. Ranma just mumbled a response.
"Well, I really don't know where anything is." the new guy said, smiling lecherously. "Ranma, do you think you could be my guide?"
Ranma looked at this new guy in alarm. "It's actually pretty easy, you'll be fine by yourself."
"Can't we just enjoy each other's company?"
Ranma sighed. "Listen, man, I'm engaged."
The new guy gasped in disbelief. "To who? I'll beat him to a bloody pulp in Mortal Kombat if he dares to challenge me!"
Ranma sighed again. "I'm engaged to her." She said,pointing at Akane.
**
"But when I start to feel that pull,
Turns out I just pulled myself"
**
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"A bloody pulp?" Akane asked, eyebrow twitching, and an enormous hammer slowly materializing.
**
"She would never go with me
Were I the last girl on earth"
**
"Ranma how can you be a- I mean engaged to- I can't believe it, all the hot ones are lesbos."
"WHAT?!?" Akane and Ranma both burst out at the same time. Akane, mallet in hand, booted the new guy into the stratosphere.
**
"I'm dumb she's a lesbian
I thought I had found the one
We were good as married in my mind
But married in my mind's no good
A pink triangle on her sleeve
Let me know the truth
Let me know the truth"
**
"Might have smoked a few in my time
But never thought it was a crime
Knew the day would surely come
When I'd chill and settle down"
**
The new guy started on his way home, looking dejectedly at his feet.
"I can't believe it." He shook his head sadly. "I wish I could see her again."
Just then, a blur of floral print ran past him.
"Dreams do come true!" He said, smiled lecherously to himself and ran after the fast moving girl.
**
"When I think I've found a good old fashioned girl
Then she put me in my place"
**
"STOP RANMA STOP!" Ranma heard yelling behind her. Where've I heard that voice before? She thought to herself. She stopped running. She waited for the boy behind her to catch up.
"-pant, pant- Wow, you run -pant, pant- pretty -pant- fast!" The boy said between pants, with his hands on his knees.
"Well, you're pretty out of shape. Not a martial artist are ya?"
"No, -pant- and you are?" The new guy asked.
"Yes, in fact I am."
"Martial artist chicks are hot."
Ranma gave the new guy a warning look. "Remember, I'm engaged to-"
**
"Everyone's a little queer
Why can't she be a little straight?"
**
"Akane." Ranma finished,and started looking around worriedly. " Wait, did anyone just hear that music?"
"No." the new guy said, oblivious. "Are you sure you aren't kidding me about this? Or is this just a phase or something?"
"No, I'm engaged to Akane."
"I find the hottest chick in Nerima and she's a lesbo..."
"I AM NOT!" Ranma yelled.
**
"I'm dumb she's a lesbian
I thought I had found the one
We were good as married in my mind
But married in my mind's no good
A pink triangle on her sleeve
Let me know the truth
Let me know the truth"
**
"Then explain your ENGAGEMENT TO ANOTHER GIRL!"
Ranma shuffled his feet for a second, not wanting to tell this kid his little 'problem' yet. "Ummmmmmmm..."
"Wait, maybe this is good in the long run for me!" The new guy said, grinning lecherously, as he does noticeably often.
"Wait.... Whaddya mean?" asked Ranma, backing up warily.
The boy stared off into space, wide eyed and smiling pervertedly yet again. Every once in a while, he'd giggle. Finally, his head jerked back and a stream of blood came pouring out of his nose in Ryoga-esque fashion.
Ranma slugged the guy across the jaw.
"What the- WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" the new guy yelled.
"YA PERVERT!" Ranma yelled back, mad as ever, in a noticeably Akane moment.
The boy just laughed. "What were you running for anyway?"
Ranma froze. She seemed to be looking through the boy. Then she turned tail and ran again, just as the guitar solo was starting up.
"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Where's that music coming from?" she asked, running.
**
"I'm dumb she's a lesbian
I thought I had found the one
We were good as married in my mind
But married in my mind's no good
A pink triangle on her sleeve
Let me know the truth
Let me know the truth"
**
"Akane I didn't do nothin'!" Ranma yelled running.
The blur that was Akane carrying her mallet zoomed by and was followed by the blur that was Kuno. Almost.
The new guy stuck out his foot. Kuno, in his haste, didn't notice the foot. Not surprising.
"WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE?" The new guy yelled jumping up and down and throwing a major tantrum.
Kuno got up and brushed himself off.
"I was chasing the fair Akane Tendo and the pig-tailed goddess who is currently enslaved by Ranma. I will soon bring an end to her entrapment and make her mine. I was also hoping to bestow these gifts upon the two." Kuno said,revealing the previously concealed roses and stuffed animals. The new guy processed this information.
"So..." he said, pausing. " There's Akane Tendo, Ranma, AND a pig tailed goddess on the loose?!? I don't think I've seen the pigtailed chick, you're talkin' 'bout. But you said she's enslaved by RANMA?!?"
Kuno nodded solemnly. The new guy grinned that lecherous grin of his, and stared off into space again. Every once in awhile he'd giggle and then, finally, a spurt of blood came streaming out of his nostrils.
"So I take it you see where I'm coming from."
The new guy smiled and nodded lecherously. "LET'S GO!" And so the two teens bounded off.
**
"I'm dumb she's a lesbian
I thought I had found the one"
**
Ranma ran from Akane. She was wielding her mallet and making sure he knew it too, screaming out every once in a while, "RAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNMMMMMMMMA!" which was promptly followed by a whacking of her mallet on the pavement, and more than a few stares.
"AKANE! IT'S NOT MY FAULT!"
"LIAR!" she screamed and again with the 'wham' 'WHam' WHAM!'.
"WHAT'd I DO?" the redhead yelled.
"YOU MADE THE NEW KID THINK I'M A LESBIAN!"
"NO I-" WHAM! "DIDN'T AKANE!"
"LIES!!!!!" Akane yelled and drove her mallet into the pavement. Sending super powerful signals to all the earthquake detection centers in the area, driving all nearby earthworms out of the earth, and knocking all the old women off their feet.
Kuno and the new guy were running in the general direction of Akane and Ranma.
"Hey, dude, I think we're lost." said the new guy to Kuno, he stopped, panting. Kuno halted too.
"Dude? How quaint. I am Tatewaki Kuno, the Raging Samurai of Furinkan High School." said Kuno of himself, creating a new nickname in the process.
"Raging Samurai, I think we're lost." the new guy said. Just then, the ground buckled. "What the?"
Kuno looked off to the horizon. A flock of birds were flying away in fear. "You see those birds fleeing?"
"Yeah, and?"
"That is where Akane is."
"Whatever. I don't think so." the new guy said.
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAA!" they both heard in the distance.
"You have so much to learn." Kuno said and they started off again.
**
"We were good as married in my mind
But married in my mind's no good"
**
"There they are!" The new guy pointed. The pair had just caught up with Ranma and Akane. Ranma was still running from Akane, who was trying in earnest to make Ranma into a human pancake.
"-Wham!- -WHam!- -WHAM!!!-" She pounded the mallet, barely missing Ranma each time by a hair's breadth.
"AKANE! STOP! I never-WHAM!- tried -WHAM!- To make him think that way! -WHAM! WHAM!-" Ranma yelled while running. "You get SO -WHAM!- ANGRY over THINGS and don't EVEN -WHAM!- know the truth!"
"THEN STOP RUNNING AND EXPLAIN THINGS TO ME!" She cried.
Kuno couldn't bear to watch his two favorite girls go at it, even though he was enjoying the view. The new guy, on the other hand, was ecstatic.
"YOU GO RANMA! SHOW HER WHO'S BOSS!" He cried jumping up and down excitedly. "TELL YOUR FIANCEE OFF! SHE DOESN'T DESERVE A GIRL LIKE YOU!"
Everyone stopped running. Ranma and Akane halted. Akane's mallet froze in midair.Kuno and the new guy both stopped running.
"You! HOW DARE YOU UTTER SUCH WORDS TO THE FAIR AKANE TENDO! AND HOW DARE YOU RUIN THE REPUTATION OF THE PIGTAILED GODDESS BY ASSOCIATING HER WITH THE CUR RANMA SAOTOME! YOU MISCREANT! AND HOW DARE YOU EVEN SAY THAT THE PIG TAILED GODDESS AND AKANE ARE EVEN INVOLVED _THAT_ WAY?!? YOU SHALL BE PUNISHED!" Kuno cried, whipping his bokken from out of nowhere.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WAIT Tatewaki! I was just saying what they told me! And where's this pigtailed goddess you always are blabbing about?"
"The redheaded Pigtailed-Tree-Borne-Kettle-Goddess." Kuno said and pointed simply.
"HER! RANMA?!?" the new guy asked bewildered. "Then how can she be a slave to herself?"
"What do you mean?" Akane asked.
"Tatewaki said that she was enslaved to that 'cur, Ranma Saotome'." he answered.
"Why do you continually call her the name of that... Ranma Saotome?" Kuno growled out the word.
" MAYBE COZ THAT'S HER NAME?" the new guy said.
"..." Akane stood watching in amazement the two teenagers argue. "Ranma... are you seeing this?" she whispered, as her mallet fizzled out of existence.She received no answer and looked around. "Ranma?" she wasn't there!
**
"A pink triangle on her sleeve,
Let me know the truth"
**
"Time to kill two birds with one stone!" Onna-Ranma yelled from a roof of a nearby building.
"Ranma! Now, come down and explain this all to us!" the new guy yelled.
"Pigtailed Goddess! Come on and tell this fool that you are no Ranma Saotome!"
"Ranma just do something!" Akane yelled.
"I AM!" Ranma yelled. Akane noticed she had two cups in her hands. She stood open-mouthed as Ranma held one over her head.
The water fell out of the cup. Ranma smiled in triumph. "SEE? I _AM_ RANMA SAOTOME!" She yelled as the hot water took it's effect.
Kuno and the new guy stood, shell-shocked. "P-p-pigtailed G-g-g-g goddess IS R-r-ranma Saotome?"
"Ranma's a g-g-g-guy! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
Akane stood, shocked, then she regained her voice. "So now the whole engagement thing makes sense, huh?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kuno and the new guy shouted together. They both burst into tears, and slumped into the ground.
Ranma and Akane walked off together into the sunset. "I can't believe that finally Kuno gets it!"
Ranma nodded.
"Wait, Ranma, what was that whole thing about 'killing two birds with one stone' about?" Akane said and stopped walking.
"This." Ranma said, and pulled Akane into a passionate kiss that lasted about ten minutes. The crying pair in the distance saw this and started bawling even harder.
Hours later, the two got up and drowned their sorrows in sake.
**
"Let me know the truth
Let me know the truth
Let me know the truth..."
**
T-H-E---E-N-D
@@@@@@@
(A/N: So how'd you like this little ditty? Very silly and OOC. If anyone can think of a name for our main character, I'm up for suggestions. Anyway, how about some bonus material? YAY!)
@@@@@@@
-How They Turned Out-
Ranma and Akane...
Soon after the song ended, Ranma and Akane ran off to Las Vegas to get married. They went on to have billions of little pigtailed, tomboy children, most of whom were horrible cooks. They all grew up to become the best martial artists in the world including all of Japan.
The new guy...
Grew up to draw mangas. Finally got a therapist to help him with his nightmarish, hentai dreams. Lived with Kuno as roommates for years, until he met Kodachi. He and Kodachi, after a brief courtship, went on to be married. Thankfully for the world, no children were produced of that union.
Kuno...
Became a very successful businessman. With much counseling, he finally got over 'pigtailed goddess' and the fair Akane Tendo. He never got over his idiocy though, and set out to find someone who could accept him for him. Shortly after his sister's marriage to his newfound friend ,the new guy, Tatewaki found Nabiki, and with a little bribery she married him and they became Japan's power couple. She even said that she would fall in love with him for free if he apologized to Ranma and Akane. Not wanting to miss out on a once in a lifetime opportunity, he apologized.
The new guy's mom...
After watching her son's development carefully for many years, she was delighted when he finally grew up and moved out. She watched him marry the beautiful, if creepy, Kodachi and stops by every so often to check up on the dynamic duo and to bring by some fish paste cookies (her son's favorite, no wonder he was perverted, look at his upbringing!).
The new guy's dad...
After more 'man talks', he was delighted to see his son straighten up and move out. Partied for weeks after his son's marriage.
@@@@@@@
-Various Omake-
**
The new guy woke up, to his displeasure, to the shining sun, and a new day in his new home, in the Nerima district of Tokyo. He grumbled angrily, for the sun shining through his _stupid_ open window that his _mom_ had opened to wake him up, woke him up. He shouted angrily. "MOM! I was _ASLEEP_! THAT STUPID SUN WOKE ME UP!"
His mother was expecting his yelling, he did it whenever he was scared. "That was the sole purpose, dear." She smiled brightly and turned from the window. "It's so beautiful today! Too bad you won't live to see it."
The new guy gasped, "W-w-whaddya mean?"
"You didn't wash the dishes last night." His mother said as she whipped out her leather belt. "Now you shall pay... WITH YOUR HIDE!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
**
"I can't believe you convinced me to wear this."
"It's probably the only way Kuno won't recognize you. And I went _ALL_ the way for this, so don't even start!"
**
"Actually, I will be, I'm new in town."
"Oh. Well, I'm Akane and this is Ranma. What's your name?"
"It's Hentai."
"Hentai?!?" Ranma asked, "That's your name? You're playing with us right?"
"Was that a pun?" the new guy asked. Ranma could have puked. Akane laughed.
"This is my kind of guy!" She said and jumped into Hentai's arms. "Take me!"
Hentai smiled a lecherous grin and Akane purred. He ran off.
"Hey!" Ranma shouted."Get your own girl!"
**
"Ranma how can you be a- I mean engaged to- I can't believe it, all the hot ones are lesbos."
Ranma said. "But I'm a guy."
"Oh great, now we've got a lesbian and a transvestite!"
"WHAT?!?" Akane and Ranma both burst out at the same time. Akane, mallet in hand, booted the new guy into the stratosphere.
**
"Ranma just do something!" Akane yelled.
"I AM!" Ranma yelled. Akane noticed s he had two cups in her hands. She stood open-mouthed as Ranma held one over her head.
The water fell out of the cup. Ranma smiled in triumph. "SEE? I _AM_ RANMA SAOTOME! Wait." Pause. "DOESN'T ANYONE'S WATER HEATER WORK?"
**
Okay, so it's only five omakes that aren't even really that funny. So what.
::blows raspberry::
What else can I give ya? Wait. I thought of it!
@@@@@@@
-Pink Triangle- The song in it's entirety.
"When I'm stable long enough
I start to look around for love"
"See a sweet and floral print
My mind begins the arrangements"
"But when I start to feel that pull,
Turns out I just pulled myself"
"She would never go with me
Were I the last girl on earth"
"I'm dumb she's a lesbian
I thought I had found the one
We were good as married in my mind
But married in my mind's no good
A pink triangle on her sleeve
Let me know the truth
Let me know the truth"
"Might have smoked a few in my time
But never thought it was a crime
Knew the day would surely come
When I'd chill and settle down"
"When I think I've found a good old fashioned girl
Then she put me in my place"
"Everyone's a little queer
Why can't she be a little straight?"
"I'm dumb she's a lesbian
I thought I had found the one
We were good as married in my mind
But married in my mind's no good
A pink triangle on her sleeve
Let me know the truth
Let me know the truth"
"I'm dumb she's a lesbian
I thought I had found the one
We were good as married in my mind
But married in my mind's no good
A pink triangle on her sleeve
Let me know the truth
Let me know the truth
Let me know the truth"
"A pink triangle on her sleeve
Let me know the truth
Let me know the truth
Let me know the truth"
Once again, I claim no ownership of Ranma 1/2 nor do I claim ownership to this song.
I should be working on Family Ties, Interesting Happenings-Nine Years, Ganni LIVE! Again!, revising Ranma and Akane, or my story that was originally a one shot, Utada. I know all this. So don't go getting the idea in your head to flame me or whatever because I'm starting new stuff when I should be working on my old. I can see your frustration, but GET OVER IT. Thanks. Say G'Night Gracie.
G'Night Gracie.