Note: There are three things that I want to say before you read this. 1. I do not own the DMC game or any of it characters. 2. Kain and Zero and two characters that I made up for another a DMC story that I am writing so I do own them and just them. 3. This is a comedy so there will be Dante bashing for those who like Dante. I like him to and that is why I came up with this. Too those who don't like what your about to read I have one thing to say "I don't care. All you have to do is leave a comment stating that you read the story, that's what make me happy.
Dante's weakness
Kain: Now we all know of the "Legendary Demon slayer" Dante Sparda right?
How he is this outgoing, super cool, bad ass, ass kicking, ignorant, and pretty much fearless person.
But I believe that even Dante has a weakness or something. And just yesterday I found out what that was.
A random man walked into a alleyway where off to the back it was what looked like a building with the words "Devil May Cry" in big bright neon red letters on it.
The man stepped into the shop and looked around, the room wasn't that big. There was a ceiling fan, a pool table, a drum set, and a small couch next to the wall. Low metal was playing in the background from a jukebox in the corner of the room. In the middle of the room was a desk, sitting at the desk was a white haired man wearing a big red jacket. The man was looking at what looked like a nudy magazine. The man was so engrossed in the magazine that he didn't look up at the man.
The man: Um excuse me sir?
Dante: Look pal, if you're a customer I'm a little busy right now. If not, the bathroom's in the back."
The man: Cool. Thanks man.
The man walked towards the back to the bathroom. After about a minute the sound of a flushing toilet and the sound of running water from the sink is heard. The bathroom door opens and the man walks out and heads for the door then stopped.
The man: Thanks man that was a relief. Oh you're out of toilet paper.
Dante: whatever dude.
The man walked out of the shop and left. After about ten minutes something clicked in Dante's head.
Dante: Huh? That's strange? No devils are rushing at me. Nothing breaking, I'm not getting shot at or stab. No "Are you Dante, son of the "Legendary Dark Knight"? A dude walks into my shop on a night like today then leaves back out and nothing happens? Something's not right with this picture? It must not be anything?
Dante shrugged off the thought then went back to looking at his magazine. Every 5 minutes or so Dante would look up from his magazine too see if anything would happen, holding Ebony tightly in his left hand under the desk.
After about 30 minutes Dante noticed the silhouette of a man walking up to the door of the shop.
Dante: Show Time!
Dante jumped from the chair he was sitting in and ran over to the door; Ebony in one hand, Ivory in the other.
Dante: Come through that door if you want to. But I can't guarantee you won't be pumped full of lead when you do.
The man: uh? Is this the "Devil May Cry" shop where a Mr. Dante lives?
Dante: who wants to know?
In an instant the door flew open and Dante pointed Ebony & Ivory right at the figure of the man and was about to fire until he noticed a big flat squared box with a picture of a pizza on it, and the man wearing a red "Pizza Hut" shirt and hat.
Pizza Guy: Uh….. Pizza delivery sir?
Dante: huh? Oh right. Sorry about that dude. Thanks. Put this on my tab. Now you should go, things might start to get (crazy) around here. That's if my guess is right.
Dante put one of his guns away, grabbed the pizza from the pizza guy and closed the door in his face. Then he walked back to his desk, sat down and started eating a slice of pizza with his free hand while still holding onto a gun with his other.
Again. After every five minutes or so he would look around to see if anything would happen. At one point he thought he got lucky because he heard something hit the window of his shop. He pointed his gun at the window and the door and waited but to his dismay nothing happened. So he just went back to eating his pizza silently.
Dante: Damn!
Rudra: Look brother, Master Dante is show showing signs of paranoia.
Agni: Brother? What's paranoia?
Rudra: well bother parano----
The red sword was cut off by Dante who had shot in their direction making their heads knock together stopping their talking.
Dante: Shut up! I'm not paranoid, and what have I told you? "No Talking!"
The red and blue scimitars went silent, and Dante went back to eating his pizza in silence. After about a full hour went by Dante's full paranoia kicked in.
Dante: I can't take this!! (Dante jumped out of his seat and started shooting at the door and windows in hopes that something would come out and attack him but still nothing was there. Dante stood up then walked over to the……… uh oh!
Dante: Kain! What the hell are you doing?!
Kain: Dante hey, what's up? I was just uh…. tellin a little story to the fans about how great you are.
Dante: oh really? Sounds to me like you were talkin about me, you know… making me a paranoid dumb ass, that's what I'm hearin. (Dante pointed one of his guns at the narrator.)
Kain: yeah right. You cant kill me, I'm a devil to remember? A full-blooded one at that.
Dante: yeah and I'm devil hunter who's kill countless number of strong full-blooded devil like you all the time. Remember?
Zero: Dumbass.
Narrator: well readers it looks like I'm about to die now so I would to thank you all for reading but I got to run….fast!
Kain took off in a mad spint out the door of "Devil May Cry " with Dante right behind him shooting.
Dante: Get back here!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dante's weakness
end