A/N: Karen is funny.
Chapter Nex: Voyded
When the doorbell rang for the eighth time in a row, a certain family groaned in unison around the dinner table.
"I'm gonna punch her—"
"Bob, no."
"I'm gonna punch her one time, that's all it's gonna take, one tap and—"
"I said no, Bob."
"And why not?"
"Because, one, that's the complete antithesis of what we stand for, and two, she… she's just…" Finding the right word took a fair bit of thought until Helen gave an exasperated shrug. "Enthusiastic."
"That's too light a word, don't give her that courtesy, mom. She's clinically insane, this isn't normal!" Violet argued, slamming a fist on the table, just as annoyed as her father. "And that's coming from the daughter in a family of Supers!"
"She's crazy bonkers!" Dash exploded, throwing his hands in the air. "How'd she find our address anyway? Who spilled the beans? Was it Decker?"
"Mr. Decker, Dash," corrected Bob wearily, though his voice was muffled by the hand he had to his face.
"Yeah, him! Was it him? Orrrrr…" Dash's eyes zipped around the table in a blur, "was it one of you? Alright, out with it! Which one of you is the sellout?" he demanded, jabbing his fork at each of them.
"Where have your table manners disappeared to, young man?" Helen wondered incredulously, stretching a hand to lower Dash's pointing arm. "We do not point with our utensils, you know this."
"Aha! That's precisely what a traitor would say!" Dash surmised, narrowing his eyes at his mother. "Explain yourse—"
A half-eaten sushi roll flew across the table and smacked Dash in the face, clear evidence that Violet's aim was as true as ever. "We're all part of the same Super network, you idiot. How hard do you think it is to figure out where some of the most prevalent Supers live?" she scowled, twitching as the doorbell rang for what could only be the twentieth time. "This… this right here? Case and point why I like to be invisible…."
And she promptly vanished where she sat, leaving only her clothes to move on their own as if possessed.
"Vi!" snapped Helen, and a disembodied groan echoed out before Violet reappeared, looking surly. "I've told you a million times, little lady—no vanishing at the table. It's rude."
"Wuh—I'm rude?" Looking like her mother had just lapsed into a speaking German, Violet jerked a thumb over her shoulder, toward the front door. A second later, that incessant doorbell rang again. "That's rude!"
"No," Dash growled, wiping his face free of crumbs. "I'm 'bout to show you rude!" and he made a beeline for the door.
"Dash Parr!" Helen called after him. "If you don't get your little tail back here—"
If only words could pull, but alas they couldn't and Dash skidded all the way down the hall until he came to a rather stunning stop at the front door. He reached up and furiously snatched it open. Standing there in the doorway looking just as bubbly as she always did with her finger still on the blessed doorbell was Karen, better known by her Super name, Voyd.
Due to Dash's limited stature, he wasn't in Karen's immediate line of sight and she stared around in confusion before finally looking down. "Dashie!" Her face lit up like a Christmas tree and she brought her hands together with a squeak of joy. "Oh my goodness, look at you, still so dashingly handsome," she gushed, kneeling to his height. "How's school going, passing your grades okay?"
The scowl contorting Dash's mouth suggested he was seconds away from spitting right in her face, but he seemed to master the impulse and replied icily, "My grades are just fine, they're great even, but I can't ever find the time to study with you ringing the stupid doorbell every ten seconds to see my mom! GO! AWAY!"
A fair amount of sincere sorrow wilted Karen's smile. "Awww, I'm sorry to hear that, little guy! Maybe you should get some study aids? I know those helped me back in the day! Or—oh! How about this, maybe carve out some predetermined studying time! All it takes is a proper schedule and a little diligence!"
Far from providing a solution to the problem, Dash could feel his right eyebrow twitch at her audacity. "I have a schedule! You should know all about it since it's on the same fridge that you help yourself to every time you come over! I just don't have time to follow it 'cause you keep interrupting everything!"
"And you might want to tell your father to get the doorbell looked at," Voyd suggested, looking concerned, "I don't think it works too well—at best it might be dying because I've been standing out here ringing it for the past half an hour."
An aggravated groan got lost in Dash's throat as he dragged a hand down his face and curled it into a fist. "We heard it the first time—and the second—and the freaking fortieth! But we're trying to eat! In peace! Without you! LEAVE!"
Karen threw out a hand—"Wait!"—but he slammed the door in her face.
"DASH! What was that?" he heard his mom call from the dining room and the most relieved smile split Dash's face.
"Nothing, mom! Just getting rid of a—"
Something tapped Dash on the shoulder and he froze, eyes widening, teeth slowly beginning to grind together. He already knew who it was but denied the logic, hoping against hope. Slowly, he revolved on the spot and, sure enough, beheld Karen, smiling just as serenely as ever while the vestiges of a freshly created wormhole vanished underneath her. If this was any other soul on the planet, Dash would have been in awe at the reaction time needed to toss a wormhole past him before he closed the door.
As it stood, he just felt like ripping out his hair.
"Good thing I managed to get inside before the wind slammed the door shut," she said merrily, spinning and heading off down the foyer, "who knows how long I would've had to wait for the doorbell to work again."
It was nothing for Dash to sprint past the annoying Super and when he suddenly reappeared back in his seat at the table, looking like he had been forced to drink castor oil, it only took one glance for the message to get across to the rest of his family.
"She's coming…" Violet murmured, her eyes widening with a faraway terror.
"Who's coming?" asked a voice that seemed to echo from everywhere at once, and then a chair suddenly fell from the ceiling, followed by Karen, landing perfectly seated next to Helen who immediately clutched her chest with surprise.
"Karen! You—but—NNGH!"
Even though creating wormholes was Karen's ability, when it came to hugging Helen one would swear she shifted into super strength judging by the series of cracks that emanated from somewhere around Helen's midsection. "I've missed you sooooo much!" Karen gushed, nuzzling up into the hand that Helen awkwardly tried to pat her with.
"How? How can you miss her when you were just here two hours ago?" Violet spat.
"Speaking of," started Bob, and he sounded as far disconnected as could be as he picked up his fork and tried digging into his Chinese again, "Karen? I'd appreciate it if you could leave my Helen's spine intact this time? Maybe let her breathe?"
Instantly, Karen snatched her arms back and Helen lapsed into a series of coughs. "O-oh, I'm sorry! I—I didn't mean—it's just…." The stars were there, twinkling from deep within the pools of admiration that were Karen's misty eyes. "You're Elastigirl!"
"She says for the billionth time," muttered Dash ruefully, and he didn't even bother try keeping his voice down. "You know, intrusive moments like these are how you get kids that grow up psychologically scarred to the point where they become villains!"
Despite massaging her sore sides, Helen wasn't the only who turned to stare at Dash following that unusually well-thought out statement: Bob stared as if Dash had just grown a second head; Violet was frozen in the act of polishing off an egg roll, jaw slack and eyebrows raised; and Helen merely stared with an amalgam of surprise and fascination.
"What? What? I can't study regularly so I have to cram extra hard to make up for the time she keeps making me waste!" he snapped, able to glean their fascination with ease. "I'm learning twice as fast as I need to!"
An excited little chirp left Karen. "See? I am a help to you, Dashie!" she thrilled.
It was the loudest, hardest blink Dash had ever done.
Then he exploded.
"THAT'S NOT WHAT I—"
"And he's grateful for it, Karen, sweetheart, really," Helen interrupted with a very forced smile and she stretched her arm around Dash's waist to stop him mid-leap as he tried to dive across the table, his hands outstretched to no doubt choke Karen to the floor. Half of her was tempted to let it happen but she was a better mother than that. "We… appreciate it," she strained.
The sheer look of bliss that lit up Karen's face suggested a heart attack of pure joy was on the horizon. For her, it was more than enough to be in the presence of her idol, the incredible Elastigirl, but to actually receive her thanks…truly she was living her very best life, right here, right now.
"I… I'm helpful!"
She suddenly flung herself backwards, a move that would have saw her collide heavily with the floor, but she only fell into a wormhole and popped up next to Bob who, very noticeably, had to refrain from using the hand he had subconsciously clenched into a fist.
"Mr. Incredible!" she gushed, glancing between him and Helen, completely bypassing the fact that Dash was still clearly trying to run at her. "Is there anything you need? Anything? I can help! Whatever it is, I can do it—Karen's your girl!" She swept an arm around the table with great flair. "I am here for you all! Even Jack-Jack… who… is not here? Where's Jack-Jack?"
"Wherever he is I wish I were with him," Violet said regretfully, indicating to the empty high chair on the other side of her mom. "He heard you ring the doorbell ring and instantly went into another dimension." She cupped her hands around her mouth. "You alright, Jack-Jack?"
A dribble of excited laughter burst into existence all over the place, like a ventriloquist throwing their voice; it was impossible to pinpoint where it was coming from but the Parrs were used to it by now.
"Don't wander too far, Jack-Jack," Helen called out, not knowing quite where to narrow her eyes but wagging a finger through the air anyway. "You can play but I want you to stay close by, okay?" An acknowledging blurb of giggle-snot was Jack-Jack's ethereal response and Helen nodded, turning to Dash. He had settled down into a fuming silence, chewing with such aggravated force it was surprising he hadn't cracked a tooth. "And you, better?"
The grunt he gave up sounded more trollish than human, but it was a response nonetheless and she released him.
"Alright, Karen," Helen began slowly, considerately, "you know we've had this discussion a dozen times before, right? I'm flattered, really, that you want to help but… Karen? Karen, are you okay?"
Dazed and glassy-eyed, Karen continued to remain stock-still, staring off into space. At first, Bob figured her passion to please must have killed her and lifted a finger under her nose. "Well, she's still breathing so at least she's alive," Bob announced, though not without a hint of disappointment.
"Hey! Spaz!" Violet shouted. "Unjam your cog! We need you to take your weirdo rituals and—"
With nary a sound, Karen voided over to Helen. "Jack-Jack can do that?" she practically screeched, clutching at her face. "He—he can travel to different dimensions? He can—is it like a wormhole thing, like mine? For how long can he hold it, is it instantaneous or is it like going through a tunnel? How in the world does he even come back? He's a baby! A baby who can do inter-dimensional travel!"
Before Helen could even get her mouth open good, Karen fell through the floor and popped up next to Violet, causing her to scream and slip out of her chair. "Your brother can travel through different dimensions!" she said excitedly, ignoring the unabashed loathing shining at her from Violet's eyes as the younger girl picked herself up.
"I know that! We all know that! Jack-Jack literally has all the po—"
One wormhole later, Karen had sprung up through the dinner table in front of Mr. Incredible, upending his plate of food entirely. Biting her lip, she wasted no time in grabbing one of his extra-large hands in both of hers. "You must be so proooud to have such a prodigy in the family!"
While Dash and Violet immediately looked affronted, this was finally something that Bob didn't mind talking about and he allowed himself to show the smallest of prideful smirks. "Well, it is kinda unprecedented, all the stuff he can do," he admitted to her rapid nodding, "and we're still not even sure we've seen everything."
"You're gonna have to take extra care to make sure he gets a strong, confident foothold on all of his powers, I bet, huh?" wondered Karen enthusiastically and it was almost seen as a form of betrayal when Bob began to lighten up with her.
"Naturally! There's so much—I've been making these plans, right, based off each power and what I really wanna do is make an obstacle course of sorts, let him have free reign to test them out," Bob explained, but then his fervor soured slightly and he glanced over Karen's shoulder to his wife. Her arms were crossed and she was watching him with that trademark look of scorn, the kind that was clearly ready to shoot down whatever plans he had. "I mean… I would, but… maybe something smaller, I dunno…."
The speed at which Karen sank back into her wormhole was so pronounced she very nearly snatched Bob into it with her, but then she sprang up next Helen's chair, giving the very worn out Helen a toothy smile. "You're so, so, so amazing! It's normal for Supers to pass down powers and stuff to their offspring but you… you somehow managed to give Jack-Jack just about everything!" The admiration was paramount despite Helen trying to calm her.
"Hey, he came outta me," Bob interjected, jabbing at his chest with a thumb. "Don't I get some sort of credit for that?"
"Aw, dad, gross!" Violet groaned. "Can we not talk about who came from where? God…."
"Jack-Jack doesn't have our powers, though!" Dash was quick to point out, indicating to himself and his sister. "So we're still better!"
Now Helen was attempting to quiet down everyone. "Hey, hey, hey, no arguing—everyone is unique in their own way! How many powers you have doesn't matter, I love you all the same," she said earnestly.
Glancing about the table with a musing hand to her chin, Karen gave a definite nod and clapped her hands together. "Okay! So it's obvious that Dashie"—she voided over to Dash, ruffling his hair—"and Invisigirl"—she voided next to Violet for a sisterly hug—"were just beta tests for what would eventually become Jack-Jack!" she concluded happily, finishing her wormhole dive next to Helen who couldn't find the strength to do anything other than bury her face in her palm.
The silence that followed Karen's declaration was paramount, deafening and foreboding, until the eerily succinct sound of chairs being pushed back caused Helen's head to snap up. Dash and Violet were slowly beginning to rise, like zombies from the grave.
Helen didn't waste a second.
"Well Karen it's been mighty fun having you around for the twelfth time today but would you look at the time I really think you should be going we wouldn't want you to be late for whatever it is I'm sure you have to do right now so see you later be safe going home have a good night BYE!"
"Okay, Elastigirl, I'll be by la—"
A shriek of surprise morphed the rest of the younger Super's sentence when Helen used the full force of her elasticity to hyper push Karen from the room, down the foyer, and right out the door.
She only just managed to lock it closed when the explosion she knew was coming hit:
"LEMME AT HER!"
"WHERE'D SHE GO?"
It was a different kind of hell when it came to raising and handling kids that possessed superhuman abilities, Helen figured, quickly throwing out her arms to catch Dash and Violet as they tried to give chase—
"Bob! It's time to engage! Help me out here!"
"Oh, right, right—hang on!"
—but she wouldn't have it any other way.
"I'm gonna void my foot up her ass!"
"DASH! Language!"