Once upon a time, in the suburban town of Hyrule...
Link was prancing along the high way with his sword held high as if he owned the motherfuckin place when he met Zelda. "I love you, alternate clone of me in drag!" He exclaimed ad they started making out. All of a sudden, Knuckles(Sonic the Hedgehog) ran them over and spit on there graves like "What what?!". All of a sudden, Link came back to life and they had the tightest battle and Link tottally cut Knuckles eye out, but then Ganandogrf camer in and they all fell in love. "I luvz you, foul beast from the netherlands!" Link said and Knuckles left cuz he isn't gay like those jerks and exploded but came back to life just to kill Amy Whinehouse, who was discovered in her house smokin mad crack yo, and Knuck les tottall busted that biatch's cap and Link yelled some crap. "NOOO!!! SHE's MY FAVORITE MUSICIAN!" And then Ganandorf agreed. "Like, yeah! She may be a brutal, haggish whore and drug abbuser, but she rules!" And then everyone from all other games camed and re-murdered them. They never came back, except for when the time was right, like when there wasn't much rush hour re comoing to life traffick.
Act II
Everyone expoldd, and the devil was actually god in disquise.