The song is by Linkin Park and it really made me think of Naruto and Sasuke. I wanted to add in Sasuke also, but I couldn't think of a way. As for the routine, I do not own Naruto nor In Between nor Linkin Park and this is rated T for language. Enjoy^^!
I sat on my bed, hugging my knees and letting the tears flow out of my eyes. I know I was sitting there for a long time, but I think I forgot the reason why I was crying in the first place.
A vision of a man with his raven-hair spiked up in the back reminded me. It was because of Sasuke. That's why I was crying. Because of that bastard.
Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say
But trying to be genuine was harder then it seemed
And somehow I got caught up inbetween
Why was I crying over him? He came back months ago and he's back in Team Kakashi. After a couple months of house arrest, he became a ninja of Konoha again and everyone was so happy to have him back. Everything went back to normal. . . at least, in everyone else's worlds. Me? It was far from normal for me. Even with that bastard back, I felt something was different. Something so wrong, yet so right.
We went back to our regular routine as if he didn't go away for three years. He does something better then me, I complain, he insults me, I'm offended and insult back, and we fight like we're playing tennis, throwing snide remarks one after the other with the people around us looking back and forth from us. It was fine at first, but then he insults me more and now, it just hurts. It hurts everytime he insults me, it hurts everytime he ignores me, it hurts everytime he glares at me, and it even hurts when he gives me that patented Uchiha smirk. I bury those feelings deep inside, hoping that they would go away, but then when I'm alone in my apartment, I cry. That stupid bastard. He's going to fucking pay for making me cry like this.
Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say
But trying to be someone else was harder then it seemed
And somehow I got caught up inbetween
I knew my feelings for Sasuke were changing and it didn't take me long to figure out that I loved him more then a friend should. People really think that I'm an idiot, but I do notice things and I'm smart enough to know that I'm falling for my best friend.
When I realized the shocking truth, I seemed to have changed. My friends kept on asking me if something was wrong because I was so quiet. But of course, since I didn't want them to worry, I just smile and say I'm fine. I know that they were skeptical, but they didn't say anything else about it. And also, whenever Sasuke insults me, I just do nothing because it hurts me so much. It became hard for me just to look at him without feeling my heart race. I try to be myself, but this secret is too much for me to bear. So much, that after every mission I have with Sasuke, I say nothing and go straight home to cry again.
Between my pride and my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
The things I wanna say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worst than one is none
I want to tell him, but I'm afraid of what he'll say. Maybe he'll think that I'm disgusting because I'm a guy who likes a guy. There's no way in hell that I'm gay, I'm not attracted to men in any way whatsoever, but when it comes to Sasuke my heart flutters and my cheeks go red and my knees feel like it would give way any minute and my palms get sweaty and I can't think of anyone else but him and. . . gah! I don't want this! Stop haunting me Sasuke you fucking bastard!
Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say
But trying to regain your trust was harder then it seemed
And somehow I got caught up inbetween
That's it! I don't care any more! If I don't tell Sasuke soon, I'm going to kill myself! It's bad enough that I get beaten up by villagers and have the Akatsuki chasing after my ass, and now I have to deal with these feelings. Crying my eyes out won't get me anywhere! If Sasuke rejects me, then I can still kill myself. Save everyone the trouble and at least the Akatsuki won't get Kyuubi.
Tomorrow. . . I am going to confront Sasuke and tell him how I feel. Whether he kisses me or disses me, it'll be one way or the other. . .
Between my pride and my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
The things I wanna say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worst than one is none
I'm standing in front of Sasuke. Sakura and Kakashi are nowhere in sight because I asked him if we could talk privately. My hands are shaking along with my knees and the beating of my heart. I look at Sasuke. How handsome he looked standing there with his hands in his pockets. His silky raven-black hair that naturally stuck up in the back, defying gravity, his ivory skin like porcelain, so smooth to touch, his pair of onyx eyes like pieces of coal that can show so many emotions yet none at all, and his lithe form that makes my own body shudder.
How I hate it and love it at the same time. I hate him and love him. I'm so confused.
The only thing that's worst than one is none
"So dobe, what did you want to talk about?" he asks and my heart instantly began to beat harder against my chest.
"Well. . . I. . . You see. . . I - "
I could barely get the words out of my mouth. I began to fidget, shifting my weight on each foot and playing with the hem of my shirt. I couldn't even look at Sasuke, afraid of seeing the disgust when I tell him.
And I can not explain to you
In anything I say or do or plan
Fear is not afraid of you
But guilt's a language you can understand
"What's wrong?" I hear Sasuke say but that only made me jump and I grew even more nervous.
"S-S-Sasuke. . ." I said but the words get caught in my throat yet again. Is it this hard to confess your love for someone? I used to do it all the time to Sakura, but she's been more like a sister to me now. I think I was just fooling myself all those years, believing that I loved her but I was actually in love with the bastard standing in front of me.
I felt a hand on my chin and it lifted my head up, making me lock my blue eyes with an onyx pair. My cheeks immediately went red and my heart just banged against my ribcage like an insane person, screaming to just tell him and get it off my chest.
"What's wrong Naruto?" asked Sasuke and my heart skipped a beat when he said my name with his husky voice. That voice I'm so used to hearing yet can not get enough of it.
"I. . . I.. . ." I say looking into Sasuke's eyes and getting myself lost in them.
"Just spit it out," he said, his face scrunching up in that annoyed expression that I'm also used to seeing.
I couldn't take it. I couldn't say it. My voice wasn't up to it. So, time for plan b.
I can not explain to you
In anything I say or do
I hope the actions speak the words they can
I leaned towards Sasuke and pressed my lips against his own soft pair. I could feel his body tense and the tears began to build in my eyes. I broke away from him a second later and took a step back, my head bowed in shame.
"Sasuke. . ." I said, my voice cracking but I forced myself to say it. "I. . . Iove you."
Silence. Then I heard Sasuke walking away. The tears in my eyes began to fall and my knees grew so weak that I fell on them, bringing my hands up to cover my face. . . and my shame.
For my pride and my promise
For my lies and how the truth gets in the way
The things I wanna say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worst than one is -
Crying in my apartment again. This is getting so old. I feel like nothing in the world matters anymore. Sasuke rejected me. He's disgusted by me. How could I face him again? I can't face anyone anymore. My life has been a gigantic train wreck and there is nothing that can fix that. I'm no longer the optimistic kid that I was. In fact, I don't think I've ever been optimistic. That was only an act to get attention. Inside, I hated everything. I hated the world. I hated my life. I wanted to die. . . no. . . I want to die!
I get out of bed and ran around my apartment, knocking down everything I owned and totally trashing the place, releasing all the anger that I've stored over the years and screaming my lungs out. I flipped over my bed, threw plates through my windows and onto the walls, punched the walls, and breaking everything else I could get my hands on, but it wasn't enough. I needed to show everyone all the hurt I felt, all the anger and disappointment and sadness. I ran out of the apartment, not even bothering to close the door behind me. I ran all the way to the forest and to the training ground where Team 7 had their first drill.
Gasping for air, I forced myself to enter my mindscape. I found myself, a moment later, in my goddamned sewer of a mind, in front of the King of Demons himself, his crimson eyes boring down at me. I knew he was saying something, but I couldn't hear him. I was crying again, but I knew what I had to do. It was better this way. So I won't get hurt anymore, so no one else will get hurt.
Pride and my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
The things I wanna say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worst than one is none
". . . Show them my anger and sadness. . ." I said to the Kyuubi and I knew he would do this one last favor for me. "And. . . protect them. . . please. . ."
Then I reached up at the large cage and ripped off the seal that kept the demon in me. I saw a flash of blinding white light and the last thing I felt was searing pain that made me scream, but it was for the best. And even if I was wrong, at least I would be gone and can hurt no more. I guess, I wasn't as strong as I thought I was.
The only thing that's worst than one is none
I opened my eyes, but everything was a blur. I could see blue, which was probably the sky, and I could sense a looming presense over me which only Kyuubi can emit.
". . . I will do what you asked. . ." I heard him say but his voice was somehow softer and I couldn't help but chuckle a little even though my whole body exploded with pain.
"Thank. . . you. . . every. . . one. . ." was all I could say, which was barely a whisper, before my body went limp and my world went black.
Good bye everyone. Goodbye Sasuke. . . I still love you. . .
The only thing that's worst than one is none