Where I Stood, a nanny fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own any part or character of The Nanny…but I will never give up hope…nor do I own any part of the Missy Higgins song 'Where I Stood'.

A/N: my dearest friend challenged me to do this song fic…so I did. Let me know what you think – D

To my friend: You know who you are…thanks again for being my friend. You are a woman among women and a friend among friends. You will never truly know how much you mean to me. Je t'aime - D

"Where I Stood"

The backers meeting had gone brilliantly well, CC had more to be proud of and happy about than she had in a long time. But, CC wasn't proud, and she most certainly wasn't happy. Her eyes couldn't focus on the dollar signs like they usually did. Tonight, they were filled with the vision of Niles at the bar, chatting with Miranda Carlyle, the younger, paycheck to paycheck, waitress with pretty red hair and flirtatious manner. But CC had no business feeling jealous, she turned him away and refused him at every turn.

I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none.

CC couldn't deny her attraction to Niles, it had always been there, but how could it ever really work between them. Babcock's don't mix with domestics. Her mother's voice played in her head. He can't give you what you need and someday he'll resent you for it. Run, CC, Run. She heard her own voice repeat like a mantra. Though it was usually through tears, she usually agreed.

There were sounds in my head
Little voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening.

CC stood and the door and nodded occasionally at the ramblings of Phillip Fremont. He was the kind of man CC was supposed to be with. Phillip was tall, suave, handsome and ridiculously wealthy. He liked to hear himself talk and showered CC with praise and complements. She never quite knew what to make of him, and didn't like herself in his presence. CC Babcock didn't 'do' complements. No one was ever really, genuinely nice to her. There was always some ulterior motive for being nice, they needed her money, they wanted her body, or they had to keep their job. Everyone except Niles, he was the only person who CC was confident, never pulled any punches. So, when Niles did offer a complement, however rare and fleeting, she always believed him. But there he was, her Niles, well, Niles anyway; standing at the bar, flirting with that same redhead, Miranda, from the backer's party nearly six months ago. Maybe it's good he's moved on.

'Cos I don't know who I am, who I am without you,
All I know is that I should.
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you,
All I know is that I should.
'Cos she will love you more than I could,
She who dares to stand where I stood.

CC found herself in a bit of a funk. She had odd feelings of love and hate, desire and repulsion, caring and indifference. Niles and Miranda where seeing each other pretty frequently and she found herself happy for him, but sad for herself. Not that she'd lost him exactly; she'd never really had him. But he was still there at every turn, tossing an insult, playing a prank, testing her resolve against him.

See I thought love was black and white,
That it was wrong or it was right.
But you ain't leaving without a fight,
And I think I am just as torn inside.

CC got to the mansion and was greeted at the door by Nanny Fine. "Where's, Hazel?" She tossed as she hung up her coat.

"Oh, he took a long weekend, going away for a while." Nanny Fine waggled her eyebrows, making her implication obvious.

CC was admittedly taken back, but caught herself quickly. "Well, good for him."

"I hope so," Fran said quietly as CC made her way into the office.

Max was waiting with his hands on his hips and frustration on his face. "Nice of you to drag yourself in, CC." Max tossed chiding her for her usual tardiness.

"Oh, shut up, Max." CC barked and dropped onto the little green sofa. "You do your bit and I'll do mine. And everything will be just like always." She heard those last few words repeat over in her head. …everything will be just like always… CC sighed and whispered, "I hope."

So, it was New Year's Eve and Max had planned the big affair to introduce the theatre world to Fran officially. CC attended, of course. Max insisted. He kept telling her she was family and not just his business partner. One time she wanted to be more, or so she thought, good on paper, great as a business team, but romantically incompatible. Max needs a doting wife, someone to pamper him that wasn't CC and she knew it. No, she needs to feel excited, challenged, she needs heat, and passion, not just companionship and love, but those too. Niles and Miranda danced slowly past her then and she watched remembering a time when it would be her in his arms, moving as one with him around the floor. "You'll always have my heart." She whispered to no one.

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call,
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all.
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you,
This is what I have to do.

"Miss Babcock? May I have this dance?" Niles asked her as the clock neared mid-night.

CC glanced at her watch and the thought crossed her mind. What if the clock chimes and I'm still in his arms. Will his kiss me…what would that mean? What about…her? "Uhm…where's Miranda?"

"Ladies room. Thought I'd slum it for a bit? Are you game?" Niles smirked, but the twinkle in his eye told her he wanted to dance with her as much as she wanted him to.

CC took his offered hand. "Ok, let's see what ya got, Butler Boy." Niles pulled CC into his arms. She couldn't help but sigh softly and hope he didn't notice. She had an odd feeling in the pit of her stomach. Not repulsion as she always told herself, not that lust and passion she felt the night in the den when they shared that burning kiss. It wasn't the silly flip of a girl in love or those butterflies that you get in the blush of new a romance. No, this was a completely different feeling altogether. This was a feeling that had escaped CC Babcock for more years than she could recall. This feeling told CC a different story. Different than the story her mother used to tell. Different than the story her friends used to tell. This feeling told CC the story only she could tell. CC Babcock was finally home.

"You're still as good a dancer as I remember, Niles." CC confessed.

Niles looked at her sideways. "Who are you and what have you done with my Babcock?"

"Don't be silly, Niles." CC felt practically giddy floating around the floor in his arms repeating those words over and over, my Babcock… Hoping she could burn the sound into her ears, the feeling into her heart and the memory into her brain. But, all good things come to an end. As the countdown started…

10, 9…

"Niles!" Her voice called over the din. CC caught the sight of Miranda approaching through the crowd.

8, 7…

"I found you!" Miranda fawned a little too much for Niles' taste.

Niles did his best not to sigh. "Yes, it would seem so."

6, 5…

"I've been searching for you for the last two songs…it's almost mid-night!" Miranda rested her hand on his lapel and stepped between him and CC. "I know the night wasn't all I hoped for, Niles, but it's still a tradition to kiss the lady you love at mid-night."

4, 3…

Niles looked over Miranda's shoulder at CC and couldn't help but see the glistening of her eyes. "Miranda, I thought I explained…" Niles' gaze shifted to his date, but not completely enough to miss CC turning and bolting from the hall.

When CC got back to her apartment it was dark and cold and as lonely as it had ever felt. "Why didn't I stay? Why didn't I tell him?" CC shook her head at herself. "No, he's with Miranda, and he's relatively happy, I mean…at least he seems to be. She'll be devoted to him, dote on him. Miranda is just like Nanny Fine, she'll take care of him, shower him with affection. That's what he deserves, that's what he needs. CC sighed and made her way back into her bedroom to change into her pajamas.

She emerged in her lovely peach silk set and sat down on her sofa with a glass of juice and her book. "Yes, she's just right for Niles." CC smiled, sadly at the idea that someone else was right for Niles. Then she recalled her thoughts from earlier in the evening.

Max needs a doting wife, someone to pamper him that wasn't CC and she knew it. No, she needs to feel excited, challenged, she needed heat, passion, not just companionship and love, but those too.

"Oh my God!" CC shot up from her sofa. "I was wrong!" CC was heading down the hall to her bedroom, words, plans, decisions pouring from her mouth with little connection as she paced about trying to determine what to do first. "Change, I should change. No, it's late, that's not good, they'll be gone, no point…maybe I should just wait…" Her ramblings were interrupted when her doorbell rang. "Oh great, it's the guy from downstairs, drunk and at the wrong door again." CC sighed and headed back into her living room. When she opened the door, she got the shock of her life. "Niles?"

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you,
All I know is that I should.
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you,
All I know is that I should.
'Cos she will love you more than I could,
She who dares to stand where I stood.
Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood.

Niles looked like he'd been run through the ringer, twice. "May I come in, please?"

"Uhm…sure." CC moved to give him entrance. Niles barely stepped into her apartment before he stopped. "Niles, go…sit down, you don't have to stand here by the…"

Niles grabbed her the moment he heard the door lock engage and kissed her like he was headed off to war. Shocked at first CC was slightly stiff in his arms, but soon melted into his embrace. Her hands found his face, cold from the night air he walked in to get to her. His arms held her as though he thought she'd disappear. The kiss was hot, and passionate and overflowing with need, want and desire. But beneath it all, there was a firm and solid sense of love. As the need breathe forced them apart, CC touched her forehead to his. "What happened to Miranda?"

"She couldn't fill the vacancy." Niles whispered and tired to catch his breath.

CC frowned a bit confused and hoped her tears wouldn't fall. "What vacancy?"

Niles pulled back a bit. "The one you left," he placed his hand over his heart. "In here."